“Wait, Kate what did you want to tell us? I completely forgot.”
“Oh, it’s nothing really. I am getting divorced.”
“What?!” Ella and I say in unison.
“Yep! I caught Keith in a lie and found out that he is screwing some female police officer. I’m done, I can’t accept or want to fix what he fucked up. So, he has moved out and we are in divorce proceedings. We’ll split custody of the girls and he can go screw the rest of Orange County for all I care.”
“Katie-bear, honey I am so sorry.” I say as I walk to her and give her a hug.
“Beth, seriously I am ok with it. It was a long time coming. I’m mad that he didn’t have the balls to tell me before he fucked this girl. Also, I feel for my girls, they love their daddy. Too bad they are too young to see what a fucking douche he really is!”
Ella and I just chuckle at her saying. We move to the couch and talk some more. Kate also informs us that her Granddaddy is close to retirement. She has been in contact with an Architect and Contractor to remodel the 1970s office that her Granddaddy is leaving her.
“That office is just gross, I can’t stand it. I won’t stand it, so I’m meeting with an Architect to remodel and expand. I just want the funky green and yellow laminate flooring and cabinetry to go. I want to make it fresh and new. I also want to remodel the stables.”
“That’s great Kate! I know this next chapter in your life is going to be better,” I say to her.
Around ten o’clock the girls leave and I walk into my room. I walk into Grant’s closest. I haven’t been in here since the day I came home from the hospital. I walk into the massive walk in closest. I slowly start to pull his clothes off the hanger. I place my face to his shirts, trying to remember his smell. I start to fold the shirts, pants, suits, ties, and undergarments. I save the clothing that means the most to me, mostly his Harley Davidson shirts and shirts that I remember important memories too. I save the polo he wore when he proposed. The tie he wore to our rehearsal. His flannel pajama bottoms that he lounged around in on the weekends. The Mickey Mouse shirt that he bought but never wore when we went to Disney years ago. I make a collection of the items I want to save, but have no idea what to do with them.
Before I know it, it’s one in the morning. I’ve cleaned out Grant’s closet. I have garbage bags of clothing that are ready to be given to the Salvation Army.
I take a hot shower. When I get into bed I stare at my phone and end up texting Jacob.
Me: Jacob, I’m sorry for this afternoon. Do you think we can talk tomorrow?
Jacob: I’m in the office tomorrow, we can meet for lunch or I can come over after work.
Me: After work is ok. I’ll make you dinner. ☺
Jacob: Why are you up so late?
Me: I couldn’t sleep. E and K left around 10p.m. and I ended up cleaning out Grant’s closet.
Jacob: Are you ok?
Me: I’m ok, I think more than ok.
Jacob: I miss you and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams, love.
Me: I miss you, too. Goodnight babe.
Ugh! I put the phone on the nightstand, roll to my side and try to sleep.
Thursday night slowly approached. I spent most of the day packing. I asked Cole to come by on his lunch break to pick up the last of the files from Grants office. I told Cole to take whatever he or Anna would want. He took most of his college and law school mementos. He even took the box that was still left in the garage from his office. He practically took everything from his office, which was fine by me. I felt relief when he took it all.
For dinner I made chicken pot pie. I hope Jacob likes it. He’s at my house by six. When I open the door he seems hesitant to walk in. I grab his wrist and pull him in. “Please, babe come in.” I say as I close the door behind him. He stands there looking around at the mess. I walk to him and with my entire strength stand on my toes, grab his shoulders to pull him to me for a kiss. Our kiss is sweet, slow, and soft. As if we are both remembering this kiss for the rest of our lives.
He pulls away and looks into my eyes. “You are so beautiful, Elizabeth. I missed you.”
“You saw me a little over twenty-four hours ago, silly.” He pulls me in for a hug, I cling him. When we separate, he rubs his hands all over my belly, feeling the boys move around.
“You doing OK? How have they been?”
“The boys are in full wrestling mode. They don’t ever stop which kind of scares me. I’m doing well.” Gesturing towards the kitchen I tell him, “I made Chicken Pot Pie. I hope you like it.”
“Sounds delicious, and yes I love some good southern cooking. Umm, Elizabeth what has happened to your house?”
I look over my shoulder as he stands agape at the mess that has consumed my house. He is looking at all the boxes, garbage bags and miscellaneous all over the place. He is still in his work clothes. Today he is wearing gray slacks with a black long sleeved shirt. He has rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned a few buttons at the top of his shirt. He slips off his shoes, and walks behind me where he wraps his arms around my waist and rubs his hands along my belly.
“I guess I have a serious case of nesting. Last night I started to clean out Grant’s closet and I just kept going this morning. I feel it’s time to pack his things away. Cole came by this afternoon and took most of his work and college things.”
“I would have helped you.” He says as he helps me set the table.
“I know, but it was something I needed to do. I saved some things for the boys, so when they get older they will have some of his things. I put away the pictures of us together, and made piles for charity. I’m ok.”
We start to eat and he is chowing down my pot pie. I need to remember this recipe for him. I don’t eat as much; I just don’t have the appetite like I should. Once we are done, he stands up to do the dishes. “Jacob, you don’t have to do that.”
“You sit there and relax, I’ve got this covered.”
“I have to tell you something.” I mumble to him while rubbing my belly. He looks at me as if I ran over his puppy. He walks back over to me. He cautiously sits back down in the chair beside me.
“Alright, what is it?” He says while looking out the window. As if what I have to say, just might bring him to his knees. I pull out my realtor’s business card and slide it over to him. He looks at it puzzled.
I spit out the words fast. “She’s a really great realtor, and I figured you might want to call her if we are going to be buying a house together.” I have a shit eating grin on my face, because I know this was not what he was expecting.
“You’re shitting me? You want to move in together and buy a house?”
“Yes, I had some very wise friends help me realize that I need to live in the moment and that if you are dead serious on making this relationship stronger and helping me with my boys, then I should take you up on your offer.”
He slides out of his chair onto his knees next to me. He grabs my neck and pulls me into a fierce kiss. He kisses with strength, pulling the breath from my lungs. I push back, trying to catch a breath. “God, Elizabeth, I love you so damn much! I promise you I will make you so happy. We will find the home of our dreams. I will give you everything you want.” He leans down to my belly; he pulls up my shirt and trails kisses all over it. It is the most paternal image, the kind I have only witnessed in my dreams. I feel the waterworks about to start, but then I freeze when I hear him whisper. “I love you Grant.” He kisses my belly where baby A is. “I love you Evan.” He kisses where baby B is. Finally he moves his lips over to where baby C is. “I love you Cole.” He looks up to me with his beautiful smile and that chiseled jaw. “I love all of you!” He whispers to me. He rubs his fingers through my hair, pulls my lips back to him and kisses me. This kiss gives me the lighting force shocks through my veins. My core feels like a volcano, where I feel like I am going to erupt at any minute. My clit is throbbing; I can feel my nipples harden. Jacob pulls away from our kiss. Pulling me to stand
up, he holds my hand and pulls me to my bedroom. Once we are by the bed, he asks me to lie down. He lies down next to me. He pulls me into his arms, and kisses me fiercely and passionately. His hands are all over my body. Within minutes we are naked and skin to skin. He touches me in places where my skin starts to sweat, my body shakes, and stars start to form behind my eyes. I return the favor of touching him all over. He keeps true to his words and we never made love, but just being this close to me I knew that we were both falling in love. As the evening carries on, we finally fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Waking up before dawn I stare at the ceiling fan and wonder. Why did my life have such a fork in the road? Is this really how it should go? How do I bury a past I never wanted buried? How do I go on when I have the past growing inside of me? I just had amazing night with the man I think I am in love with and I can’t get my past out of my head.
I silently talk to Grant and ask for his approval. That he needs to give me a sign that he is alright with this. That he will accept Jacob as his sons’ dad. That he isn’t angry with me for never telling him he has three sons. I feel my jaw tightening and the tears run down my face. I am relieved that Jacob is asleep as I go through all these emotions. I know I want Jacob, I know that I am falling in love him, and I know that I want a future with him. I need to find my closure with my past first.
The first several days of May have been a tornado of events. Jacob’s condo sold in four days. I knew my realtor was great, I just didn’t think she was a damn genie. So I try to clear out my belongings along with my past at almost thirty-one weeks pregnant. My present and my future are merging too fast. The remnants of Grant’s office are cleared out. I placed photos of his office furniture on Craigslist and I have a buyer coming to pick it up this afternoon. I have another buyer, picking up my bedroom furniture tonight. I’m selling all my furniture, I just don’t feel comfortable, having Jacob and I start our new life together on furniture that Grant and I bought. I look at every piece, and it holds a memory.
I’m doing laundry when I get a call from Cole. He tells me he has come across paperwork from Grant for me. He found it in one of the boxes that he finally cleaned out from Grant’s work office. I tell him I am home all day and to swing by when he gets a chance.
Forty-five minutes later Cole is knocking at my door. Walking to the door I’m really concerned that he got here so quickly. I can only imagine what he needs to give me. All of his insurance policies, and other paper work have been taken care of. I open the door to see Cole’s eyes bug out. “I can’t believe how big the babies have gotten.” He murmurs while trying to move his eyes from my enormous belly.
“Yep! They are really wearing me thin these days.” I can tell he wants some connection so as I invite him in, I stand on my toes to give him a hug. Then I grab his hand. “Here is Grant.” I say as I place his hand over where baby A is. I see his laugh lines appear as he gives me the biggest smile, which I haven’t seen in many months. I grab his other hand and place it over baby C. “This is Cole.” I say as I wink at him. He is dumbfounded, he didn’t know I was naming two of the babies after Grant and him.
“What is the other one’s name?” He says as he gently rubs my belly.
“Evan. They are all named after three very important men in my life.” I whisper as I feel my words start to choke up.
“Thank you. I am honored, as I know your father and Grant would be. I can’t wait to hold them all.” He leans over and gives me another hug.
He pulls out an envelope out of his suit jacket. “Anna came across this as she was going through the boxes you told me to take. She apologizes for starting to read it, since it wasn’t addressed to anyone. She never read the whole thing, but wanted to let you know that it is from Grant. It’s a letter to you.
“What kind of letter? I already got everything we discussed together if something happened to one of us.”
“It’s a letter telling you to be happy with your new life. Here!” Cole, hands me the letter as I walk to the couch. “Beth, I’m going to get going. I need to be in court soon. Are you going to be ok?”
I look up to him with tears in my eyes. Cole is acknowledging my new life as he sees what is going on in my house. Cole leans down to kiss my head. “Beth, it’s OK to move on. We all just want you to be happy. Anna and I understand all of this.” As he waves his hand at all the boxes and furniture all over the place. “We just want a small part in our grandsons’ lives.”
I kiss him on the cheek and say, “You have a huge part in your grandsons’ lives, nothing small about it. Tell Anna I love her and thank you. I love you, too.”
He stands up, and winks at me. “Let us know if you need anything.”
I hold the envelope to my chest as I take in deep breaths. I slowly reopen the letter and see it’s a hand written letter on his legal pad paper. I feel my throat close up and I try not to sob. It’s dated January 2011. I don’t understand why he never told me about this?
To my sweetheart, my love, and my heart Elizabeth,
Elizabeth, it’s another year and I pray that this is the year we are finally parents. It breaks my heart a little more every time I see your dream come crashing down. I wish I could give you a baby so badly. I hate seeing you hurt for a child. Know that I think you will be an amazing mother when you finally become one. You have so much love to give, you are extremely patient kind, tenderhearted, smart, and care free. All these attributes are why I fell in love with you. I love you so much. Sometimes I wonder if you know that I am alive and breathing because of those three words you say to me every day. Do you even know how much I love you? Well, that is what I hope I get across in this letter. I know I say it to you and I show you when we make love, but I want it on paper so you know just how much I love you and how much you mean to me.
You know that I am dealing with a case where these parents lost their daughter due to texting and driving. Seeing these parents make me realize that life is just too damn short, that once we become parents we will have such huge responsibilities and love for a baby that is unconditional. Frankly it scares the shit out of me, but I want you and our future children to know how much you mean to me. God, if something ever happens to me Elizabeth, I want you to live. Live the life that you are blessed with. Live everyday as if it is your last. Live with all the love that you have and give that love to someone else who deserves your love. It kills me writing this and even picturing you with another man, but I can’t tell you the amount of love your heart holds for people. I want you to go on and love another man and for that man to fill my role for our children. Our children will be so damn lucky to have your love. (Yes, I say children because I know we will have at least three beautiful babies.) Please, be happy if something happens to me. Please, smile that beautiful smile that makes my heart melt when you use it. I know if I die, I will die a very happy and blessed man because I lived a life where I woke up to you every day by my side. I had a life of your love, it might not have been a long life, but it was just enough to make me happy. I will never forget our wedding day. It was a day you made my dreams come true. Because you vowed to love me and having your love is all I ever wanted. I love you Elizabeth! Know that I will love you till the end of time, that even in heaven I will love you and will protect you and our children. Know that every day the sun rises and every night when the stars appear I am watching you and our children. I hope to God you will never read this letter, but if you are reading this now. I want you to smile, because I’m smiling back at you. Be happy sweetheart and love again!
I love you Elizabeth and I love my children.
Love Always,
Grant and Daddy
Oh God! I cry holding his letter to my stomach. He is finally giving me my sign. My sign to love Jacob and to go on with the life we are trying to make, or shall I say a life Jacob is trying to make. I’m the one digging my heels into the ground. I am jolted out of the seat as the doorbell rings. I wipe the tears and open the door to people who are taking away my pas
t.
Jacob comes home that night to see the house in an even bigger disaster as strangers made pathways to take the furniture away. Jacob brings flowers for me. I have no intention of telling him about Grant’s letter. I folded it up and placed it in my box of memories of Grant for the boys. He smiles at me and kisses me breathless, he has exciting news. “I got a call from our realtor and she has a house for us to see. It’s on a lake.” He says to me in a sing song voice. “So go get ready, I’m taking you to look at the house and then feed you four.” He smiles at me and pats my butt as I walk to change.
He takes me to a small gated neighborhood. There are only about twenty houses in this neighborhood. The odd thing to see is that all these houses are lined up around this huge lake. The lots sizes are big, close to two acres and the houses are even bigger. The house is beyond beautiful. It has a Tuscan feel to it. The stucco is an off white color, with red tile roofing and a huge, glass and wooden arched door. The upstairs balconies have the iron rod railings. The house looks like something out of Hollywood with huge palm trees out front and next to the three car garage. Jacob is excited to show me the backyard. We walk around back through the iron rod gates to the cobblestone pathway. My draw drops when I see the backyard. The backyard has its own private boat dock. It has an enormous cobble stone patio, built in grill, fire pit, Jacuzzi and pool. A pergola is off to the side with a hanging swing. Jacob and I stand out here looking, knowing it is perfect for the boys and us. “We can’t surf on that lake, but we can Jet Ski. Look at all this.” He says as he waves his arm along the span of the backyard. “Look at that side of the yard. We could put a swing set and playhouse over there. Not only will the boys have room to run and play, but just think how happy the dogs will be. We could have some mind-blowing parties out here.”
Life's Perfect Plan (The Life Series) Page 12