I allow the waters to swallow me, submerging fully into the heat of the springs. Breaking the surface, I take a few strokes through the water, leisurely extending my limbs out to slice through the water with organic fluidity. After a couple of laps in the heat, I lie back in the water and allow the peaceful tranquility to overtake me. The heat is somehow refreshing, which helps release all of the tension that I’ve been carrying around since Isla stepped onto the jet. I allow myself to drop down into the water, and when I come back up, my eyes scan the walkway because I can feel my body’s want for her spark to life. Isla is sitting on the lounger that I dropped my sweats on, and she’s watching me intently.
Cautiously, I move toward her and lift myself up and out of the heated waters. I quickly move to the rack that hosts the hotel towels and dry off before I step toward her, and she hands me my sweatpants.
She’s curled up in a couple of layers, but she’s still shivering. Once I’ve gotten my sweatpants on, she hands me my sweater, but I shake my head. “Put that on; you’re shivering.”
“But—”
I cut her off. “Put it on, Isla.”
She hesitates at first but then pulls the thick fabric over her head before wrapping her arms around her waist.
I grab a dry towel and pull it over my shoulders before I sit down on the same lounger as her. She starts to shift, but I place my hand on her thigh, stilling her. I swing one leg over the seat and pull her back between my legs.
“Talk to me.”
She rests back against me without any further argument, but chooses to remain silent.
“Isla, I won’t beg.”
“It’s nothing, okay? Trust me.”
I move her black hair to one shoulder and run my thumb from her jaw, down the column of her neck, and down to her collarbone underneath her layers of clothing.
“All right. I don’t believe you for a second, but I won’t push you tonight.”
“Thank you,” she murmurs and finally releases herself into my hold.
Isla isn’t a woman who needs validation on anything. She’s strong-willed and highly autonomous, yet I know that something is off and whether it be my fault or not, she needs to understand that I won’t leave her in the dark alone with her shadows. She’ll lose herself to them if she’s allowed to become immersed in the suffocating darkness.
I know the feeling all too well, and I refuse to let someone this significant to me walk into it willingly.
I carried her back inside and to my room once she fell asleep. She might have refused to share a room with me earlier this evening, but I doubt that it’s what she truly wanted, considering how she’s curled up against my bare torso right now. I haven’t been able to get in a minute of sleep, and I’m unsure if it’s due to the time difference or the jet lag, but when the sun finally rises, she shifts beside me.
I know that she’s awake, and I don’t bother her until she’s ready to move or speak. She tilts her head up to look at me, and I blink down at her. Somehow, I’m in awe at how attracted to her I am right now. The majority of her makeup has rubbed off, but somehow, her lips are still slightly stained my favorite color.
“Why am I here?”
“In Iceland?”
“No, Liam. Why am I in your bed?”
“I thought—”
She untangles herself from me and sits up, throwing the covers off of herself. “Well . . .” She clears her throat and gets out of bed slowly. “You thought wrong.”
I don’t bother going after her when she walks out of the room. She doesn’t belong to anyone, let alone me. I wouldn’t want that regardless, though. I’ve made it clear to her that I was uninterested in pursuing more with Adriana as well as her.
I know that once this trip is over with, I’ll need to separate myself from her in order to distance myself from falling headfirst into any sort of relationship. I’m not giving up: I’m simply allowing myself to be happy with what I want in and out of life.
As I lie in bed, thoughts of Chloe begin to flood my mind. I remember waking up to her hair splayed over my chest and her light breathing as she dreamt. Her entire body fit into mine flawlessly, but I cannot fight off the feeling or knowledge that Isla might feel even better.
Might? Who the fuck am I kidding?
She feels better in my arms than any other woman before her has, and that scares the shit out of me. The thought gives me even more reason to call it fucking quits once we’re back in the States.
I run both of my hands down my face before sitting up, yawning, and tossing the white sheet off of my body. I head out to the gym on the premises and lay my fists into the speed bag repeatedly before I torture myself on the free weights and treadmill. After what feels like a lifetime of physical exhaustion, I head back to the room and clean up. Once I’ve showered and dressed, I head out into the hallway and down to the lounge for breakfast where I’m met by Wade and Hadley, but not Isla.
“Morning,” I say as I take a seat at the table for four.
“You look like shit,” Wade comments, and I give him my finger to mull over while I pour myself some orange juice from the carafe.
“Where’s Isla? I figured that she was with you earlier since she wasn’t in her room,” Hadley says as her and Wade’s food is placed in front of them.
“Nah, she left earlier this morning. She should be in her room. When did the two of you get down here?”
“Not even five minutes ago. I went to her room right before coming down here, and she didn’t answer the door.”
“Odd.”
It’s the only response that I give them. She might be out at the spa already, or she could be in the waters; neither would surprise me. She seems to be in her own world, and unwilling to surface to ours.
Hadley watches me for a minute before setting her fork down. “I’ll go check on her.”
“You do that.”
“Watch yourself, Jensen,” Wade says as Hadley leans over and kisses him before she places her napkin down and walks away from the table.
“Yeah, yeah. How’s your back?”
“Stop skirting around the issue. What the fuck is going on between the two of you?”
“The two of us?”
“Don’t play coy.”
“Can I at least get some vodka in my orange juice before the interrogation begins?”
“By all means. Go ahead,” he gestures toward the waitress who brought their food by earlier.
I catch her attention and ask for two shots of premium vodka, neither of which I plan on sharing with Brassy boy over here. When she returns with them, I pour both of them into my glass and take a sip before downing the remainder of it.
“All right. What the fuck do you want to know?”
“Don’t fuck with her, Liam.”
“It may be a bit too late for that.”
He shifts his body a few times before stilling. I’m assuming to get comfortable after the long flight. He still has issues with sitting still for long periods of time.
“Whatever the hell is going on between the two of you has obviously turned into something more for her than it has for you. Have you considered that?”
“I have, and it’s part of the reason why I came by your place the night before. I need to pull away and do it as seamlessly as possible.”
“I think that it’s going to come down to all or nothing.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Truthfully, from what I’ve seen, you’re fucked either way.”
The minute that I left Liam’s room earlier this morning, I returned to mine where I grabbed my purse and made a quick exit from the hotel. I did not care whether or not I looked appropriate to go out in public. I just needed to know, and I needed to know straightaway. The hours that had elapsed since I realized that I was late had been dragging, and it was difficult to distract myself through the agonizing tick of the clock.
I had the hotel front desk call me a car, which took me to the store located just north of wher
e we are staying. I’m pretty sure I bought the last couple of boxes of pregnancy tests that they had on hand, and I got a sorrow-filled look from the clerk upon checking out. Damn her.
Upon returning to the hotel, I stole into my room, hoping to get away without being seen by Liam, and somehow, I got away with it. Once inside, I secured each lock on my door in every way possible before I ripped open the first box and read the instructions that came along with it. It seemed simple enough, so I did what I needed to do.
When the first little blue cross appeared, I belligerently threw the stick away, chugged a bottle of water, and tried again. I got the same result the next three times. The little blue crosses are mocking me now as I stare down at them with tears in my eyes. Slowly, I lower myself onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor and cross one leg over the other while my fingers trace over one of the blue crosses.
How is it possible to let yourself down? Surely this all has to be in my head. None of it can be real, but then I think back to the sheets, kisses, and skin that I shared with Liam when he first arrived and I know that this is something I can’t hide from.
This is happening whether I want it to or not.
This tiny development is currently budding inside of me, and I’m stunned, to say the least. Doubts start to churn ideas in my head as I cover my palm over my mouth to keep the emotions from spilling out into the world. How am I worth this pregnancy, much less a child? I’ve seen the monster inside of me. I know what I’m capable of and what it’s capable of as well. I don’t think that I deserve much more than what I currently have. Why would I? Why is the world offering me more than what I’m able to handle when I’ve barely got myself as well my dark shadow in check?
I have the obvious choice to interrupt it because I’ve caught it so early, but I do not think for a second that I would ever have it in me to do such a thing. I’m having a difficult time understanding how I can feel so much already for something so new to me. I wouldn’t put the life of the little thing—or things—at risk because I’m self-centered.
I’m stranded, and I’m not sure where to go from here.
What happens next?
What do I have to do?
Will this hurt?
How do I tell him?
I’m terrified at the idea of being pregnant, but most of all, I’m terrified of the butterflies that have just started to flap their wings inside of my stomach.
A loud knock on the door startles me, and I wipe my tears with the backs of my hands before standing and laying the tests down on the vanity. I take steady but slow steps to the door, trying to remain quiet as I look through the peephole. It takes me a moment to focus my watery eyes on the figure in front of me but when I see that it’s Hadley, I undo the latches and pull the door open.
Mentally, I start counting down the seconds until she notices my swollen eyes and flushed face. She knows that I’m not one to cry, but there I was . . . on the fucking bathroom floor in tears.
“Hey. I was just coming to look for you.” She pauses and then tries again. “Isla? What’s wrong? Are you all right?” The expression on her face lets me know exactly how I must look because I didn’t even have the door open all of the way. Joy.
“Uhm, it’s just that . . .” The tears return unwanted, and I fight my body to take in a ragged breath. “I can’t breathe.”
Reaching for my hand, she walks me over to the bed, allowing the door to close on its own. She takes a seat, and I sit down next to her, wringing my hands together in an attempt to feel anything else aside from the devastating emotions that are teeming through my body.
“I know that you usually talk to Wade about the ups and downs of life, but if you feel comfortable enough to talk to me, then please know that I’m open to listening.”
I give her a nod in reply as a sob pulls at my chest, threatening to be released into the noiseless room.
“Have you eaten? I can order you an omelet from room service,” she says as she reaches for the phone on the nightstand.
My entire body reacts to the thought of eggs, and I almost double over in front of her, but I force the movement of my limbs to carry me to the en suite bathroom where nausea overtakes me once again.
Holy shit. My stomach lurches and heaves, but as hard as it tries, I can’t get up anything more than I already have. I think that I’ve knelt down to the porcelain throne more times this morning than I did throughout my college career.
“Isla, are you ill?” she asks, but the question falls flat as she walks into the bathroom and pauses as she sees the tests. “Are you . . . ?” She looks at the little blue crosses and moves to me as I flush the toilet and straighten up, waiting for her harsh words, but the ones that I was expecting don’t come.
She wraps her arms around me and doesn’t let go as she speaks. “You’re pregnant.” It’s a statement that she leaves hanging in the air between us instead of asking me about it outright. “Is it Liam’s?”
I nod, not wanting to say the words out loud for myself because that would make it final. Somehow it seems as if it would be a lot more conclusive than hearing someone else state them.
“Did you just figure this out?”
“Yes,” I answer, my voice hoarse from all of the crying that I’ve done behind these closed doors.
“Do you know how far along you are?”
I shake my head to answer her, but offer up my words as well. “If I had to guess,” I say as I pull away from her and wipe the underside of my eyes, “I’d guess just over four weeks. Since he got back, really. We didn’t wait very long to jump into bed. It’s been six weeks since I got my last period”
She smiles at me, and it’s not a forced smile or one that makes me feel guilty about my current plight. “That makes you six weeks pregnant. I read you’re supposed to start counting from the first day of your last menstrual cycle. Does he know?”
“No, not yet. I’d like some time to digest this before I tell him or even Wade about it, though. It’s just . . . it’s a lot to take in all at once. I mean, I’m in no way fit to be a mother, let alone survive nine months without whiskey and sporting a pot belly.” I laugh miserably, but she puts her arms around my shoulders again and hugs me close.
“You’re going to be great, regardless of what you think.” She holds me at arm’s length and glances down at my flat stomach. “It’s kind of incredible. Maybe you should start thinking about it as a blessing in disguise.”
“You think so?”
“Definitely.”
I huff out and bite the corner of my lip as I pull Liam’s sweater off and toss it into the bedroom. “I think that I’m going to shower and get ready for the day. I may need more concealer than usual, though.” I try for a joke even though I’m the one who needs some cheering up at the moment.
“I’ll text Wade and tell him that I’m going to spend some girl time with you and that they can go ahead to the spa and book us into as many packages as they wish.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” she says as she walks through the doorframe.
“Hadley?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I’m not used to being vulnerable in front of a woman, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with any one of them right now. Over the last decade, the only people to see me break at all have been Liam and Wade. Hadley and I have never been too close. We get along just fine, but we don’t have that friendship vibe between us that she has with her best friend, Lola Marc. I don’t mind it, though. I was not exactly welcoming when Wade first showed interest in her, but it was for his own good. Now, though, I’m glad that he has her in his life. They keep each other stable, and I’ve honestly never seen him so enthralled with life before.
I’m grateful for her right now because I have no idea what to do next.
After a long shower, I get dressed and spend a good amount of time on my hair and makeup before I even attempt to walk out of the bathroom and face
the outside world head-on.
“Isla? Are you all right in there?”
“I’m fine,” I say as I step out and into the bedroom where she’s sitting on the bed, flipping the page of one of her romance novels. She closes the book and sets it on the white comforter before sitting up.
“Have you tried to eat anything? Maybe we can go get you a smoothie or something. I may not know what to do, but I was looking up morning sickness before I decided to dive into this novel.”
I almost whimper in delight at the thought of filling my stomach with something. “A smoothie sounds incredible right about now.”
“Smoothies it is, then.”
We head to the hotel’s restaurant and even though they are closed, they oblige us and make me a strawberry-banana-peanut butter smoothie with the mention of the name Waylon Brass.
I take a long sip from the straw when it’s handed to me and sigh contentedly as the refreshing liquid moves down my throat.
“Thank you,” I tell her before taking another long drink.
“You’re welcome. Is there something that you want to do today? We can head over to the spa, but I’m not so sure that it’s wise to get into the hot springs given your condition.”
“What? Seriously? Well, shit. I guess I need to call my OB/GYN and find out what I can and cannot do.”
“Call her now. I’m sure that you’ve got some questions for her.”
“I do, but I’ll need to go in and see her too. She’ll probably want to do a blood test to be sure. Maybe it’s the water here that makes the little blue crosses appear?”
Hadley purses her lips and tries to refrain from laughing, but it doesn’t help. I nudge her in the side as we start our walk to the spa, and I place a call to my doctor.
By the time my phone call ends, I’ve found out that I won’t be allowed in the water because raising my body temperature could cause health defects, especially in the first couple of weeks in a pregnancy.
“Well, I’ll be staying away from the hot springs, and I have an appointment in a week and a half. We’ll be back by then, right?”
Intertwined (Redemption #2) Page 10