by Terra Wolf
I savored the feel of his slight weight even though he was stiff against me. I inhaled deep, emotion threatening to take over, and smelled the shampoo from his hair. Same as his mom’s. Happiness was now in the mix of feelings.
My heart opened up and accept the boy into it without reserve.
I was a father to what I already knew was Liam the most lovable child in the universe. I internally promised to spend the rest of my life taking care of him and making sure he had everything he needed, most of all my love.
He would never doubt how much I loved him.
“He seems to be coming down with a stomach bug. I’m sure with a little medication and rest, he will be right as rain soon,” Veronica said. “I have placed the medicine Ms. Hudson keeps here for emergencies like this in the bag for you. I already gave him a dosage about thirty minutes ago. All you have to do is stick to the instructions on the bottle and everything will be fine. Don’t worry if he is drowsy. It is a normal side effect of the medicine. Plus he is likely tired from his body fighting the sickness.”
I nodded, eyes only for my child.
She handed me a bag decorated with cartoon characters and I shouldered it.
I buckled Liam into the backseat of my car a few minutes later. He was watching me with wide, unsure eyes. I didn’t even have a car seat. Did he need one? I had no idea.
“Where’s my mommy?” he asked.
I pushed his hair away from his forehead, the gesture unthinking. He stiffened initially but relaxed into my touch when I kept it gentle.
“I don’t know, bud. I would very much like to know that too. I’m going to take care of you until your mommy can come pick you up, though. We can watch movies and have a snack until she gets there. Would you like that?”
He nodded and told me, “I like Spiderman. He’s super cool.”
I put an expression of delighted shock on my face. “Yeah? So do I. We seem to have all the right things in common then. We’re going to have a great time together.”
He nodded as if I spoke a proven fact.
I couldn’t stop a genuine smile. The little guy was adorable.
He kept his eyes on me then surprisingly said, “I have seen a picture of you in my mommy’s room. She told me I would meet you one day. You look like me.”
My heart beat in an erratic pattern, racing one second then slowing down the next.
Keep calm Rowan, turning into a bear in front of this kid will freak him the hell out.
“Yeah?” I said.
“Yes,” he said matter-of-factly. “We should be friends.”
I didn’t know when was the last time I cried but I felt the telltale prick of tears in the corner of my eyes.
“I would like that every much,” I said, voice choked.
Once I got to my apartment, I settled Liam on the couch.
He was impressed by the size of my television and we located a channel playing cartoons.
I asked if he was hungry, having spotted a few snacks into his bag. He declined respectfully.
I offered him a glass of water after and he accepted. When I returned from the kitchen with the glass though, he had already curled up on the couch and fallen asleep.
I pulled his shoes off and settled him into a more comfortable position before settling across from him.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. They moved over, my brain trying to catalogue everything about him.
I called Willa’s phone a few more times, pissed as hell I had a kid and had no clue about it.
Willa had a lot to answer for when we saw each other.
Seventeen
Willa
James had been found.
And thank goodness, he wasn’t into drugs.
His life was filled with way too much drama for a high schooler though.
He had a crush on a girl that went the same school as he did. She was being abused by her boyfriend, a guy who went to the same school but was one year older than them. To add to this guy’s no good tendencies, he was also a small-time drug dealer.
James had stolen a stash of the teenager’s drugs in effort to take the guy’s focus off his girlfriend and direct at him.
His plan had worked and he now had a busted lip, blackened eyes and various other scrapes to prove it.
My family and the police hadn’t been the only ones searching for James. The small time crook had gotten to him first and given him a beating.
My heart had ached when I saw his injuries even though he had tried to play them off, even going so far as to decline medical attention.
I hadn’t accepted that and had demanded he be seen by a doctor. He had finally agreed when he saw I wouldn’t budge on this and he had been declared not too worse to wear at the hospital.
He was sitting next to me in my car now. He was going to spend the night at my place. He and Dad had a fight. Dad questioned his decisions as of late and James hadn’t taken it well. Everyone was very emotional and I thought it best if James came with me so the two of them could have a chance to cool off.
I agreed with my dad for once though. James’s choices didn’t reflect the smart, level-headed person I knew him to be.
I didn’t interrupt the silence in the car because I honestly had no clue what to say to my brother about his choices. He didn’t need another person breathing down his back right now so I left the conversation for another time.
I glanced at the dashboard. I read the time of the digital clock and mentally confirmed that I had to pick up Liam from daycare soon.
I also realized that I missed all my classes for today and mostly importantly, my talk with Rowan to reveal that we had a son together.
I got nervous just thinking about it. My hands became sweaty and my stomach clenched.
I found out I was pregnant just after Rowan had left for the military. I had been heartbroken when he left so suddenly. I had stopped caring for myself and went through life on automatic.
Finding out I was carrying his child had been at once devastating and yet a moment that I remembered with happiness even though I knew my life had just become ten times harder.
I didn’t think he would welcome the news. Not with the way he left.
I hadn’t wanted to tell him through a letter, email, or even over the phone. This seemed like in person sort of news to deliver.
I had sent him one email with a single line that he never responded to or acted on.
We need to talk. Please contact me when you’re in town.
He came home rarely and we never ran into each other.
As time passed, there also came many missed opportunities to tell him. Then I worried that he would try to take Liam from me or that we would have a nasty custody issue.
It became easier to just keep the news to myself.
Until now…
Would he understand why I kept it a secret for so long? Or would he make me pay for my decision to keep the knowledge of his child to myself?
I pushed the matter to the back of my mind. I could only deal with one thing at a time. The brooding boy next to me needed my attention now.
A few minutes later, we arrived at my place. I told him to make himself comfortable while I went to pick up Liam.
“We’ll talk when I get back,” I said.
“I know you’re mad at me,” James said, and I stopped in my tracks on the way to the door.
He said it like the words could no longer be contained and I turned back to him.
I was honest when I replied, “I am, but I love you, James. Nothing will ever change that. I just wished you would have trusted me to help you.”
He looked down shamefaced. He seemed so young and lost in that moment and I had to go to him. I pulled him in for a hug even though he stood almost a foot taller than me.
He buried his head against my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.
“Sis, I knew I should have come to you. It’s just my head was so wrapped up in this girl and she didn’t want me to tell anyone. I promised
her that I wouldn’t and I couldn’t go back on my word.”
I admired his strength of character even though he was in a difficult situation. I patted his back comfortingly and told him, “I understand. Love makes us do crazy things sometimes.”
Wasn’t that the God damned truth.
He laughed, a shaky sound.
“Yeah, it does,” he agreed.
I pulled back and told him, “I have to go get Liam now. We’ll finish this conversation later.”
“Thanks, sis,” he said.
I headed for the door again and patted my pockets, checking for my cell phone. It wasn’t there.
I had left it in the car I realized.
I got into the driver’s seat and immediately looked for it. I was never without it.
It was in the glove compartment and when I picked it up, I saw all the missed calls I had throughout the day. The daycare and Rowan’s outnumbered all the others and I called the daycare back first.
They explained to me that Liam had become ill and that they had reached my emergency contact, who had picked him up.
I felt the blood drain from my face.
Rowan already knew.
This wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out!
I had put his number on the form on impulse, not really thinking that he still carried the same contact number. My parents were usually unavailable to pick up Liam and James was too young. I had had no one else to place as a contact.
After I got off the phone with the campus daycare, I knew my day had taken a turn for the worse.
My hands were shaking as I dialed Rowan’s number.
He answered in the second ring.
“He is at my apartment,” he said, the words coming across without emotion.
“Rowan, I didn’t mean for you find out like this,” I started. “I swear-”
He cut me off before I could continue.
“Just come over, Willa.”
He hung up without another other word.
I had to take several moments before I felt calm enough to drive. My mind was a mess and I was panicking, only terrible scenarios playing out in my mind about the upcoming confrontation.
Still, I tried to be optimistic.
A girl could hope, right?
Finally, though, I was able to turn the key in the ignition and pull out of the driveway.
When I showed up at Rowan’s apartment the door was yanked open before I even knocked.
By the look on his face, I knew things were not going to go how I had hoped.
Eighteen
Willa
Rowan and I just stared at each other for a few seconds, me standing just outside his front door and he like a guard over the threshold. I looked at a place just over his shoulder and I felt the coolness of his eyes roaming over me.
I couldn’t meet Rowan's eyes - not yet - afraid of what I would find there, so instead of doing so I let my eyes trail over his body.
I still couldn’t help but notice how devilishly handsome he was in a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt. Then back up my stare went. Over long legs, muscled thighs, trim hips, a flat stomach and a hard chest.
His jaw was stubborn looking and the lines of his face were sharp. The light stubble darkening his jaw intensified the bad boy aura surrounding him. He definitely didn’t look like the kind of guy you would want to piss off.
When I finally found the courage to allow my eyes to meet his, I found him watching me. He tried to bury his emotions beneath a layer of ice I could tell but the clench of his jaw and the heated light in his eyes told me what I needed to know.
He was angry.
Actually, the word angry didn’t adequately describe the tsunami of hot emotion pouring off him. It threatened to burn me alive even though a word hadn’t been spoken yet.
I swallowed and straightened my spine. I needed to pull up my defenses for the upcoming confrontation that was about to go down. No matter what, I wasn’t going to just tiptoe around him. My pride wouldn’t allow it. I would explain how this situation happened and hoped he understood. I knew I deserved him being pissed, hell I would have been too, but my kid was in his house and I needed to see him.
“Can I come in?” I asked, working to keep my voice level.
He stepped back and allowed me to enter.
“Where’s Liam?” I asked as I passed him, careful so that no parts of our bodies made contact. “How is he?”
My focus moved completely from Rowan to my baby.
“On the couch,” he answered, the words ultra-controlled and giving nothing away. “He’s fine. Poor kid is suffering from one of those twenty-four hour bugs though.”
I headed straight for the living room and immediate rushed to Liam’s side. I dropped the bag I carried on my side and knelt next to the furniture, my hands hovering over him. I was careful not to jostle him even though I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and make sure he was truly okay.
My son – our son – was sleeping peaceful on the couch. A light blanket was thrown over him and his chest rose and fell gently.
“He fell asleep almost as soon as we got here. I woke him up to eat lunch and gave him another dose of the medicine in the bag. He watched television for a few minutes but went right back to sleep. He’s been sleeping most of the time. Is that normal for him?”
My eyes remained on the small child, my mother’s eyes meticulously cataloguing his every feature and searching for anything that might be off.
Luckily, all I saw were the normal signs of a child recovering from a mild sickness.
I answered Rowan without moving my gaze, giving Liam another automatic sweep of my gaze. “The medication makes him drowsy plus he tends to sleep a lot when he’s sick. He’s no worse for wear. He will get over this soon.”
Thank goodness!
I pushed Liam’s hair back and kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment. Liam didn’t move but continued to sleep, his breathing easy.
A silence filled the room. I ignored it until it became too loud for me to continue doing so.
Steeling myself, I moved my eyes to the man who stood like an imposing mountain at the entrance of the room.
He was watching me.
For a moment I swore I saw a softening in his look as he gazed upon the image Liam and I made. But the look was gone much too quickly for me to believe it was anything more than my imagination.
The molten fury simmering in the depths of his eyes was certainly real though. Shit.
The intensity of his look left me momentarily speechless. Finally, I said, “We need talk.”
That was an understatement if there ever was one.
His eyebrow rose as if to say, obviously, then said out loud, “Follow me.”
He turned without waiting for my answer or reaction.
I watched his back as he walked to his bedroom.
Giving Liam one last look, I took a deep breath and followed him.
Inside the bedroom, I briefly looked around and noticed that the bedroom had all the essentials – bed, dresser, bedside table – but like the rest of the apartment lacked any true touch from this man. He had obviously only just moved in and had made no effort to infuse the space with his personality as yet.
I turned to him and saw that he had pushed the door to almost closing. He left a small space that allowed us to hear if Liam needed us but also afforded us a small amount of privacy.
There was more heavy silence until he finally broke it.
“What the fuck Willa? Why? Why did you keep this from me? You had no right. Absolutely no right.”
His words seemed hurt and I swallowed, pushing back the sudden prick of tears. His anger I expected and kind of understood. His sorrow was unanticipated and worse than I imagined.
I couldn’t stand to hurt Rowan. Not back then and not now. Knowing I did so was liking being stabbed a knife through my heart.
My voice was croaked when I spoke for the first time.
“I was going to tell
you. Please believe I never meant for so much time to pass before I did. I screwed up,” I said.
His jaw ticked and his anger exploded in venomous hisses that left no traces of the hurt I thought I saw.
“When Willa? When he was in his twenties and I had completely missed all the important moments in watching him grow up? What the fuck did you think you were accomplishing by keeping my own flesh and blood from me? And what about his heritage? Does he know he’s a shifter?”
“No, he doesn’t. I figured we had a few more years. When did you change? Nine, ten? I had some time.”
“That’s your excuse? You had time? Do you know how dangerous your first change is? It hurts like hell too. I can help him through, that, I will help him through that Willa. It’s my duty, as his father!”
He was understandably furious. I couldn’t deny I would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.
Besides that, it wouldn’t help the already turbulent situation if I lost my cool so I controlled my tone to one which was even and more patient after a few deep breaths.
“When we talked last night, I told you I had something to tell you. This was it. I never meant to keep this from you for so long. I swear to you I didn’t. The fact that I had you as the emergency contact on Liam’s daycare sheet should tell you as much.”
“You expect me to believe that when you lied to me for so long!”
“I never lied to you!” My tone rose along with his but went right back down when I repeated the words, adamant because they were true.
“You lied by omission, Willa. No matter how you spin it, you kept something from me that I had every right to know.”
“When was I supposed to tell you, Rowan? You weren’t exactly around,” I responded, gesturing with my hands to solidify my point. “When I found out about the pregnancy, you were already gone and you had been in such a dark place after your father’s death, I honestly didn’t think this was something you would be able to handle. I didn’t know how to break through your walls and I wasn’t going to bring my child up in a broken home with a father that popped in and out of his life.”
“You had no right to make that decision for me. I am his father. I needed to know that I had bought a child into this world,” he said, his hand gestures just as furious as mine.