by Sarah Morgan
She shuddered, knowing he was wrong, knowing Gabriela would always be her concern. She might not be her nanny anymore, might not even be her stepmother, but Gabby was part of her heart, her life. “What is the rush?”
“I’ve lost enough time trying to get her home. I refuse to lose anymore.”
The hopelessness of the situation wrapped hard fingers around Sam’s throat. “And what about Gabby? What about all she loses?”
Cristiano’s eyes narrowed. “She’ll thank me one day.”
“Maybe. And maybe not.”
He shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”
Sam felt as if he were splitting her heart and head wide-open. How could he do this? How could he even talk this way? How was it possible to be so callous…much less about your own child? “Why can’t you give her time,” Sam pleaded. “At least let her finish the school year where she is. Don’t change everything on her overnight. She’s so young. She’s been through so much. Give her time to understand what’s happening…time to adjust.”
He leaned back as their breakfast plates were carried to the table. “She’ll have time,” he said. “She’ll have the next fifteen years to adjust.”
She swayed on her seat. “What kind of man are you?”
His steady gaze held hers, and the way he studied her made her skin prickle, her body tingling with alarm. “The kind who gets what he wants.”
“And what about what other people want?”
“Not my concern.”
Sam’s stomach rose, nearly upending. “God, that’s cold.”
“Yes, but damn practical.”
Conversation finished, Cristiano concentrated on eating his bacon and egg breakfast while Sam tore apart her toast, heartsick.
Sitting there, Sam wished she could do something, wished she could intervene even as she’d foiled the kidnapping attempt three years ago by hurling herself at the kidnapper. She’d used her own body to shield Gabby, and it had worked. Sort of.
Sort of.
Sam’s lower lip quivered and she bit into it ruthlessly. She wasn’t going to let him see how much he upset her, wouldn’t let him have the upper hand again.
She waited until he’d finished his meal and then gathered her coat and purse. “Can we go get Gabby now?”
“You haven’t taken a bite of your toast.”
“Not hungry,” she answered, chilled on the inside. Three years ago she’d saved Gabby, three years ago she’d been brave, heroic. Why couldn’t she find a way to save Gabby today?
It felt bitterly cold outside, the sky like an endless sheet of metal, and Sam shivered on the way to the shop where they bought milk, bread and groceries for dinner. It was a relief to reach the car, where Cristiano immediately turned on the heat. They didn’t speak though, and as Cristiano drove, Sam stared intently out the window, trying not to obsess about Cristiano’s plans for Gabriela, but it was impossible to think of anything else.
“I’ll need your help,” he said abruptly. “I brought the school admissions packet with me, and there’s quite a long list of things she’ll need. Proper uniform, wardrobe, essentials.”
“Cristiano.”
“I’d initially planned on leaving her in her current school,” he continued as though she’d never spoken. “But I was naïve. I thought you could continue taking her to school in the morning, and then picking her up again after, but obviously that’s not going to work, not if I can’t trust you with her.”
“You can.”
“I can’t, and I travel a great deal with my work. Which is why I’ve decided the best place for her is Ludwin’s—”
“Ludwin’s? That’s a boarding school!”
“One of the best in Europe. The waiting list is long. I was lucky they accepted her.”
Sam leaned forward to get a good look at his expression, thinking he was joking, thinking he had to be joking. “Gabby’s not even five yet.”
“She’ll be five next month.”
“Yes, and she thinks she’s having a circus party and has been helping me plan it.”
“I’ll take her to the Monte Carlo’s Royal Circus instead.”
Sam’s mouth opened, closed. She couldn’t make a sound. How could he even consider sending her away? “Have you looked at her, Cristiano? She’s a tiny thing still. Far too young for boarding school. She could be picked on by other children, tormented, and then all the rules, the infractions and punishments—”
“It’ll toughen her up.”
Tears burned the back of her eyes. “No. Toughening up isn’t what you think it is. Toughening up is having your heart broken and your hopes shattered. Toughening up breaks a child down before it builds her up. Don’t do it to her, Cristiano.”
“I’ve been to boarding school. I survived.”
“Yes, survived. But surviving isn’t living. I know. My parents died when I was six. I grew up in a boarding school for orphans. That’s what the Rookery is. A place where children live because they have nowhere else to go, but Gabby has somewhere to go. She has you, she has me—”
“You’re not part of the equation anymore, Samantha.” He shot her a hard look. “I don’t trust you.”
Cristiano felt a twinge of remorse as Sam blanched, her face paling, her eyes huge and dark with pain. He didn’t enjoy hurting women and children. He was a competitor, a fighter, but not malicious, especially not toward those weaker.
He could see the effect his words were having on her. She was in torment, but it was the same torment he’d known these past four and a half years as he battled to get Gabriela back. At first he’d tried to go the legal route, do everything above-board, but Johann had blocked his every move, dragging the custody battle into an endless tangle of court appearances and appointments. He wanted to get his hands on Gabby’s money.
“So why did you want me,” she whispered, looking at him, her blue eyes bruised, her expression wounded. “Why take me from Johann?”
He hesitated for a split second, then realized at the very least, he owed her an honest answer. “There were three reasons. One, I knew wherever you went, Gabby would go. Two, you’re the one that’s kept me from Gabby—”
“Me?”
“If you hadn’t married Johann, Gabby would have been mine years ago.”
“I didn’t know—”
“It doesn’t matter.” The years of waiting for Gabby, and the endless legal wrangling, had taken a toll on his patience. He was done with playing nice. Done with accommodating others at his—or Gabriela’s—expense. “Fortunately I have her back now and I’ll do what needs to be done.”
“Do you love her?”
“She’s my family. She’s a Bartolo.” He was determined to make Samantha understand she wasn’t in charge of Gabriela’s future any longer. She had to accept him as Gabby’s guardian.
“You know her sizes,” he continued calmly. “I’ll give you the list Ludwin’s sent me, all her requirements are there. I imagine she’ll want something from home for comfort, too. A blanket or stuffed animal. If Gabby has one—”
“She has a doll she loves.”
“Then send that with her.”
“You’ll crush her, Cristiano.” Sam’s voice broke, her words all but inaudible. “She’s a little girl that’s lost her mother, and the man she thinks is her father. How can boarding school with Spartan dormitories be the answer?”
“The school has an impressive reputation. They’ve assured me they’ll do everything in their power to help her adjust.”
“But they don’t know Gabby, or care about her. But I do. And I know you must or you wouldn’t have worked so hard to get her back.” Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Hate Johann, hate me, hate our lives, the world we inhabit, the truth, the lies, but don’t play God, and you can’t say you aren’t when you’re already planning on sending her away.”
“But what are my options? I can’t leave her with you—not if I can’t trust you.”
“But you can. I’m telling you. I’m making a pr
omise—”
“I can trust that?”
“Yes.”
He was silent, then sighed. “I wish I could believe you, but I can’t. I was lucky you came here, fortunate you brought her to Chester. I knew from the private investigator’s report that you’d been raised in Cheshire. He said if you ever ran away, you’d probably return here, but in the future you won’t come here. And then what? Where do I find Gabriela then?”
“I won’t take her away from you. I promise.”
He steeled himself against the anguish in her voice, refusing to let her needs usurp his own.
Sam still pleaded her case. “I’m an honest person, and fair, Cristiano. If I give you my word—” Her voice broke and she pressed her hands together against her chest, held them there as though her heart hurt. “I’m as straight as they come. If you take the time to get to know me, you’ll see I’m trustworthy.”
He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t let the agony in her voice touch him. She was emotional now, but later she’d see that he was right. Later, when she remarried and had a family of her own, she’d be grateful he’d taken Gabriela back. “Forgive me, but you know the expression, once bitten, twice shy.”
She ducked her head but he saw the first tear fall. “Please.”
Don’t think about her, he told himself, don’t look at her. This isn’t about her. It’s about family, his family, the family that didn’t exist anymore. Gabby was all there was left. Gabby was the last Bartolo. He had to have her back. He needed her back. That was all there was to it.
“This isn’t personal,” he said after a moment as another tear fell. “And it’s not a punishment.” He softened his tone, tried to comfort her, if such a thing was possible.
It was silent for a few minutes as Sam stared out the window and he concentrated on the road. There wasn’t heavy traffic, just a few cars and trucks and they were all traveling very slow.
“You said three,” she said as he overtook a car. “You said there were three reasons.”
He glanced at her, saw the bruised softness at her mouth, the terrible sadness in her eyes and it cut him. In the beginning, maybe he had wanted to hurt her. Maybe in the beginning he’d been driven by revenge, but he didn’t know her, had thought she was one thing—a cool, impervious blonde—but that wasn’t Samantha. Beneath the beautiful blond exterior was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman—warmth, tenderness, intelligence and loyalty.
“You’re stunning,” he said bluntly. “And I wanted you for myself.”
CHAPTER SIX
HE TOOK her because he wanted her.
It was inconceivable to Sam that anyone could desire her that much. She didn’t feel desirable. Didn’t feel like a woman should feel.
And yet with him sitting so close, his large, powerful body crowding the car, she couldn’t help but be aware of him, aware of the words he’d just spoken, and the nuances still humming in the air.
The back of Sam’s neck tingled. Her stomach somersaulted. Her body felt odd all over—too sensitive, too aware. She didn’t like the feeling at all, and she didn’t want him to want her. She didn’t want anything to do with him. Not now, not ever.
Reaching into his leather coat pocket, Cristiano retrieved his phone and after pushing a couple of buttons, handed it to her.
“Call Mrs. Bishop,” he said calmly, “her number’s right there. Let her know we’re on our way to pick up Gabriela.”
In no mood to argue, and missing Gabby, Sam dialed the number and Mrs. Bishop answered. They chatted for a moment but when Sam said they were getting close to the house to pick up Gabby, Mrs. Bishop protested. “Oh dear, that’s a shame. The girls are planning a puppet show. I’m helping them with the costumes now.”
Sam felt a pang. At the Rookery she’d played with the same puppets. They were Mrs. Bishop’s, from her own childhood and she used to bring them to the orphanage on wet weekend afternoons so the children could play. “You’re not making new costumes, are you?”
“But of course. New plays need new costumes.”
Sam smiled, remembering Mrs. Bishop’s needle wizardly. Mrs. Bishop was the one who’d taught Sam to cook and sew, which had been very useful skills when Sam reached the nanny college in Manchester. “Gabby must be having a ball.”
“She is, Sam. She’s a lovely thing and the girls are having such a good time together. Do let her stay until dinner. There’s no hurry getting her home, is there?”
“Let me speak with Gabby then.”
Gabby howled when she took the phone from Mrs. Bishop. “You can’t pick me up now! We’ve made up our own play. It’s our own story and we’re making costumes and everything!”
“But you’ve been there for hours, Gabriela.”
“But I don’t want to go! We made cookies and had a tea party and Mrs. Bishop is helping us with the puppets. They have a puppet stage with red velvet curtains and we’re going to do our play in it.”
Sam glanced at Cristiano, covered the phone’s mouthpiece. “Gabby wants to stay and play longer. They’re going to have a puppet show.”
“She’s doing well, then?”
“Yes. She’s having a great time.”
“Then let her stay until later this afternoon. I can pick her up before dinner.”
Sam told Gabby and then Mrs. Bishop what Cristiano had said, and then, call finished, Sam hung up and handed the phone back to Cristiano.
“I’m glad she’s having fun. Except for school, she doesn’t get to play with other children all that often,” Sam said, although on the inside she felt torn. She was glad Gabby was having fun but for Sam it was awkward and uncomfortable being alone with Cristiano. “Johann wouldn’t let her go to other people’s houses, and her friends from school weren’t allowed to come home.”
“Why?” Cristiano asked.
She looked at him, and then away, and glancing out the window, Sam noticed the first snowflake fall, and then another, and another. The flakes were scattered, slow, as if indecisive about what they were going to do. “I don’t know. But Gabby used to cry about it. Johann and I fought about it. It didn’t matter. He never changed his mind.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am, too.” Maybe it was the delicate snow flurries, or the pale silver and pewter sky, but Sam felt a rush of emotion so strong she had to bite her lip to keep the tears from filling her eyes again.
She missed so much right now.
She missed virtually everything. Her parents. Charles. Even Gabby, although Gabby wasn’t gone yet. “I love her,” she whispered, concentrating on the view outside the car window where the snow was coming down faster and thicker now in dense white flurries. Some of the snowflakes were so big they looked like bits of lace dropping from the sky and yet they were weightless, and temperatures must have continued to drop as the snow was sticking to the ground. “Even if you take her from me, she’ll always be my girl.”
“Then make the transition easy on her.” Cristiano’s voice sounded as cold and hard as the bare limbs of the trees outside. “Help her adjust. Don’t pull her in two.”
It was still snowing as they reached the Rookery, and the small gamekeeper’s cottage never looked smaller or darker. Sam couldn’t imagine spending the rest of the afternoon alone in the dark cottage with Cristiano.
As he parked “I think I’ll go to the Rookery and see if I can’t locate some candles for tonight,” Sam said. “The pantry used to be full of them. Every now and then we’d lose electricity and we depended on candles and kerosene lamps to get us through until the backup generator came on.”
“Do you know where the lamps are?” Cristiano asked, carrying the last of the groceries into the kitchen.
“They should be in the pantry, near the candles. It’s where we kept the emergency supplies.”
“I’ll go with you, see what we can find.”
It was dark inside the Rookery. Power to the abandoned orphanage had been shut off, but once Sam got the back door open, she didn’t need lights
to find her way around. She’d grown up here, spent over fifteen years here. The Rookery, for better or worse, was home.
Just as she thought, she discovered boxes of candles, matches and three old kerosene lamps in the pantry off the kitchen.
“I’ll take the lamps back to the cottage,” Cristiano said.
Sam nodded. “I’ll just have a quick look around. I’ll be back soon.”
With a candle to light her way, Sam walked through the Rookery’s high arched hallways. The old Persian carpets were threadbare and covered only portions of the stone floor and every now and then her footsteps echoed, a too-loud clatter that bounced off the vaulted ceiling.
Nothing had changed, she thought. The furniture was all here, just a few pieces like the piano and the Georgian sofa in the parlor were covered. Everything else was exactly as she remembered. The large oil landscapes still covered the walls. The back room facing the garden was still lined with tables and chairs. That was the room they studied in, reading and writing papers and doing homework.
She’d thought the house would be dustier, dirtier, but everything was fairly tidy, and although a few cobwebs clung to the corners, it wasn’t the mess she’d imagined.
Mrs. Bishop must still come in and clean, Sam thought, climbing the first of the stairs, and knowing that Mrs. Bishop still made an effort hurt more than even desertion did.
It was brighter upstairs. The windows on the second floor hadn’t been boarded over and Sam’s breath caught in her throat as she glimpsed the oil portrait hanging at the top of the stairs.
Reverend Charles Putnam.
Her Charles. Sam looked—his handsome face, his gentle expression, the kindness in his brown eyes—until she couldn’t look any longer. He’d been her prince, her knight on a white stallion. He’d been better than she deserved.
Turning away, she pushed open one of the bedroom doors and crossed to the tall multipaned window. In this bedroom Sam could believe that time had stopped.
Nothing had changed from the night eight years ago when the world as she knew it ended and a new life began.