Andrew – Beatrice
Angels on earth, angels in heaven
Troy sighed heavily as he looked at his sister-in-law’s crypt. The more he looked at it, the more angst he felt.
“He’s returned, Tee,” he said quietly. “Can you believe it? I just saw him standing in the great hall. James has married, you know. I do not know if your mother or father have told you, but James married Rosie today. The entire family was here except Scott, but he just showed up. Everyone is welcoming him home as if he is a long-lost hero.”
Even as he said it, he could hear his bitterness in his voice. So much anger. He put his hands on Athena’s crypt, distress in his expression.
“I never told you how sorry I was for what he did,” he said hoarsely. “When you and Bee and Andy were brought back, someone should have been there for you. Scott should have been there for you. He was your husband, was he not? But he left you to die alone, to be buried alone. He left it to the rest of us to try to fill that hole, but we could not. Scott was such a coward that he ran away and left everything behind. Now, he has come back and I do not know what to do. I am not sure I can overcome what he’s done.”
Those last few words were the crux of the situation. Too much sadness and resentment had built up in Troy for him to adequately handle what he was feeling. He moved to stand between the two crypts, leaning against Helene’s crypt as he put his hand on the head of Athena’s effigy.
“I have gone my entire life believing my brother was the most noble, moral man alive,” he muttered. “He could do no wrong in my eyes. He was perfect and I adored him. But when he ran… that made me see him differently. That made me see how weak he truly was and, try as I might, I am still having trouble accepting that the man I loved most in this world, the man I thought I knew better than anyone, is a coward. Is that to be his legacy? That he ran away when you and the children needed him most?”
“Do you want to know why I ran away?”
A familiar voice filled the dark, musty air of the burial vault and Troy turned to see Scott standing just inside the doorway that led from the nave.
For a moment, Troy simply stood there and stared at the man, a million thoughts and emotions running through his mind. But he couldn’t seem to grasp one, nor speak one. He couldn’t seem to bring forth those words of hatred or condemnation when he needed them most. But as he looked at his brother, the wall of composure he’d kept up was starting to come down, stone by stone. He could feel the angst in his chest bursting forth and it was difficult… so very difficult… to keep a rein on what he was feeling.
“What are you doing here?” he finally asked. “How did you find me?”
“Papa thought you might have come here.”
Troy grunted, returning his gaze to the crypt. “And so, I did,” he said. “I never thought I would see you ever again.”
Scott de Wolfe took a step into the vault, and then another. Whereas Troy was dark-haired and rather swarthy looking, Scott took after their mother’s side of the family, with honey-blond hair and hazel eyes. He was riveted to his twin, a man he hadn’t seen in four years and, suddenly, four years of longing and pain and confusion seemed to come to a rapid head. Seeing his brother was emotional enough, but seeing the contempt in his brother’s eyes was more than his soul could bear. At this moment, at this blessed moment, Scott had to say what he’d been waiting four years to say, whether or not Troy wanted to hear it.
He’d come all this way to say it.
“I can imagine that you thought so,” he said huskily. “I am equally sure that you are not anxious to do so. I do not blame you, Troy. I do not fault you for anything you are feeling towards me. But for my own sake, I must tell you why I ran that day.”
Troy was starting to tremble, his emotions getting the better of him. He pointed to Athena’s effigy. “Do not tell me,” he said. “Tell her. Tell Tee why you ran off like a coward instead of remaining with her like you should have. The woman had to be buried alone, for Christ’s sake, because her husband was nowhere to be found. Do you have any idea how horrible that was?”
Behind him, he could hear Scott’s footfalls as the man made his way over to the crypt that contained his dead wife and children. They were slow and labored steps. Finally, Scott just stood there a moment, staring down at the crypt, and Troy couldn’t even look at him. He had to turn away, realizing his eyes were burning with angry, unshed tears.
“Greetings, Tee,” Scott said softly, although his voice was tight with emotion. “I am sure you do not wish to see me, either, but I have come nonetheless. Troy is right… you were buried alone. I should have been here for you and the children, but I was not. God forgive me for that. But something caused me to run, something that affected me so deeply that it was as if I no longer had any control over my heart or my mind. Troy has asked me to tell you why I ran away when I should have remained here, strong and tall, so I will tell you. I remember that day very clearly, you see, because I had spoken with you right before you got into that carriage with your sister. Do you recall? I was the one who had the carriage brought around and I was the one who personally loaded you and Bea and Andy into the carriage. I kissed you farewell and I watched you ride off, knowing full well that we’d had terrible rains as of late and that the rivers and creeks between Questing and Berwick Castle were overflowing their banks. You were going to Berwick that day to see Patrick’s new son. I even loaded the baby’s gifts into the carriage with you. I put you in that carriage.”
There was no reply from the stone effigy. Not that Scott expected that there would be, but after four years of avoiding this moment, now he was here, facing his dead wife and children, feeling those emotions of grief and anguish bubble up again, emotions he had healed from for the most part. But he knew he would never be completely healed until he faced what terrified him most, and this was that moment.
He was facing the results of his actions.
“It was me,” he said as he began to break down. “I did it. I put you and Helene in the carriage. I could have stopped you; I could have told you to travel another day when the land was not so soggy, but I did not. I was preoccupied with an errand for my father and I was not as cautious as I should have been. All of this… you and the children, Helene and the girls… all of this was because of me.”
His voice cracked at the end and the tears began to fall on the stone. Standing at the head of the crypt, Troy couldn’t stop the tears, either. Hearing his brother’s voice, hearing his thoughts and emotions from the past four years, were carving into him like a knife. The pain was excruciating. He was still looking away from Scott, his eyes closed as tears streamed down his cheeks.
So, the truth had come forth – the guilt Scott had felt at letting the women go on the journey that would ultimately claim their lives. It had never even crossed Troy’s mind that Scott should feel that way, for what had happened had been an accident. At least, Troy saw it that way, but Scott had clearly spent four years shouldering tremendous guilt.
God, it was horrific to hear.
“Scott…,” he began hoarsely.
But Scott cut him off. “I am sorry, Troy,” he wept softly. “I am so sorry that I caused your pain. I am so sorry that I did this to you. If I could have exchanged my life for the lives of Athena and Helene, please know that I would have. But the worst part of all was when I returned to Questing and Papa told me what had happened. As I stood there, unable to believe it, you came out of the keep and fell to your knees. As I watched, the strongest man I’d ever known vomited into the earth and collapsed right before my very eyes. And I watched it all, knowing that it was my fault. Your pain was my fault. Was I a coward for running? I was. God knows, I was. But I was too disturbed to stay, too afraid I would crumble into a thousand pieces of agony that would never be put back together again. If grief had collapsed you the way it did, what on earth would it do to me?”
Troy had his hand over his face, weeping into his hand. It was the grieving he’d done four years
ago, now with his brother’s pain compounding his because Scott felt that he was to blame for everything.
Now, he was grieving for his brother.
“It was not your fault,” Troy whispered, wiping at his face and struggling to stop the tears. Finally, he looked at his brother, seeing the man he’d always loved, the man he’d been the closest to. “I never blamed you for what happened. But I did blame you for running from it.”
“I could not face you.”
“What else was I supposed to think, if not cowardice, from a man who did not have a cowardly bone in his body? How was I supposed to know you ran because of guilt?”
Scott shook his head, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his face. “You could not think anything other than what you did,” he said. “It looks like cowardice. It was. But in my defense, I saw it as self-preservation, I suppose. I saw it as removing the cause of everyone’s anguish.”
Troy took a deep breath, fighting down the tears and struggling for calm. All of the anger and resentment he’d been feeling was melting away as he began to understand Scott’s perspective.
In truth, he should have suspected it all along, but he’d been too hurt to try. Now, he understood a great deal and the hate, the bitterness, was gone. He couldn’t keep it up, not when Scott was hurting so badly. He went to his brother, a man he loved so deeply, and put his hand on the man’s face. He just stood there a moment, looking at him, feeling as if all of this was some kind of dream. Scott was really here, in front of him, and it was time for him to say everything he’d been wanting to say to the man.
He’d waited long enough.
“It was not your fault,” he said, more firmly. “It was a terrible accident. It could have been any one of us putting the women in the carriage and seeing them off. It just happened to be you. And it never occurred to me, in all these four years, to blame you for that. I do not, nor have I ever, blamed you for what happened. But I have missed you every single day of the past four years, Scott. I thought you decided you did not want to be my brother any longer.”
Scott smiled weakly, seeing the light of forgiveness in his brother’s eyes where only moments before, there had been animosity and rage. “I thought, mayhap, you did not want me to be your brother any longer,” he admitted.
Troy shook his head. “You are part of me and I am part of you,” he said. “But I am sorry you felt as if you had to stay away. I am sorry you did not feel as if we could draw strength from one another in this time of sorrow.”
Scott reached up, gripping the hand that was on his face. His brother’s touch was incredibly comforting, more than he’d ever realized. “I was a fool,” he said. “It took me a long time to come to terms with my grief and with my guilt. It was just easier to try and shut everything out so it did not consume me. The longer I stayed away, the more difficult it was to face it.”
Troy understood that. Sometimes, men had moments of weakness that they lived to regret. He gripped his brother’s hand tightly.
“Tell me that you will not disappear again, then,” he said. “Tell me that you have come home to stay and that we shall never again be without each other.”
Scott was nodding his head even before Troy finished his sentence. “That is why I came home,” he said. “It was time. When I received the missive regarding James’ wedding, I knew I had to come. My wife encouraged me to come.”
Troy smiled faintly. “Papa said you had married again.”
Scott smiled in return. “Avrielle is her name,” he said. “She is a remarkable woman of great wisdom and I considered myself blessed. You will like her, Troy. I know you will.”
“I am sure of it.”
“Papa tells me that you have married again, too.”
Troy nodded. “Rhoswyn is Scots,” he said. “A finer woman you will never meet.”
“Papa also says she terrorizes you.”
Troy broke down into a laugh. “When you meet her, see if she does not terrorize you, also,” he said. “She is the only child of Red Keith Kerr and he raised her like a son. She fights like a warrior, Scott. Do not tangle with the woman, for you will lose.”
Scott was warming to the conversation, so incredibly glad to be speaking to his brother again, as if he’d never left him. The warmth, the bond, was still there. It hadn’t been completely destroyed, and he could feel it strengthening by the second.
“Red Keith Kerr, you say?” he repeated. “Of Sibbald’s Hold?”
“The same.”
“I did not even know he had a daughter.”
“Nor did I until it was too late.”
Scott laughed. Troy laughed. Suddenly, they were throwing their arms around each other, embracing one another tightly. All of the hurt, guilt, and resentment was gone in that instant, never to come between them again.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Troy said, his throat tight with emotion. “Swear to me you will not leave me again. When you left, I felt so abandoned.”
Scott clutched his brother tightly. “I swear I will never leave you, not ever,” he whispered. “Forgive me for leaving you, Troy. Forgive me for not being strong enough to stay.”
Troy stopped hugging his brother long enough to look the man in the eye. “You did what you had to do in order to keep your sanity,” he said. “I suppose I understand that now. Everyone was trying to tell me that, but it was difficult to swallow. But as Papa has said all along, every man grieves in his own way. My way was to remain here and to suffer through the agony. Your way was to try to forget about it. But I am so sorry you felt as if you were responsible for everything. It was not your fault.”
Scott forced a smile at his beloved brother. “I will come to accept that someday.”
Troy patted him on the cheek again. “I hope you do,” he said. “Now… I suppose we should go back to the hall. Everyone will want to see you, you know. Already, it is probably killing Mother to give us this time alone.”
Scott’s grin broadened. “Papa is probably having to tie her down somewhere.”
Troy snorted. “Then we had better go back to the hall and spare them both the agony.”
Scott nodded, but his gaze moved to the crypt containing his wife and younger children. “Go ahead,” he said. “I need to spend a few moments with Tee and the girls, as I should have done before.”
That gave Troy pause. “Will you be okay?”
“I will, I swear it.”
“As you wish,” Troy said. His eyes lingered on the man for a moment. “I am so glad you’ve come home. It is the best Christmas gift I could have hoped for.”
Scott gave him a lopsided grin. “A Christmas miracle is more like it. The miracle is your forgiveness, Troy.”
Troy simply shook his head. “It is the bond of brotherhood that goes deeper than any common bond,” he said. “Whatever happened four years ago… remember that we are stronger together than apart.”
“Agreed.”
Giving his brother another hug, Troy wandered from the vault, leaving Scott alone in the shadowed, cold depths. Once he heard Troy’s boot falls fade, he turned to the beautiful effigy of the woman he once loved.
Reaching out, he put a hand on her cold, stone face.
“Mayhap if Troy can forgive me, you can, too,” he murmured. “Mayhap someday, I will feel as if you have. But I do want to tell you that I have remarried, Tee. I know you would like her – she is kind and generous, and I love her. I never thought I would find love again, but I have. I hope – nay, I know – that you are happy for me.”
It made him think of Avrielle, his wife, and all of his children, both living and dead. He’d suffered through some terrible tragedies in his life, but he was home again now. He would be stronger for it. Reaching out, he touched the effigy one last time.
“I thought you would want to know that I am happy again,” he whispered. “I hope you are, too.”
There was no answer, of course, but Scott smiled at the effigy just the same. He’d been dreading this moment, the moment whe
n he would face his wife’s crypt. But it was becoming easier as the moments passed. He was coming to grips with it and he knew it wouldn’t be the last time he came to visit Athena and the children. In fact, returning to Castle Questing felt as if he’d never left. Wherever he lived, Questing would always be home to him. As much as he loved his new wife and his life with her in the wilds of Cumbria, Questing was where his family was.
As difficult as it had been, he was glad he’d come home.
Very glad.
Bending over the crypt, he kissed Athena, Beatrice, and Andrew’s effigies, feeling that some larger part of him was now complete. No more guilt, no more missing his family, no more trying to shut out a part of his life that could not be forgotten. He didn’t want to forget about it any longer.
Someday, he’d bring Avrielle to Questing and then, the healing process would be complete. He would come full circle. But until that time, he intended to enjoy the family he’d not seen in four long years.
Finally, the Prodigal Son had returned. Peace had been made.
On a dark and cold December night, the de Wolfes had the most joyous Christmas of all.
* THE END *
A WOLFE AMONG DRAGONS
A Medieval Romance
By Kathryn Le Veque
A Sons of de Wolfe Novel
Author’s Note
This is the book that my readers have really been begging me to write.
But how to bring back a dead man?
I admit it; I kill off characters left and right. Hey! It’s Medieval times – and everybody dies! In this case, I killed off a character before anyone had ever met him. James de Wolfe was a mention in “Serpent”, which was the first sequel I ever wrote to “The Wolfe”. In it, I named off all of the de Wolfe offspring and James, other than a stillborn daughter, was the only de Wolfe child to die. It didn’t really matter much until I started to write the Sons of de Wolfe sub-series for the de Wolfe Pack and then we got to meet James and see what a great guy he was. He was featured the most in “A Joyous de Wolfe Christmas”, where he was marrying his love, Rose Hage.
The Original de Wolfe Pack Complete Set: Including Sons of de Wolfe Page 243