I stood in front of him, staring down, and did what the munin wanted. I grabbed his wounded arm and jerked it upward, forcing the shoulder to its fullest extension. He cried out in pain. The skin had closed over the wound, but it was there below the surface. I pressed my mouth to the wound and felt the muscles torn. The bone, already knitting, broken. I bit him, sinking teeth in enough to leave a mark and blew power into his skin. I healed it and fought Raina. She wanted to take a chunk out of his skin. A sort of joke, heal him and hurt him at the same time.
I pushed away from him before I could give in. I stumbled to my feet and realized that each time I used it, the power was growing. It was filling me like another person, something growing inside of me, pushing at my skin.
I staggered to Jamil and fell beside him to my knees. He’d changed back to human form, which meant he had been very hurt. I stared down at his nude body and fought with Raina not to touch him. Not to do what she wanted. Or not to do everything she wanted.
I ran my hands over Jamil’s chest until I touched the wound. The skin was closed, but soft. I knew I could force my fingers inside him. I knew I could reach in and snatch his heart. Instead, I lowered my face to his chest and kissed the wound, gently, softly. I closed my eyes and took in the scent of him, the feel of his soft skin. Healing skin was always so soft, like a baby’s flesh, tender and smooth. I put my hands over the wound and thrust that warm building power into him like a sword.
Jamil’s eyes flew wide, and his spine bowed. He tried to scream, and I stole it with a kiss. I rode his body, straddling not his groin but the second, lower wound. I drew back from his lips and forced my hands low on his body. I healed him. I felt it leave my body in a warm rush. My hands slid lower. I brushed him and he was beginning to grow hard. I threw myself off of him. She’d healed him. Raina felt somebody owed her something for the healing.
I fought it until I fell back into the leaves and screamed. My body writhed and it was like my left side wasn’t talking to my right. Like something was breaking inside me. That large, warm presence, that second body was trying to rise to the surface, trying to break the surface. Raina’s beast was trying to come out. Trying to make me lupa in truth, but my body couldn’t hold it. Couldn’t give it a home. I was human, and no matter how much power you shoved into me, that didn’t change.
Hands held me down. Richard’s voice as if from a great height. “What’s happening to her?”
“She’s fighting the munin.” It was Marianne’s voice. I heard her voice close to my face, but I couldn’t see her. It was like the world was vanishing into the dark. “Don’t fight, Anita. Whatever happens tonight, tomorrow I can help you. Give in and live, or the munin will kill you.”
“Anita, please, please!” Richard again.
“She will kill you if she can. She will kill you from the grave itself, Anita. Stop fighting. Embrace it, or it will destroy you.”
I screamed, “No!” Then, suddenly, I could see again. I stared up into the tree-lined darkness. There was a sparkle of moonlight through the leaves. It seemed as bright as sunlight, only softer. I lay very still, blinking up at them all. Richard had my shoulders pinned. Verne had my legs. Shang-Da had my right arm. Lucy had my left. I’d been having convulsions. I remembered that.
Marianne was kneeling near my face, keeping my face still between her hands. “Anita?” she made it a question.
“I’m here.” My voice was quiet but clear. I felt light and empty, but not alone. I wasn’t fooled. The munin hadn’t left. It wasn’t finished.
“Is the munin gone?” Richard asked.
Marianne shook her head. “It’s still here.”
It made me think better of her that she wasn’t fooled.
“Do we let her up?” Verne asked.
“Anita?” Marianne asked me.
“Let me up.”
They let me go, slowly, as if almost afraid. Afraid of me or for me, I wasn’t sure which. They moved away from me. Only Richard stayed kneeling. I leaned my back against him and let him hold me in his arms. I closed my eyes and let him take it all away for just an instant. I’d never had anyone’s arms feel as safe as his. No one’s.
My leg brushed something in the leaves. I pulled away from him enough to find my knife. I sheathed it.
From across the small clearing, Jason said, “Here’s the other one.” He held it up by the blade.
I went to him, taking the blade from his hand. I could feel all of them watching me. Like I was something new and uncertain that had just appeared. I sheathed the second blade.
Jason grinned up at me. “Don’t take this wrong, Anita, but someday I’d like to do that for real.”
“Why not tonight?” I said.
Jason stared up at me. “What did you say?”
I walked back across the clearing. I felt their eyes following me as I moved. I smelled of blood and power and flesh, and there was nothing better than that for attracting werewolves.
Richard stood there in his jeans and T-shirt. His hair foamed around his shoulders, a soft, rich brown in the moonlight.
I grabbed a fistful of his T-shirt and forced his face low enough for me to kiss. The kiss was long and full, and he tasted all the blood I’d had. Every skin I’d touched. I pulled his shirt out of his pants in a long motion, running my hands across his bare stomach, across the smooth hardness of his chest.
He grabbed my arms and pulled my hands away. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Is she not good enough for you either?” It was Lucy striding towards us. Her impressive breasts strained against the white material of her halter top. Either she had very large nipples or she was cold, because the outline of her nipples was clear, even in this dim light.
I stared up at Richard. I’d been sleeping with Jean-Claude. He’d been sleeping with Lucy and Mira—mustn’t forget Mira. It was fair that he had other lovers. Really. But I hated it and hated me for minding. Hated me for wanting him. Hated me for being with Jean-Claude and not being happy with it. Hated me for knowing that even if I’d been with Richard instead, I’d have been missing Jean-Claude. I was fucked no matter what I did.
I knew as I stared at her that the hands that held my arms with such tender strength had cupped those large, round breasts. I knew that she’d touched him, all of him. That she’d held him naked inside her. And I knew jealousy so strong that the only word for it was hate.
I pulled away from Richard and unsheathed one of the knives.
Shang-Da moved forward as if to step between us, but Richard stopped him and made him step back. He just stared at Shang-Da until he stepped out of reach, but you could tell from his face that he was really unhappy about it. I didn’t blame him. Richard turned back to me, stared at me, but made no move to protect himself. I don’t know if he didn’t believe I’d hurt him or was sure I couldn’t. I was sure I could.
My hand was already on the downward stroke before I could stop myself. I sliced through his shirt, not deep, but the wound bled.
He winced, eyes so lost, hurt. Fuck him.
Shang-Da was there, and it was Richard who struggled with him. Richard who kept him from grabbing me, disarming me, hurting me.
I put the tip of the blade against my chest and drew downward over my heart. The pain was sharp and immediate, but it was shallow. I wasn’t hurt. The blood trickled down between my breasts like tickling fingers. The blood was very dark against the whiteness of my skin.
Richard started towards me, and Verne caught him. “It’s her choice,” Verne said.
“It’s not her. It’s Raina,” Richard said.
But in a way he was wrong. Raina had finally found something that called to both of us. We both wanted him to suffer. We both felt betrayed. And neither of us had a right to it. We’d both betrayed him in our own ways.
Words that I didn’t know spilled from my lips. “Your heart to mine, mine to yours. Lupa to your Ulfric. But not to your bed, nor you to mine.” I threw the knife into the ground so it stuck, thrumming. I co
uld feel the blade in the earth as if I’d disturbed some large, sleeping beast. The power burst over me from the ground, from me, and something let loose in a liquid rush inside me. I was dizzy and on my knees without meaning to fall.
I stared up at Richard, still struggling, and said, “Help me.” But it was too late. I felt the munin blow outward like a wind. And every man it touched caught the scent. I could almost feel their bodies react. I knew what Raina had done, and if it were to be her last night in the driver’s seat, she couldn’t have chosen better. Short of killing me, it was the perfect revenge.
I fell to my knees, fighting not to finish the ritual, but I could feel them in the dark, eager. I was giving off scent, and it wasn’t just the blood. The words were pulled from my throat as if by a hand. Each word squeezed out until it hurt to speak.
“Claim me again if you can, my Ulfric.” I stared up at him and saw the look on his face. It was wild, and part of me was pleased. God help me. My own jealousy had given her the keys to me. I stared around at the shapes in the dark. I could feel them like a growing tension in the air. It was like the air before a storm, so heavy it was hard to breathe through the growing power. You could feel the lightning growing in the air, coming closer, but this storm was waiting for me. Waiting for me to move.
Marianne was beside me. “Get up,” she said.
I struggled to my feet, and she helped me.
“Now, run,” she said.
I stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve declared yourself Frejya. Now, run, before they lose patience and take you here.”
I knew what she meant, but I had to have her say it out loud. “Take me?”
“If the munin does not come to the front, it will be rape, but it will still happen. Now, go!” She pushed me towards the dark. I stumbled and stared around the clearing one last time. Richard’s face was tormented, horrified. Shang-Da was at Richard’s shoulder, and he was angry. Angry with me. Jason’s face was as neutral as I’d ever seen it, as if afraid to show me what he was feeling. I caught Roland’s face, too. I’d met him an hour or two before, but his face wasn’t neutral. His face was hungry, anticipatory. And I knew that they’d do it. That someone, somewhere would have me unless I killed them. Two silver blades and an entire pack of werewolves. Not good odds. And Richard would do everything he could to save me—everything.
“Shang-Da,” I said.
The tall bodyguard stared at me. I could feel the weight of his gaze in the moonlit dark.
“Richard’s life means more to me than my own safety, Shang-Da. Don’t let him die,” I said.
He stared at me, then gave one sharp nod.
Marianne grabbed my arm and said, “Go!”
I went. I flung myself into the trees, into the dark beyond, and ran. I ran as if I could see in the dark. Flinging myself into half-perceived openings, trusting to the forest the way you trust to water, knowing it will part before you without question. I gave myself over to the night woods like I’d learned to do as a girl. You don’t run in the dark in the forest with your eyes. You run with the same part of your brain that makes the back of your neck prickle. I ran and leaped and dodged, and knew it wouldn’t be enough.
27
A HOWL CUT the night in a long, mournful line. There were growls and a sharp whimper, cut so short I knew someone was hurt, maybe dead. Would they really kill each other for the privilege? Real wolves didn’t do this shit. Only people could take a nice, sane animal and screw it up this badly.
I slipped going over a log that was bigger around than a small car. I fell, sprawling. I lay there for a moment on the ground, catching my breath, and I didn’t have the faintest idea what to do. I didn’t so much hear the werewolves as feel them in the ground under my hands. I knew they were out there in a way I hadn’t before the munin invaded. I pressed myself against the huge log, and my hands found an opening. It was partially hollow. I crawled into the black opening, hand with knife in front of me, half expecting to meet a raccoon or snake, but there was nothing but the feel of the cool, rotted wood under my bare stomach and the weight of the great fallen tree above me.
I knew they’d find me. That wasn’t the point. It would take them a little time to get me out of the hole. I was trying to buy time. I wasn’t even sure time for what. I needed a plan, and I didn’t have one. The munin thought that Richard might save us. That thought scared me all on its own. Richard was sort of squeamish when it came to killing. The thought that he might get himself killed trying to save me was almost worse than me getting caught. I would probably survive being raped. I wasn’t at all sure I’d survive Richard’s death. Of course, having never been raped, maybe I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe I wouldn’t survive.
I heard them moving around the log. More than one, more than two. Three, four? Shit.
Claws ripped at the rotted log, and I screamed, one of those short yips that is almost exclusively a girl sound. I heard one of them rolling around on the ground. I felt the rush of energy as he shifted into wolf form. And just like that, he was out of the running. If you lost human form before the lupa you were chasing, you couldn’t mate with her. You went furry, you lost. The rules about going Frejya had never been written for a human who had no other shape. We’d lose the lesser wolves to their beasts, this close to full moon with sex and violence in the air. We’d maybe lose half a dozen, maybe a dozen, to their beasts. Fifty wolves in Verne’s pack altogether, a dozen helped.
Something heavy hit the side of the log. I managed not to scream. At least that was an improvement. I heard the sounds of scuffling. At least two of them were fighting. But I was almost sure there was a third.
The fighting stopped, and there was a loud crack as if something brittle and wet had broken. The silence was so heavy, my heartbeat was thunderous.
The log moved. I froze as if just holding very still would save me.
The end of the log near my feet lifted into the air. The cavity that had hidden me kept me trapped as that one end raised slowly into the air. The fallen tree was at least six feet around. I didn’t know how much it weighed, but it was heavy. A tall, bearded man was lifting it. He pushed it overhead, palms flat against the wood. He smiled down at me, his teeth white against the beard.
His voice was more growl than words, “Come out, little one.”
Little one? I crept very carefully out from under the huge log. It was a crushing weight. A fine trembling ran through his body all the way to his feet. It was not effortless to hold the fallen giant up. I stayed crouched just beside his leg. He’d have to put the log down before he could touch me. His smile widened, as if not moving away from him was a good sign for him.
I shoved the knife into his belly and rolled away from him, tearing the blade along the meat of his stomach as I moved. He looked surprised as he fell to his knees and the tree fell on top of him. It pinned him to the ground, and I didn’t wait to see if he could get out from under it. There were two bodies on the ground. One man’s skull was smashed open, and thicker things than blood licked onto the ground. In the dark, everything was grey and black. The second guy might have had a pulse, but I didn’t check. I ran.
I felt the rushing of air and looked in time to see a blur of motion. A man hit me from the side in a flying tackle. I was on my back with him on top of me, one arm pinned between us. I had a second to recognize Roland, then I slashed at him with the knife. He jerked back too fast to see, and his fist was suddenly connecting with my chin.
I didn’t pass out, but my body went limp. The knife fell from my fingers, and I couldn’t stop it. Part of me was screaming silently. The other part was saying, “Oh, what pretty trees.” When I could move again, my jeans were halfway down my thighs. The only thing that kept me that much dressed was the jeans were tight and wet with blood. Wet jeans peel slowly.
“Roland, don’t do this.”
He kept pulling on my jeans like I hadn’t said anything. I didn’t want him to hit me again. If I passed out, it
was all over. He was having trouble getting my jeans over my Nikes, because the jeans won’t go over my Nikes.
I raised up on my elbows and tried to be friendly, reasonable, and wondered where the hell my knife was. “Roland, Roland, the shoes have to come off first.” Maybe if I were helpful, I’d get brownie points. At least maybe I could stall. Where was Richard?
Roland wrapped my jeans in one hand, effectively trapping my feet. “Why help me?” he said. His voice was still too deep for his slender chest, his words still carefully spoken. That nervous energy still crawled along his skin, vibrating like summer heat on a road. He was no different, but everything else had changed.
“Maybe I just don’t want you to hit me again,” I said.
“I don’t want to be stabbed, either,” he said.
“Fair enough.”
We stayed that way, staring at each other, me propped on my elbows, him kneeling at my feet. It was almost as if he didn’t know what to do next. I think he hadn’t expected me to be calm. Crying, anger, maybe even eagerness, he was ready for, but I gave him nothing. I was friendly, helpful, as if he’d asked me directions to a restaurant I knew. I even felt calm, strangely. It had a faintly surrealistic air, as if it wasn’t really happening. If he touched me, it was going to seem all too real, but as long as he stayed where he was, I was fine.
He pinned my jeans with his knee and started taking off his shirt. The shirt was okay. I was fine with that. He had a nice chest, pleasant to look at. As long as his pants stayed on, I was fine. Where the hell was Richard?
He undid the snap to his pants, and my nerves just weren’t that good. I didn’t want to try and contact Richard in case he was fighting. Using the marks was distracting. But I wanted some help. I was betting that Roland didn’t wear underwear. I won my bet.
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