by Jeannie Watt
Faith turned Tommy and walked away, trying not to think about how good those words sounded.
* * *
DREW HADN’T BEEN lying when he’d said he’d never been to a rodeo. His family had been more suburban than Western, but he had watched rodeo events on television and had a passing familiarity with them. Barrel racing was the second to last event, and Faith spent most of the time between the halftime entertainment and her time slot warming up her horse. He wondered if she always spent that much time on warm-up, or if she simply wanted to keep busy, keep her senses focused on anything except for possible triggers.
When the barrel racing started, Faith rode up to him and told him she was going to the gate and to listen for her name. Less than five minutes later, she was announced in the hole. Then on deck. And then she was up.
As Faith made her run, Drew got the feeling that unlike the other contestants, she was holding her gelding back, focusing on making the sharpest turns possible before finally turning on the heat and sending the gelding home. She raced through the gate, then pulled Tommy to a stop. The horse bobbed his head, took a couple nervous steps, then started walking normally as Faith rode him toward the trailer.
“Hey,” Drew said before he came up beside her horse, alerting her to his presence. She glanced down at him. She was panting a little, as if she’d been doing the running. “How do you feel?”
“Like I just got a small piece of my life back.” She didn’t smile and Drew had the feeling she was coming down from an adrenaline high. A moment later, she dismounted and started walking beside him, leading her horse, her gaze fixed on the trailer.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. But I’d like to leave now.” She shot him a sideways look. “Before something happens. I want this to end well.” She stopped and he automatically stopped, too, but wasn’t prepared for her to reach up and touch his face, very much as he’d touched her that day Maddie had been playing with the goats. A small army of shock waves marched through his body.
“I owe you,” she said.
“You don’t owe me.”
Faith gave a noncommittal shrug and started walking again. When they reached the trailer, Faith expertly swapped out the bridle for a halter and tied the gelding to the metal ring welded to the side of the trailer. Then she turned to face him. “Yeah. I do.”
Her eyebrows came together as she took a long moment to study his features, making him wonder what she saw. A guy past his prime? A guy who didn’t have as good of a handle on life as he should? “I don’t think I would have made it through warm-up if you hadn’t been here. I kept thinking something was going to happen. Then I’d remind myself that you were here. I couldn’t see you, but I knew you were here.”
His heart twisted a little. And because there was no way he couldn’t touch her, he once again traced the backs of his fingers down her smooth cheek. Her lips parted and he wanted so badly to kiss them.
“Drew?” She swallowed before she continued. “Do you think something could happen between us?”
The question slammed into him. It was one thing to think about it, to idly fantasize despite the reasons it seemed impossible. Another to have to face the matter dead-on.
“I...” He frowned fiercely. Shook his head, but he didn’t necessarily mean no. “If it were to happen with anyone...”
“I’m not proposing,” she said. “I’m just asking. Because I don’t like wondering.”
“Faith...”
She waved her hand as she took a step back. “That’s okay.”
It wasn’t.
She started uncinching the saddle, but he reached out and stopped her with a touch of his hand on hers. Her gaze jerked up. “I was married for twelve years. I dated my wife through college. I haven’t been with anyone else.” He found himself shaking his head again. “More than that, I’m not a guy to get hooked up with.”
“How about a guy to heal with?”
“What?” He was frowning so hard now he was getting a headache.
“To heal with. We understand each other. We’re both isolated. We don’t have to be.” She glanced at the ground, pulled in a long breath, as if steeling herself. Then she raised her chin, very deliberately took his face in her hands and pulled his mouth down to hers. From somewhere in the distance, Drew heard a low whistle, but he was too stunned to process.
Faith’s soft kiss ended too soon. Ended before he had the opportunity to explore her mouth, feel her body against his. When he opened his eyes, she wasn’t smiling.
He settled his hands on either side of her hips, letting his fingers splay wide over her firm curves, wondering what the hell he was doing, then deciding her didn’t care, as long as he could kiss her again. But before he could lower his head, there was a loud bang and a shout on the opposite side of the trailer and Faith crashed into him.
A second later a horse trotted by, dragging a long lead rope with a kid running a few strides behind it. The boy gave a diving leap and caught hold of the rope, ending the escape attempt.
Faith let out a shuddering breath and brought her forehead down to rest on Drew’s chest. “I thought he had me for sure,” she murmured before stepping back. Drew pulled her back into his arms, holding her loosely, needing the contact, even though he was half-afraid of it.
“Let’s go home,” Faith murmured.
“Yeah. Let’s.”
Even though he was also half-afraid of what might happen when they got there.
CHAPTER NINE
DREW DROVE HOME while Faith stared at the highway, wishing she could fall asleep. She was mentally exhausted but still too hyped up on adrenaline to have half a hope of nodding off. They both had a lot to think about, so there was no conversation, superficial or otherwise.
She’d made it through a rodeo. She’d kissed Drew Miller. She wouldn’t have thought twice about doing either two years ago, but tonight both were noteworthy events. Drew hadn’t spoken since they’d gotten into the truck, and even though he’d started to kiss her back before she’d pulled away, she had a feeling he hadn’t welcomed her kiss. Yet another complication in his already complex life.
Faith didn’t want to be a complication. And that meant she needed to backtrack.
“About that kiss,” she said when they were almost home. “And about my question.” He glanced over at her. “We don’t have to go there again.”
“By ‘go there,’ you mean...?”
“I don’t want lessons to be awkward.”
“Thank you.”
She felt a stab of disappointment at his answer but shoved it aside. Some things simply weren’t meant to be. “I think there’s an attraction there,” she continued, wondering why she was seemingly unable to stop herself. “But we’re in rugged places. Both of us.”
“Yes.”
“And it would be hell if we messed up our lives even more. Especially since we do seem to be doing each other some good.”
Drew gave a nod instead of answering, then slowed the truck as they reached Eagle Valley city limits. He turned off the highway onto the road leading to the Lightning Creek Ranch, his jaw set, his expression hard. Faith shifted her gaze to the glove compartment.
She shouldn’t have kissed him. Now he’d probably have a nightmare and it’d be her fault.
But the memory of his mouth on hers, the pressure of his lips, the way he’d tasted...
She wanted more.
After Drew parked the truck and trailer, and Sully bounded out of the barn, ready to resume his bodyguard duties, she expected Drew to get in his truck and drive away to safety. But no. He waited until she’d unloaded Tommy.
“I’m okay now,” she said after he closed the trailer door.
“I know.”
Faith frowned a little as she led Tommy past him and then released the horse into the pasture. When she turned back, Drew was stil
l there.
He rubbed his hand across his forehead, as if prepping for an unpleasant task, then dropped it back to his side. “We do do each other some good.”
Faith swallowed as adrenaline started to spike again. “I think so.”
“And there’s a level of understanding between us.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to lose that.”
She wasn’t certain she’d heard right. “Me, neither. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
He gave a short laugh. “Well, that didn’t make things easier.” He began to close the distance between them, taking slow, measured steps, as if he didn’t want to spook her. Faith swore she could feel the warmth of his body before he was close enough for it to be physically possible. Or maybe it was her own body feeling like it was ready to burst into flames.
He took her face between his hands, just as she’d done to him a little more than an hour ago, his touch light. Gentle. “I’m not ready, Faith. Not for anything more than something physical. And those things often end poorly.”
“I know.”
But it didn’t keep her from wanting him to do that physical thing. Although...
She moistened her lips. “I haven’t done anything since the attack. Kissing you was the first sexual thing I’ve done.”
“You need to stop telling me these things,” he muttered in a hoarse voice.
“And I trust you...so I guess I thought...you know.”
Drew gave a low groan. “You’re killing me.”
“Not meaning to.”
He let out a long breath, shook his head. Stepped back. “Give me a little time on this. Okay?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“You’re a beautiful woman, Faith. Your ex was an idiot.”
“He also has my saddle.”
Drew gave a laugh that he turned into a cough. “And you know how to lighten a moment.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Not where I want to put them,” he said. “But it’ll have to do for now.”
* * *
DREW RARELY KEPT anything from his daughter, but he didn’t tell Maddie that he’d gone to a rodeo with Faith. If Faith hadn’t kissed him, if he didn’t have so much to process, if the trip hadn’t been sexually charged, he would have told her when he’d picked her up the following day for their time together. But using the excuse that he didn’t want to hurt Maddie’s feelings by leaving her out, he failed to mention he’d already been to a rodeo when he asked if she wanted to watch Faith run barrels at the Eagle Valley Rodeo the next weekend.
“Are you kidding? Yes, I want to watch her race.”
“Maybe Pete and I can come along,” Cara suggested as she set a pot roast on the table. Once or twice a month, Drew stayed for a Sunday dinner after dropping Maddie off. Tonight was one of those nights.
“Sure,” Drew said. “I hear it’s kind of fun.” And didn’t he feel shifty? “Actually, I know it’s kind of fun. I drove Faith to a rodeo last Friday.”
Maddie’s mouth fell open. “You went without me?”
“I had a reason.”
“What was that?” she demanded. Cara also seemed interested.
“It’s complicated.” Now Cara’s eyebrows were practically touching in the middle. Drew met her gaze and said, “She had a bad experience at a rodeo and hasn’t been to one for over a year. She didn’t want Maddie there in case she broke down.”
“Yeah? What kind of bad experience?” Cara set the gravy next to the roast.
“She was assaulted.”
Now Cara’s mouth dropped open and Maddie frowned. “How?”
“A guy mugged her.” But he looked at Cara as he spoke, silently telling her it was more than a mugging.
“Like knocked her down? Stole her purse? Or worse?” Maddie asked.
“Knocked her down. Some people came by right after and the guy ran off,” Drew said, glad he didn’t have to lie. “But it scared her bad. She didn’t want to go to the rodeo alone, so I went with her.”
Maddie continued to frown down at her potatoes.
Cara lifted her eyebrows and shook her head. “There are some sickos out there.” She leveled a gaze at Maddie. “Which is why curfews are a good thing.”
Always a teaching moment. He remembered Lissa doing the same thing when Maddie was little. He missed her. Felt guilty for being alive when she wasn’t. More than that, he felt guilty for starting to feel alive. For experiencing flickers of hope and happiness. For thinking about sex in a serious way.
Of course, his subconscious had punished him that night and he’d woken up to a destroyed bed and barely made it down the mountain to pick up Maddie this morning.
Were the nightmares tied to Lissa? To stress? To guilt?
All he could do was soldier on and hope he hit upon the answer.
Before it was too late for him and Maddie and anyone else who might show up in his life.
* * *
CARA AND PETE decided to go to Missoula for a big shopping trip instead of the rodeo, so Drew and Maddie drove to the rodeo grounds on the outskirts of Eagle Valley alone. When Drew had graduated high school, the rodeo grounds were at least a mile out of town. Now the city limits abutted the parking lot.
“Have you ever been to a rodeo, other than the one last week?” Maddie asked as Drew found a parking place.
“Last week was my first.”
A guy in full cowboy regalia led his horse by and Maddie stared after him. She turned back to Drew and asked, “Where do you think Faith is?”
He pointed to a field beside the parking lot that was packed with trucks and trailers. “I suspect that she’s over there.”
Maddie suddenly pointed. “There’s Tommy.”
“Great. Be careful walking behind the horses,” he said as they started toward Faith’s trailer. There were a lot of animals tethered in the competitors’ area, and the space between trailers was sometimes narrow.
“I know. Faith has talked about that.”
There was no sign of Faith as they approached, but the door to the small tack room at the front of the trailer was ajar and Maddie pulled it open.
Faith gave a yelp and whirled, then let out a shaky breath when she recognized the girl. She pressed her hand to her chest and swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry,” Maddie said. “I should have knocked.”
Faith waved a hand. “No. I’m always jumpy before I compete. You’re fine.”
Maddie met Drew’s gaze, then looked back at Faith. “I hope you win today.”
“I’m not trying to win yet. I’m just getting back into the swing of things.”
Maddie frowned. “Kind of like practicing?”
“Yes. It’ll take a while before I’m winning again.”
“Did you used to win?”
Faith’s smile became more genuine. “All the time.”
“Then the bad thing happened?”
Faith’s startled gaze jerked up to Drew’s. “I told her that the guy tried to mug you.”
“You must have been really scared,” Maddie said.
“I was.” Faith looked at Drew again, then said in an overly bright voice, “I need to finish saddling up.”
“Can I help?” Maddie asked.
“Sure,” she said. “Get the bridle with the silver on it.”
Maddie disappeared into the tack room and Drew said in a low voice. “I had to tell her something to explain why I went with you, but I didn’t want to scare her to death.”
“I’m fine with what you told her. It works. I just don’t want her to look at me differently.”
Drew was well aware of the feeling, and could appreciate that Faith didn’t want to be defined by victim status any more than he did.
Maddie came out of the tack compartment with the silver-studded bridle. “It wa
s under some other stuff.”
“Thanks for digging,” Faith said. She bridled Tommy, then checked her cinch. Maddie wandered a few yards away to inspect the horses tied to the trailer next to hers.
“We’re going to watch from the rail if we can find a spot,” Drew said. “That way if you need me, I’ll be easier to see.”
“If you go over there,” Faith pointed to an area between the announcer’s stand and the main gate, where there was a small, three-tier set of bleachers, “you might be able to get seats without going into the main stands.”
“I’ll try to do that.”
Faith swung up onto Tommy’s back and gathered the reins. Drew moved closer and put a light hand on the top of her boot. “Good luck. Maddie and I will be close by.”
She bit her lip as she looked down at him. Her green eyes were wide and wary, and he wondered if it was because of him or because of the demons she was trying to beat into submission. “That means a lot.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Still coming down from being startled,” she confessed.
“Some bodyguard I am.”
“It happens. More often than I’d like.” One corner of her mouth tilted up. “Not a big deal.”
She pointed her chin to where Maddie was watching a girl saddle her pony. “And since you also have a bodyguard here, I won’t ask you for a kiss for luck.”
With that, she turned her horse and rode toward the field where other riders were warming up. He watched her go and realized he was still smiling.
* * *
MADDIE SEEMED OVERWHELMED by the sheer number of horses, cowboys and cowgirls as they walked the grounds before the rodeo started. When they came upon the mounted drill team waiting near the entry to the arena, Maddie’s mouth dropped open. The horses were covered in glitter and spangles, with fancy bright pink blankets under their saddles that matched the riders’ bright pink satin shirts.
“How do you make the glitter stay on your horse?” Maddie asked a woman nearby, forgetting her shyness.
“Hairspray,” the lady answered with a smile.
“Really?”
“Just spray it on the horse’s rump, then spread the glitter.”