There were a host of suspects in Anderson’s file: Laurence, Holden, Kyle, Buzz, Brown, even Johnny Redacker, Kate’s family friend. Everyone had been analyzed and dissected by Anderson, but no conclusions had been reached.
They had taken no chances themselves. Kate doubted Lord Halloween was busy following them-he was probably lining up his next victim-but the door was blocked by several pieces of furniture. They had picked a room on the sixth floor-the highest the hotel had-but even the door to the balcony was blocked, just in case Lord Halloween could somehow scale up the walls outside. Kate had also been adamant with staff-no employees were to come in under any circumstances. She had pretended it was for romantic reasons, after which the hotel manager had knowingly winked at Quinn.
But far from making out, they had laid pieces of files all over the bed and gone through them one by one. They had briefly grabbed food and returned to the room. Finally, around midnight, Kate had suggested they sleep. After the night before, Quinn didn’t think he could, but they had carefully reassembled Anderson’s file, gotten ready for bed and turned off the lights. Before they did so, Kate had put her gun on the table next to her.
But it still did not mean either were sleeping. For Quinn, the problem was two-fold. His dreams were as bad as real life. Chased in the real world, he fell asleep so he could be chased there too. The dreams, if anything, seemed to be even clearer now-if that was even possible.
It was the one thing he had not told Kate about and he knew that was most likely a mistake. After all, it may have something to do with Lord Halloween. But that seemed ridiculous to Quinn. He wondered if Comizio had ever called the police and what they thought. Quinn had talked to Janus yesterday, but per Kate’s insistence, had not told him where they were or any details of the night before. Janus did not bring up the horse story, either, and Quinn was more than happy to let it drop. It meant something, but he could not for the life of him figure out what.
If all that were not enough, Quinn had one additional problem, one he knew was neither crazy nor surprising. He had offered to sleep on the floor, but Kate had insisted he did not. It was a queen bed, she pointed out, and stupid that they couldn’t share it.
So now Quinn was in a position he might have killed for under different circumstances-he was sleeping with a beautiful woman in a private hotel room and nobody knew where they were. The perfect romantic weekend. He thought of the manager’s wink.
Only it wasn’t romantic. They were tired, scared and irritable, for starters. Second, they weren’t lovers. They had an air of intimacy like people who knew each other for longer than they really had-Quinn supposed being in a life or death situation would do that-but not the kind that a real couple has. They both changed separately in the bathroom and there was not even a kiss on the cheek to say goodnight.
But the only thought that pushed away the Headless Horsemen and a certain serial killer was Kate. While it gave Quinn comfort to think of her and be close to her, it was also highly distracting, even under these conditions. He was determined to be an honorable guy. Now was not the time to bring up conversations about mutual attraction or simply try to start something. Now was the time to plan, to prepare, to strategize-and yet here she was, gorgeous and in bed with him.
Quinn felt like he wanted to scream. If it was not his fear of an imminent and bloody death keeping him awake, it was his sex drive. What a fantastic day he was having.
So when she asked him if he was awake, he found the question downright funny.
“Why ‘of course’?” she asked back.
“You know,” he said and let it drop. There was nothing to say.
“I’m having a hard time sleeping too,” she said.
He turned over to face her. The covers reached just to her shoulders and she was turned on her side looking at him. God, she looked good, he thought. He wondered if she ever did not look good. Even with no sleep, she was still hot.
Quinn laughed.
“I’m sure I can guess why,” he said.
She smiled back.
“That and other stuff,” she said, not wanting to get into it. Truthfully, she was having thoughts about Quinn too-more than she was comfortable with. There was no denying she was attracted to him and every time she thought about him romantically, that damn Tarot card popped into her head. The devil and lust. She had a feeling like she did not want to indulge any romantic feelings. It would make them both distracted.
Instead, she tried to change the topic.
“I keep thinking that our research has not gotten us very far,” she said. “We don’t know much more than we started with.”
“I know,” Quinn replied. “It feels like we have been spinning our wheels a bit. The more I know, the less certain I feel.”
“It feels like rats in a maze or something,” she replied. “Or bees in a box. He shakes us up and we buzz all around. But then we quiet down and wait for him to do it again.”
“Look, it’s natural. We are both a little afraid. Okay, not a little.”
She sat up in bed. Quinn noticed she was wearing one of his t-shirts. It did nothing to stop his attraction. Her blond hair fell down just shy of her shoulders and she shook her head.
“That’s just it,” she said. “I’m so tired of being afraid all the time. And now I’m starting to worry that is all that we are-our fears.”
“I don’t follow.”
“For most of my life, fear has been controlling me,” Kate replied. “Even before all of this that was true. It seems like the original human emotion. You start out in life scared of the world. Then you’re scared of the dark or that your parents will leave you or of being lost in the woods.
“When you are older, you get scared the other kids don’t really like you, that you will never fit anywhere, that you will never find the right guy. Then you get a guy and you become scared you will lose him. You raise children and are scared something will happen to the kids. You get a good job, you are scared the bosses won’t like you or you won’t get that promotion. All through your life, no matter how mature you become, there are a million things to be afraid of. It’s the emotion most central to our lives.”
“That may be true.”
“People always define themselves by their jobs, their families, or God knows what else. But I think they’re wrong. I think it is what you are afraid of that defines you, that shapes your behavior and tells you what to think. Call it an existential crisis, Quinn. I am what I fear. What I fear is me.
“And before you say it, I know that this is a weird time to be thinking of this. There are a million things that I should be thinking of and this just isn’t one of them.”
“Actually, I think it makes perfect sense,” Quinn said. He sat up and they faced each other sitting cross-legged. “But I think you are wrong. Our fears are not us. It is like any other emotion. It is what we do with it that counts.”
“But that’s just it. The other emotions aren’t dominant. I think fear is. And I think even when we believe we are controlling it, it is controlling us,” Kate replied.
“No,” Quinn said. “Look at you. You came back to Loudoun even though it was what you most fear in the world. You didn’t run when I asked you to. We are trying to find him before he finds us. You are facing your fear.”
“Am I?” Kate said. “Or am I just being stupid?”
“Maybe both,” Quinn said. Before she could protest, he continued. “I don’t think fear-or any one thing-runs our lives. Sometimes it does. And sometimes it is like the white noise on a TV screen: always there, but you can tune it out. It doesn’t matter what we are afraid of. All that matters is what we do about it.
“Take your example, the kid who is afraid others won’t like him. That is not the soul of that kid. It is how he responds to it-does he conform to be like the more popular kids or does he face the idea that they may dislike him and be himself anyway? Do you run from your past, from all the horrible things life has dished out for you, or do you do something about it?�
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“But even if we win, even if we face down this guy and beat him, I will still be that scared little girl,” she said.
“You aren’t even that scared little girl now,” he replied. “Would she be here now? Could she have come back to Loudoun? And you are already stronger. The minute we admit to ourselves what we fear most and face it, we have a chance-maybe just a small one-to do something about it. And that is very powerful-that we are given a chance to break free of the things that haunt us, to conquer them and be stronger for it.”
She smiled and Quinn was struck again by how beautiful she was.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I must sound like an idiot.”
“No, you don’t,” she said. “I’m just wondering how I got so lucky. Of all the people to be stuck with in this… mess, I’m glad it was you.”
“Thanks,” he said, and desperately wanted to lean over and kiss her. But he didn’t. Surely this would be more awkward if he tried something.
“I have one other thing I’m afraid of that I haven’t admitted,” Kate said and glanced away.
“Come on,” he said. “Shoot.”
“Okay,” she said and took in a breath. “I’m afraid of what would happen if I kissed you right now. What it would mean for us and this? Whether it would be a terrible idea?”
Quinn needed no more encouragement than that. He leaned over, put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her softly on the lips. Everything else in his mind evaporated when she kissed him back. Before he knew it, he had moved closer and his arms were around her. For a moment, neither Quinn nor Kate thought about anything else.
When they broke apart, they both took a deep breath and looked at each other for a moment. Then Kate put her hand on the back of Quinn’s neck and pulled him down next to her on the bed.
They kissed again and Quinn felt the same current he had felt with her that very first week. Except now it was like he was holding his hand above a live wire and the voltage had been cranked up. He did not know what it meant, only that it felt good.
When they paused for air, Quinn held her for a moment and ran his hands through her hair. They were both out of breath.
“Should we stop?” he said finally, wanting to do anything but stop. “If we keep going, I don’t think we’ll be able to quit.”
“Who says we would want to?”
She gently rolled over on top of him and paused with her face millimeters from his.
“What are you doing?” Quinn asked.
“Facing our fears,” she said.
She smiled and kissed him again.
It started off slow. They kissed for what felt like forever: long, wet, lingering. Quinn knew immediately she was the best kisser he had ever known. She broke away from him and sat up. Slowly, he lifted her t-shirt off and began kissing her everywhere.
For the first time in weeks, Kate wasn’t thinking about her mother or her wrecked life. She wasn’t thinking about anything at all. She reached down and took off his t-shirt. Kate wanted to feel her flesh on his. They lay down together and slowly, all the clothes came off. She wanted this to go on forever, but she didn’t know if she could take it. She wanted him, more than she had ever wanted any man in her life. Just when she didn’t think she could take it anymore, she briefly pulled away.
“You okay?” he asked, and she loved him for it. His face was flush with excitement, but she knew if she asked him to stop, he would. He loved her and would do anything for her, even if that meant stopping. But stopping was the last thing she wanted.
She nodded and they began kissing again. Somewhere in the back of her mind there was a warning-a flash of a Tarot card with two lovers staring at each other while the Devil looked on. And a message: “Sex changes everything.”
But she wouldn’t-or couldn’t-stop. They were moving as one and it was like nothing she had ever felt. His touch was electric to her and her entire body felt a surge go through it. This was far beyond sex. Whatever was going on was joining them in more ways than the physical. She could feel what he felt, think what he thought.
Everything was becoming interlinked. As their bodies moved together, she was experiencing memories that weren’t hers. A first date with a girl she had never met, an awkward kiss in a college dorm room, the first time he had sex. It didn’t frighten her, it was like she was there, like she was Quinn. She saw the first time he saw her in the coffee shop, the way his heart raced, the way he had loved her even then.
This was dangerous. She should be frightened. She could tell that her every thought, every memory, was now inside of him as well. They were moving together faster, but it seemed to last forever. She thought she wouldn’t be able to think ever again.
And then it slowly receded.
Quinn was going to speak. He was going to ask what was going on. She knew that and didn’t want him to. She didn’t want to break the spell. He stopped without her saying anything and pulled away. When he left her, she felt unexpectedly empty.
When he lay down on the bed next to her, she pulled him to her and started kissing him again. It was even better than before. She felt everything he felt, every touch of her tongue. It was like being two people at once. There was no slow build up this time, they just immediately began making love again.
Kate knew they had already lost control. She thought of the Tarot card again and didn’t care. She wanted this. She deserved this.
It went on for hours. She loved him, but it wasn’t love that was driving them now, it was lust. They knew what the other wanted and reacted out of instinct. They had joined together and could no longer be apart.
Finally, after what felt like forever, they both collapsed back on the bed. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. She opened her mouth to say something, but they were both asleep in seconds.
Quinn looked down the dirt road, straining to see anything in the darkness. Next to him, the trees stirred in a passing breeze. The night was cool, but not freezing. He wished he had brought a jacket.
Actually, he thought suddenly, he wished he knew how he was here at all.
“Where are we?” Kate asked behind him and Quinn jumped.
Quinn looked down the road past her.
(He’s coming)
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I think it could be the Phillips’ farm road.”
“How did we get here?”
Quinn looked at her and shrugged.
“I think this is my dream,” he said. “I don’t think we are here at all.”
Kate frowned.
“Look, I don’t mean to pick a fight, but I don’t see how I could be in your dream,” she said. “Either you are in mine, or…”
Quinn shrugged again.
“It’s just that I’ve dreamt this before,” he said. “I’m walking on this road and…”
(He starts chasing me.)
“Who’s he? Who’s coming?” Kate asked. “Did you think that or did I?”
Quinn was confused.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t know what is going on. I’ve had this dream before, but it feels different now.”
He bent down to the road and picked up a handful of dirt. He let the dust run through his fingers and then shook his hand clean.
“This feels more real,” he said. “Are we sure we didn’t sleepwalk or something?”
(He’s coming and he will be mad that I brought her.)
“Quinn, who are you talking about?” Kate asked. “I feel something, this… sense of immense dread and I don’t know why. What’s coming?”
“Never mind,” Quinn said and looked up the road. “However we got here, we need to keep moving. The bridge is around the bend.”
(What is going on?)
“I don’t know what is going on,” Quinn said. “Wait. Did I think that or did you?”
Kate turned and looked behind her. Her heart was pounding in her chest.
“I think I’m feeling your emotions,” she said.
“And what do you think I’m feeling?”
“Terror,” Kate said.
“Sounds about right. Look, we need to start walking. We don’t have long.”
“What is coming for us, Quinn? Lord Halloween?”
He grabbed her hand (it feels so real) and they started walking down the road.
“I don’t know exactly,” he replied. “I don’t think they are connected.”
He moved a little faster and pulled her along.
But Kate stopped dead in her tracks.
“Kate, look, I will tell you all about it later,” he said. “This is the nightmare I told you about, remember? The one that I keep having? But this is the first time you’ve been in it.”
But she was not paying any attention to him. Instead she was staring at the ground.
(What is it?) Quinn thought.
“On the ground,” she said. “Look at the lines.”
She pointed at lines drawn in the dirt. When Quinn stepped back, he realized it spelled a word.
“Sanheim,” they both said.
And then Quinn started to hear the sound of horse hooves in the distance, like the beating of a far-off drum.
“We have to go now,” he said, and pulled her arm along to make her start moving. Kate looked back at the word in the dust again, but started jogging alongside Quinn.
“Sanheim-I’ve seen that word in my dreams before,” she said to him.
Quinn kept looking behind him.
“You have? But I thought…” (I was going crazy).
“You’ve seen it too?” she asked him, and now she started to glance behind her as well. The sound was getting closer and though she was not much clearer on what was coming, she thought she had some idea.
“Janus and I found it carved into a tree out near Leesburg,” he said. “A guy called us out to the Phillips’ farm and it was right there in a clearing.”
It was with some sickening feeling he realized he was close to that field now. As they ran along the road, the right side opened up to reveal that large narrow field.
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