Often she seemed to guess her thoughts. Aysha nodded.
When she started past her toward the saddlebags, Aysha caught her hand. Darin stopped and looked down at her strangely. “What is it?”
For days, she’d planned what she might say to start the conversation. But now she used no words. She spread Darin’s fingers, exposing her palm, and brushed her lips against the rough skin there. Darin tensed, but Aysha held tight. She gazed up at her, silently asking for all that she wanted—asking to run her hands over every line of her body, to rest her chin in the hollow between her neck and her shoulder, to caress every inch of her… But Darin’s kiss was what she longed for more than anything else.
“I want you to let me close—like that night in the barn.” The rest of her words caught in her throat. Half not believing she’d spoken her desire aloud, she let go of Darin’s hand. She straightened up, hoping Darin wouldn’t sense how nervous she was.
“You’re not scared of me?”
“Not now.”
Darin reached for her, pulling her into a deep kiss. Aysha’s heart thumped in her chest. She could scarcely breathe. Darin’s hands slipped under her tunic to feel her skin and she gasped. She remembered the grip of Darin’s hands, remembered feeling powerless to her need. She wanted that again—wanted Darin to take her like she had that night long ago—to use her body to satisfy her own needs. And then to give back in a way no lover ever had.
Aysha fumbled with the clasp on her belt and Darin took over. Her clothes were soon at their feet and Darin pulled her roughly against her, kissing her hard. Aysha melted in her strong arms. Darin’s kisses only made her more desperate to feel her closer.
Aysha undid Darin’s shirt and then worked her pants loose. She dropped to her knees as she pulled them off. Darin moaned when Aysha’s hands brushed her legs. She looked up to see her hunger reflected in dark gray eyes. She made herself slow down then and traced the curve of Darin’s muscles, up from her calves to the inside of her thighs.
Darin followed Aysha down to the bed mat, awkward at first as she pressed on top of her too quickly, but then shifting her weight and pulling Aysha into her arms. When Darin moved between her legs, Aysha gasped again. She was pinned to the mat by Darin’s desire and kiss after kiss made her too weak to think of moving.
Darin was strong, satisfyingly heavy, and Aysha knew she couldn’t fight her off if she tried. But she didn’t want to. She wanted Darin to have her completely.
She was accustomed to women who wanted her to be in charge—women with soft curves who liked playful pinching and tickling. Darin’s need was different. She thrust her groin into Aysha’s middle over and over, and it wasn’t long before the pulsing at Aysha’s center turned to a wave that pressed her flat on her back. Darin gripped her shoulders when her own climax hit. She moaned as she sank down on her. When her breathing quieted, she searched for Aysha’s lips. Their kiss was long and deep.
Chapter Eighteen
Aysha combed her fingers through Darin’s short dark curls. The sun was warm on her belly, dinner swam in the river, and there were no chores that needed to be done. In the past few days, they’d come together more times than she could count. Her body was exhausted and yet still filled with longing. If Darin had asked, she would have been ready again. But Darin’s head rested in her lap, as if sleep could take her any moment. Aysha was as happy as she’d ever been with a lover. Still, the questions that had nagged her for days needed answers and there was never a perfect time to ask. She’d stopped herself many times, not wanting to darken the moment.
“Darin?”
Her gray eyes opened for a moment. She met Aysha’s gaze and then closed them again. “What is it?”
“Have you ever wanted to sleep with other women—before me?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I might be jealous.”
“You shouldn’t be,” Darin said.
“That isn’t exactly an answer.”
“You’re right.” Her eyes were still closed. She exhaled slowly and then said, “There was a woman. I think I loved her…But it was different then. We held each other when we slept together some nights, but we never kissed—never did the things you and I do. She was married to Alekander. I thought she was too beautiful to belong to someone so awful.” Darin rolled on her side, turning her gaze to the river, but keeping her head balanced on Aysha’s thigh. “I didn’t meet Thea until after I’d joined with Alekander’s caravan. She was the reason I stayed and the reason I finally left.”
“Why’d you join with Alekander?”
“He sought me out because he wanted a scenter. I wasn’t smart enough to know the gifts he promised came with a price I could never pay…We met in a market outside of Balthy. I’d moved there from my mother’s home when I was twenty. It was a year after my grandmother’s funeral. My mother gave me her permission to take on with the queen’s hunters and I’d spent five years in Balthy ferreting out rabbits and deer. But I wanted to go to Trilout.”
“I don’t know any of these places,” Aysha admitted.
“Balthy’s south of the Ald Sea—north of the king’s territory. Trilout is in the center of the king’s territory. His castle is there. Everything’s split between the king and queen—all the land belongs to one or the other.” Darin paused. “The queen kept several seers, men and women with adept vision, as bowmen, a few hearers to listen for hooves and noises underground, and always one scenter to pick up the trail. I fit in well with the bowmen and learned to follow the scent of each animal better than any the queen had had before me. When we weren’t hunting, we’d have contests. Archery. Knife fights. Fencing duels. I tried the bow, but my sight always blurred when I concentrated or if a scent distracted me. It’s common—if you rely too heavily on one sense, the others weaken. But I wasn’t bad at close contact. So I took up with a knife and then learned to fight with a staff.”
“Were you always fighting and hunting then?”
“If I wasn’t hunting, I was training. People would bet on our fights, but that wasn’t the reason we did it…I loved to fight then. Alekander heard of me after I’d won a match against one of the king’s best knife fighters. Alekander heard everything—no bit of gossip ever escaped his ears. He knew that I wanted to go to Trilout and he needed a scenter who could fight.”
“What about the queen?”
“I wasn’t sworn to her for life. I’d fulfilled my obligations to her.”
Darin grew quiet and Aysha wondered if she was done talking. But her mood hadn’t changed yet so Aysha asked, “Why did you want to go to Trilout?”
“My father’s buried there. I wanted to see his gravesite.” Darin sighed. “Not long after I took up with Alekander and his caravan, I realized I hadn’t been signed up to simply hunt animals. Alekander was close with the king. The king paid him to track down criminals. As it turned out, I liked hunting men more than any other animal. They were more of a challenge.”
“You hunted men?”
“Criminals. When I’m following a scent, all the thoughts in my mind are focused on that. Every scent is stronger—it’s as if I’m running in the rain after a long drought. The dirt, the grass, the trees, I smell all of it. But I catch someone’s sweat stronger than anything else…Hunting a man is different than hunting a rabbit or a buck. When I’m hunting a criminal, there’s only one I’m after in a sea of men. But they might wipe their brow and then climb over a fence and that mark leads me to them. Other times they might scrape their hand on a tree branch. A drop of blood can carry their scent for days. Sometimes it’s as strong as if they stood in a field screaming for me to find them.
“Alekander prided himself on the fact that I was part of his caravan. But he didn’t like that I could leave whenever I wanted. He didn’t own me. The rest of the hunters in the caravan were in debt to him one way or another. Thea warned me that he had tricked many into crimes that he then held over them…I thought I could outsmart him. Eventually I made a mistake and I became his.�
�� Darin paused. “Thea and I were the only women in the caravan. When I thought about escaping, the first thing that always came up was that I couldn’t leave Thea…She couldn’t have children and Alekander beat her for this—and any other excuse. She thought it was useless to try to leave and was convinced he’d find her no matter where she went.” Darin chuckled. The sound of it was hollow. “I always thought she was wrong.”
“He won’t find you,” Aysha said, hoping she was right. It seemed impossible that anyone could track them through the desert.
“He’ll find me. I only hope it takes him a year instead of a month.” Darin stared at the glittering water.
“What made you finally leave?”
“The first time I left because I was pregnant…Alekander wanted a child. If I agreed to his deal, I’d be forgiven of the crimes I’d committed—after I gave him a child. I refused.”
“That’s awful—”
Darin continued as if she hadn’t heard Aysha. “He forced me. As soon as Thea found out what he’d done, she was furious. I’d never seen her mad before. She was the one who told me to leave. I took off at the first chance I got and Alekander didn’t try to stop me. I managed to get all the way back to Balthy and settled in with my mother.
“What I didn’t know was that Alekander kept tabs on me through contacts in Balthy and Trilout and most of the towns between. I should have guessed that he wouldn’t let me leave so easily otherwise. When I was near my time he came to Balthy to take the child. But the boy was dead. He attacked me. Beat me until I was barely able to walk. Then he dragged me out of my mother’s home.
“I don’t have any memory of the trip back to Trilout—only of the look of shock on Thea’s face when she saw me and the sadness in her eyes when she heard the baby was stillborn. She held me while I cried.
“Maybe he’d planned to try for another baby—I never knew why he’d brought me back to Trilout. A year passed and he didn’t touch me. He was gone often on long trips for the king, but he always left behind a guard to watch over me. And Thea. In the end, it was Thea who helped me escape. She didn’t know the price I’d have to pay.”
Aysha caressed Darin’s cheek. Her eyes had closed again. She was clearly done talking and Aysha couldn’t think of anything to say in response to all she’d heard. There were only more questions. What crimes had she committed? Darin had admitted that she’d hunted men—had she murdered them? Or simply brought them to a trial? Aysha knew there was more to Darin’s story, but she wasn’t certain she was ready to ask.
Time slipped by and Aysha tried to keep still, watching Darin blink back sleep. Soon she was dozing in Aysha’s lap. Her eyes moved under the closed lids and Aysha guessed she was dreaming. Before long, her hand went for her knife. But the sheath was empty. Since the desert, she’d kept her knives in the saddlebags. When she tried to pull the knife from the empty sheath at her hip, her fingers gripped only air and Darin bolted upright. Blinking in the sunlight, she looked about her as if uncertain where she was. Slowly her eyes focused on Aysha.
“I drifted off,” she said, rubbing her face. She met Aysha’s gaze. “Did I tell you too much?”
“I wanted to know,” Aysha said. But she’d heard more than she’d bargained for and now she had more questions. “Can I ask you something else?”
“You might not like my answer…”
Aysha knew Darin was right, but she pressed on. “You said Alekander wouldn’t charge you for the crimes you’d committed. What crimes?”
“We were supposed to bring the criminals back alive, but it didn’t always work out that way.” Darin stood up, as if that was all the explanation that was needed. She went to the river and cupping her hand, took a drink. She wiped her lips and glanced back at Aysha. “If I were you, I’d stop there. Any more questions and you’ll hear things you wouldn’t like to know about me.”
“I don’t seem to be able to dislike you for long no matter what you tell me. Or what you do. I know because I’ve tried.” But Aysha didn’t want to hear more of Alekander or his caravan. She didn’t want details of Darin’s crimes. “I’m jealous of Thea and I don’t even know her. Did you wish that she’d leave with you? That she’d leave Alekander?”
“She’d never have crossed the Barrier.” Darin came over to her and held out her hand. Aysha clasped hers and Darin brushed her hand against her lips. “You shouldn’t be jealous. I never wanted her the way I want you.”
“Her loss,” Aysha said. She felt sheepish for asking, but Darin’s answer was what she’d hoped for. She got up and went over to the saddlebags to fish out the small pot she’d brought. “I’ll make a fire and heat some water if you catch a fish for us. Now that I know you’re a hunter, I won’t waste my time trying to nab one of those fish myself. And I’d like to order a rabbit for dinner tomorrow.”
Darin grinned. “Anything else you’d like?”
“You,” Aysha said. “I’ve been letting you take care of your needs. Tonight I’d like to have you on your back. I have needs too.”
Darin’s smile widened. She caught Aysha and her arms circled around her waist. “Why should I make you wait?”
Chapter Nineteen
Ranik stood up from the table and went to his room. He needed to think. Callan was still sitting in the kitchen, nursing a bitter tea. They hadn’t spoken at all for the past hour they’d spent together, both hoping that Shawn would arrive at any moment. She had been gone for only a day, but Ranik had had a bad feeling about her disappearance from the moment he’d realized she was gone.
He pulled open the drapes and stared out into the dark courtyard. The gate was latched, but he half expected it to swing open and Shawn to hurry through it. All of the neighbors had been put on alert. He’d advised her musician friends to inform him of any news. Shawn’s parents hadn’t heard from her for over a week and were of no help in his search.
Only Callan expressed any honest concern. They’d both gone door to door asking neighbors about her. Each had their own theory of where she might have gone and why she might have left or with whom she might be hiding. The lingering hope was that she might only have gone to another lover, one that neither Callan nor Ranik knew. With Shawn, it was possible.
Ranik sank down on his bed, his head in his hands. They had fought the night before about the household chores. It was a fight they often had and he’d not thought much of it when she stormed off to see Callan. Shawn had slept in his kitchen but by morning, Callan’s new wife had insisted she leave and Callan had told Shawn to go back to Ranik. No one had seen her since then.
Where could she have gone? And why?
“I’ll be wanted at home, Ranik,” Callan called from the kitchen.
“Go on, then. I’ll tell you as soon as I hear any word.”
Callan’s chair squeaked as he rose. The door closed with a thud and the house was eerily quiet afterward. Ranik lay down, knowing sleep would not come but wanting a respite from his thoughts. With the curtain open, he could stare at the bright crescent moon. Stars dotted the night sky, giving no bit of company to the moon, cold and lonely in the distance.
With dawn, Ranik rose, unrelieved by sleep and stiff. He rinsed his face and hair in the wash water, went out and fed the horse and hens, then knocked on Helm’s door. It took several minutes before the door was answered. Helm opened it without speaking and pointed at a mat laid in front of their stove. Shawn was asleep on it.
Ranik shuddered with relief. “How long has she been here?”
“Showed up near midnight. Tillie was awake with a candle burning. She stays up with her sewing…There’s been a lot of blood, Ranik.”
Ranik suddenly spotted the towels covered in blood and realized what Helm meant. He tasted bile in his throat and swallowed it back. “She’s lost the baby? But she’s been healthy all along.”
“Sometimes it happens that way,” Helm said. He placed a hand on Ranik’s chest as he started to pass him. “She doesn’t need you right now. She’d have gone to your house
if she wanted you. It’s a woman’s care she needs.”
Ranik clenched his fist, ready to push past Helm if necessary. “She’s been with me, Helm. Every night. And it was my child.” He saw the stubborn resistance in Helm’s face. “I only want to hold her.”
Helm’s hand was firmly on Ranik’s chest. “She’s asleep now and Tillie’s tending to her. Tillie doesn’t have Aysha’s skill in these things, but she has her own way of tending the sick. Let Tillie take care of her. When she’s ready, she’ll ask for you. I’ll tell her you came.”
The door slammed shut in Ranik’s face and he heard the bolt slide into place. Ranik stood, dumbly staring at the door for several minutes, before he headed to Callan’s. He took the news better than Ranik would have guessed. He was clearly relieved to hear that she was safely in Glen Ore and was indifferent about the miscarriage. Ranik realized that although newly married, Callan still loved Shawn and probably had not been happy with her carrying another man’s child.
Ranik went home, stood in the kitchen staring at the wash bucket of dishes and then went to his room and collapsed on his bed.
He dreamt of the child. It was a tiny babe, wrapped in lamb’s wool. At first the bundle was light, as if filled with feathers, and he worried it might slip out of his hands or he’d set it down and lose it. Then the baby grew heavy, suddenly a toddler that wiggled and laughed in his arms. He climbed a hill littered with trees and the toddler was in his arms, reaching for hard green apples. He set the toddler down when the bundle became unwieldy, turned about, looked down and the child was gone. Covered in sweat, he woke stricken with the painful knowledge that the baby was dead, the blood meant to nourish it now spilled in Tillie’s kitchen.
Shawn refused to see him after that. No matter how many times he came to see her, Tillie blocked his way, telling him that in time Shawn’s pain would ease and she would let herself be loved again. But for now, she wanted nothing to do with him.
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