by Iona Rose
And I know it’s just me because once again, and against my better judgement, I have allowed myself to be fucked senseless by my boss.
There is absolutely no way that I can go into the office today. I don’t want to and my lack of sleep has already guaranteed that even if I did, I would be nothing but a sloppy, exhausted mess.
My hands tighten around the phone in my hands, as the guilt of irresponsibly calling in sick when we both know that it is not the case, haunts me. The slight patter of rain on the roof reminds me of how cozy my day could be if I succumb to just remaining in bed, so I turn to my side and pull the blanket over my head. I still have an hour to make up my mind.
Three hours later, I’m jarred awake by my ringing phone. The moment I read the time to see what my initially intended ten minutes nap has extended into, I jump out of bed swearing, “Fuck! Fuck.”
I see that it is Allen who is calling, and it terrifies me more than anything. I quickly answer the call as I hurry to my closet to pick out the first item of clothing that I can find. “I’ll be right there. I’m so sorry I’m running late. There was an emergency.”
“Um, calm down,” he says. “I’m just calling to find out why neither you nor your boss are at your desks? I thought you both went for a meeting somewhere. So none of you are in yet?”
I halt at his words, and take the few needed seconds to calm myself. “He’s not there?”
“He isn’t.”
“Um, have you tried to contact him?”
“I can’t. His phone is switched off. It’s a Tuesday morning and he can’t be reached. I’m pretty sure there’s a problem.”
“Um, what do you want me to do about this? I mean, what can I do?”
“Do you have his house address?”
“I don’t think so,” I respond. “Or maybe I do but I have to search for it.”
“I’ll send it to you. Head over to check on him.”
This instruction doesn’t sit too well with me but before I can work up a complaint or excuse, the call disconnects. I stare at the phone, my entire mind in a complete muddle and soon, the message with Grady’s home address comes in.
I stare at it and wonder at the force that seems to be pushing me so desperately towards him.
Suddenly, there is a brief knock on my door so I turn around to see Layne come in.
“You’re still here?” she asks in surprise.
“I slept past my alarm.”
“Yikes,” she says. “I didn’t know you were still at home or else I would have woken you up.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “My boss is late too, so I think we’re both just not ready to face the world today.”
She’s amused at my statement. “Why? Did something happen?”
“Nope.” I shake my head and keep my face as expressionless as possible.
“Okay,” she says. “I’m about to make some oatmeal. Grab some before you leave.”
“Alright,” I reply and once again, I am left alone in silence.
I immediately search for his phone number to dial it and just as Allen said, it is indeed unreachable. I have a few meetings scheduled for him today which I have to quickly cancel and reschedule if he truly isn’t going to be coming in. Anxious, I rush to dress myself then head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. It’s as I am brushing my hair into a ponytail that another message comes in. I quickly lower my gaze to my phone and see that it’s a message from him.
My heart slams against my chest in alarm, as I let go of my hair and dive for the phone.
His message is very simple. I won’t be coming in today. Please reschedule my meetings.
I stare at the message for a long time, wondering what the problem is. And then it occurs to me that I myself need the day off too. So I head over to my bed to take a seat.
After plopping down on the soft mattress, I send him my response.
Are you all right? Is there a problem?
I’m nervous because the words are too endearing but I don’t know how else to phrase them.
His reply soon comes in. Everything’s fine. I just need the day to handle some personal matters.
I don’t want to say anymore but I know that I need to ask permission to also be away from the office. Just as I’m thinking about this, another message comes in.
Take the day off too. I think we both need it.
My sigh of relief almost deflates my entire frame.
Sweeter, more appropriate words have never been spoken.
With a heart nearly bursting with joy, I fall back onto my bed, beyond grateful that I don’t have to go through the hassle of becoming a functioning human for the day. So I pull my dark, creased slacks off, along with my camisole and bra then crawl back underneath my blankets.
But then I remember that I have to reschedule his meetings.
With a groan, I throw the covers off, grab my laptop and in an hour both his and my schedules are clear.
After Layne’s delicious breakfast banana and blueberries garnished oatmeal breakfast, I return to the haven underneath my covers and slide into a long, exhausted slumber.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Grady
I get the call at about 11 AM that morning and it immediately throws me into a frenzy of anger. “What?”
The Douglas County sheriff sighs heavily into the phone. “He was spotted walking downtown. He had a hip flask in one hand and his shotgun in another. Then he stopped at the park near the Cherry Creek School and fired a couple of shots into the trees.”
I immediately rise and grab my keys. In no time and with the phone pressed to my ear, I’m reversing out of my driveway. “He’s detained now?”
“Yes, he is,” the sheriff replies. “We know him around here so to an extent, we have been lenient in letting him get away with a few misdemeanors but the parents from that school are coming for my job. Especially with that Walmart shooting in Cali last week. The kids all thought that he was going to attack them.”
My heart grows heavier at his report. “He said he was chasing a raccoon?”
“Yeah, that’s his story. He said he found the creature messing around in his trash can and got his shotgun to chase after it. Then it ended up in the tree. We’ve still not sighted it though.”
“I’ll be there in thirty minutes, Mark,” I say and end the call. I step on the gas pedal and speed my way towards Aurora.
The moment I arrive at the police station, I can hear my father all the way from his cell at the back.
The sheriff, Mark Liu greets me with a handshake and I listen to the man that I have known for almost twenty years.
“He’s a respected veteran in our community,” he says as he escorts me. “So, we’ve constantly tried to be as lenient with him as possible but things are getting out of hand. Especially with the drinking. If this happens again, we’re going to have to charge him.”
“I understand,” I reply and turn away from the sheriff to watch my father.
He takes off his boots and slams them against the iron bars of the holding cell in annoyance. “I know my fucking rights,” he slurs in his deep cowboy drawl, rubbed off from his earliest days growing up on a ranch between Fairplay and Jefferson. “How you gonna lock me up for holding a fucking gun? I’ve been handling guns since before you fuckers could walk.”
My head lowers as I wish it would be possible to turn a blind eye to all of this, and to him, to just walk away. Especially since, he isn’t going to welcome me let alone, listen to me.
The sheriff proceeds in releasing him while I head over to wait as he’s processed.
He gets out cursing and hollering at the men to return his gun to him and when none of them budges, he throws his boots at one of the officers.
“What the fuck!” the officer yells.
I rise to my feet to keep him from getting into a fight that his raggedy old bones cannot take. “Dad,” I call.
At the sound of my voice, he stills. Then he turns around to meet my gaze.
I ha
ven’t seen him in seven months and in that seven months he’s lost so much weight and it pains me to see it. His back is hunched, the faded t-shirt he has on plastered to his body like a saggy second skin, his jeans are dirty and in tatters. His balding head still has some sparse density of white while the thick mustache under his nose is immensely stained with yellow.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He asks as he sees me.
“It’s nice to see you too, Dad.”
He immediately starts to limp away, his hands waving in the air. “I don’t want you here. I didn’t call for you. Mark, you did this? You called this son of a bitch over?”
“Hey! Gary! That’s no way to talk to your son. You should be damn proud of him”
“I've got nothing to be proud of. I thought I raised a man but then he turns out to be a pretty weak ass metrosexual. I want nothing to do with him.”
I roll my eyes at him and ten minutes of aggravation later, he is strapped into the front seat of my SUV.
For more than half of the ride home, he remains fairly quiet. He of course, doesn’t miss the chance to let out grunts of disdain and disapproval on what I suspect is my driving, but I ignore it all. All I want to do is to ensure that he is home safe and sound and be on my way back.
He however, cannot help himself. ”Cars like this… is why you rejected the army?”
I inhale deeply, and do my utmost best to reign in my irritation. In the past, he was an incredibly loving father, but after the years and following the death of my mother, he has just degenerated into someone so bitter that I barely recognize him.
We are all aware that it has to do with a past trauma suffered during his time as a Navy Seal, but as to the details of the incident that nearly took his life, but most definitely claimed his soul, we are not aware.
So, I have grown to accept this version of him that he has agreed to share, but the deterioration almost into a killer, is getting out of hand. ‘“Your plan is to go out massacring middle school kids?” I shoot back. “That’s how you want to be remembered?”
This stuns him silent, and reveals to me that his mental state is still cognizant despite the alcohol still in his system. His voice once again becomes calm and controlled, and it allows me a glimpse into the indestructible man that I once nearly worshipped, “‘I served for forty-five years,” he says. “Gave my life and soul to protect this country... little kids? How dare you say that to me, you bastard?”
I glance at him. “Then what were you doing firing a gun near their school?”
“I was hunting that bloody raccoon!” he roars. “It’s been hollering and making a fucking racket every morning and you want me to just let it go?’
“So, you took a shotgun and chased it down?”
“Why the hell not? I’m more qualified to handle that weapon even if I had my two eyes blinded, than any of those under qualified officers over there. I could take them all out in a flash, without breaking a sweat.”
His madness is back but thankfully, we have just pulled into his trailer park in Denver Meadows, so I let out a deep sigh of relief.
I don’t say another word as I drive over to the trailer that he insisted on moving into almost a decade earlier, and which I have refused to even spend a night in. And that was the beginning of our animosity towards each other.
“You don’t have any food?” It’s another twenty minutes later and I’m moving through the filth that is his trailer. Clothes are strewn everywhere as well as endless plastic bags and styrofoam plates of stale or even rotting takeout food. I cannot believe that this is how he is living as every time I have come over, he has seemed fairly okay.
His refrigerator is also empty, only containing some cans of beer and a long expired jug of milk.
“You can go now,” he says as he walks over to his arm chair and plops down into it. I don’t need anything from you.”
“I’m not offering anything,” I retort as I slam the refrigerator door closed.
Pain is reverberating through my entire body at the state that he is currently in, and the most frustrating fact is that he keeps refusing any help whatsoever in doing something about it.
He is a bit taken aback at my outburst and for the longest time he just stares quietly at me.
It’s in these moments that I usually hope he has regained his senses and that the next word out of his mouth would be even slightly reasonable.
However yet again, he disappoints me.
“I will never be proud of you,” he states. “I raised you to be a man that would need nothing and would instead give and serve. Imagine the honor and respect you would have if you had joined the Seals. I wanted to pass down that legacy to you.”
I turn to him. “Dad, I’m worth a billion dollars. You can keep your legacy to yourself. I’ll create mine.”
His laugh is bitter. “Money,” he says. “That’s all you’ve ever cared about and that’s why I refuse to take a single dime from you.”
This is my cue to leave.
I can’t endure any of these pointless arguments anymore, so I begin once again moving through the filth so I can get to the door. I pull it open but just before I leave I stop and take one last look at him. “All I did was refuse to go down the same path you walked. I’m still waiting for the day that you’ll be able to convince yourself and me that I deserve being excommunicated by you for that choice.”
With that, I shut the door behind me and return to my car.
For the longest time I sit in the driver’s seat, unable to leave. I mean, how can I leave him in this state and return back to the safe, abundant life that I live? But on the other hand what can I do, when for the longest time he has refused to listen to anyone apart from himself? It seems then that until he somehow comes to his senses, I have to accept that this is the father I have to deal with.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Blair
The next morning, I can’t deny that I have put a little bit more effort into my appearance.
This has required a little forage into Layne’s closet and the most suitable but still fairly decent find is a collared gingham dress. The goal is to feel as confident as possible since things are still in limbo between us.
He arrives a little later than usual at 10 AM and coupled with his absence the previous day, it all serves to fuel my worry.
I have no idea what is going through his head and I can’t imagine that it’s good. It does seem though that our brief tryst together may have truly affected him in some way, if it was enough to make him take a day off and come in late.
I hide my face behind my desktop and only give a small greeting.
“Come see me,” he says and pulls his door open.
I take a few moments to process the request and to calm my racing heart. Then I get up and head over on wobbly four inch heels. “Yes, sir,” I say as I shut the door behind me.
He is settling in, but he has his eyes on me. Just as he is done hanging his jacket, he begins, “Let’s talk about what happened two days ago.”
My heart skips a beat. "Sure.”
Just as he is about to continue however, there’s a knock to his door. Before either of us can respond, Allen walks in.
For once, I’m incredibly disappointed to see him.
He immediately notices my expression and of course is concerned. “What’s going on? Is this a bad time?”
I instantly return a smile to my face. “No it’s not, we were just having a quick meeting.” I turn to Grady. “Sir, I’ll come back after you’re both done.”
“No need,” Allen says with a smile on his face. “I’m here for you too.” He heads over to take a seat in front of Grady’s desk. He then places a folder on Grady’s desk which he then proceeds to open. “You both were out of the office yesterday. Was it something that you both planned?”
There is no expression on his face so I quickly hurry to explain myself. “I uh, felt a bit ill so Mr. Abbott permitted me to take the day off too.”
“You
were ill?” Allen turns around to face me and I quickly nod.
He continues, “So sorry to hear that. Are you better now? What was wrong?”.
“Um…” I clear my throat as my brain goes into overdrive to think up an excuse.
Grady however, and to my surprise saves the day, “What’s the folder for?”
“I obtained a brief from over the weekend. It was Meredith’s brother’s birthday and he had ABAX executives present. They’ve long heard about us, so they want to look into a collaboration. I’ve already scheduled them to come in for a meeting later on today.”
Grady leans forward for the folder as Allen hands it over to him.
We all remain silent as Grady goes through the brief and then with a nod, he shuts it and places it on the table.
I take the chance to watch him and notice for the first time just how unusually tired and gloomy he seems. “What manager are you going to hand this over to?”
“That’s why I’m here,” Allen responds. “I’m hoping that you’ll let Blair take the lead on this one.”
My heart drops into my stomach.
Grady's gaze moves wordlessly to me and so does Allen’s.
Under the attention of these two men, all the hair on my body begins to rise. I want to also advocate this opportunity for myself but I’m not even sure if I’m still going to be working here at the end of today.
I open my mouth to speak but Grady cuts in, a frown across his brows, “Why are you passing this off to her? She doesn’t have the experience to handle this.”
“Well, I’m hoping you’ll work with her on it so that she can learn the ropes and be able to hold her own weight. It will most definitely take a lot of the burden off you.”
“Where are you getting this idea that I’m burdened?”
At his question, the room goes silent.
Then Allen smiles. “Meredith’s expecting. She’s about three months in and she’s held back from giving me the news because she was worried about how I would take it, since I wasn’t exactly excited about the idea when she brought it up a few weeks earlier. I also wasn’t really there for her when she was pregnant with Alexa, so I don’t want the same thing to be repeated this time around.”