by Gregg Stutts
But as he got into his truck, someone yelled, “You suck, coach!”
I can’t argue with you.
Chapter 11
Max turned onto his street and immediately saw Michelle’s car wasn’t in the driveway. It was a few minutes before eleven o’clock. She hadn’t come to the game, but he’d expected her to be at home. Now he really wanted to see her. More than he had in a long time. She always knew how to encourage him after a loss.
He unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The house was dark and quiet. He flipped the light on and called her name just in case but got no reply. He tried calling her phone but didn’t get an answer.
His heart rate quickened. It wasn’t like her to not show up at the game and to not answer her phone, especially when he didn’t know where she was. He tried calling again, but it went right to voice mail.
When he went to the refrigerator to get a beer, he saw the note…
Max, I’m taking next week off from school. I’m going to New Jersey to see my parents. I would have talked to you about it, but we really don’t talk any more, do we? I hope your game went well. —Michelle
He tried calling again with the same result. He started to leave a message but didn’t. She was ignoring him or had her phone in her purse. Or both. He didn’t like the idea of her driving twelve hundred miles by herself. He had no idea what time she’d left, if she was driving straight through or stopping for the night. He called again. And again.
He could feel the same symptoms he’d felt in his office coming on. It was hard to take a deep breath and he was starting to sweat. He sat on the kitchen floor and tried to calm down.
A few minutes passed and he felt better but wasn’t ready to stand up. He sat on the floor with his back against the dishwasher. He closed his eyes and thought about Michelle. And Sarah. And how badly he missed them. And how he’d give anything to have back the life they had before Sarah got sick. Getting blown out by Fayetteville was nothing compared with the pain of losing Sarah. And maybe now Michelle.
How had it gotten to this point? Things that used to be good were now bad. Things that used to be hard were now impossible. Things he had figured out, now made no sense. His once strong marriage was now teetering at the edge of a cliff. Or maybe it had already slid off the edge.
He didn’t have the energy to sit any longer, so he laid down on the kitchen floor and closed his eyes.
He was right; I do suck.
Chapter 12
Michelle left town the minute school got out Friday afternoon. By the time Max realized she was gone, she was already east of St. Louis. She’d planned to stop for the night in Ohio, but thanks to three cups of coffee and an energy drink, she’d made it all the way to Seaside Park, New Jersey in just over twenty hours.
She arrived at her parents’ home early afternoon on Saturday, on the third anniversary of Sarah’s death. She’d visited the grave before leaving the day before but felt guilty for not being at the cemetery on the actual anniversary. The thought of going alone again was too much though. And she knew she needed to get away from Max.
She’d purposely left her phone off during the drive so she wouldn’t hear Max endlessly trying to call her, which he had done. When she finally turned her phone on, she saw eleven missed calls from him, but no voice mails. She wondered what that said about someone who would call eleven times, but not leave one message. It felt passive-aggressive.
Her parents lived on Island Avenue just a block from the beach. They’d moved there after her dad retired after thirty years of working in the public schools in various roles. Hurricane Sandy had devastated the area, but many homes had already been rebuilt. It took her parents a year to get their house back in a livable condition.
She hadn’t told her parents she was coming, so they were shocked to see her walk through the front door. She had protected them from much of the past few years, not wanting them to worry about her. But they were perceptive enough to know things weren’t great with Max. To protect his relationship with her parents, she’d never told them just how bad it actually was.
They let her share what she was ready to share, asked questions, but didn’t press when they could see she wasn’t ready to discuss certain topics. After dinner, she collapsed into the queen-size bed in the guest bedroom and slept for twelve hours.
On Sunday morning, she went to church with her mom and dad. It felt good to have someone to sit with again. She’d gotten used to an empty seat on either side of her. There were some awkward moments when people asked about Max, but she was able to brush it off by explaining he was tied up with football, which was true. After church they went for a walk on the boardwalk and ate lunch at the Sawmill, their favorite pizza place.
In between bites of pepperoni pizza, her dad said, “Shelly, you know your mom and I are here for you. We’ll do whatever we can to help.”
“I know, dad,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Can I ask you what your plans are?” he said. “I mean, as far as you and Max are concerned.”
She was about to tell them about the note she’d left for him when her mom’s phone buzzed. She picked it up and said, “It’s Max, baby. Should I answer it?”
Michelle was caught off guard. She hadn’t answered his calls or texts, but she hadn’t anticipated him calling her parents. “I’m not ready to talk to him, mom.”
“Does he know you’re safe?” her dad asked.
“I haven’t had any contact with him since Thursday night,” she said.
“Martha, answer the call,” her dad said. “Tell him Shelly is with us and that she’s okay. She’ll call him when she’s ready.”
“Thanks, dad,” she whispered as her mom answered the call and put the phone to her ear.
Her mom was polite, but firm. Michelle couldn’t hear Max’s side of the call, but her mom was clear in letting him know she wasn’t ready to talk. Her mom ended the call by saying, “I love you too, Max.”
They finished eating and started the walk back to the house. It felt good to be back at the beach. She loved Northwest Arkansas, but really missed the ocean. She also loved being a teacher, but it was nice to know she didn’t have to wake-up at six o’clock the next morning. After explaining the situation to her principal, he was gracious in letting her take a week off even though the new school year had just started.
Back at the house, Michelle excused herself to take a nap. She hadn’t yet recovered from the long drive. After thanking her mom and dad for being so supportive, she went to her room, closed the door and took her phone out of her purse. Three more missed calls from Max.
She thought about calling him, but didn’t know what she’d say. She put her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. Only then did she realize how exhausted she felt. After a minute, she reached for her phone and scrolled through her contacts, not sure she even still had the number she wanted.
When she found it, she hesitated for a moment then then touched the screen. After several rings, the call was answered. “Hey Chris…it’s Michelle.”
Chapter 13
Monday, September 9
When Max arrived at the field house on Monday morning, he made a pot of coffee and checked his email, which he’d avoided over the weekend. After a brief talk with Michelle’s mother, he’d spent the rest of the weekend watching film from the Fayetteville game and preparing the game plan for Siloam Springs. He was surprised by how unmotivated he felt.
The first email he opened was from his boss, Bill Jackson, who wanted to see him at eight o’clock. He dreaded the meeting from the moment he read the email. There was little chance of it being encouraging. Bill wouldn’t be happy about the loss on Friday night. That was the best case scenario. At worst, he might get fired.
At five minutes before eight o’clock, Max left his office for the four-minute walk across the parking lot to the main school building. As he neared Bill’s office, he saw Jack Murphy get into his Escalade and drive off. That wasn’t a good sign and only made him dr
ead the meeting more. His legs felt heavier with every step. A crow squawked at him from a nearby tree and seemed to follow his movement across the parking lot.
Bill’s assistant, Evelyn, greeted Max with smile and told him to go right in. With a knot in his stomach, he entered the office just as Bill was wrapping up a phone call. He pointed to a chair for Max to sit down.
Evelyn poked her head in and asked if either man wanted coffee. Bill did, but Max declined. He’d already had two cups and had started wondering if too much caffeine had been playing into the panicky feelings he’d been experiencing lately.
Bill ended the call and set his cell phone on the desk. “How are you, Max?”
“I’ve been better,” Max said. “Friday night was ugly.”
“Yeah, it was,” Bill said. “No way around that. What happened?”
“They whipped us in every phase. Coaching included.”
“Uh huh,” Bill said while staring at Max.
“I can’t change what happened,” Max said. “We especially need to get better on defense. After watching the film, I’m not sure how we held them to fifty.”
Evelyn brought Bill’s coffee and offered a bottle of water to Max, which he accepted. Bill took a sip and looked out the window. Across the parking lot was the field house and the stadium. “That’s a nice stadium, isn’t it?”
“It’s a great stadium,” Max said, thinking Bill sounded a lot like Jack.
“And it would be a shame to not see it filled with people on Friday nights, wouldn’t it?”
The question seemed more rhetorical, so Max didn’t answer, but he could see where Bill was headed.
I’m about to lose my job. I really am getting fired.
“I know we’re just a small town, Max, but when we put a good product on the field, folks will show up,” Bill said. “But when we don’t, well, they just stay away. And so do their dollars. Dollars we need to run this athletic program.”
Max nodded but said nothing. He would let Bill say what he needed to say, which was most likely whatever he’d just heard from Jack Murphy.
“Let me be honest with you. I’m starting to feel some heat,” Bill said. “Jack Murphy came to see me.”
Here we go.
“As you can imagine, he wasn’t too happy about that performance Friday night. That stadium was his baby and he expected a better effort than what he saw from us.”
Keep your mouth shut, Max, keep it shut.
He wanted to tell Bill to grow a backbone and not allow someone in the booster club to be telling him how to run his athletic department, but the reality was Jack Murphy had influence and could throw his weight around if he wanted to.
“We can’t have another 3-7 season,” Bill said. “We just can’t.”
“Mmm, hmm,” Max mumbled.
“I never told you this, but I went out on a limb for you. Jack pushed me real hard for Dave Turner to get your job. That’s why I asked you to keep Dave on as your defensive coordinator.”
“I see,” Max said, afraid that saying anything else might cost him his job, if he even still had one.
“Look, Max, I’m still in your corner. Let’s get this thing turned around. I believe you’ve got a good team. And you’re a good coach. Let’s beat Siloam Springs and get moving in the right direction.”
“I’d like nothing more,” Max said. He took a big swallow of water, mostly to avoid having to say anything else.
Bill stood up, much to Max’s relief, shook his hand and said, “Well, good, then we understand each other.” He held onto Max’s hand an extra couple of seconds and added, “Mid-season coaching changes are a nasty thing, Max. We don’t want that.” He released Max’s hand and opened the door.
He thanked Evelyn for the water and left. As he walked back across the parking lot, he could feel the one thing that had always gone well for him beginning to slip away. The crow continued its taunting. Despite his failings at home over the last several years, he’d at least had football to focus on, but now even that was in jeopardy.
I really can’t blame her for leaving me.
Chapter 14
Max felt positive about practice that afternoon after installing a great offensive game plan and a few new wrinkles on defense. Siloam Springs was a good team, but it wasn’t going to be like playing Fayetteville. They should easily be 1-1 after Friday night.
The senior captains pulled the team together after practice. They didn’t want to be the first class in school history to suffer three losing seasons. Their goal was to win the rest of their games and make the playoffs. Max was proud of them for leading well and rallying their teammates.
It was 6:25 p.m. by the time he left the field house. It had only been a few days, but he already hated going home to an empty house and cooking for himself. He stopped at Feltner Brothers’ newest location in Lakeside and ordered his favorite—a double cheeseburger with everything, except mustard, a large order of onion rings and unsweetened iced tea. Just a little caffeine wouldn’t hurt.
Once home, he took a bite of his burger and realized how hungry he really was. In the backyard, a deer and her two fawns were eating their dinner also. It wasn’t that long ago that he and Michelle and Sarah would sit at the table eating dinner while watching the deer eat theirs.
The lump in his throat made it hard to swallow. He set his burger down, picked up a napkin and wiped the tears from his eyes. He would give anything, anything in the world, to have Sarah back. Any amount of money. All the wins. Anything at all.
But Sarah was gone. She wasn’t coming back. And Michelle was gone too, but she would be coming home at the end of the week. At least he hoped she was.
Chapter 15
Michelle had only been in New Jersey for a couple days but was already feeling rested and refreshed. She hadn’t realized how much the past few years had drained her—emotionally, physically and spiritually. Sarah’s death was crushing. Dealing with it alone made it a thousand times worse.
As she walked the beach and thought about the past few years, she looked ahead of her, then behind her, and seeing no one, she screamed at the top of her lungs. She picked up a piece of driftwood and flung it back into the water. She had counted on Max, but he had abandoned her. When she’d needed him most, he hadn’t showed up.
He dealt with Sarah’s death by shutting down and shutting her out. She tried to help him through it, but he pushed her away. The more she tried, the more he pushed. He retreated from her, from God, from everyone and everything, except football.
She tried everything. She prayed. She supported him by going to his games. When the losses mounted, she tried to be even more encouraging. She read books on dealing with the loss of a child, saw a counselor, joined a support group and sought out other women for advice. She followed through on everything she’d been advised to do.
She tried to get Max to open up, to share what he was feeling, to let things out rather than bottling them up. When that didn’t work, she backed off and gave him space to figure things out on his own. She tried everything she knew to do to connect with him, but nothing worked.
“I did everything I could!” she screamed into the wind, then fell to her knees and wept.
When she looked at her phone, it was after six o’clock. No calls or texts from Max. He hadn’t tried to reach her since the phone call to her mother the previous afternoon. Apparently, he’d gotten the message she wasn’t ready to talk. Still though, she would have liked to see a call or a text from him. Something.
She got to her feet to head back to the house. She was meeting Chris at seven-thirty at the Beachcomber Bar and Grill, which was a short walk up the boardwalk. They had great food and a great view of the ocean. She felt a twinge of guilt, but reminded herself she was only connecting with an old friend.
Back at the house, she slipped on her favorite jeans, the ones with the rip in the pocket, and a white tank top. After freshening up her make-up and putting her hair in a ponytail, she slipped into her sandals and went to th
e living room to tell her parents goodnight.
“Who are you meeting?” her mother asked.
“Just an old friend,” she said. “Don’t wait up.”
“Okay, sweetie, be careful,” her dad said.
“I will be,” she said. “Don’t worry about me.” She gave her mom and dad a kiss before leaving.
It wasn’t until she reached the boardwalk that she felt the butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t seen Chris since her wedding day fourteen years ago.
Chapter 16