It’s then I know that nothing will ever be the same again.
Chapter Sixteen - Tia
Oh my God, I’m kissing Kian. I’m actually kissing him.
As his lips move against mine I feel something inside me that I’ve never experienced before. It’s a kiss like no other and it honestly takes me to another plane of existence. I have never been kissed in such a way before, not by anyone. I love it, it’s wonderful.
My lips part and Kian snakes his tongue inside. As he explores the inside of my mouth, his hands glide lightly from my side up to my hair where he entangles them in the heat of romantic passion. I can feel everything that we’ve locked away for far too long setting itself free and it’s the best sensation in the whole damn world. It makes me feel phenomenal.
As Kian breaks apart from me panting, I suddenly realize that we’re out in the open. This isn’t happening within the privacy of one of our homes, we’re out in public where anyone could see us. Talk about public display of affection, not usually what I like at all!
“Should we go somewhere?” I giggle awkwardly. “And I don’t mean a bar?” Not anymore, having an alcoholic drink id the last thing on my mind. I only wanted that to loosen up the conversation anyway and it seems that we’re way past that! “My place is just around the corner…” He knows that already, I just want my meaning to be clear.
“Yes,” he says decisively, making my insides flip flop over. “Let’s go back to yours.”
I grab his hand and we power walk, almost to the point of running towards my house. In a way, this is happening really quick, after all we only just shared our very first kiss, but in another way it’s been a long time coming. We’ve both been holding back on our feelings for obvious reasons and now it’s time to set them free. I set that in motion by adding an extra kiss to my message, and Kian solidified that by singing sweet songs that seemed to be about me. I assume I’m the mysterious girl that he cannot have. I have to be, don’t I?
Well no need to worry about that anymore, because I’m all in!
Eventually we reach my front door and I fumble around in my bag for my keys. It’s only a small clutch bag, but somehow in the heat of the moment I just can’t seem to locate the keys inside. Maybe it’s my hammering heart or my trembling fingers, maybe it’s just my nerves getting the better of me. There’s no way I can take this huge step without some anxiety. I’d have to be inhuman not to feel something about this craziness.
“A ha!” I feel triumphant as I find them and even better as I slide them into the door. As we step inside the atmosphere is thick and really different. Kian has been here before plenty of times, but it’s always been about friendship. It seems that we’re both acutely aware that today is different and it’s about so much more. “Make yourself at home.”
Urgh, why did I have to say such an awkward thing? I don’t want to make everything uncomfortable because I don’t know how to act anymore. I try to smile to cover it up, but I don’t know if it really works. Kian still looks as freaked out as I feel.
Maybe if that was all I could feel then I could take a step back, but the delightful lust that’s also filling me up has a tight grip of control over me. The desire swims in my brain, making it impossible to think of anything else other than tearing his clothes off. In the short time that we’ve known one another, Kian has become just about everything to me.
“Come here,” he says huskily holding out a hand to me. I take a step forward and take it, allowing him to pull me all the way in. I can feel his pulse hammering against his chest at a rapid, hard pace, just like mine is. Knowing that we’re going through this same mix of emotions helps me to feel okay about it. “You’re beautiful.”
As Kian rests his forehead against mine I notice something that I didn’t see before, probably because I haven’t been looking for it. In and among the greenness of his eyes he has flecks of grey too. It’s lovely to look at and makes him the most unique man that I have ever been with on the planet.
Before I can make comment about his eyes we’re kissing all over again. This time it’s much less polite than how we were on the streets. It’s frantic, passionate, desperate. All the need I feel for him travels through his mouth and I can feel the same coming from him. Bolts of electricity burst through my system, setting my core alight.
As our clothes begin to shed in a haze of desire I take a step backwards towards my bedroom. I want him there, in amongst the sheets where I’ve had naughty, taboo dreams about him for a while now. I want the real life show to be in exactly the same place. Luckily because my apartment isn’t very big, it isn’t long until my calves hit the bed behind me and I collapse onto the sheets. By that time, my dress is gone, my bra is unhooked, my shoes have been kicked off… the only thing protecting any modesty of mine is a thin, sheer set of lace panties. Kian looks at that part of my body and licks his lips which makes me shiver.
I grab onto the sheets below me as my body writhes. The sight of Kian kicking his jeans all the way off and pulling his underwear down is just too much for me to handle. As he does I notice all the little unique things about just him that make him special. The scar across his belly button, the small tattoo at the top of his leg, the dark pink to his nipples… brand new body is exciting for me to explore. I can’t wait to get my hands all over him.
And then there’s his cock. Wow. I know that it’s been a while, but holy hell. He’s incredible. Thick, pulsating, so desirable that I find my own tongue running along my lips. He’s tantalizing, delicious. Now that we’ve taken this crazy but brave step I want to know every damn inch of his body. I want to feel everywhere, to taste all of him. Every damn inch.
He wraps his hand around himself and tugs while looking down at me. Gone is the shy, quiet version of Kian and in his place is a primitive animal ready to devour me, and dead God do I want to be eaten by him. The dark, hooded desire in his gaze is just too damn much more me to handle. I almost can’t control myself, it’s just too much.
“So… beautiful,” he mutters while sinking to his knees. I push myself into a sitting position to see what he’s up to, but I don’t get the chance to when he sinks his fingers down into my thighs and he yanks me towards the edge of the bed. My feet hit the floor and he nudges my legs further apart with his nose. It all happens so quickly I can barely work out what’s happening. Before I know it, he has claimed my mound with his mouth and he’s flicking his tongue everywhere in the most incredible sensation ever.
“Oh fuck,” I mutter as he alternates between plunging his tongue deep into me, tasting me everywhere, and flicking over my clit. It’s too much for me to take all at one. My body bucks and writhes violently. There’s a pressure building in my toes and I don’t think it’ll be long before that heat travels right up through me, sending my flying higher than air. My muttering becomes louder until it’s almost a scream. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!”
“Such a dirty mouth,” Kian sounds amused as he speaks into my slit, allowing his breath to tickle me all over. “I’ve never seen this side of you before and I have to say I like it.”
I groan impatiently. I don’t have time for games. This has been coming for far too long, I need my release now. I roll my hips, pressing myself back against his mouth and soon I feel his tongue fluttering all over me again, taking me back to my happy place.
My eyes fall closed, my hands rub over my body as the sensations get too much. This must be what going crazy feels like, it’s everywhere all around me, I know it’s coming but I just can’t stop. Much as I want to cave and I want to explode like this, I want to feel him inside me too. I need that connection with Kian, I need that feeling that everything is right with the world. That’s a feeling that only he can give me, and fuck do I need it.
“Oh, Kian,” I moan. “I need you. I need to feel you.”
“You do?” As he steps back leaving me cold and alone, I regret my decision. My ragged breaths feel angry and needy. I feel like he’s taking far too long to come back to me, which I
soon realize is because he’s wrapping himself up. “Whatever you want, Tia.”
“I want you,” I gasp as I watch sweat trickle down his incredible body. “I need you.”
He climbs over me on the bed, pushing me back upwards and I go willingly. Maybe this is wrong, maybe me and Kian do have a lot to feel guilty about, but right now in the heat of the moment it feels so incredibly right. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
Kian positions himself between my legs and he teases my entrance with his tip. Of course, I want to force him in, I’m desperate for that feeling, but I halt myself for a moment to just look at him. Kian is wonderful, he’s handsome, he’s sweet. He’s kind, he’s sexy… he’s everything. The opposite to the men that I’m used to in my life and everything that I need.
As Kian finally pushes himself inside and he thrusts on top of me, I groan and cry out with glee. My body is already electrified, I feel like I’m already on the knife edge of what I can handle, and with his length brushing past my highly sensitive clit with every stroke I know that I don’t have long.
I’m falling, I think to myself as then I’m genuinely falling. It’s dangerous, but wonderful all at the same time.
I know that’s a rabbit hole that I don’t really want to go down, so I change things up. I push upwards and flip Kian onto his back so I can straddle him. I sit astride him and stare down into his beautiful green and grey eyes as I take control of the thrusts. As I look at him it seems that he’s falling too, despite himself he’s losing himself in me. This is a journey that we are sharing together.
The orgasm actually hits me unexpectedly. I’ve been so busy focusing on looking at Kian and working out how he’s feeling that I forgot to concentrate on the sensations. As I buckle and crumble under the sheer magnitude of the burning hot pleasure that races through me, consuming me entirely, Kian sits up and he holds me close, caring for me throughout it all. The action seems to make it too much for him and I feel the intense pleasure burst free from his body too. We shudder together, sharing yet another part of our journey together.
I don’t know where we’ll go from here, but right now we’ve got this far the two of us, doing everything together, and it feel wonderful. The loneliness that I have suffered my whole life with feels like it’s gone for good.
Chapter Seventeen - Kian
I can’t relax, I can’t sit still and I’ve been this way for days now. Ever since me and Tia slept together I haven’t felt right. I mean, I like her a lot, I know that she’s good for me and to be honest I really might believe that she’s the one, but I just can’t settle into it and I don’t know why… or maybe I do know why, I just need to wrap my head around it.
I need closure. I think we both do. When it comes to Stephen, there’s still something there. There are unanswered questions that I think really need answering before we can both move on. It’s almost as if his spirit is hanging over us, as if he’s somewhere in the realm and we need to solve this mystery before any of us can move on with our lives. Or maybe I’m just a crazy person who’s looking for an excuse for behaving in such a mad way. Whatever it is I know that I need to at least take a look at it.
I’ve made notes about everything that me and Tia know about the case, not that it’s much. I know that he worked on the cruise, that they shared a night together – even if that’s a part I would much rather not think about, it’s an undeniable part of the story – he intended to go back but something stopped him. Then he sent me that text:
‘Kian, it’s me, bro. I’m doing a show on the Princess Cruise ship and I’ve seen something. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.’
I hate myself for ignoring this warning. It’s so obvious now that Stephen was calling out to me, begging me for help and I just didn’t want to hear it. Yes, he did often send me random stuff when he was drunk and this could easily have just been that, but it wasn’t and I truly feel terrible. Maybe if we spent more time trying to repair our relationship none of this would have happened… not that I can allow myself to get lost down that trail of thought. I really do need to keep focused.
Okay, so Stephen saw something. He saw it on the cruise ship, but the murder didn’t happen until some time after. He saw something so bad that someone needed to kill him off so he didn’t blab to the police. Obviously, he didn’t go right to the police or all of this could have been dealt with a long time ago. Whatever he saw scared him enough to stay silent.
And then there’s this Katie chick, the barmaid who found him. She might know more than she’s letting on. Of course, she might not, but it won’t hurt to ask. Unless it’s some kind of mafia thing, I suppose. Maybe then she’ll be too scared to say anything at all. It could be some organized crime thing, much as that sounds crazy, I don’t want to rule it out…
So, I have a lot of jigsaw pieces, but still they don’t quite fit together and that’s the frustrating part. It’s unsettling me, leaving me distressed and annoyed. It’s almost as if it’s right there, but I can’t quite grasp it. There’s only one logical step of what I can do next, and I know what it is. I might not like it but it’s what I have to do.
I glance at my cell phone screen, looking at the time. It’s almost time for Tia to finish work which means we can hang out. Even with everything that’s going on the thought of seeing her face again lights up my chest and makes me feel really happy. I adore her face, her smile, her sweet nature… if I’m totally honest with myself, I know that it wouldn’t have worked out between Stephen and Tia in the long run anyway, even if he did like her. We might share a lot but we’ve never shared a taste in women before. I think he would have ended up straying and breaking her heart anyway.
Unless she could have been the one to change him. I suppose we’ll never find out now.
I shake my head, ridding my brain of those thoughts and I gather up my things to go and meet her. She might not like what I’m about to say, but it needs to be said. I just hope that she understands my plan and she doesn’t get too upset by it all. If I explain it right and I let her know it’s the only way I’ll really be able to move on then, surely she’ll be okay?
Only time will tell, and now it’s the time to go and find out. I need to be brave.
***
I tap my feet anxiously as I wait outside of Tia’s work for her appearance. The more time that passes the more anxious I get about everything. I don’t want to now talk myself out of the plan that I’ve been working on all day long… all week long. It’s the only thing I’ve got.
Eventually she appears arm in arm with another girl. I assume this is her best friend, Ashely. She looks like the fun-loving girl that Tia described. I’ve yet to meet her, but that’s something I understand. Me and Tia have mostly kept to ourselves, we haven’t brought the rest of our lives into our little relationship thing because it’s so fragile. No, fragile isn’t the right word, we’re strong really. I have a lot of trust in her and I think she does me, it’s just the fear of what everyone else will think. Once we let others in, we open ourselves to criticism and I don’t think either of us are ready for that yet.
I still need to consider how this will affect my parents, and that’s the scariest ides of them all. Maybe me and Tia could pretend that we just met randomly and that nothing happened with her and Stephen, but I don’t want to erase him from her history like that. I still want to keep him alive in every way possible. I need to address it when we finally take that step, but now just isn’t the time for that. Of course, they’re still healing for their son, just like I’m still grieving for my brother. I just hope that this helps to overcome that.
“Kian!” Tia’s eyes widen with surprise as she spots me. She pulls away from her friend and moves across to me. I can tell that there’s panic behind her eyes, she’s freaked out that I’ve just turned up like this. Maybe I should have warned her, it wouldn’t have been too hard to send a text, would it? “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
I ignore the people bustling behind us and I zo
ne in only on Tia. My breaths start coming in short and sallow, I don’t know where to start. “Can we go somewhere private?” I gasp out desperately. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Of course.” She runs her eyes all over me as if she’s trying to work me out. I can tell she’s searching for something that I can’t give her just yet. “Come to mine.”
She links one arm through mine and waves goodbye to her friends. I feel bad for dragging her away from all the people she loves, but I hope that it’ll be worth it when I explain everything to her. I put my head down and focus my eyes on the ground and allow Tia to just drag me. I can’t look up again, not until we’re away from the crowds. I just can’t deal with people right now, there’s only one person I want to be with.
Finally, we reach her home and I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. When it’s just me and Tia I can relax just a little bit. “Sorry for the dramatics, I know that was unnecessary. I’ve just been thinking a lot and…”
She claps her hand loudly across her mouth. “Oh my God, you want to end it,” she declares. “I mean, I should have known that this was coming because it is hard, but oh my God. I still feel really shocked.” She stares at me with eyes swimming with pain. Much as this is a horrible moment it’s quite sweet too because I get to see just how much she really cares about me. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so crazy it just…” She grips her chest, giving my cue that I really need to step in before she has a heart attack or something.
“No, no this isn’t that.” I do my best to reassure her but she still looks blown away. “It isn’t that at all. I just… well, it’s Stephen.” Again the color drains from her face as I mention my brother. “I’ve been thinking about him and the mystery that’s surrounded his death. I want to find out more, I need to work out what happened to him and why.” She nods slowly, getting it more than anyone else in the world would. “I need to figure it out, I don’t think that I’ll be able to move on if I don’t. Especially with…” I sigh loudly, hating myself for saying this. “Especially with us.”
Yours Forever Page 10