“What do you mean?”
“If you are truly his Nimir-Ra, then you will be drawn to him. There is no help for it. And truthfully, I cannot fault your taste. He is not as fair of face as our Richard, but he does have certain compensations.” The look on his face made me blush again.
I turned to the sink and started brushing my teeth, and he took it as a dismissal. He went out laughing. When the door was closed behind him and I was alone I stood for a long time looking at myself in the mirror. It still looked like me. But I could taste Jason’s blood underneath the toothpaste. I started scrubbing and spitting and running the cold water, listening to the sound of the water instead of the screaming inside my head.
When Jean-Claude came back into the room I was rinsing the blood out of the washrag I’d used and had three different kinds of mouthwash sitting beside the sink. I’d used all three, and I couldn’t taste anything but minty freshness. You could scrub yourself clean of the blood and the taste of it in your mouth, but the stains that really mattered were the ones that no amount of soap or water could touch. I’d have said that things couldn’t get any worse, but I knew they could, and rapidly. If I locked myself away for a few days until I could control the ardeur, the werewolves would vote without me there, and they’d execute Gregory. If they killed Gregory, it wasn’t just Jacob that I’d kill. It would be war between me, my pard, and Richard’s pack. Richard was just Boy Scout enough to get in my way, and maybe force me to kill him. Something inside of me would die if Richard died, and if I pulled the trigger . . . some things you recover from, some things you don’t. Killing Richard would be one of those things I wouldn’t recover from.
Jean-Claude said softly, “Are you alright, ma petite?”
I shook my head, but said, “Sure.”
He held a bundle of blue satin out to me. “Then you need to get dressed, and I will escort you back outside.”
I looked at him. “Is it that obvious that I don’t want to go back out there?”
“Jason has been taken to his room. He will heal. But we thought it would upset you to see him. Nathaniel awaits your pleasure, since he did drive you.”
“What about Asher?”
“He took Jason away.”
“You know we have the answer to the question you’ve been wanting to know,” I said.
We looked at each other. “I felt his release, ma petite. I know that he has been tormenting me, allowing me to believe he was ruined. But we still do not know how badly scarred he is, and that is a ruin of a different sort.”
“You mean he may feel he’s so scarred that he doesn’t want anyone to see him, or touch him?”
“Oui.”
“Until the two of you touched the boys, the ardeur didn’t spread to you. Belle Morte didn’t spread to you. It’s like a disease,” I said.
“I have seen that particular disease set loose in a banquet room the size of a football field and spread from person to person until all fell upon each other in a . . . well, orgy is too mild a word.”
“What did she gain from making a whole room of humans lose control like that?”
“She gains power from every feeding around her, but it was not that alone. She wished to see if there were limits to the number of people she could spread the desire through.”
“Did she find her limit?”
“No.”
“So hundreds of people,” I said.
He nodded.
“And she fed off of the lust from them all?”
“Oui.”
“What did she do with all that power?”
“She helped a marquis seduce a king and changed the trade routes and alliances of three countries.”
I widened my eyes. “Well, at least it didn’t go to waste.”
“Belle has many faults, but the wasting of an advantage is not one of them.”
“What did she gain through all the political maneuvering?”
“Land, titles, and a king that adored her. Remember, ma petite, that this was at a time in history when to be king of a nation meant to be absolute monarch. His word was life and death, and she ruled him through the sweet secrets of her body.”
“No one is that good in bed.”
A look passed over his face—a small smile that he tried to hide.
“If she was that wonderful, then why did you and Asher leave her the first time?”
“Asher had been with Belle for many years before I arrived, and more beyond that before he found Julianna. He and I were in the circle of innermost power, where many strived for centuries to get to and failed. We were her favorites until Asher found Julianna. It did not occur to me until decades later that Belle was jealous, but I think in a way that was it. She slept with other men, other vampires, and she was content that Asher and I shared each other’s beds, and that we went to the vampires she chose to share us with. But another woman that we chose ourselves—that was different. But it is one of our most sacred laws not to harm another’s human servant, so Belle did nothing. Then Asher offered Julianna to me, and we became a ménage a` trois, and that raised the question of Julianna sleeping with others.”
He looked down at the floor, then up again. “Arturo was one of her favorites, as well. He desired Julianna, but Asher refused him.”
“Asher refused him, not Julianna,” I said.
“She was his servant. She could not deny if he had consented.”
“Ick,” I said.
He shrugged. “It was a different century, ma petite, and Julianna was a different woman than you are.”
“So why did Asher refuse?” I asked.
“He feared for Julianna’s safety. We both did.”
“Arturo liked it rough?”
“Mother Nature had made it almost impossible for Arturo to have it any way but rough.”
I looked at him. “What do you mean?”
He gave that graceful shrug again. “Arturo is still the most well-endowed man I have ever seen.”
It was my turn to shrug. “So?”
He shook his head. “You do not understand, ma petite. He is bien outille, well tooled. Ah, what is the English? . . . Hung like a horse.”
I started to point out that Richard was pretty well-endowed, but it’s bad form to point out to boyfriend A that boyfriend B is bigger. Micah was better endowed even than Richard, but again, it didn’t seem the thing to mention. I was finally left with, “I’ve seen two men that were hung like horses, as you say, and it was intimidating, but . . . you’re implying that you feared for Julianna’s safety because he was so big.”
“That is exactly what I am saying.”
“No one’s that big.”
“Arturo makes even our Richard and your Nimir-Raj seem ungraced.”
I blushed and wished I hadn’t. “Those weren’t the two men I was referring to.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Indeed?”
The way he said it made me blush harder. “In New Mexico, one of Edward’s backups, and one of the bad guys.”
“And how did you happen to see just how well-graced they were, ma petite?” There was something in his voice, a hint of warmth, like the beginnings of anger.
“I did not have sex with anyone.”
“Then how did you see them nude?” His voice still held that warm edge, and I couldn’t really blame him.
“Bernardo, Edward’s backup, and I got questioned by a local biker gang, uh club. They didn’t believe he was my boyfriend. They asked if he was circumcised, and I said yes. I figured I had a better than fifty-fifty chance in America. They made him drop his pants to prove it.”
“Under some threat, I assume.” He was looking more amused than angry now.
“Yeah.”
“And the other one?”
“He tried to rape me.”
Jean-Claude’s eyes went wide. “What became of him?”
“I killed him.”
He touched my face, gently. “I have only recently understood why I was so very attracted to you fro
m almost the first time I heard you interact with the police.”
“Not love at first sight,” I said, “but love at first hearing. I don’t have that good a voice.”
“Do not underestimate the dulcet sounds of your voice, ma petite, but it was not the sound of your voice that fascinated me. It was your words. I knew from the moment I heard you, the moment I saw the gun and realized that this lovely, petite woman was the executioner, that you would never die waiting for me to save you—that you would save yourself.”
I cupped his hand against my cheek, looked into his eyes and saw again that sorrow for failing to save Julianna that never quite left him. “So you wanted me because I was such a tough broad?”
He let me make the joke. He even smiled, but it never reached his eyes. “Oui, ma petite.”
My voice was soft when I said, “So Arturo wanted Julianna.”
He took his hand back, slowly. “And she feared him, and we feared for her. This is two hundred years ago, a little more now. Asher was not as powerful as he is now, and we feared that his human servant would not survive Arturo’s attentions.”
“I’ve got to ask, how big was he?”
Jean-Claude spaced his hands apart like you’d measure a fish. “Like this big.” It looked to be about six inches.
“That’s not so big.”
“That is how wide he was,” Jean-Claude said.
I just gaped at him. “You’re exaggerating.”
“No, ma petite, believe me, I remember.”
“Then how long was he?”
He made another measuring movement. I laughed because I didn’t believe him. “Oh, please. You’re saying he was what, about six inches wide and over a foot long? No way.”
“Yes, way, ma petite.”
“You said Arturo was one of Belle’s favorites. Does that mean she . . .”
“Had sex with him, oui.”
I frowned, couldn’t think of a slick way to say it, so just blurted out, “Didn’t that hurt her?”
“She was a woman with a large capacity for men in every way.”
Gee, that was polite. “Most women wouldn’t be able to . . . accommodate that,” I said.
“No,” he agreed.
“Did she want to kill Julianna?”
“No, she believed Arturo would not harm her.”
“Why?”
He licked his lips, which he rarely did, and looked uncomfortable, which he did even less often. “Let us say that something that Belle Morte taught Asher and me to take pleasure in, we also did with Julianna.”
I frowned at him, because I so did not have a clue. “If you’re hinting, I’m not getting it.”
“I would rather not discuss it, now. Perhaps at a later time.”
I frowned harder. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He shook his head. “I think, ma petite, that you would rather not know.”
I looked at him. “You know, Jean-Claude, there was a time—not that long ago—that I’d have thrown a fit and made you tell me everything. But now if you tell me I don’t want to know, then I’ll just believe you. I really am not up to hearing intimate and shocking details about your vampire sex life. I’ve had enough shocks in that area for one day.”
“Ma petite, I think you are growing up at last.”
“Don’t push it. And I’m not growing up, I’m just getting tired.”
“As are we all, ma petite, as are we all.”
I let the royal blue satin robe fall from my hands. It had wide lace sleeves and more lace at what passed for the lapels, to curve in flowers down the sides. It was beautiful and fit me perfectly. Most robes are too long for me. He’d probably bought it with me in mind. I belted it in place and didn’t want to ask any more questions about the ardeur and sex and vampire stuff. But some things had to be clear between us.
“I need to get this straight, Jean-Claude.”
“Oui, ma petite.”
“You say that what we did was sex, so in effect I had sex with everyone?”
He just nodded.
“You don’t seem at all jealous about that.”
“I was participating, ma petite. Why should I be jealous?”
The answer confused me more. I frowned up at him. “Okay, let me try this again. You say the ardeur may need to be fed more than once a day. We can’t count on you being Johnny-on-the-spot when it happens. I can sleep over here, but . . .”
“You may need to feed when I am not awake. This is very possible, in fact, it is likely.”
“Okay, then what are the rules?”
It was his turn to frown. “What do you mean, ma petite?”
“Rules. I mean like what will make you jealous and what won’t? What, or who, am I supposed to stay away from?”
He started to smile, then stopped. “You are one of the most cynical people I have ever met, the most practical in a life-and-death context, and if you knew some of the people I had met, you would understand the compliment that is. But you are also very earnest, like a child. It is a type of innocence that I do not think you will ever outgrow. But I find it hard to deal with.”
“It’s a fair question.”
“Indeed it is, but most people would not need to ask it so blandly. They would either ignore it and do the best they could when the need arose, or they would ask who among my people will I allow you to have sex with, without becoming angry.”
It made me wince to hear him say it, but . . . “I like the way I phrased the question better.”
“I know. You are simultaneously one of the most direct women I know, and one of the most self-deluding.”
“I am really not liking where this conversation’s going.”
“Fine, but I will answer my question, because it is the truth. If Nathaniel is your pomme de sang, then I will let intimacy with him pass. Jason as my pomme de sang is within his rights to make love with my human servant. It is considered a great gift for a vampire to share his servant with another, and Jason has earned that. He has served me faithfully for many years.”
“I’m not a prize to be given away.”
He held up a hand. “Hush, ma petite, I will answer the question, and I will try for truth, even though you do not want to hear it today. There are many things I would have told you today, if you had been in the mood for truth. But you are right, this we must have clear between us. I would simply have urged you to keep Nathaniel close at hand and let the cards fall as they may, but if you insist on a list, then I will give it to you, but not without reasons. Because I want it clear that I do not share you lightly, and there are men I will not share you with at all.”
He was angry now, and his eyes had bled to sapphire flame. The rest of his body was very still, but the eyes gave it all away. He was in the grip of some strong emotion, probably anger, but I wasn’t sure. And he was shielding like a son of a bitch, so something he was feeling, or thinking, he didn’t want me to share.
“Asher is acceptable.”
He didn’t give the reasons for that one, and I didn’t ask, because there were too many of them, most of them painful.
“If Richard comes to his senses, then of course.” He smoothed his hands down the front of his robe; he often checked his clothes when he was nervous. “The Nimir-Raj will have to be acceptable, because he calls to you. Richard’s beast calls to you through my marks, my ties to him, to it, but the Nimir-Raj, he calls to you, Anita.” My real name again. He was not happy. “He calls to something in you, in your power. It may be that you are truly Nimir-Ra, and the full moon will see it true. Or it may be that, as with Nathaniel, you have found your animal to call. If you are drawn more strongly to all the leopards, then it could be for either reason. Be wary if the leopards are yours to call. It may not merely be Nathaniel and the Nimir-Raj that beckon.”
“Please, don’t tell me that I’m going to turn into slut-girl.”
He smiled. “I do not think you need to fear that. You are stronger willed than that.”
“You just said
I might be tempted by the other wereleopards.”
“If the Nimir-Raj or Nathaniel are not near you when the ardeur rises, then my advice is to give in to it instantly.”
I gave him wide eyes.
“If you fight it, ma petite, it grows. If it grows large enough, then you may indeed turn into slut-girl. If you give in and feed immediately, then you will have sex with one person, not several, and it will be more a person of your choosing.”
“So the real advice is, keep the men I prefer within easy reach.”
“I would make Nathaniel, or someone of your choosing, your constant companion.”
I swallowed hard and searched his face, but it was pleasantly blank—his expression when he didn’t want me to know what he was thinking. His eyes had bled back to normal.
Something occurred to me. “I haven’t seen Damian around.”
“I speak of sex, and you think of Damian.” His voice was still pleasant but the words held something harsh.
“You give me this list of people to sleep with, and not to sleep with, but you leave him off either list. And he wasn’t at the club, and he didn’t come to the bedroom, attracted by the power like Asher. Where is he?”
Jean-Claude rubbed his hands over his face. “I was going to tell you, then you decided you wanted no more hard truths today.” He lowered his hands and looked at me.
“He’s alive, I’d know it if he wasn’t.”
“Yes, I believe you would. There was a time when my first master made my heart beat. Her power suffused me, made me live. But her power came from her Master of the City, so it was in reality his power that filled me. Each master vampire that I belonged to demanded blood oaths, and each one in turn made my blood course, my heart move. Then Belle, herself, the head of my line, brought me in, and she filled me. She was like the pounding of the ocean, and all others before her were but rivers seeking to drown in her embrace. Gradually, I filled with my own power. But even now it is her lineage that makes me live. The power that made her is what keeps me alive. Damian is descended from her line, not from Belle herself, but from one of her children, as I am. I am Master of the City and the power that animates me, animates Damian. When he took the oaths that bound him to me, that made him loyal to me, it became my power that filled him, my power that made his heart beat. And I broke the tie with She who made him.”
Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter Collection 6-10 Page 221