by Jim Sano
David continued to sit by his side, reading, listening to music, talking or just being together and holding his father’s hand as he nodded off. David admired Maggie’s reverence for his father and how her patience and kindness made such a difference for Gianni and for him. He learned a lot about self-giving love by watching her with his father and watching his father with her.
The intervals between doses of morphine became shorter, and it was apparent that cancer had spread throughout the spine and possibly into the lower sections of the brain. Gianni would at times be very lucid and engaging and other times dizzy or forgetful, once talking about taking a trip with David to Italy. As difficult as it was to watch his father’s obvious decline and the inevitable coming to claim him, David was still glad he was able to be with him. He had called both Abbie and Bobby a few times, but Bobby didn’t respond, and Abbie still felt like she wasn’t emotionally ready to see him, despite David’s pleas to not wait until it was too late.
The following week, David was sitting with Gianni, reading the scripture for the day and Gianni asked, “What day is today?”
David stopped and answered, “It's Wednesday, Pop.”
“But what day is it?”
“It's August 13. Why do you ask?”
Gianni nodded, and a half smile rose to his face, and then a single tear to the corner of his eye. After a few minutes, David was embarrassed as he realized what the day was and why his father had asked. It was the first anniversary of David’s mother’s death, and somehow Gianni could sense it or his conditioning from prison to count each and every day had stayed with him.
“Pop, you were thinking about Ma. You remembered the day, and you were thinking about her.”
“I always think of her. I want to make sure I can always see her smiling face. I don’t want to be wandering around in heaven and not able to find her because I forgot what she looked like.”
“You’ve plenty of time before you have to worry about that.”
“I think the time is short. I can sense it, and I feel ready now.”
Emotions flooded through David. “Well, I’m not ready. I don’t want to lose you, Pop. I really don’t feel like I can lose you again.”
Gianni reached out his hand to David, and David took it in his, holding it tight.
“I don’t want to see you in pain, but it doesn’t seem fair to have him take someone like you.”
“David, this life is all about knowing God loves you. He wants you to live life abundantly here, but then finally in heaven. I don’t feel worthy, but I’ve been so looking forward to seeing God in heaven and seeing your mother and Jimmy. I don’t want to leave you. I love you, David, more than I love myself. This time with you has been such a gift. It has made me so happy that all those years in prison seem worth it now that I’ve found you. You are my son, and I am your father, but in many ways, you are on loan to me.”
David shook his head, confused. “What do you mean?”
“When I’m no longer here, you won’t be left alone without a father. God is your father. God loves you as a father in ways that I’m too limited to give, even when I give you everything I have. He is with you always, and His love is never ending, never fails and never dies. No matter how many times you fall and forget this, He will never give up on you. Yes, you are my son, but it’s more important to know you are His beloved son—and just as I am, I know He is well pleased with you.”
That was the last real conversation David had with his father. The headaches and back pain increased as did the morphine to offset the discomfort. In the days ahead, Gianni was asleep most of the time. Watching him have trouble breathing and wincing at times with breakthrough pain was more than difficult to watch, but Maggie never left him or treated him with any less respect or dignity. David sat up with him as he slept during the day and then rolled in the cot to sleep next to him at night to make sure he was okay. Gianni stopped eating and had trouble drinking from a cup with a straw, so Maggie set him up with intravenous fluids to keep him hydrated.
On that Friday afternoon, David was sitting with his father, holding his hand and reading the scriptures for the day about Mary visiting Elizabeth and proclaiming her “Blessed among women,” but the last line of the reading from Paul stood out for David. “The last enemy to be destroyed is death, for ‘he subjected everything under his feet.’” His father knew he would die, but to him, there was nothing to fear because it wouldn’t end his life with God. David looked up from his father’s Bible and around the room he had spent so many hours with his father. The sunlight was streaming in through the windows on one side of the room as David looked to where it touched the floor in front of him. The fine lace curtains that adorned the windows were blowing inward from the gentle sea breeze coming into the room, and there was an overwhelming sense of peace in every corner of the bedroom. David felt a sudden squeeze from his father’s hand and a shortened breath inward and then no grip at all as his father’s hand seemed to slip out of his as David held on tighter.
Gianni died as peacefully as he had wished, in the place he wanted to be, holding onto the hand of the son he loved and who loved him. A sudden pickup in the breeze that came into Gianni’s bedroom at that moment seemed to have swept Gianni’s soul out of David’s grasp and into the arms of his loving Father in heaven. David got up and put his hands on each of his father’s shoulders. “Pop. Pop. Don’t go! Please don’t leave me so soon! Pop!”
David wailed and sobbed. Maggie finally came in, and her hands felt comforting on David’s back as he continued to hold his father. David’s head was on Gianni’s shoulder as he wept, feeling as if life had been drained from his own body as well. His throat was tight and ached as his cries shook his body. When David finally lifted himself and let go of his father’s hand, he turned toward Maggie with his eyes now red and shining from the tears that dripped from his puffed eyelids, and she put her arms around him, hugging him for several minutes. She whispered, “If I had a son, I would be blessed if he were like you, if he loved me as you have so loved your dad.”
Chapter 59
After some time had passed, David walked down to the shore where he had sat with his father on one of those first nights when they had watched the fishing boats being anchored down for the evening. He had expected to be angry with God, to move away from Him again when his father died, but he could only see the beauty of creation in front of him just as his dad had. The ache in his heart was raw and painful, but he had this strange sense that his father’s soul wasn’t gone nor had he abandoned him as he had felt as a child. For all those years, his father had only existed in the hate and anger he felt toward him, but that had all vanished. Now, David felt like his father was still with him, inside of him and in the beauty surrounding him. Somehow, David had escaped the black hole of egoism that had gripped him for so long. Now, he had lived for someone else, and it had changed him. He had somehow leaped outside of himself and experienced the love of another, and that love didn’t seem to end when his father’s physical being had gone.
Maggie was back at the house, washing and cleaning Gianni’s face and body with a warm cloth. She moved all the medical equipment out of the way, and when David came back up the hill, she joined him on the porch with the sun feeling good on their faces. A pair of butterflies were fluttering around the front yard, and the woman from the bottom of the hill was walking back down with her Jack Russell terrier that they now knew was named Pepper. Maggie turned to David. “Mr. Kelly, I only wish everyone could have a father like yours, even if for only a short while. At least they would know they were loved and valued.”
“Thank you, Maggie. You’ve been so wonderful to both of us. I don’t know how my father could have lived his last days the way he wished without you. You were heaven-sent, to be sure.”
“That’s my job, but I believe you’re the one who made the difference here. You know what love is all about now.”
After sitting for a bit, David went inside and dialed the Colby-Duke Fu
neral Home. When John Colby asked David if he wanted the same arrangements as he had for his mom, a pain stabbed through him at the thought of how little he had done for his mother’s funeral. David told him that he wanted nothing like that this time and that there would be a Mass at St. Mary’s for his dad.
Next, David called Kathleen and Tom, tearfully relaying the news, and then he called Abbie and Bobby to let them know their father had died. Abbie wasn’t emotional but said she wanted to come out for the funeral. David actually reached Bobby, but he was protectively cold in his response. David tried to tell him he understood his feelings completely, but that he had learned the truth and got past the hurt. Bobby said he was happy for David, but that this wouldn’t happen for him. Despite there being no one who knew his father anymore on the island, David planned to have a vigil and the funeral Mass and burial on the next day. He met with Father Bob about what readings and songs he wanted at the services for his father.
Father Bob said, “Your father was a great example to all of us. It’s always an interesting sign when a man like your father dies on that feast day.”
“John Colby mentioned that. What day was the fifteenth?”
“The Feast of the Assumption of Mary. I know your father was very devout in honoring Mary and admired her strength and courage to trust God. I always think of her when I need a reminder to ask God for the strength to trust in his plan instead of following my own pride and my own plan. It’s a constant struggle, and she’s a great inspiration as our mother.”
David smiled.
“Do you mind if I ask what’s behind that smile, David?”
“It’s just that my father told me the same thing many years ago in this very church.”
On Monday night, David was surprised at the number of people who came to the vigil service. Tom and Angelo brought Kathleen, Amy, and James. Maggie came with her husband. Several of the women who came to the house from St. Mary’s brought food and flowers. The woman who lived down the road from the cottage had come with another neighbor. Even Emma Brown had found out about Gianni’s passing and came to pay her respects.
After the vigil prayer service, David took everyone out for dinner at the Fisherman’s Friend and noticed Kathleen looking at him differently, maybe because he was different.
When they got back to the cottage, the bright moon and the starlit sky shone off the still waters of the cove. David was unfolding a few more cots he had brought to the cottage when he heard the sound of a truck or something making its way down the dirt road before stopping right in front of the cottage. David and James stepped out on the porch, and the others followed as they saw a half-sized bus with “ST. ANTHONY’S SCHOOL” across the side. Driving the bus was Sister Helen and inside filling the passenger seats were twelve boys from the basketball team, complete with sleeping bags and tents for the evening. When Sister Helen got out and marched the boys out of the bus, David glanced at Tom, who shrugged his shoulders and made a face. He approached Sister Helen and the boys. “Are you people lost?”
One of the boys said in a loud voice, “No, Coach. You were there when we needed you, and now we are here to be with you.”
The next morning, the church was lit with candles and adorned with flowers as David came down the aisle behind his father’s coffin. With him were Kathleen, Amy, and James. He couldn’t help but be moved by the people who had come to the Mass for his father. He hadn’t expected people to make the long trek up to the island, but Izzie and her family were there as well as most of the men on his immediate staff, including Kevin Walsh. Several people from the island, including Emma Brown, the women from the Church who had been so gracious, and some people they had met in Sunset were there as well. Sam from My Brother’s Table was sitting on the aisle and shook David’s hand as he walked by, and then he finally saw his sister, Abbie, in the second row, and shared a teary embrace.
The Mass, readings by Angelo and Kathleen and a homily by Father Bob all felt right for honoring Gianni’s life and meaningful for all who attended. After the Mass was officially over, David stood up in front of the church to say a few words. He had never had trouble speaking in front of any size audience, but none of that practice seemed to help as he stood in silence for several moments to collect himself. “I could keep you all here for the rest of the day telling you about this wonderful and faithful man that was my father. I love my dad, and I am so proud to be fortunate enough to be his son.” David hesitated for another moment as he looked over at his father’s casket and a tear ran down his cheek. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “But I don’t think I could get through it all, so I will just tell you this: He used his last ounce of energy to teach what every father should teach their child: that they are loved – that I was loved and cherished no matter what. He taught me that life is all about relationships, truth, and love. To truly live life, he taught me that God had to be at the center, trusting in His love for us, knowing we are irreplaceable in His eyes and that He is always there for us. Once that seemed like a lot of meaningless words to me while I buried myself with all the things in life that didn’t matter. Now, for the first time in my life, I think I feel truly free and, finally, understand what he meant. I want to thank each one of you here for coming today, but more than anything I want to thank you for the love you’ve shown. I’ve been so touched and so blessed by having a relationship with each one of you, and I hope I can return that feeling back to each of you.” David looked down at his family, tears streaming down his face. “I was stupid enough to walk away from the three most precious people in my life—” He tried to collect himself but couldn’t finish as Kathleen stood up, crying, and hugged David.
Everyone gathered at the gravesite, and Tom offered prayers and words that comforted but also left those in attendance with the sense of inspiration that was Gianni’s life. David could feel his father’s presence beside him and urging him to be where he now belonged, with his family. After the final blessing from Tom, they all headed back to the church hall for lunch. All the time, David watched Kathleen, who was graciously helping with sandwiches and drinks and talking with the guests, including David’s sister, Abbie. He made his way over to Kathleen and took her by the hand, leading her to the garden next to the church. Kathleen didn’t ask David why, but just gazed at him with that look from their early dating that he’d never forgotten. David said, “Kat, this is probably completely inappropriate but would you—”
Kathleen didn’t let David finish. “Yes. Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I will spend the rest of my life with you. And, yes, I will love you all the days of my life.”
David put his hand behind Kathleen and gently pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply as they held each other close. “Kat, why did you turn me down at Christmas but now you’re saying yes?”
“I’ve always wanted you to come back, but I had to know you were asking for the right reason and that you knew what marriage was about. The man I see today is the man I knew you were inside when we married. David, I feel that now you know what love is, what commitment is, and what marriage is. I watched you love your dad with self-giving love that can only come from a man who has really let God into his life and isn’t afraid to be and accept who he really is. I couldn’t let the kids or myself be hurt again like we were, and now every part of me tells me I don’t need to be afraid any longer. I love you, David. I always have and I always will. I want to be your wife and spend my life with you.”
For the first time in his adult life, David felt a sense of deep joy as he held Kathleen and somehow knew his father was looking down at him with a smile and loving approval. David also felt a strong sense that God was doing the same. As he kissed and hugged Kathleen again, they suddenly heard clapping and turned to notice that everyone had quietly moved from the hall to the edge of the garden grass and was smiling and applauding. James ran up to his parents, with Amy close behind.
Kathleen said, “I know this may sound confusing, but your father just proposed to me for the third
time in his life, and I said yes!”
James said, “That’s great because I really need some more work on my baseball!”
David smiled and pulled James closer to him and looked at Amy saying, “Are you good with this, Ames?”
Amy nodded and gave her father a kiss on the cheek. “It’s about time.” The rest of the people at the reception circled around, and David asked Tom if it was inappropriate or disrespectful to his father if they renewed their vows.
Tom grinned. “I already checked with the man upstairs, and he gave his approval.” David wasn’t sure if he meant God or his father, but he thought the blessings of either one would work.
Kathleen and Amy went back into the church rectory to take care of a few things as David stayed outside in the garden with a marble statue of Mary behind him and James at his side as his best man. Everyone else went to the basement and carried chairs out to the garden and waited for the bride. Tom put on his vestments, brought out his book, and stood by David. “Don’t worry, David, since you’re already married, you can’t mess this up. Oh, and congratulations.”
David laughed and turned to see Amy approaching, and Kathleen a few paces behind. He gazed in wonder at how beautiful Kathleen looked walking down the aisle to take his hand once more. Her dark brown hair softly lifting in the light breeze, and her sapphire blue eyes radiating her inner beauty. Kathleen was over twenty years older than when he had first met her, but she seemed more beautiful than ever before, and he felt so lucky that he hadn’t lost her forever.
When Kathleen reached David, he took her hand and turned towards Tom, who spoke for all to hear. “I’m very happy to be here to renew the marriage vows of these two wonderful friends. You have come together, in this Church, so that God may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of this community. Christ abundantly blesses this love, a love that most closely reveals God’s unconditional self-sacrificing love for us; a love that delights in the truth, a love that allows each of us the trust to see ourselves as God sees us, and a love where two individuals truly become one in a permanent commitment of their hearts, minds, and souls. Christ has already consecrated you in Baptism, and now he enriches and strengthens you by this special sacrament you are renewing today so that you may assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity. And so, in the presence of Christ and his Church, I ask you to state your intentions.”