“There’s a place we all come from and will return to, unless the devil manages to beat us and take us with him.”
“That’s an excellent interpretation of life, Norman. So, have you decided what to do?”
“I’ve decided to believe, Norman. And what are you going to do?”
“I’ll follow you, whatever you do and whichever path you take. I’ve always had faith in you.”
He lifted the telephone and called his fate, ready to settle the score once and for all.
Chapter 40
“Why are we going this way? My house is the other way.”
“I want to show you something. It’s a surprise. Do you like surprises?”
“Yes, but I want to go back to Grandpa now. Can’t we come here later?”
“It’s a surprise that won’t wait. It’s about the birds in the park.”
“What’s the matter with them? Are they sick?”
“You talk to them, don’t you?”
“Yes, I like doing that.”
“There’s a nest with babies right in the middle of those trees. Have you ever seen a bird’s nest?”
“No! Are we really going to see them?”
“Sure. It won’t take long. It’s right here.”
“Cool! I really like birds. If Grandpa’s feeling better, he could come with us.”
“Here’s what we’ll do: we’ll go and see the nest and then we’ll go and get your Grandpa and give him a surprise.”
“Yeeees!”
Will thought he had made a good bargain. Five minutes more or less wouldn’t make any difference. He took hold of his new friend’s hand again and they walked towards the trees.
“What do you like about birds, Will?”
“I like that they can fly. I think it’s a great way to be free. I’d love to be like them.”
As he listened to him, Alex felt an affection for the boy that he had never before experienced. It was an emotion that could vanquish all the thoughts he had accumulated as a legacy from his father. He wished he could be like Will and feel all the magic he felt.
“Do you like birds?”
“Yes. They remind me of a friend I had when I was young.”
“Where is he now?”
“He went away.”
“Is he coming back?”
“No, Will. He isn’t coming back.”
“Why don’t you go to him?”
“I will, very soon.”
“I’m going to visit my Grandma soon. I think she’s gone to the same place as your friend. Do you miss him?”
“A lot. We were always together, just like you and me now.”
“Is it far to the nest?”
“No, Will. It’s down there, at the end of this path. Where that tree is.”
Alex pulled Will along, then stopped to check that no one was following. He gauged the boy’s curiosity to make sure it was whetted enough to follow him willingly and thus fulfill his blind desire to feel once more the urges his father had so cruelly crushed in him. He took Will’s hand again and a few steps further on, stopped in front of bushes that were so dense it was impossible to see through them.
“Why have we stopped? I thought it was that tree down there.”
“No, Will. We’re here.”
“Where are the birds? I can’t hear them cheeping.”
“You’ll hear them in a minute, my darling. You’ll hear them in a minute.”
His face became transformed. Will began to understand that the eyes of the person he thought was a friend concealed something he didn’t want to discover. Alex put his arms round him and hugged him tightly.
“Be careful. You’re hurting me, Alex.”
His words didn’t have the effect he had hoped for. Alex had no intention of letting him go. His inclinations and repressed desires wouldn’t allow him to. He wanted more than anything in the world to be happy and find a little of the peace he had been deprived of as a child by a man who was so vicious he had deserved to die. Now he had found the way to obtain this, he didn’t intend to give it up. He would follow that path and leave behind all the suffering and bad things that had been heaped on him. He would be true to the difference in his nature that was trivial to most people, but so terrible to a father who was incapable of understanding and accepting. He would strive to give all his love to the boy who reminded him of the first and only love of his life, the one that fate had decided to take away from him. He would finally answer fate back, looking it in the eye and paying it back in its own coin by sacrificing the innocence of an angel to compensate for all his pain.
Chapter 41
“Hello, Dad. We can save Will. I know all about his illness.”
“Norman! They’ve taken him! Norman! Oh God!”
“Dad! Calm down! Who have they taken? What’s happened?”
“They’ve kidnapped Will. We were sitting in the bar and now he’s gone!”
A desperate wail choked off Jonathan’s words.
“Dad, tell me where you are!”
Norman could only hear his father’s labored breathing as if he were having a panic attack.
“Dad! Dad!”
“Norman ... I can’t breathe ...”
He heard a dull thud and people shouting before he was cut off. He was alone again, pushed backward by yet another unexpected occurrence, just when he had decided that the time had come to take back his life. It felt as if a battle was underway between beings that were beyond the bounds of human comprehension. Norman had the feeling that he was the prize at stake. All his life he had chased things that turned to smoke before his eyes. Every time he tried to get out of the tunnel he was in and act on a decision, he found himself catapulted back inside, like a boxer who throws in the towel without taking into account the people who bet on him either to win or lose. He thought his nerves would snap, but then noticed his phone ringing on the desk and took it as a sign of hope. He replied immediately.
“Hello!”
“It’s Tommy Queen. I’ve got a message from Will. Come to the park right away.”
“You bastard! What have you done to my son?”
Queen had hung up without waiting for an answer, indifferent to any kind of response. With no other thought in his head, Norman raced from the room where he had found himself again, and ran toward a future that he would try to save at any price.
Chapter 42
Norman made it to the park in no time at all, spurred by nervous tension. Once again, fate was trying to interfere with his life. He glanced around, looking for a face to match the voice on the phone that had told him there was a message from Will. He could hardly see anything for the fog, which merely emphasized the impediments and limitations of the human eye. He could only make out people’s legs, as if they were a flock of stray animals with no heads and no place to go. In other circumstances, it would have amused him and perhaps given him an idea for a new poem, but he was too busy attempting to calm his heart and its ceaseless clamoring for answers. He looked at his phone for an answer that wasn’t forthcoming. The lack of signal told him it was useless trying to call the person who had summoned him there. Then a voice broke the silence of the place and his mind.
“Good day, Mr. O’Neal.”
Norman spun round. He could have sworn he had never seen that man in his life, but there was something familiar about him nonetheless.
“Where’s Will?”
“You’ll see him in a minute. Follow me.”
Tommy nodded towards the path. Norman couldn’t help thinking that the man’s calm attitude gave him the jitters. He decided it was better not to protest. His son’s life was more important than his desire for details. They approached a bush that marked the beginning of the path.
“This way please.”
They walked half way down the track leading to a giant tree.
“I want to see Will immediately! I have a good deal of money here and I’ll give it to you if you let him go.”
Norman realized the signific
ance of his words only after he had spoken them out loud. Without intending to, he was giving away the only chance of changing his life for ever. It amazed him that he hadn’t thought twice about it. His conscience had made the choice he wouldn’t have had the courage to make. For the very first time, he felt truly alive.
The man turned to him. The sneer on his face made him look domineering and self-confident, and it was obvious he was full of himself. Norman focused less on this abstract observation than the gun Tommy was holding.
“What’s the meaning of this? Where’s Will?”
“I’m shocked that a man in your position would even think of trying to buy off someone like me with money. It’s an insult to my intelligence. Poor Will has gone to a better place, my dear O’Neal, and that’s where you’re about to go as well.”
A shudder eclipsed the hope he had felt until then and transformed it into complete and utter desperation.
“No! Will! Why? What did he do wrong? He was only a child!”
“I find all this concern for a boy in his condition quite astonishing. Nobody could have saved him.”
“Damn you!”
Norman made to lunge at him, but the gunshot stopped him in his tracks. He stood stock-still, sure that it had put an end to any motivation to live a life he had come to understand such a short while ago. His brain, however, over-rode the idea of a finale; the bullet had been aimed at the ground as a warning.
“Before I kill you, Mr. O’Neal, I’d just like to know how come you never realized you had such boundless power. Are you really so naïve?”
“What the devil are you talking about?”
Laughter splintered the seriousness of the situation.
“It’s funny, you know. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I think there’s some evil god behind all this. You’ve got to admit that I wouldn’t be here otherwise, I’d be getting myself blessed by some invalid bursting with good will.”
Tommy realized from Norman’s baffled expression that he was completely in the dark.
“Mr. O’Neal. You disappoint me. You’re not going to tell me it never occurred to you. All those seemingly accidental encounters? You met her as well, didn’t you? She’ll have tried it on with you too, I presume?”
“But...”
“Oh, come on! I must say that even I didn’t cotton on at first. But afterwards, thinking about it and putting the pieces together .... and that unmistakable name. Luc. I’ll draw you a picture if you like.”
“You know Luc?”
“We all know him! We’ve all heard talk about him, but we’ve always tried to hide him behind illusions that we avoid looking at. He’s our nature, our only truth, our damnation, our greatest desire, one that’s only curbed by a primordial instinct for compassion toward whoever we want to save from the only thing we’re nonetheless compelled to follow: Lucifer is our light!”
A thunderbolt struck Norman’s mind. The last fragment of the puzzle slotted into place. Everything made perfect sense now. The devil had tried to take possession of his soul in order to control all future generations that clung to the words of an ambitious poet. That power would enable him to rout all competition; no other being would be able to oppose him for long. Although it was an extremely unnerving situation, Norman could only admire such perfectly honed reasoning: the devil intended to hold sway over people’s souls by manipulating them with words of love. A contradiction so great it would plunge the whole universe into the abyss.
“So, Mr. O’Neal, there we have it. I can see in your eyes that the light has dawned. Welcome to mankind’s last day. Why don’t we celebrate together?”
“Lucifer’s failed! I didn’t decide to take my own life out of desperation. I decided to give it as a sacrifice.”
“My dear friend! You don’t have to worry yourself about that any longer. It’s not up to you anymore. Maybe you need another push in the right direction, because you haven’t taken the whole picture into consideration. He probably knew all about your weakness and that’s why he sent me here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’d kill the only light left on earth? How do you think you’ll control the souls that follow me?”
“There’s your big mistake: you can’t see beyond yourself. People don’t know your face, only your words. So we only need to make a small substitution. Nobody will notice a thing and I’ll finally be able to say I’m Mr. O’Neal, the light that will take everyone towards the only possible conclusion.”
“You’re crazy! What do you get out of all of this? You made a deal with him, didn’t you? He’ll take your soul and leave you with nothing!”
“That’s not exactly true, Mr. O’Neal. My image will be engraved in time and what everyone will remember will be my name and my face. I’ll be immortal! I’ll even be more powerful than the devil! Ha, ha, ha!”
His hysterical laughter soared upwards, carried away on the clear, icy air. Norman was utterly bemused by such simple and perverse logic. It was probably the best line of reasoning he had ever heard. He wondered how the devil could sit back and be a party to a theft like that, how he could allow a human being to have more ambition and power than he wanted for himself, the king of all earthly imperfections.
“You know what I think, Mr. O’Neal? I’ve had enough of all this nonsense. You’re a weakling and you don’t deserve to talk to me or to be in the position that’s mine by rights. So, I’ll take my leave of you; I’ve got a date with history to rewrite the future of the world.”
He raised his gun and aimed it at the heart of the human being who had succeeded more than anyone else in striking a chord in the hearts of others. He didn’t hesitate for a second, and neither did fate, who, as always, was watching history to give it the chance to carry on hoping.
Chapter 43
Alex paused, alarmed by footsteps trampling the brambles that signaled the arrival of someone who hadn’t been invited to his party. He clamped his hand over Will’s mouth. The boy was struggling get out of his captor’s clutches, but the only sound he managed to utter was a soft grunting that blended in with the rustlings that forest animals make to give comfort to those who seek it in silence and peace. Will tried to wriggle his small, naked body from the grasp of a sick man who was trying to abuse it in an attempt to gain a freedom he had never possessed.
The sound of the footsteps was followed by the voices of two men. Alex wondered whether the interruption would last long or whether it was just two curious individuals exploring a hitherto undiscovered place. The conversation that followed unsettled him. He didn’t know how, but one of them was saying Will’s name. Evidently, the blow to the old man’s head in the bar hadn’t been hard enough to knock him out for the time Alex needed to purify his soul; he had managed to raise the alarm and get two men to help him. Alex should have tied him up in the storeroom. The oversight annoyed him. But, from what he could make out, the two intruders were arguing. He tried to peer through the bushes; he couldn’t be sure, but it looked as if one of them was pointing a gun at the other.
His brain wandered back in time, to a similar moment, and his mind cleared: that man was no stranger, but his father, come back to finish the job.
Suddenly, he was filled with sadness and anguish, and his hand loosened its grip on his new young friend. It was no longer Will’s face, but the boy he had loved since their schooldays, ever since they had begun to explore together a world unknown to either of them, a world made up of small things, stolen glances and thrilling emotions. A world of their own, where they had tried to bolster each other’s courage, holding hands and whispering such tender words that love was moved to pity. A world that was a refuge for their kisses and caresses, where they were overawed by the magical, fragile events that were dearer than their own lives. That world had been swept away by a father who had never wanted to accept it. Before Alex could react, the monster had killed his beloved, battering him so viciously and repeatedly that he couldn’t get away. His reflex action of pushing his father out of
the bedroom window had come too late. The monster was dead, but so was love, as if fate had needed to balance the scales. Now, though, Alex had the chance to settle the score: there, a few steps away, was the monster, come back to look for him, while he and his beloved were following the only path to happiness. Alex wouldn’t allow him to kill his love again; this time, he would strike first. He turned to Will, drowning in those eyes that kindled emotions beyond description each time he looked into them. He bent to his ear, trying to find a way to reassure him.
“Hi, Sam, my darling. Stay here for a minute. There’s something I’ve got to do and it can’t wait.”
Will stared at him, but wasn’t listening. He knew that something had changed in those eyes. Alex had let him go and he could breathe again. But his damaged heart could no longer bear the strain. He was afraid his time had come, but he lost consciousness before he could figure out whether he would wake up again.
Alex laid him gently on the leaves and kissed him. Then he stood up to put an end to a story he hadn’t yet been able to alter. He would go back to him afterwards and they would continue their wonderful journey together without further interruption. He heard his father’s voice calling to him.
“Where are you, you disgusting fairy? Show yourself, you bastard. I’ve got just the cure for you. Filthy damn poof!”
Alex made no reply. He relished the surprise he would give by coming at him from behind. He felt calm, extremely calm. He felt no pressure at all; he would take all the time he needed.
“Hey, you dirty queer! You can’t hide. I’m your father and I’m here to help you. Come on, you bloody animal. Come to Daddy. I’ll find you and that nancy friend of yours and I’ll give you both a lesson you won’t forget. A stiff lesson that’ll toughen you up like a soldier, then you’ll be strong and ready for anything. You’ll hate queers and you’ll have got rid of that sickness. Alex? Come out, damn you! Come on! I’ll make you the man you’ve always wanted to be, instead of the faggot you think you are!”
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