Suddenly the delightful scone tasted like sandpaper, and Katherine stared at her aunt in horror. She drew a few long breaths before she said, “I’m not certain what you mean.”
“Back in London I noticed you talking to him once or twice. I realize you danced with him the night I did not accompany you. But that is London. I am thinking more of the exchanges I have witnessed between you here, since our arrival yesterday.”
“Exchanges,” Katherine said, trying to keep her tone light. “You make it sound like we have had our heads together for the twenty-four hours since our arrival. I have spoken to the duke all of twice.”
Bethany nodded. “Yes, I suppose that is technically true. But I watched you when we arrived and he was on the drive. There was something about the way you two interacted. And at the ball last night, there was an intensity to your body language that I could not pretend didn’t exist.”
Katherine pursed her lips. Blast it all. She was only making things worse if her interactions with Robert felt intense to an observer. His reputation would do nothing to save her own. And if the truth of what they’d done in the parlor came out? Well, she was done for. She doubted that gaggle of duchesses downstairs would want her to be a friend if they knew she had opened her legs to him so willingly. They were too ladylike to accept that.
So was the rest of good Society.
“There is nothing to what you saw, or think you saw,” Katherine said softly. “Roseford is no more than a thorn in my side, I assure you.”
She had somehow expected Bethany to dismiss the topic when it was put in those terms, but instead her aunt’s expression grew quizzical. “A thorn? How is that possible. You hardly know the man, don’t you?”
Katherine froze. There she went again, placing importance on Roseford that could be misconstrued. Or perhaps seen properly, and that was worse. She shook her head. “I only mean he is a cad.”
Bethany seemed to ponder that a while. “Yes,” she said slowly. “He is that. He is known as far worse.” Her aunt blushed deep red and Katherine felt her own cheeks heat as well. “But I don’t know why he should upset you so with his behavior. Unless there is something between you that you might want to share with a most beloved confidante.”
Katherine looked at Bethany, her expression that of deepest sweetness and light. She couldn’t help but laugh a little at the look. And yet, she didn’t want to say too much for fear of losing the only family she truly had left.
“You are looking for more scandal for me, aunt?” she teased. “Gracious, you’ll have me banished before supper.”
“No,” Bethany said, taking her hand. “Of course not.”
Katherine gathered herself with a sigh. “I assure you, dearest confidante, that I am not going to do anything to endanger myself socially.”
“Well, that wasn’t exactly what I meant,” Bethany said with another strange expression. She pushed to her feet and walked away slowly to stare at Katherine’s orchard.
“Then what?” she asked. “What could you mean except to warn me away from such a man?”
Bethany turned with a shake of her head. “If you were still a blushing eighteen-year-old debutante, of course I would throw up a wall between you and a man such as Roseford. But you aren’t.”
“Thank you?” Katherine said, wondering if she had just been insulted.
Bethany laughed. “I only mean that you have been married. You’ve been through hell thanks to that marriage. Oh, I’m explaining my thoughts all wrong. Let me start over.”
Katherine stared as Bethany seemed to regather herself. Then her aunt said, “Your mother had a free spirit. She was lively and fun. Watching her be destroyed by the weight of your father’s disregard was a nightmare. Especially when I was not allowed near her, or you, to offer comfort or advice.”
Katherine nodded. “And that has to do with my situation…how?”
“I see her in you.” Bethany reached out and touched her cheek. “Sometimes it steals my breath when I catch you from the corner of my eye and feel my sister is back with me. And it isn’t just your lovely face or your eyes. It is your spirit. When you were married to the earl, I was happy to be allowed to reunite with you. But I was also devastated to see you crushed beneath a man’s judgment the same way my sister was. His death was not something I grieved, I will put it that way.”
Katherine gasped. “You never said anything.”
“Because it is a terrible thing to think, let alone say out loud.” Bethany shivered. “I shall surely have a place in hell for it. But that is something for another day. Right now, you are free, Katherine. Yes, there is a scandal, and I know that troubles you. Embarrasses you.”
“Their whispers make everything seem so hopeless,” Katherine admitted, blinking at the tears she just could not let fall for fear they would flood her entire life.
“But it’s not hopeless,” Bethany said. “You are in a unique position as a widow with a bit of money, that you do not have to rush back into the marriage mart. So you do not have to overcome your scandal immediately in order to save yourself from ruin. This gives you options.”
“Options?” Katherine repeated, utterly confused.
Bethany’s cheeks darkened again. “Options when it comes to what you would do with a man like Roseford. His reputation as a libertine does not include any cruelty. Nor abandonment of his obligations. What is whispered about him involves only the most wicked of pleasure.”
“Bethany!” Katherine said, jumping to her feet and backing away.
Her aunt smiled. “I was married, wasn’t I? As were you. Why should we not be a little more blunt about this topic?”
Katherine couldn’t stop blinking. This was just another dream, brought on by the outrageous things she had done the night before with a man she considered an enemy. Her aunt was not truly talking to her about Robert and pleasure and what sounded like permission when it came to those other two things.
“What are you saying?” she asked. “I cannot even fathom what you are saying.”
Bethany cleared her throat. “Well, to be indelicate about it…if the man has an interest in you…why would you not allow that to happen? You deserve some pleasure, some fun, after all your father and your husband put you through.”
Katherine’s mouth dropped open and she stared her aunt in the eyes as she gathered a bit of skin on her arm between her fingers and pinched hard.
“What are you doing?” Bethany asked in surprise.
Katherine shook her head. “Pinching myself because I know this must be some very odd dream. Perhaps I ate some bad fish.”
“Of course not,” Bethany said, coming across the room to her. “You are awake and so am I, and this conversation is very real. Why wouldn’t you consider some kind of…oh, I don’t know what to call it…”
“Affair,” Katherine said. “You are implying you think I should start an affair with Roseford!”
“Why not?” Bethany asked.
“Because of his reputation and my own. Because I do not trust him, nor think that he can be depended upon. I know what he is, down to his core.”
Bethany wrinkled her brow. “So you wouldn’t marry him. Gracious, you don’t need to think he is your prince if you are only going to bed him.”
Katherine’s eyes boggled. “Perhaps you had the bad fish. You are practically my guardian and you are encouraging me to fall into a shocking arrangement with one of the biggest libertines in all of England.”
“And have a fine time doing it, I hope. Clear your head, heal your body. And come back to London for the next Season without the horrible events of the earl’s death hanging over you.”
Katherine shook her head. Her aunt was giving her the most dangerous kind of permission. To do exactly what her aching body wished to do. To do it without fear or judgment. To have what she wanted, something just for her…as Robert had said last night.
And yet Bethany didn’t know about his cruel wager. Katherine was
n’t about to repeat that particular humiliation, even to her aunt. So how could she both punish him for his past crimes against her and yet have exactly what Bethany was implying she could take? Was that even possible?
Was it even wise to have this conversation in her heart, in her mind, with her companion or just in her own head?
“Have I gone too far?” Bethany asked softly. “I see I’ve shocked you into silence.”
Katherine blinked. “I suppose that I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t something I’d considered. Roseford has been blunt about what he would want. I have been equally blunt in my refusal.”
“Because you fear the consequences.”
“Yes.” Katherine shivered. “They are very great if this were to go wrong.”
Bethany nodded. “They could be. But I would think that a person such as Roseford would know that better than most. If it is something you are considering, you might think about simply setting some boundaries with the man. Limits that will keep a new scandal from taking hold.”
Katherine drew back. Boundaries. In a way, she’d already been setting those by utterly refusing his advances. Almost utterly. And yet Bethany was talking about setting a boundary that wasn’t all or nothing.
But would Robert agree to that? If he wanted so desperately to claim her body, would he settle for an affair where he did not get to do that?
She smiled a little. If he did, he would do it with the idea he could convince her to surrender more. What tortures she could put him through. It would serve him right.
“I’ll think about it,” Katherine said.
Bethany smiled. “Good. Now, the Duchess of Abernathe said something last night about lawn games before a picnic. Why don’t you come down and join the fun? Forget all about this troublesome subject.”
Katherine nodded, but as she moved to find her bonnet, she knew that her aunt’s last statement was incorrect. If Robert was amongst those playing games, there would be no forgetting anything. Especially since the possibility her aunt had just made her see would now play endlessly in her head until she decided what to do next.
Robert stood to the side of the bowling green, watching as the tournament Emma and James had proposed played itself out. He’d never been the biggest fan of the game, but he had to admit, he was having a fine time watching it all. Emma had insisted that the husbands and wives be separated, so the teams who faced each other were couples intermixed and squaring off against their spouses.
“Not fair!” Adelaide cried out as Meg leaned up to whisper something to Graham before he took his shot. “You two were engaged once—you ought not be on the same team.”
Robert shook his head as the group of friends erupted into riotous laughter at that uncouth point. Two years ago, her words might have resulted in a fight, but today Meg stuck her tongue out at Adelaide. And her husband, Simon, nodded. It seemed love could solve all matter of problems.
“Emma put them together to give them an advantage because she fears the strength of our team, Adelaide,” Simon said sending a fake glare toward Emma.
Robert stepped away from the group as they continued to bicker playfully, and when he did, he found a clear look at Katherine. She was standing on the other side of the field with her aunt. And she was looking at him.
But then, she had been doing that all day. Not an expression of anger, nor of shame…but something different. Something that felt like she was rolling an idea around, judging him for his fitness.
How he felt about that, he didn’t know.
When she realized he was looking at her, she blushed and jerked her gaze back to the field. Graham and Meg had won the round and the couples were shaking hands. Now a new set of couples took their place. Katherine had been matched with James, while Baldwin, the Duke of Undercross, paired with Isabel as they began.
He watched Katherine play for a moment. James said something to her and she laughed. Robert’s stomach clenched. She was very pretty when she laughed. She had hardly smiled at him. And yet James, who would never look at another woman outside of Emma, could inspire a laugh.
He didn’t like being jealous, especially when it was so silly to feel that sharp emotion.
“Who do you think will go to the final in Emma’s little tournament?” Graham asked as he stepped up next to Robert and began to watch the round.
“She’s stacked the deck, just as you implied,” Robert said. “You and Meg will likely make it, against either James and Lady Gainsworth or Emma and Ewan.”
Graham chuckled. “You wound me with your implication. It cannot be true that she thinks I’m such an inferior player that she would wish to play against me to win a nonexistent prize.”
Robert shrugged one shoulder. “If the terrible aim fits.”
They were both quiet a moment, then he cast a glance at Graham. His friend didn’t know he and Katherine had spied upon his intimate moment with his wife. He had no intention of telling him, either. “I can’t believe you did not protest being separated from Adelaide. Your reunion at the ball last night was…”
Graham glared at him. “Did our love intrude upon your sensibilities, my friend?”
Robert kept the smile on his face, but he felt the sting of the question, even if it was only meant as a teasing statement. In truth, that had been the hardest thing to watch for him, both in the ballroom and in the parlor. Graham and Adelaide’s passion was obvious. Their love even more so.
“You and your love have nothing to do with me,” he grunted, perhaps a little more sharply than he intended.
“You’ve had this same conversation with so many in our group,” Graham said, pivoting to face him fully. “Are we going to do the same?”
Robert pressed his lips together in annoyance. “Why bother? I know every line of the song you are about to sing. Be better, Robert. Be different. You don’t belong anymore, Robert.”
Graham shook his head. “No one feels you don’t belong.”
“Of course you do—you are a band of married men now. I do not doubt that Kit will join you once his father is gone and he has settled into his role of duke. So that will leave me. And some part of you all must bring me to heel.”
“By asking you to be better than your worst impulses?” Graham asked, his tone suddenly very gentle. Like Robert was a child who needed soothing.
The effect was the opposite. He stepped forward, holding Graham’s gaze evenly. “You know what I’m doing right now?”
“Enlighten me.”
“What I want. Perhaps that is difficult for all of you because you’ve placed yourselves in scenarios where you no longer have the ability to do that. To pursue your own pleasure however you see fit.”
Graham arched a brow. “My pleasure is taken care of, thank you.”
Robert bent his head, thinking again of Graham’s expression as he made love to Adelaide. No one could say there wasn’t pleasure there. Passion. All the things he’d told himself could not exist in a marriage.
“I’m so tired of everyone pushing me to fit into their mold,” Robert spat. “So why don’t we just skip it, eh?”
He didn’t wait for Graham to respond. He turned on his heel and headed away from the party, down the hill toward the lakeside. He felt their stares as he disappeared from view. Felt their judgment, which he was certain would be discussed with clucked tongues once he was gone.
What he’d said to Graham was true. He felt himself on the precipice of losing his friends, his brothers. If he didn’t want to fall over it, he would have to change. It was obvious his true self was no longer good enough. That what had once been seen as harmless, fringe behavior was now seen as reason for expulsion from their ranks.
Worse, that judgment sat in his chest like a rock. Made him question himself on the deepest level. Made him think of things he didn’t to think about. Hate himself the way he didn’t want to hate himself because it made him feel like a man he despised.
He reached the lake and bent to pick up
a stone. He was the champion of skipping rocks across the water. No one could beat him. But today when he tossed the rock out, it sank rather than skipped.
“Apropos,” he muttered.
“Your Grace?”
He froze and turned. Coming down the hill was Katherine, her stride filled with purpose and her face lined with emotion. There was no doubt she was coming down here to lecture him. Her expression said that even before she spoke something more than his name.
And he was not in the bloody mood.
“Lady Gainsworth,” he growled, picking up another stone and making a second attempt at skipping it. Failing again. “What is it?”
She stopped three feet from him and folded her arms. “We need to talk.”
Chapter Ten
Robert tried to contain his suddenly bubbling emotions as he pivoted and glared at Katherine. His breath caught despite everything. Why did she have to be so beautiful? So alluring? So tempting? Why did his pursuit of her have to feel so…different? Beyond just the fact that she pulled away from it and from him, the way no other woman ever had.
“You know,” he snapped, “for a person who wants me to leave her alone, you certainly keep popping up next to me enough.”
She blinked at the aggression in his voice and stepped back a fraction. For a moment, he thought she might run. And part of him knew that would be better for them both. Something dangerous was happening here. For her. For him. Cutting it off would be best for all involved.
But she didn’t run. Instead, she swallowed hard and an intriguing steel entered her expression. A strength that increased her beauty even more than her smile had earlier. Something that made him lean in a fraction, against his will.
“You and the Duke of Northfield were having an intense conversation,” she said. “I think I deserve to know if you told him about what you and I…what we saw last night.”
Her hands were shaking, despite her strength. Her voice, too. But beneath her fears and the courage to overcome them, he saw something else. Her gaze slid over him, her cheeks pinkened.
The Duke of Desire Page 10