Conner. My thoughts pull me back to just hours earlier. He probably thinks I’m a complete psycho. First, I scream at him, then I cry hysterically, then I snuggle up to him and then I kiss him. Ugh! Why does he make me so crazy? I watch as a few Rock Hoppers or Macaroni Penguins, as the sign says, leap into the water.
And that kiss! Oh, my God, that kiss! I’m not crazy. He definitely kissed me back. He wanted me even if only in that moment. I can’t remember ever being kissed like that before. It felt so pure and real and passionate. It was certainly proof of delayed gratification but it was also so much more than that. It’s making me second guess all my decisions to this point. I can’t stand still anymore. I wrap my arms tightly around myself and walk back and forth between the different penguin exhibits. There’s something soothing about being around them.
Ugh! I need to organize my thoughts from the beginning. I think for a moment about what Conner had said about Ian and my mind flashes back to the shoulder check Ian gave me in his bathroom and the way he lost his temper. Could he really be dangerous? No. He was just mad. And rightfully so. I almost burned his new house down. Conner is probably just overreacting. Or maybe those girls were just upset about something else and wanted to get him into trouble. Conner never said Ian was charged with anything, just that some girls filed charges.
Ian has been nothing but sweet to me since the day he got here. I just can’t picture him hurting someone especially a woman. I shake the thought from my mind. I’m not going to sit here and dwell on it. Ian is my chance at happiness. My chance to finally move past Conner.
But do I even want to move past Conner? Wait… what am I thinking? Yes! Of course I do! Things will never work between us. Our friendship will be jeopardized and so will my heart. This is exactly why I never told him how I felt about him. I’ve ruined everything. And now I’ve opened up Pandora’s box and I’ve got to chase down all the problems I’ve released and straighten things out before they get any worse.
****
Conner
What the hell was that, Smoak? I stand there. Frozen in my kitchen. I can’t move. I want to run after her. I want to demand that she stay and talk to me about what just happened. But I can’t move. I got so caught up in the moment and the feeling of that kiss that I’m paralyzed. I stay put and try to control my breathing that’s still rapid and heavy. Finally regaining my ability to move, I rub the back of my neck then pull both hands down my face. I pace one direction in my kitchen and then the other and then back again. Did that really just happen? Did I just kiss Brooke? Did she just kiss me back?
Wait a minute… I become immoble again and my legs start to give way beneath me. “She loves me,” I say out loud to myself. I slide to the floor and am instantly greeted by Bruno licking and sniffing around my face. I take both sides of his face in my hands and look at him. “This whole time she’s loved me,” I say it again to Bruno as if it’s him I’m trying to convince and not myself. How did I not see this before? How could she have kept this from me for all of these years? A smile pulls at my lips. “She loves me.”
I don’t know why but I feel a warmth wash over me. It feels strange. Other women have told me that they loved me before but it usually makes me feel trapped and suffocated and I push them away. But with Brooke it’s a feeling I welcome. Do I love Brooke? Is that what this is? No. I think I would know if I loved her. Wouldn’t I?
Just as quickly as the smile appeared on my face it faded. She doesn’t want to be with me anyway. She wants to be with Ian. I feel my blood run cold. Her words from before the kiss travel back to me. It has been absolute torture being your friend, Conner. I didn’t want to ruin what we have but it is killing me inside. And now that I have Ian, I think I can finally get over you.
“She was telling me goodbye,” the words escape my lips and are barely audible. I can’t handle all of this right now. “C’mon, Bruno. Let’s take a trip to the river.”
Three
Brooke
Now that I’ve had a few hours to myself I think I’m ready to start putting the pieces of my life back together. I take a deep breath and pull out my phone. I love Conner, probably more than he will ever know. But we can’t be together. I don’t ever want to jeopardize our friendship. Plus this is Conner Smoak. He usually has a different girl hanging off his arm every month. As much as I love him I know he’d end up breaking my heart in the end. He doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend. If there’s one thing he is good at though it’s avoiding awkward moments and minimizing drama. I'm sure he’ll be just as eager to put that kiss behind him as I am. But am I really eager to put it behind me? Yes, Brooke! You are. Don’t be ridiculous. I type out a message to him before I can change my mind.
Conner, I’m so sorry about what happened this morning. I was very emotional and in a vulnerable place. I hope we can move past it and still be friends. If you want to talk about it later give me a call.
I sit in the driver’s seat and reread my message before pressing send. Done. I immediately feel a ping of regret in my chest as I read the message I just sent to him once more. I need to let go of this sloppy romantic notion that I am living in some fairytale and true love will conquer all in the end. That’s not how real life works. That’s not how my life works.
Now on to Ian. I’m determined to just give myself time. I know I can learn to love him. I already really enjoy spending time with him. I just need to do that more. But what do I tell him about Conner? I can’t tell him the truth-that I kissed Conner. He would fire him. Can he fire him? Regardless, he already thinks there’s more going on between us. I don’t want to give him reason to worry but I also want to talk to him about his history of charges. I’m sure he has an explanation for it. And I’m positive that won’t have anything to do with him being abusive. I start typing out a message.
Hey, how was your day?
His response comes in almost immediately and it makes me smile.
Good. How was your’s, beautiful? Where have you been hiding all day?
I just needed to get away for a bit. Take some time to myself.
Minutes later my phone starts to ring and Ian’s name flashes across my screen. Ohh shit. I wasn’t expecting him to call me. I suddenly feel a little nervous.
“H-hello,” I answer timidly.
“Hey, Brooke. Everything alright?” he asks, sounding concerned.
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, I mean, you said you were taking some time to yourself. I hope it wasn’t because of what happened between us this morning. I told you I’m really sorry…”
“No. No, it’s fine,” I interrupt him. “It wasn’t that at all. I just needed to practice a little self-care today. That’s all.”
“Okay. Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I answer confidently and with a smile. Conner was wrong about him. I can hear how concerned he is about me. There’s no way he could ever hurt me.
“Listen Ian, I’m actually about to be driving so I’ve gotta let you go, but are you busy tonight?”
“Tonight…” He repeats it as if he’s mentally checking his calendar. “I don’t think so. Why? What did you have in mind?”
“Well, I noticed you haven’t had the chance to unpack all your stuff yet, so I figured I’d come help you finish getting moved in. I want you to get comfortable and stay a while.”
“That would be great, Brooke. And actually I’m going to have to paint over that spot in the kitchen after all. You want to come help me with that? Maybe you can help me pick out a paint color for the bedroom too?” For some reason the way he said that sounded so seductive. Like we weren’t going to be doing much painting at all and my body reacts to his words. As if on command I felt a shiver roll down my spine.
“I’d love to. Give me a couple of hours, though. I’m on my way back from New York City.”
“New York City?” His tone was urgent like he was worried.
“Yeah, but I should be back in town between six and seven.” I wait for him to say someth
ing else but he doesn’t. He just stays silent.
“Okay, well I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Yeah. See ya soon.” He sounds distracted like his mind is somewhere else but I shrug it off. I’m ready to go home. I start my car and head back toward my small town, leaving the big city in my rearview mirror. The city is a nice place to escape to but I could never live there. I’d miss the familiarity of the people and places in my little town.
****
After stopping once for gas and another time at a drive through for a quick bite to eat I finally make it back to Ian’s. I check my phone before going inside. 6:54PM. I was close.
I walk to the front door and almost let myself in but resist. Instead I knock on the door and wait. I can see Ian approaching through the big glass window in the door. He smiles as soon as he sees me and I feel a rush of warmth run through my body. I take a deep breath in.
He opens the door and I can’t help but admire how sexy he looks. He’s dressed super casual in black baggy sweatpants that hang perfectly off of his hips and just below his sculpted torso. I let my eyes linger on his abs for a moment not even trying to hide my appreciative expression before looking back at his face. He’s smiling broadly at me.
“You enjoying yourself?” he asks, humor in his tone.
“Very much so. Thank you.” I respond matter-of-factly. He waves his arm out welcoming me inside. I walk through the door and am about to make my way past him when he grabs my arm and pulls me firmly against him. His lips immediately find mine and I hear a small groan come from his throat. He pulls away from me just far enough that he can look me up and down before he says with a smirk, “I hope those aren’t good clothes.”
What? He kisses me again quickly then turns away from me and heads into the next room. I look down at my clothes, forgetting for a moment what I’m wearing. Nothing special. Jean shorts and a t-shirt. My intrigue peaks as I follow him into the living room. I look around at multiple bags scattered around his living room floor from Baker’s Hardware Store.
He smiles at me with a pleased-with-himself grin. He’s adorable. “Ready to get started?” he asks as he digs out a few paint rollers and brushes from one of the bags.
“Ready when you are.” I smile back at him. He looks me up and down and I watch a devilish grin grow across his face. My breathing hitches as he approaches me.
“Well, you’re almost ready. Lift,” he says, taking the bottom of my t-shirt in his hands. I smile brightly at him and comply immediately. I raise my arms above my head. His fingers tickle as they drag up my torso pulling my t-shirt off over my head. He tosses my shirt somewhere on the floor. I didn’t watch where it landed. My eyes were glued to his. They were so serious, dark, seductive. He puts his hands around my hips and pulls me against him.
“Your body is so sexy. I love seeing you like this.” I feel my face redden at his words.
I love to feel our bare bodies against each other. His skin is so smooth and warm. I rub my hands across his chest and he bends down planting a quick but firm kiss on my lips before pulling away leaving me wanting more. His eyes stay on my as he bends down in front of me and places soft small kisses against my stomach. “You’re almost ready,” he says smiling up at me. My heart starts to beat a little faster and I feel goosebumps growing everywhere that his lips have been.
He takes his time trailing kisses around my belly button and along my waist where the top of my shorts meet my stomach. Each touch, each kiss sends tingling sensations directly into my panties. I want his mouth on me. Licking me. Tasting me. This is going to happen tonight. We’re going to have sex. I’m going to come. And he’s going to be the one to make me come. I convince myself.
His fingers make quick work of the button and zipper on my jean shorts and he slides them down my legs leaving me standing before him in just my bra and thong. His eyes travel up my body as his hands reach behind me and move up the backs of my legs to my ass. He licks his lips then leans in and inhales deeply running his nose up the center of my pussy. I inhale sharply in response and grab a fistful of his hair. He breathes firm, warm kisses up the front of my panties. Oh! Please just take them off! My fingers wrap firmly into his hair and I feel the grip he has on my ass tighten as he pulls my center closer against his face.
A groan escapes my lips and I see a mischievous smile spread across his face. “I think you’re ready now.” Suddenly he pulls me down to the ground so I’m laying beside him on his living room floor. The hardwoods are cold against my bare skin and the shock makes me gasp a bit. Ian pushes me onto my back and props himself up on his elbow beside me. He watches my expression as his hand rubs across my chest and makes its way into the cup of my bra.
My eyes stay locked on him. A wince escapes my mouth as he pinches my nipple between two of his fingers. He twists and tugs it before completely freeing my breast from it’s cup. “You like that don’t you baby?” A grin spreads across one side of his face. He leans over me and I watch him take my nipple in his mouth. My breathing accelerates and my back arches in response. “Ah!” I call out, wriggling beneath him. He presses my body back down against the cold floor and sucks harder.
He continues sucking and nipping at my breast as his hand travels down my stomach and into my panties. He rubs his hand over my pussy and slides two fingers deep inside of me. I cry out and arch my back again. Yes! Finally! His mouth travels from my breast to my neck. “You’re always so fucking wet,” he whispers into my ear. Sucking and kissing and biting as he goes. I can feel his erection on my hip as he leans further over me. Claiming me. I want it. I want all of him inside of me.
I reach for his dick but he pulls away and starts thrusting his fingers faster inside of me. I reach for his dick again but again he denies me. This time he removes his fingers from inside me and sits up. He pulls both of my hands above my head and holds them in place with one hand. “Don’t move,” he says firmly. I stare back directly into his dark eyes. I nod in agreement.
He releases his grip on my hands and slides his body down the length of mine and stops when his face meets my panties. He hooks his fingers into the top of them and I arch my back allowing him to slide them down my legs. “Good girl,” he murmurs as he positions his head between my thighs and starts slowly kissing them making his way up. He firmly grasps my inner thighs and presses them to the floor spreading me open for him. His mouth covers my pussy. Licking and sucking it’s way to my clit. He starts sucking hard and massaging it relentlessly with his tongue. “Ah!,” I cry out in response and my body trembles beneath him as I start to build. I have so much sexual frustration built up that I know it isn’t going to take me long and I eagerly await the climax.
He suddenly stops and sits up on his knees. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom. I sit up and pull down at the waistband of his pants freeing his full erection. He opens the condom and slides it over the tip and unrolls it down his length. I lay back again as his cock fills me and I hear him groan, “Oh, Brooke. You’re so tight baby.” He lifts one of my legs over his shoulder and thrusts harder and faster into me. He feels so good. I feel myself start to build again and he starts pumping faster.
“I’m so close,” I call out to him and he stops immediately. What the hell?
I twist my hands in his hair and try to pull him closer so I can kiss him but he holds firm above me. “Please, Ian,” I cry out.
“No,” he barks back then continues thrusting harder and faster. I feel myself start to build again and my breathing accelerates. I desperately grasp for him. Trying to pull him closer against me but he doesn’t budge. He freezes above me again. What the hell is happening right now? My eyes find his face and he looks… angry. “Ian, please!” I plead. “Don’t stop.”
“I have to. I don’t want you to come.” Wait. What?
He thrusts a few more times before I hear his breathing grow rapid and feel his body start to tense. I know he’s close. “Please, Ian,” I plead again but it’s too late. My plea sends him over th
e edge and he collapses on top of me. The full weight of his body is on me, his head rests on my chest and I know he feels completely sated. Meanwhile, I feel outrage building up inside me. What in the actual fuck was that about?
****
Conner
I take a gulp of my beer and hold it in my mouth for a moment before swallowing. Brooke loves me. I don’t know why I’m having such a difficult time believing this information. Or deciding what to do with it. I feel a firm pat on my back and turn to see Gabe standing behind me with a welcoming smile.
“You want some company?” he asks.
“Sure,” I answer, gesturing to the three empty chairs at my table.
“Marcy says you’ve been here for a few hours now. Something on your mind?” he asks, pulling out a chair and taking a seat beside me.
I hesitate. Do I tell Gabe what happened? Do I tell him she said she loves me? Would she want me to tell anyone?
“I don’t even know where to start,” I answer, shaking my head.
“How ‘bout you tell me what she said.” His reply catches me off guard and my eyes dart to his.
“How did you know…”
He smiles. “Because I knew it was Brooke. It’s always Brooke.”
What’s that supposed to mean? I look back down at my beer. It isn’t always Brooke. Is it? Regardless, trying to figure this out on my own has been a lost cause. I need Gabe’s input right now.
“She told me she loves me, Gabe.” I say without looking at him. I can see him nodding through my peripherals. I immediately feel annoyed when he doesn’t say anything.
“You don’t seem all that surprised?” I snap at him.
He laughs. “Why would I be surprised, Conner?”
“You knew?! You mean she told you and you never said anything to me?” My brow furrows and I begin feeling frustration build up inside me. Did everyone know? Everyone but me apparently.
There's Heat: A Friends to Lovers Romance Page 3