by Linda Ford
He left town and rode until dark before he stopped and made a cold camp. After riding so many hours, he should have fallen asleep immediately, but instead, he lay awake, looking up at the stars. How was Emily? Did Mikey miss him? Did she? Who was she?
Scene after scene replayed in his head. The trip to the waterfalls. The visits to the Marshall Five Ranch. The afternoon spend at the house on the edge of town. He folded his hands under his head. He’d been so full of dreams after that day. Dreams that involved her.
Was she like his mother? Was that why Mr. Ellesworth’s story had hurt him so badly? All through his childhood, until his mother’s death, he’d wanted only for her to stay and make a home with him and Gram. It had cut to the bone when he learned that she chose other men over him.
He sat up as he tried to sort out his tangled thoughts. He hadn’t even given Emily the opportunity to explain or the option of choosing a different sort of life. Was he willing to give her a chance? Let her start over? Forget her past? He snorted. She wanted to remember her past and here he was, wanting her to forget it.
But was it that easy?
He lay back, longing for sleep. Eventually it came, but he rose the next morning feeling groggy and he fought to shake off the sluggishness.
He reached Great Falls late in the afternoon. Because it was Sunday, he waited until the next morning to go to the sheriff and present his questions about why Mr. Ellesworth was so interested in certain parcels of land.
“I can’t say, but I know someone who might know.” They went over to the lawyer’s office and learned that he and Mr. Ellesworth were cousins.
The lawyer came out of his chair at Jesse’s question about the land. “He vowed he would not take advantage of the information I inadvertently revealed to him.” The lawyer went on to explain that one of his clients was on the board of a railway company looking to expand west, and Bella Creek was under consideration to be on the route. “Nothing is certain yet, but he’s obviously bent on taking advantage of those folks.”
The next morning Jesse started the return trip. He stopped early in the evening, built a fire and made a pot of coffee. So, Mr. Ellesworth was a scoundrel. But did that make his news about Emily any less true? Why would he fabricate a story about her?
Did he fear she would regain her memory and have unfavorable things to say about him? Did he hope, by spreading his story, to discredit anything Emily said?
Jesse could see that as a possibility.
He hunkered down at the fire, watching the flames flicker and dance. He had no idea what to believe.
Both Emily and Gram said he needed to forgive his mother. He knew it to be so. It was easy to talk about forgiveness, but how could he let this lump of anger and disappointment go?
He tossed a stick into the fire and watched it burn until only red coals remained.
The fire had consumed it.
The thought flared within his head. Was forgiveness the same? Could he simply toss it out and watch it be reduced to ashes?
He got to his feet and picked up several sticks. “Father God, all my life I waited for her to change. She never did and still I waited for something to be different. Now I see it’s me that needs to change. I need to let go of what was, just like I let go of this stick and let the fire burn it up.” He tossed it into the fire. It caught immediately and the flames flared upward. “I let go of what I hoped for and accept what I have. I have a good life, a grandmother who loves me and raised me to do right. I have a job I like and I’m good at.” He tossed another stick into the fire and watched the flames lick it up. “And, maybe, I have a chance for the home and love I’ve always dreamed of.” He tossed the rest of the sticks into the fire, letting go of his fears and anger at the same time.
It didn’t matter what Mr. Ellesworth said about Emily, he’d seen who she truly was in the way she took care of Mikey, in the way she laughed and cried, in the things she enjoyed, like the roses at the empty house.
Somehow he had to convince her that she was exactly what he wanted in his life. What he’d wanted for many years.
His heart lurched against his ribs.
What if she had left Bella Creek while he was away? Maybe gone to Alliance or even Lincoln? He would have no one but himself to blame. He’d practically told her to leave.
If she had gone, he would go after her. He would go after her and tell her that her past didn’t matter. He’d follow her to the ends of the earth if he had to.
One thing he couldn’t control—her reaction. Would she forgive him for being so hard-hearted toward her?
Chapter Sixteen
Emily stood in Annie’s kitchen. Annie had taken the boys to visit Sadie. She’d invited Emily to accompany her but Emily had refused. She had thinking to do, and with everyone else out of the house, she had the perfect opportunity.
She needed a better plan than sitting around waiting. If she contacted her family they might forward her enough funds to return to Nebraska, but she hesitated to do so. What if they had disowned her? The letter to Matron Hilda crackled in her pocket. She hadn’t mailed it yet, though she couldn’t say why she was so reluctant to send it on its way. Perhaps she’d learn things about herself she didn’t care to know.
She turned from the window and walked the length and breadth of the house trying to decide what she would do.
Gram had several times told her she needed help with her sewing. She said she might even consider retiring if someone would take over her clients. Emily could start up a seamstress business. The idea caught in her thoughts. Had she been a seamstress? Had her business failed? Why else would she be working in the orphanage, apart from the fact she loved children?
She made another circuit of the house. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she could stay in Bella Creek? She could rent the empty house from Grandfather Marshall and support herself with sewing and perhaps laundry.
The possibility made her insides tingle.
If she could support herself and a child, would she be allowed to keep Mikey?
A single woman might be allowed to adopt a child, but a fallen woman? Her excitement died as quickly as it flared.
Round and round went her feet. Round and round went her thoughts.
A loud noise shook the house. She rushed to a window. Thunder. Lightning. And then slashing rain closed the house in darkness.
Just like—
It all came rushing back.
A door somewhere opened. Jesse entered. She stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.
“Annie said I could find you here.”
She nodded. “I remember.” She swallowed hard. She had hoped for something other than what it was.
He must have read the distress in her face, understood that the way she drew her lips in indicated something unpleasant. He crossed the room and stood very close. “Whatever you remember, it doesn’t matter. You can start over fresh here. I’m sorry for judging you. I want you to stay and give me a chance to prove I care about you.”
She held out a hand to keep him at a distance. He’d change his mind once he heard the truth. Jesse was a man who believed in black and white and no compromise.
He caught her hand. “Tell me everything.”
“My name is Emily Eileen Smith. I am twenty-two years old. I am from Lincoln, Nebraska. My parents still live there. I was a seamstress. When I was eighteen, I made a wedding dress for my best friend. I needed to hem the dress and decided to take it out to Sharon’s place for a final fitting.
“She wasn’t there when I arrived. She’d gone to visit a neighbor. Only her brother Rolly was home. I never much cared for him. He often drank too much and carried on. Sort of wild, I guess. He said she would be back any minute, so I decided to wait. He went out to do whatever he was doing and I made myself a cup of tea.
“It was late October, and the weather had been mild but a storm came up as I drank my tea and read a book from their bookshelf. I should have been more careful. Should have watched the sky. Should have le
ft as soon as I realized he was the only one home. But it was too late. The snow came in so fast and so heavy I could never have made it to town. I was stranded there the night.
“Rolly came in and laughed. He said, ‘Just you and me now, Emily. What do you suggest we do?’
“I suggested he stay as far away from me as possible and spent the entire night sitting at the table with a poker at my side.
“Several times he looked at me and gave a mocking laugh. Finally, he went to the front room and fell asleep in the easy chair.
“By morning the storm had ended, the roads were passable and I returned to town, praying that would be the end of it.” She had to take a breath to ease her lungs. They seemed to be made of wood. If only she had done things differently—but hindsight was of little value except to fuel regrets.
“I take it the story doesn’t end there.”
Jesse’s voice startled her and she resumed her tale. “I should have known Rolly wouldn’t let it go. He soon let it be known that I had spent the night with neither Sharon nor their parents present. I couldn’t deny it, as several people saw me return at first light and had jumped to their own conclusions. He said we hadn’t slept, but his tone conveyed that we had done other things.”
She shuddered. “I hoped people would believe the best about me, but they were all too ready to believe the worst. Oh, not everyone. Sharon understood. But my business fell away until I had no orders. Someone draped red ribbons across my door to inform others of their opinion of me. I appealed to my parents. They arranged for me to go to Aunt Martha. Because no one in Alliance knew me, I was able to find work at the orphanage. I loved it. I loved the children.”
She faced him squarely, boldly. “Mikey isn’t my child, but he arrived shortly after I did and I found solace in taking care of him. It about broke my heart when Matron Hilda said he was being adopted.” She drew in air that did nothing to ease the emptiness sucking at her lungs. That was it. Her whole sordid story.
“What about Mr. Ellesworth?”
“Oh, yes, him. He asked me several times to marry him and I refused. I didn’t care for him. I don’t know how many times he introduced me as his fiancée. But I denied it just as many times.”
“He won’t be bothering you anymore. Turns out he is a land speculator. He’s already riding away from town.”
It was good to know, but it only reinforced her view of Jesse. He would never accept anyone who had been compromised. She was spent. All she wanted to do was cry but she would not allow herself to do so. She would face her future with strength and, Lord willing, a little boy she hoped to adopt. One more thing had to be made clear.
“So you see, the story he related is true. I am a ruined woman. Not fit for decent company. Annie has been kind enough to allow me to stay here, but I can’t continue to take advantage of her kindness. Once people hear about me, there will be judgment. Now, I don’t want to make the same mistake twice by being alone with a man, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Emily—”
“Please.”
He didn’t move but she refused to look at him. It would hurt too much to see disgust in his face. She had done nothing wrong. Yes, she’d been foolish, but she hadn’t done anything wrong—yet she wore the same label his mother had worn. He would never see her in any other way.
Finally, without a word, he left the house and she collapsed. But she would not cry. She lifted her head. She would not let her past mistakes control her life forever. She patted the letter in her pocket. No need to mail it now.
Annie and the boys clattered into the house and Emily pushed aside her concerns.
“I see Jesse is back.” Annie hung her bonnet on a peg as she talked. “He barely acknowledged me. I wonder what made him so angry.”
“I might be responsible.”
Annie turned to consider her. “Why would you say that?”
“My memory has returned.”
“Wonderful.” Annie crossed the floor and hugged Emily.
Emily did not return the embrace. “I wish I could think it was.”
Annie stepped back. “Tell me all about it.”
“Mr. Ellesworth’s story was mostly correct.” She quickly related the details of her past. “Jesse cannot associate with someone like me.”
Annie squinted at her. “Did he say that?”
Emily shrugged. “He didn’t need to. He’s a man who makes no compromises.”
“There is no need for him to do so. You were in an unfortunate situation but you did nothing wrong.”
Emily’s tension eased at Annie’s kind words. “Not everyone will agree with you.”
“I don’t care if they don’t.”
Emily chuckled, but her amusement ended abruptly. “I can’t stay here any longer.”
“But where will you go?”
“I don’t know.” She went to the window.
“Do you want to go home?”
The question made her realize what she wanted. “I’d like to return to Alliance and seek permission to adopt Mikey.” But how was she do to it without any funds?
“Go see Grandfather. He’ll gladly help you.”
She faced Annie. “I couldn’t do that.” To reveal her disgrace to yet another person was more than she could contemplate.
“You don’t have to tell him the details if you don’t want. I promise your story will never be repeated by my lips. But even if you did tell him, he would not judge you. And he’d love to help you adopt Mikey. It’s just the sort of thing he enjoys doing. He’s a matchmaker, you know.”
Emily had heard many stories about his matchmaking.
“Helping a child and a woman who loves him become a family would be a joy for him. You’d actually be doing him a favor.”
Emily began to nod. Grandfather Marshall might be the one person who could help her. “You’re right. Thank you for suggesting it.” The short-lived storm had passed over and the sun shone. “I’ll go out there this afternoon and speak to him. Can I leave Mikey here?”
“By all means. I will pray things work out for you. I hope you consider staying in the community. I’ve grown quite fond of you.” She hugged Emily again and this time Emily hugged her back.
She went to the livery barn, rented a buggy and drove out to the ranch. Grandfather Marshall was thrilled to be able to help her and she returned some time later feeling—for the first time since her memory returned—that she could make a new life for herself.
With keys in hand, she went to the empty house at the edge of town and walked through it. This was to be her home. She would pay the rent as soon as she had income. One room would serve as her sewing room. Hopefully she would soon have customers.
Grandfather had assured her there was no need to go back to Alliance to seek permanent custody of Mikey.
“You write a letter. I’ll write one, as well. My lawyer will take care of the rest.”
A wagon rumbled to the front of the house and two cowboys from the ranch jumped down and began to carry in the furniture Grandfather Marshall had said would be part of their rental agreement. She didn’t need much—a worktable for her sewing room, a couch for the sitting room, a kitchen table and chairs. Besides that, two beds for the rooms upstairs.
Excitement fluttered in her stomach. She was really going to do this. It felt right in every way but one.
How would she live in the same town as Jesse, see him often and endure the way her heart cracked every time she thought of him?
But changing her location would not make her heart hurt any less, so she might as well stay here where she felt she belonged.
*
Jesse watched the wagon pull up to the house and unload furniture. Someone was moving in. He couldn’t deny a sense of disappointment at the death of his dream.
Emily had not given him a chance to explain that her past didn’t matter to him. It seemed to matter to her, though.
He talked to Gram about it. “I don’t care what people say about her.
She did nothing wrong.”
“I agree, but she’s right. Not everyone will see it that way.” Gram studied him for a moment without speaking. “She doesn’t want to hurt you.”
“Not letting me tell her how I feel hurts.”
“She knows how you feel about your mother. Perhaps she fears you will view her in the same jaded way.”
“I’ve forgiven my mother.” He told Gram of his experience.
She hugged him. “Good for you.”
“I wanted to tell Emily but she wouldn’t let me.”
Gram chuckled. “All I can say is that actions speak louder than words.”
He squinted at her. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll let you figure it out. Now, leave me to do my work.” She looked past him. “I do wish Emily would take over my business. I’m getting too old for this.”
Her remark took him aback. For some reason, he saw her as timeless, always the same, always there. Of course it wasn’t so. He patted her shoulder. “You don’t need to keep doing this. I can support us.”
“I know. But I hate to leave my customers without an alternative.”
“I hope something works out for you.” He left the house, swung to Rocky’s back and trotted down the street to see who was moving into the empty house.
The front door stood open, allowing him a glimpse of a woman sweeping the floor. He slowed and stared. Emily?
She was staying in town.
His sat back in the saddle and chuckled, knowing he’d been given a second chance. One he didn’t intend to waste.
Gram had said actions spoke louder than words. Starting today, his actions would show how much he cared for and respected her.
He went back home, collected some tools and returned to Emily’s house, where he went to the backyard and began to cut down the overgrown weeds. An hour later he was hot, dusty and sweaty. He straightened and looked about. It would take several afternoons to achieve his goal of turning the overgrown yard into the beautiful garden it had once been.