Chapter 16
Molly worried for Henry, still away fighting. Receiving his letters was as much about the relief of knowing he was still alive when they were posted as the tidings the words actually brought.
My dearest Molly,
You cannot know how happy I was to receive your last letter. I’m only sorry I couldn’t be there to see what a beautiful bride my new sister-in-law made. I know that mother is delighted to have a daughter in the family and I hope one day to make her happy by bringing her a second. You must both miss Sarah on the farm, but your loss has most definitely been Ma’s gain and she is mightily relieved for the help. I’m glad Miss Cochrane has found a boy to work for you and the more glad to know he is too young to take my place in your affections.
So far the war has been kind to me and nothing has been asked of me that I could not give. We have been told to say little of our whereabouts for fear our letters might fall into enemy hands, but needless to say we are some way distant from home and the changing landscape is of great interest to me. I have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring, but know, my dearest, that my thoughts of you gladden this fearful heart and your letters give it courage to be strong.
Until I’m home with you
I remain your humble servant,
Henry Spencer
Molly read the letter through again and lingered long over the words ‘… I hope one day to make her happy by bringing her a second.’ Was she reading too much into that to think he meant to ask her to marry him? It could still be a while before the war was over, but she’d grown fond of Henry and prayed fervently for his safe return. Seeing how happy Sarah was made her wistful, and now she dared to hope that maybe soon her own time might come. She still thought often of Daniel, but they had been but children and she had no way of knowing where he was, never mind whether they might have been more than childhood friends. Henry was a good man and she hoped she might be happy with him and that, if he knew, Daniel would be pleased for her.
“Now what are you looking all starry-eyed over?” Miss Ellie’s voice made Molly jump. “Oh dear, I hope that’s not a guilty secret you’re harbouring there, young lady.”
Molly had grown close to Miss Ellie over the years, and the more so since Sarah had moved to the shop. “Miss Ellie, may I talk to you?”
“Why, of course…” Miss Ellie scrutinised her face. “This is something serious, isn’t it? Oh Molly, of course you can talk to me.” She dropped the teasing voice, took Molly’s arm and led her to sit on the big window seat. “Is it Henry?”
Molly pulled a bit of a face, trying carefully to choose her words. “Well, Miss Ellie, it is and it isn’t. Oh, it’s no good. It’s a letter from Henry that’s set me to thinking, but nothing’s happened to him, if that’s what you mean.” Molly felt tears prick the corners of her eyes and reached for her handkerchief.
“What is it, child?”
The softness in Miss Ellie’s voice broke down her final barrier and the tears began to flow. “Do you think I should marry Henry?”
“Oh, Lord have mercy, has he asked you?”
Molly shook her head. “Not exactly, it’s just that what he’s said makes me think he’s planning to.” She handed the letter to Miss Ellie to read.
Miss Ellie nodded as she got to the end. “You may be reading things that aren’t there, but I can see what made you think it.” She paused. “You don’t have to say yes, you know.”
“No, but I don’t want to say no either. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to marry him, it’s just…” Her voice trailed off and she gazed out of the window across the farm. “Do you think Tom and Daniel would approve?”
“Oh, child, why ever wouldn’t they? Henry is a fine young man and look how happy Sarah is with his brother.”
Molly spent many hours thinking what she would say when the time came for Henry to propose marriage. She supposed he might ask Miss Ellie’s permission and tried to imagine his words. As the days passed, she became quite certain she would accept him, but on condition she could still work on the farm she loved so much. When she wrote back she made no mention of her suspicions, but instead gave him the best of the news from home, which was what he most liked to hear.
The letters from Henry took on a new significance and she was always eager to hear the horse which signalled the post arriving. She said nothing about it to Sarah, but as she worked, her thoughts turned to what she might sew to wear for her wedding and whether there might be enough material for Sarah to be an attendant for her. She was quite sure as the weeks passed that the fighting would be over soon and Henry would be home safe.
Some weeks later, Molly was working in the dairy when she heard the clattering of hooves across the yard outside. She thought little of it but the thrill that a letter might be waiting for her later, when her hands were clean from work. She continued with the butter until she heard the sound of running feet and Sarah’s voice calling, “Molly! Molly, where are you?”
She could tell by Sarah’s tone this wasn’t going to be good news and quickly covered the butter and wiped her hands while calling back. Her first thought was that Joseph was being called to fight, and she was ready to console and support her friend, but as she went out into the bright light of the yard she could see Sarah waving a letter and stumbling toward her with the darkest of expressions on her face. Sarah doubled over, catching her breath as she thrust the letter toward Molly. “I’m sorry,” seemed to be the words she gasped as she handed it over and tried to compose herself.
Molly’s hands were shaking as she took the letter, written in an unfamiliar hand. It was addressed to Mr Henry Spencer, Senior, Henry’s father. Molly looked at the envelope and, suddenly stricken, looked to her friend. “No! Please tell me it isn’t so.” She could feel herself shaking and needed somewhere to sit.
Sarah screwed up her face as though in pain and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry,” she said once again as she took Molly’s arm and guided her to a nearby hay bale to sit.
Miss Ellie must have heard the commotion and now came rushing to join them. Molly was sitting stock still, dazed and clutching the unread letter. Sarah gently took the letter from her hand and passed it to Miss Ellie.
“Oh, dear Lord,” Miss Ellie said as she read the report and gave a summarised version to Molly. “It’s some blessing he didn’t suffer.” She took her shawl and wrapped it around the shoulders of the shivering Molly. “Let’s get you up to the house.”
Between them, Sarah and Miss Ellie half guided and half carried Molly, who felt stunned and confused by the news. Having set her mind to marrying Henry, she had become quite certain the happy event would be soon and he would be home safe before the summer was out.
Miss Ellie brought her the largest brandy she’d ever had and she sipped at it slowly. She was quiet as she sat there and Miss Ellie waited with her, while Sarah had to get back to help the family, where Henry’s mother was as distraught as any mother could be.
Molly was withdrawn for days and went about her work in hazy confusion. Miss Ellie had offered to let her take a few days off from the work, but she preferred to keep herself busy. She did take the time to visit Mrs Spencer, but the older woman’s outward distress had been hard for Molly to cope with while trying to manage her own emotions, and self-pity was for Molly a dark place and not somewhere she wanted to spend too much time. She found tears came unbidden while she worked, but they were tears that Henry’s own dreams would not come to pass, rather than for her own lost hope. When she felt sadness for herself she looked instead to the life Miss Ellie had carved out and knew there was more than marriage that could make her happy.
Molly loved her work on the farm, but it gave her time to think and Henry was rarely far from her thoughts. Neither were those she’d loved and left behind, and it set her to thinking. One evening, sitting with Miss Ellie after they’d eaten, Molly was ready to voice the decision she had made. “Miss Ellie, I need to find Tom and Daniel.” She had spoken often of her brother and childh
ood friend. “Losing Henry has set me to thinking of those I still have in this world, and I’ve been parted from them long enough.”
She had little idea where she would even start in finding them. She knew Tom was in Dowagiac and didn’t want to be contacted. She’d managed to find out that Daniel was in Iowa, but had received no word of how he was and had no idea if the message she had sent had ever reached him. As to where those places were and how she might get there, Molly had absolutely no idea. She thought they were away from the areas of fighting and she presumed the railroad would be a good starting point, as that was how they’d all travelled to begin with, but her knowledge went no further.
“Miss Ellie, can I take some time to go and find them? I’d plan on coming back here afterwards, but I need to know they are well.”
“Lord have mercy, child. A girl can’t go gallivanting around the country on her own. Never mind that there are some as don’t think it’s proper – it wouldn’t be safe. Anything could happen to you. I may not be a worrier at heart, but I’d never get a wink of sleep while you were gone.”
Molly looked at Miss Ellie and held her gaze. “And what if I dressed as a boy?”
Miss Ellie threw her head back and laughed. “You might have got away with that as a child in New York to sell papers, but you’ve got a figure now and it’s not so easy to hide it. It got you into trouble then and it sure would get you into trouble now.”
Molly felt crestfallen.
“Now don’t you go getting all sentimental on me, Molly Reilly, but I’ve got me an idea and I fancy you’re going to like it. The corn’s in and for a while there’s only the animals and the dairy to think of. I’ve never seen much of this great country of ours. In fact, if truth be told, I’ve never been very far at all. What if I were to get help in to run the farm for a month or two and come with you?” Miss Ellie was grinning broadly by this time.
“Oh, Miss Ellie, would you really do that?” Molly flung her arms around the woman and kissed her cheek.
“Now, I said don’t go getting sentimental on me, and don’t you go telling anyone I’m going soft in my old age. It’ll take me a week or two to arrange things, but we can set off soon enough. In the meantime, we’d best be finding out about the trains and how long it takes to get there, wherever ‘there’ is. I’ve some money put by and this seems as good a use as any for it.”
Molly didn’t know what to say. Her heart felt lighter than it had for a very long time and she was utterly overwhelmed by the kindness of this woman. “I guess I’d best speak to Sarah, to tell her I’m going away for a while.”
“We’ll be needing provisions. You can take the cart into town tomorrow and see her in person. I’d leave it at visiting your brother for now. She’s bound to talk at table and the family might see it as too soon to be looking up another young man.”
“But, Miss Ellie, I didn’t…”
“Now don’t you go saying you weren’t sweet on Daniel, because I won’t believe you for a minute. I know you were young, but there’s no one you talk of more fondly than that young man. In the meantime, you’d best be working your hardest to get everything in order for while we’re away. That dairy needs to be spick and span and everything needs to be up to date.”
Molly jumped up. She’d work every waking hour if it would help, though she knew it wouldn’t come to that, with the corn in. Then, realising the lateness of the hour, she decided on an early start the following morning. She wished Miss Ellie goodnight and headed to her room. As she went upstairs the words of one of the songs she had been desperate to remember came back to her and she began to sing:
“As I was a walking one morning in May,
I saw a sweet couple together at play,
O, the one was a fair maid so sweet and so fair,
And the other was a soldier and a brave grenadier…”
For a moment she felt a pang and thought of Henry, and wondered if she were really ready to go away.
“Oh, Molly, what will I do without you while you’re gone?” Sarah clasped her friend’s hands as they sat together the following afternoon.
“You’ve got Joe now; he’ll be here and it’s not as though I shall be away for long. I’ll be back before you even notice. And I’ll write to you.”
“And will I write to you?”
Molly hesitated. “Why yes, but I don’t rightly know where you’ll send the letters. I guess the Post Office in Dowagiac would be as good a place as any. I can find it there when I arrive.”
What she wasn’t certain of was what she’d do when they went on in search of Daniel, but maybe the Post Office could forward any mail to her without her having need to tell Sarah.
Sarah smiled at her. “Good luck. I do hope you find Tom and that all goes well. Here…” Sarah removed a locket from around her neck. “Take this with you so that you have something of home while you’re gone.”
Molly hugged her friend and carefully put the locket around her own neck. “Don’t you be worrying about me. Miss Ellie says we’ll be just fine travelling together.” But she still shed a tear as she hugged her friend goodbye and set off back to the farm to get ready for the trip.
She and Miss Ellie packed a small trunk between them. They had arranged for one of the farm hands to take them to the station in the cart. He would then bring the cart back to the farm so it could be used by Miss Ellie’s cousin, James, who would manage the farm while they were gone.
The train line was not direct and the journey was far from straightforward, although, as they had found from their enquiries, the distance was not so great. They had arranged to stay in a couple of guest houses along the way and spread the journey to make it comfortable.
“Whatever shall I do with all this time on my hands and no work to be doing?” Miss Ellie said when they were finally packed and tying their bonnets ready to leave.
Molly knew it was not a question which needed answering, as she’d seen Miss Ellie packing a journal and writing materials, as well as some books to read. She also knew, from the clothing that lay in the trunk, that they would do a lot of walking, so as to see the places they visited. Neither she nor Miss Ellie had given much space to ostentation; if truth be told they had little finery they could have considered packing.
As they boarded the train at Pierceton, Molly was surprised to see Sarah walking briskly along the platform to see them off. She stopped in the train doorway to wait for her friend.
“Oh, Molly, I thought I was going to be too late to see you.” Sarah was a little out of breath, but before Molly had the chance to say anything she carried on. “I just had to come to tell you – Dr Shepherd says I’m expecting a baby. Oh, do tell me you’ll be back before my confinement?”
“That’s wonderful news. I’ll be back just as soon as I can. I promise.” Almost before she’d had the chance to finish speaking, the guard was closing the doors and blowing his whistle for departure. “Write to me. Tell me all about it,” Molly shouted down the platform as her friend was slowly left behind by the departing train.
She stayed at the window until the station had receded from view, then moved along the carriage until she found her seat with Miss Ellie. With a compartment to themselves, the train seemed a far cry from the one she’d arrived on from New York, and yet suddenly she remembered that journey vividly. How much had changed for both her and Sarah. Who would have thought then that Sarah would be the one settled and happy, while Molly was left searching for the missing piece of her life? She remembered her friend’s fear that her own children would grow up as orphans and prayed that Sarah would have courage. She resolved to write to her just as soon as they arrived at their first stop.
Molly sank back into the seat and looked out of the window at the passing scenery. She wondered what she would find at the end of her journey. She tried to think whether she was the same person now as she had been more than ten years earlier, when she’d last seen Tom and Daniel. She had no way of knowing what their lives had been like and only hoped t
hey’d been as happy as she had.
“What are you thinking, child?”
Molly became aware that Miss Ellie was watching her and she sighed. “I guess I’m just worried this might all be for nothing. What if they don’t remember me?”
Miss Ellie took her hand. “It could never be for nothing. You’ll see places you wouldn’t have seen and we’ll both enjoy the change. Besides, if it answers your questions, it will have served its purpose.”
“Did you never think of marrying, Miss Ellie?”
Miss Ellie looked away, out of the window. She waited a long minute before answering, “Yes, I thought about it, child. I very near went and did it, but…” She swallowed hard. “… It wasn’t to be. Just like your Henry, he upped and died before he got chance to make an honest woman of me.” She looked back at Ellie and her eyes were shining. “I guess I married the farm after that. We all find solace in different things. You girls filled the gap that was left, the one the farm couldn’t fill, and I’ve been mighty happy that you did.”
Molly wanted to say how grateful she was and how much she’d enjoyed living with Miss Ellie, but before she could form the words Miss Ellie went on, “Now, child, we’ve got ourselves a roof for the night in Wanatah and it won’t be long until we’re there. There’ll be time enough to look around while it’s still light, though I don’t expect it will be so very different from Pierceton – then tomorrow we go on to Michigan City. It really is quite an adventure.”
Miss Ellie’s spirits seemed to have revived and she had a childlike anticipation on her face. Her enthusiasm was infectious. In another couple of days, Molly would see her own dear brother, and at that thought her excitement took hold and she felt herself grinning at the very prospect.
Chapter 17
But we were known from infancy,
Thy father's hearth was home to me,
No selfish love was mine for thee,
New York Orphan (Tales of Flynn and Reilly Book 1) Page 15