Numb. Think numb.
Terence was sitting on the coffee table now, telling us how Patrick would start losing the ability to do the simplest things. Things like staying visible and hiding his aura. He would die invisible, wrapped in colors of pain. I cringed at the thought, and I received the almost customary squeeze from Patrick's cold fingers.
They talked for a long time. I listened to their voices but didn't pay attention until I realized Terence had asked me a question, and now everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to say something.
“Sorry. What was that?” I asked, too numb to blush at being caught.
Terence offered a small understanding smile. “I would like to speak with you alone, if that would be all right. It won't take long.”
The meeting I'd been waiting for ever since his phone call—the conversation I'd been looking forward to since the incident with Grandma—it was the last thing I wanted to happen now. I didn't want to leave my Guardian. I looked to Patrick, but he only forced a smile and squeezed my hand. “I'll be right here,” he promised softly.
I swallowed, then leaned in to touch my lips to his. But I didn't let myself linger over the kiss, because I didn't want to start crying. I pulled away and stood, Patrick's fingers slipping from mine as I followed after the lead Guardian.
As soon as we stepped into the hall, Terence closed the door and then gestured with one long arm toward the stairs. “We'll take a short walk around the building. This won't take long, Kate.”
I walked with him without a word, and we remained in silence until we reached the bottom of the stairs on the main floor of the warehouse. Finally, he spoke, slowing his steps unconsciously. “I know this isn't an easy time for you. Patrick had mentioned that you were good friends, but… I gather that there may be something more between you?”
I just nodded. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't.
Terence hesitated, wondering how to begin. “I assume you kept my phone call a secret?”
Again, I just nodded.
“Thank you for that. I just have a few questions—things that couldn't be discussed over the phone, and things that… for your own safety, should be kept secret from all others. Including your Guardians.”
“Can you please just tell me what you're trying to say?” I asked suddenly, knowing it was rude to interrupt but sick of the useless waiting. We were wasting time, and time wasn't something I could afford to waste right now. Patrick didn't have any time to waste.
Because maybe he had given up. It certainly sounded like they'd all given up. But I hadn't. I wouldn't. Already I was trying to form a plan of action. A visit to Clyde, maybe call on Jack if it became necessary…
I was prepared to do anything, look anywhere for answers. The numbness was fading. It was time for action. Before I went crazy.
These thoughts happened in a split second. Terence bowed his head apologetically and held one of the double doors for me. I blinked heavily into the sudden sunlight, and Terence was squinting beside me. His silver car gleamed brightly in the falling sun, and we averted our eyes to the ground almost immediately.
Terence guided me to the right, and finally he began to speak while we paced in front of the abandoned structure. “Have you stopped to wonder why the Demon Lord would be interested in you, Kate? Have you wondered why he'd send Far Darrig after you? Why Romero and Avalos believed they could return to their king's good graces by hand-delivering you? Have you wondered what made you so special?”
I shrugged a single shoulder. “Patrick said that… maybe they're just really desperate for Seers.”
Terence smiled kindly. “He doesn't really believe that.”
“I know.” I sighed and stole a glance at the old Guardian at my side. “He didn't want to admit it, though.”
Terence nodded. “And he was wise to keep his ignorance from you. Seers—especially new Seers—depend greatly on the strength of their Guardians. If their protectors are anxious and unsure, those emotions simply transfer to the Seer and generally intensify.” He paused, as if to take a breath, but didn't continue.
“It makes sense,” I grunted, wondering if that's what he was waiting for.
“Yes, it does. But I believe I may know why the Demon Lord is after you. And why Far Darrig is stalking you—how they knew of you so soon.”
“And?” I prompted, allowing some of my impatience to leak through.
We rounded the first corner, and Terence shot me a look. “What do auras look like to you, Kate? What do you see when you look at a person's emotions?”
It seemed like a weird question. I felt dumb answering it, saying the obvious out loud. “Well, um… I see a ribbon of light, surrounding the person. Gold if it's human, silver if it's a Guardian, and black if it's a Demon.”
“And what of emotions?” Terence questioned.
“It gets complicated.” I bit my bottom lip, considering the best way to explain. “Swirls of colors. Sometimes streaks, sometimes just small splotches. The colors are all jumbled, but I've learned to interpret them pretty well. It was harder in the beginning.”
“You see multiple colors at once?” he clarified.
There was a hint of something in his voice I couldn't identify, but the hairs on the back of my neck rose in response. “Yeah. Why? Is that wrong?”
He gave me a reassuring smile, but the furrow between his eyebrows was deep, and not just because of the bright sun. “No, of course it's not wrong. But it's different. Rare.”
I blinked in surprise. “You mean… most Seers don't…?”
“Most Seers see only one color. One emotion at a time. The strongest, the most present. You see the underlying feelings that other Seers miss.”
“And this is rare?” I kept thinking about the mind-reading experience. Grandpa had said that was rare too. Was it related?
“Quite rare, yes.”
So I was a freak among freaks?
“What makes me see things differently?” I asked, still trying to figure out how I'd explain my experience to him. “Did I get… closer to dying or something?”
“My studies lead me to conclude that it has nothing to do with the actual near-death experience. Instead, it has to do with genetics.” He shrugged. “At least, that's the best conclusion I've been able to draw. It could be something entirely different. But the few Seers who have family members that also become Seers, they all see things the same.”
“So my grandpa is different too? Like me?” That made sense—he'd had the mind-reading thing happen to him.
Terence nodded, and we turned the next corner. There was less sun on this back side of the alley, and the other factory building was close; there was just enough room to have the couple dumpsters along the walls and still have what could manage to be a one-way street.
“Your grandfather was interviewed a long time ago, but yes, he sees multiple emotions as well.”
“Is there a reason he didn't mention this to me?” Why wouldn't he have told me that even the way I—we—saw auras was different?
“He was sworn to secrecy, of course. As you will be.”
“You mean, I can't talk about this—even to my own family?”
“For your safety, you'd better not. The fewer people who know, the better.”
“Why? Why is it such a big deal, seeing multiple colors?”
“The Demon Lord has been hunting down every special Seer he can get his hands on for the past century or more. Surely your Guardians mentioned the other Seers taken by Far Darrig. The kidnappings seemed random, but they were anything but.”
“So why does he want us? Why does he want me?”
“Because Seeing isn't the only thing you can do, Kate.”
He was going for cryptic, but he didn't quite succeed, since I already knew what he was trying to wow me with. I surprised him by nodding. “I know. We can read minds.”
He blinked rapidly, shocked by my response. “You can what?”
Now it was my turn to be surprised.
I frow
ned. “Some Seers can read minds.”
“Could you explain that, please?” he asked, kindly, but still baffled.
I hurried to tell him everything, including my grandfather's explanation of events. Almost immediately his surprise vanished, and he was nodding. “I see why you'd reach that conclusion,” he said after I was done speaking. “And I understand why your grandfather wouldn't tell you the truth. He was sworn to secrecy, after all.”
I waited for his words to make sense of themselves.
They didn't.
“What do you mean?” I demanded, feeling apprehension for the first time. Grandpa had lied to me?
Terence slowed his step. “Let me explain, Kate. Most Seers only see the emotion of the moment. The strongest. The one color. But you can see everything; even the thoughts and feelings that are in the back of a person's mind. Our feelings are doorways to memories. Since you can access more… see emotions that aren't based in the present…”
I stopped walking. He stopped with me, and we stood facing each other. Slack jawed, I just stared at him.
Talk about one of the most overwhelming days of my life.
“Are you saying…?” my voice drifted. “Are you saying I can access people's memories?”
He tipped his head once.
“I can… see their past experiences through their auras? Isn't that a fancy way of saying mind reader?”
“Not exactly,” he said. “It's more comparable to… you can actually relive their past experiences with them.”
“As in, I focus on one of their emotions, and I get to feel their memory with them?” It sounded exactly like what had happed in the front room. The vision had been real, overwhelming. It really had felt like I was there, standing in the room with my parents.
He smiled just a little. “No. That's not exactly how I'd describe it. It's closer to actually going back and watching things unfold. As your own separate person—a living witness to events. Possibly an active participant of the moment, if you chose to interact.”
I blinked. “Like… travel through time? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” My heart was racing with the sudden implications, even as my mind rebelled against the absurd idea. Why hadn't Grandpa told me this? Promise or no promise, why had he kept something this huge from me? I had been standing in the room with my parents. I'd actually been there, if only for a split second. I'd used Grandma's memory as a gateway, and… I'd somehow physically been there. My arms were aching, thinking that I'd been so close to them, and hadn't embraced them. Not that they would have known me, their yet-to-be-born-daughter.
“No more ridiculous than seeing emotions, I'd imagine.” Terence's voice brought me back.
“No. Actually, it's a lot weirder. Are you saying that I could actually use a person's aura and take a stroll through their past?” If so, I could do it again—I could see, touch, and talk to my parents again whenever I wanted.
“Well, that's what you did with your grandmother, didn't you? Of course, you were there for only a moment—the shortest instance. I'd imagine that was because you didn't realize what was happen-ing—you didn't know how to keep yourself grounded there. It's hard for us to understand, because we don't really know much about this power. And for the time being, the Guardian council has asked Seers to refrain from experimentation. There have been casualties in the past. Accidents.”
“Casualties?” That got my attention.
He nodded solemnly. “I wasn't an overseer for the experiments, so my knowledge is somewhat limited. I only know the basic findings. I believe it was over a decade ago when the Guardian council put a stop to the research. As with all things, time travel has rules, and the penalties of nature can be severe. For one thing, you can't alter events in your own lifetime.”
It was like he'd guessed all my thoughts. What better way to stop Patrick's illness than making sure it never happened? And then… the possibilities… not only could I visit my parents, but they didn't have to die in the first place. I could prevent the accident.
“Why not?” I demanded, distracted and more than a little upset that he'd shot my ideas down so quickly.
Surprising me, he shrugged. “I'm not sure what happens exactly. But any Seer that's ever tried disappears, only to return with their heart no longer beating. As if the act of changing their own past somehow takes their own life.” He was suddenly apologetic. “It's not a clear science, Kate. There is so much we don't understand.”
“So what use is changing the past if you can't improve your own present?” I asked rhetorically.
“Some gifts aren't meant to be used for our own gain. Perhaps this one shouldn't be used at all.”
“Where could we use it, anyway? If we can't change the fates of anyone in our lives…” Understanding began to dawn, and I could feel it registering on my face.
His head bobbed as I pieced it together. “Yes. Any memory in your lifetime would be considered off-limits. But what of us who live forever? Those of us who have memories that date back hundreds, even thousands of years?”
Things were clinking into place, now. “The Demon Lord. Is that what he's trying to do? Rewrite the past?”
“It's pure speculation. But it would explain a lot of what's been happening. The ease of his rise to power.”
“But… how did he know about me so soon? How I see things? I've only ever told Lee, and… oh.”
He nodded grimly. “Your grandfather. The Demon Lord must have been after him initially. And then Far Darrig discovered you during his plotting to retrieve your grandfather, and plans changed. They wanted the younger Seer of the family.”
“And they were sure I saw things the same way, because we're related,” I finished for him.
“Quite right.” He waved a hand, and I slowly forced myself to continue walking. But it was hard to concentrate on each step when my life was spinning out of control.
We walked in silence to the next corner, and started moving along the last full side of the building. The shed housing the midnight-blue car took up most of the alley, so we had to walk single file past it.
Once we were walking side by side again, I asked a tentative question. “So how does it work? How do I stay in a person's memory? How do I access the right emotion at will? Everything with my Grandma was so accidental…”
“Obviously I can only tell you what's been told to me. But it seems that the only thing necessary is to concentrate on one color, one feeling. The specific memory pulls you in, and your body is suddenly in two places at once—though you are decidedly unconscious in your real time. It exhausts you to stay long in the past—at least, that's what we've learned through experiments. The further back you go, the easier it is on your body. But as long as a Seer is traveling to a memory that predates the Seers's birth, the Seer returns alive. Extremely exhausted—usually unconscious—but alive.”
“It would work the same if a Seer traveled into a Demon's past,” I muttered. “So we're like tools to them.”
It wasn't a question, but he answered me anyway. “Yes, or so it would seem. But this type of travel… the Seer has no control. The one with the memories is the one who does the guiding. A Seer can't pick and choose where to end up—what time to inhabit. As you can imagine, this ability doesn't do a Seer much good. What can they change? Nothing for their benefit.”
I nodded once, my thoughts still running wild. Time travel. And I'd just been told that I shouldn't use it, and that there was no way it could benefit me. I felt incredibly gypped.
Terence slowed his steps, not ready yet to reach our last corner. “Kate, you must promise me that you won't experiment with this knowledge. You understand the dangers. If you tried to alter events in your life, you would die. Any year you've lived is strictly prohibited.”
“I understand,” I told him.
His eyes bored into mine. “You cannot use this to save Patrick. Your entire lifetime is off-limits, so any of the years he's lived during your lifespan are fatal to you. Is that clear?”
> “Yes.”
He watched my face carefully, but must have decided that I honestly understood. He continued, “You must also promise to keep this knowledge a secret. Not just for your sake, but for the sake of all other gifted Seers. Demons aren't the only ones that wish they could rewrite the past. Think of the Guardians that have regretted their choice. What if they could have a Seer go back and convince themselves to choose differently? We would lose so many… Please, Kate. You must promise me that this will not be discussed again.”
“So, we can't even tell my Guardians why the Demons are after me?” I asked, completely incredulous.
“No matter how content Guardians may appear, they still have regrets. Every living thing makes mistakes, ponders the possibilities if they'd only chosen a different course. Guardians aren't exempt. Your Guardians are not exempt. Am I making myself clear?”
Again, I nodded.
He seemed to be convinced, and we rounded the front corner—we could see his parked car and the double doors that marked the end of our time together.
But I still had one question. “Terence, if the Demon Lord wants me this badly… then why did Far Darrig stop?”
The lead Guardian glanced at me, his wrinkled eyes squinted. “But he hasn't, Kate. He hasn't stopped. He probably never will.”
Terence didn't linger. There wasn't much left to do or discuss. He took a few minutes to talk to Toni alone, and then Patrick. Last instructions? Good-byes? I tried not to think about what was happening behind the closed doors. Instead I sat on the couch and plotted.
Despite my concern for Patrick, I thought a lot about what Terence had told me. How could I not? To learn that time travel was possible—that I had the power to do it—was both awesome and terrifying. True, there were a lot of limitations, and it was the reason I'd been being hunted so relentlessly by the Demons. But still. It was cool. Intriguing. And no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't find a good way to use it to remedy the current situation.
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