by Jeannie Watt
He gave a slow nod. “That pretty much sums it up.”
She looked up at him, feeling beyond awkward. “What now?” she whispered. “Because I kind of feel like I’m in a training session.”
He stepped back, letting go of her shoulders and putting a little distance between them before running a hand over the back of his neck. He looked as uncomfortable as she was. “This isn’t like the movies where we rush across the room and passionately jump one another.”
Faith lifted her chin a little. “I want to jump you.”
His eyes narrowed as he dropped his hand back to his side. “Yeah?”
Faith’s breathing went shallow, but this was no time to chicken out. It would kill her if he decided things felt wrong and left. “I’d like to walk over there and unbutton your shirt. See what you look like under that flannel.”
“All right.”
Faith’s cheeks felt ridiculously warm as she moved closer to him and silently reached out to undo the first button on his shirt. She felt his breath catch as she worked the white plastic disc thought the buttonhole. Keeping her focus firmly on his shirt, not daring to look up at his face, she undid the next button. And the next. The shirt started to fall open, revealing hard muscles covered with crisp dark hair. Her downward progress stopped when her fingers hit his simple brass belt buckle. Her gaze dropped to the worn denim below and she saw that he was already straining against his jeans.
A good sign, that, and her body answered with a rush of warmth.
She pulled her gaze away from the evidence of his erection and moistened her lips as she took hold of his shirt, pulled the tails out of his waistband and then undid the last three buttons.
The house was dead silent, except for Sully’s low doggy snores from the opposite side of the room. And Drew’s slow breathing.
She watched the rise and fall of his broad chest as she spread the shirt apart. The man was solid muscle. Not bulky, intimidating muscle, but long corded muscles that begged to be touched. Explored.
He moved then, taking her hand and placing it on his chest, his warm palm covering her fingers, holding them against him, lightly trapping her. She felt no need to break free, no sense of panic. Beneath her hand, his heart beat a rhythm that seemed a lot slower than her own, but when her gaze strayed once again to the erection pushing hard against his jeans, she knew this wasn’t a one-sided deal. Anything but.
“What else do you want to do, Faith?”
The raspy whisper gave her the courage to raise her gaze to his face and what she saw there made her flush. He was beautiful and he wanted her.
Faith had never been a cautious lover. Before. But these were new waters—she and Drew were feeling their way along...literally. The smoldering intensity in his expression gave her the courage to whisper, “I want to see you naked.”
His heart kicked under her palm.
“And then?”
“I want you to undress me...put your hands on me...touch me in places I haven’t been touched in way too long.” She lifted her face, bringing her mouth closer to his. “I want you inside of me.”
Drew’s eyes flashed, but his movements were slow and deliberate as he brought his hands up to cup her face and then lowered his mouth to hers, his tongue gently exploring as they kissed.
Faith felt the heat building and her response became more assertive. She kissed him back, pushing her hands into his hair, then dropping down to his solid shoulders, his skin feeling deliciously warm and smooth beneath her touch.
He lifted his head, gazing down at her, then nuzzled her cheek, her jawline, her neck, making crazy shivers go through her before moving back and taking hold of the bottom of her T-shirt. Slowly, he pulled it up over her head and tossed it aside, his gaze dropping to her exposed breasts.
“I never wear a bra around the house,” she murmured.
“Yeah...I kind of noticed when I came in.”
Her nipples had gone on alert when he’d walked through the door, and she’d hoped he hadn’t noticed. Now she was glad he had. He cupped his palm over her right breast, lightly squeezed and caressed, his thumb sliding over her nipple and almost sending her over the edge, before he smoothed his hand over her sensitive upper chest and repeated the movement with her other breast. Faith let out a shaky, shaky breath, and put a steadying hand on his arm as her knees went weak.
“I...haven’t been touched in two years.”
“Then this feels okay?”
She closed her eyes. “I’d really like to go to my bedroom now.” The words came croaking out as he bent to run his tongue over the area his hands had just set fire to, sucking her nipples in turn. Faith clutched at his hair, a low moan escaping her lips.
Drew straightened and brushed the hair back from her face as she pressed against him, reveling in the feel of skin against skin. He took her hand, drew down to his erection, held it there.
“Yeah,” he said roughly as his penis throbbed through the denim. “Let’s go to your bedroom.”
She took his hand, led him to the back of the house where she slept in the guest room. She didn’t bother with lights as she led him inside, preferring the intimacy of darkness. She wanted to see him, every part of him, but right now it was more important to feel. Experience.
Drew made no move to turn on the lights. Instead he closed the door and started undoing his belt. Need spiked inside of her at the intimate sound, and Faith abandoned the idea of having him undress her. She began shucking out of her jeans, her panties. Drew kicked off his boots and they dropped with twin thuds near the wall. The belt buckle clattered as his jeans hit the floor. Then he reached for her in the darkness, gently pulled her closer, cradling her against him. His erection pressed against her and without any kind of conscious thought, she brought her hand down to circle him, hold his heavy length in her palm.
“Any time you need to stop, just say it. Or hit me. Or something.”
She dropped her forehead against his shoulder. “I want to be on top.” She had to be on top. She was afraid of being covered.
“Done,” he murmured, tipping up her chin and bringing his lips down to meet hers in a sweetly sensual kiss.
“And I want to feel you in me. Soon.” She said the last words thought her teeth as she gently squeezed his throbbing erection, emphasizing her point.
He gave a low laugh, which made her feel like smiling. “Almost done.”
“Protection?”
“In the palm of my hand.” He rustled the packet he held.
He must have had it in his jeans pocket. “You’re prepared,” Faith murmured.
“I gave this night a lot of thought.”
“As did I.” She released him and rose on her toes, taking his face in her hands and kissing him fiercely. She trusted him. She needed him. They’d gotten this far and she couldn’t imagine going back. Stopping. Not until she’d had her way with this man. Felt him moving inside of her. Given him as much as she expected him to give her.
Somehow, they made it to the bed through the darkness without breaking the kiss. Drew eased down onto the mattress, gently pulling her with him. She stretched out alongside him and now that she no longer needed to worry about knees buckling, she started her own slow exploration of his body, caressing the hard planes, feeling his reaction, bringing him to the edge of control as she ran her tongue down the length of him.
He gripped her shoulders convulsively and Faith considered it a good sign that she didn’t freak out. That it felt natural for him to hold her so tightly. But she didn’t dare let him cover her. Instead she let him pull her up on top, where she straddled his erection, slowly lowered herself onto the blunt tip, let her head drop back as he slid inside of her, inch by inch.
“Are you okay?” he whispered in a thick voice.
She closed her eyes as her clit hit the base of his penis. “I am so damned good.” She started to move, bracing her
palms on her chest, loving the feel of his big hands holding her hips, helping her move as he thrust into her from below.
“Yeah. You are.”
Faith bit her lip to keep from laughing as the tension inside of her grew, became almost unbearable. She slowed, trying to prolong the moment, because she had no idea if she’d ever get another and she wanted to savor every second with this spectacular man. His breathing became heavy and his motions more driven. He was losing himself, pumping into her, so Faith let go, allowed herself to burst, explode, shatter. And all the other words she’d ever read about sex. Oh, dear heavens. It wouldn’t stop. And neither did he, until he gave one last thrust, his hips arching against her.
And then she fell onto his chest, collapsing into a boneless state and a heavy arm dropped over her. Which only made her feel safer.
When they caught their breath, Drew took her face in his hands and kissed her lips.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“We said it all earlier.”
He let out soft breath that fanned over her skin. “I guess so.” Lightly stroking her hair, he said, “Guess we’ll play this by ear, huh?”
“Yeah.” She propped herself on her elbow. “We’ll keep talking. Right?”
“How else are we going to heal?”
* * *
HE’D BEEN WITH a woman who wasn’t Lissa.
The first woman who wasn’t Lissa. Drew hadn’t known what to expect going in...awkwardness was a given. Except it hadn’t been after those first few moments when it’d felt like they were in a negotiation session. And not after Faith had essentially taken control. He’d needed her to take control so he’d be certain he wasn’t scaring her. Triggering her. By the time he’d climaxed, triggering was pretty damned far from his mind. All he could think of was how she was turning him inside out, making him feel things he hadn’t felt in years.
I love you, Liss. Always will.
But as much as he loved his wife, he had to move on. If positions were reversed, he wouldn’t want Lissa to stop living. If anything, he would have wanted her to grab more tightly onto life, because it was too short, too unpredictable.
This thing that had happened between him and Faith...it was a good thing. Even though he had no idea what anyone’s next move would be. New territory for him, and likely for her, too. Faith had probably never had a lover who didn’t hang around to make love to her again in the morning. And she’d never know how much he regretted not being able to do that. He hadn’t had a nightmare in over two weeks, but he wasn’t ready to take that chance.
But enough nightmare shit. He was feeling good. Had passed a milestone...returned to the land of the living.
He smiled a little as he got out of the truck. Afterglow. Not a bad thing. Leaving Faith alone in her bed...yeah. He hated that.
The mama cat met him at the door. He thought she wanted to go outside, but she circled his legs, then headed back to the bed with the kittens. The cabin felt different with the cats in it. Warmer. Friendlier.
He shucked out of his clothes, climbed the steps to the loft without bothering with the generator. The moon shone in through the windows, giving him enough light to keep from killing himself. He climbed into bed, lay there staring at the ceiling. He was almost asleep when he felt a movement at the foot of his bed and jerked awake.
The mama kitty was there, creeping along the edge of the bed. She took his open eyes as an invitation and walked up his chest, butted her head against his chin, then settled.
All right then...
He’d never slept with a cat before. This was a night of firsts. He was smiling a little when he finally fell asleep, wondering if he might be lucky enough to dream of Faith.
The scream woke him. No smoke. No explosion. Just a blood-curdling scream that felt as if it had turned his lungs inside out. Drew sat up, striking out at his attacker. Another noise—this one a choked sob—and then his fist hit wood, jarring him into full consciousness.
Heart racing, he blinked into the darkness.
He hoped he hadn’t hurt the cat. He swung his legs out of bed, then sat with his head cradled in his hands until his heart rate slowed. Once he caught his breath, he stood. Swayed. Freaking head rush. Hanging onto the bedstead, he waited until the fogginess cleared, then made his way down the ladder and turned on the generator. The lights went on and he began the search for the cat.
“Here, kitty.”
His voice was thick, harsh sounding.
“Kitty?”
There was a movement near the sofa and he turned to see the mother cat staring cautiously out from under the side table, a kitten on either side of her. He didn’t risk trying to pet her, reassure her. Instead he felt thankful that she was unscathed—that he hadn’t flung her against the wall or anything when he was fighting his formless enemy.
He went to the sink and poured a glass of water. Three o’clock. The witching hour. He’d been home for fewer than four...and so damned glad he hadn’t given into temptation and stayed with Faith.
But he was going to tell her about it. Friends, lovers, whatever they were, he was going to come clean. It was only fair that she know everything he was up against. So she would know what she was up against.
Because, deep down, he didn’t think she was looking at him as a rebound guy. He had a feeling Faith really liked him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AS SOON AS Drew walked into her barn, Faith knew something was wrong. She put aside the pitchfork she’d been using to clean the goat pen and let herself out the gate.
“Is it Maddie?”
“No.”
She let out a breath as the truth hit her. “You had a nightmare.”
“Pretty damned good one, too. I don’t know if that mother cat is ever going to come back into the cabin again.”
Faith sank down on a grain bin, her shoulders slumping. “Do you think it’s because of last night?”
Drew took a couple paces toward the pen she’d just left, rubbed his hands over his face. He was drawn and pale, as if he were suffering from a migraine or some other source on constant pain. Faith wanted to touch him. Comfort him.
She didn’t know if he would allow it and she wasn’t about to push things. He was here, with her, and that was a good sign.
“I’ve had a lot of nightmares that weren’t tied to sex. Like...all of them until now.”
“I just thought...” she dropped her chin, drew in a breath, looked up again, “...maybe anxiety. Or...guilt?”
He turned toward her, one hand still on the rough planks of the goat pen. “I thought about that. I feel sad that I’ve lost Lissa. But I don’t feel guilty about having sex with someone who isn’t her.”
Someone who isn’t her. Well, that was meaningful.
But it also put things back into perspective. They were two people helping each other back to the real world. Two people who could be forgiving and understanding because they had an idea of what the other had gone through.
Maybe sex with Drew was clinical. Maybe all they were doing was using one another. But when she thought about what they’d shared, that wasn’t how she felt.
“Faith.”
She looked up, met Drew’s gaze with a frown.
He crossed the alley to the grain bin, took a seat next to her. “That was a shitty thing to say, and it wasn’t what I meant.”
“Lissa’s going to always be part of your life,” she allowed.
“And part of my past. I have to move forward. Last night I made a major move in that direction. Because of you.”
He slid an arm around her, staring sightlessly across the dim interior of the barn. The thousand-mile stare Debra had told her about. But his hand was warm on her shoulder and he showed no sign of easing away. So Faith leaned into him, lapsing into her own thousand-mile stare. She didn’t know where they were going. Only
where they’d been. They were moving on from that.
She closed her eyes, inhaled his wonderful scent deep into her lungs. Just as certain rodeo smells would forever be associated with danger in the more primitive part of her brain, Drew’s scent would be associated with safety. And a journey back.
She let out a sigh, and Drew reached down to tip up her chin and gently kiss her lips.
“I feel better,” he said.
“And I understand how serious you are when you say you can’t stay.” Faith swallowed dryly, then asked the hard question. “I have to ask—do you want to continue seeing each other?” She didn’t want him to walk away, but if he needed to, she wasn’t about to stand in his way. “What I mean is, is this arrangement one you can live with?”
“For now? Yes.”
“In the future?”
“We’ll reevaluate.” Because that was the kind of relationship they had. A cautious day-to-day affair.
And for now, as she’d said, she was good with that.
* * *
DREW WASN’T HAPPY about Faith going to her next rodeo on her own, but she’d insisted. This was not only her first solo run—it was a way to prove to herself that she could function without Drew being there. It wasn’t that she was falling in love with a guy who wouldn’t let her into his life...much. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. That was simply the way things were—the fact she had to accept.
They’d made love almost every day over the past week and a half. The body that had once triggered her now intrigued her. She loved exploring the hard curves of his muscles, the flat plane of his abs, the raised ridges of his scars. He’d told her he worked out to reduce stress. She didn’t know what kind of effect his workouts had on his stress levels, but they had a most excellent effect on his body.
And even though there were things about her body that she would change if she could, Drew made her feel beautiful. If she occasionally wondered how she compared to his lost wife, she quickly pushed those thoughts aside, focused on the here and now. It didn’t matter how she compared. What mattered was that they help each other move forward—because that was the point of being together, right? To find their new reality and not let the past eclipse their futures.