I smiled as best I could when she burst inside and looped her arms through mine and around my waist. Fucked in the head or not, the feeling of her body pressing into mine was a good one. I took a deep breath and willed myself to relax, at least while she was here. Ashville offered me nothing but time to worry about the predicament I had gotten myself into, and I would start doing that just as soon as she left. The odds were, I wasn’t going to be around all that much longer, and if that was the case, I wanted to soak up my time with her while I could. She was my vacation in all of this, and there was no reason not to enjoy that.
“What’s the matter, Neil?” She pulled back and looked up at me, biting her lower lip as she spoke in a way that was unconsciously sexy and totally her. “You look stressed.”
“Nothing to worry about. Just business stuff, you know? That and I forgot to actually make any food.”
“That’s okay! Let me rummage through your fridge! I’m super good at this game. Mom used to let me be in charge of the food when things got really bad, and the groceries got low. I was always pretty great at coming up with the perfect thing to eat. Wanna give me a try?”
“Sure,” I laughed, starting to feel better despite myself. “Have at it.”
“Yes! You’re going to be so impressed, Neil, just wait.”
“I have no doubt.”
And as it turned out, I was. She went through the fridge and by the time she was done, we had what looked like a Tuscan feast. She had all of the cheeses and meats cut up and on a large board, accompanied by olives and pickles and fruits. She went through the wine cellar, mumbling to herself about how stupid it was of her to bring a bottle of wine with her the last time, and picked out the perfect one.
In no time flat, we were sitting at the large kitchen island, her obviously pleased with the turnout and me more than a little bit impressed. Every minute I spent with her, I was seeing something else I liked. She was like the girl I remembered but better, with all of the things I had loved and some new things piled up on top of it.
“What are you staring at?”
“What?” I stalled for time, embarrassed to have been caught making such a rookie mistake. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, mister. You totally are. You’re staring at me.”
“Okay, you caught me. I was.”
“How come?”
“I was just thinking that you’re pretty amazing.”
“Ha ha, whatever. It’s only meat and cheese, Neil, don’t give me more credit than I deserve.”
“No, seriously, Fay. You really are. You’re amazing. I didn’t think women like you really exist, and it makes me wonder.”
“Wonder what?”
“I know you don’t like these kinds of questions, but have you ever considered leaving? Moving out of Ashville? There’s nothing in the world I don’t think you could conquer. There’s so much out there. Don’t you ever wonder if you might be limiting yourself?”
“Neil, come on,” she answered me uncomfortably, clearly wishing I would have kept my mouth shut. “I thought we agreed not to talk about this kind of stuff. Ashville isn’t the best subject for us, you know? Especially when there are so many other things for us to talk about.”
I knew what she was thinking. I could see it in her slightly wounded eyes. I had agreed not to talk about this anymore, not to bring up the one subject that could legitimately come between us. I hadn’t meant to go back on my promise, but the thing was, I couldn’t help it. I liked her. I liked her more than I wanted to admit and definitely more than I was comfortable.
I thought I might even love her. I might never have stopped loving her. But there was still the matter of Ashville to consider. I wasn’t willing to stay. I just wasn’t willing to do it. I wanted her to tell me that she was willing to go, after all. Instead, she smiled at me, got up from her seat, and pressed her body against me.
“How about we don’t talk, Neil?”
“No talking, huh? What do you suggest we do instead?”
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you let me know what you think?”
She kissed me then, and it wasn’t very long until we were headed back to the bedroom. I was glad to have her there, but there was a part of me that was shut off from her now, already looking ahead. She’d done a damn good job of dancing around my question, but by doing that, she had answered it all the same. She wasn’t going to leave, and I wasn’t going to stay. That left us nowhere, and whether she understood that or not, I absolutely did.
The next morning, as she made me breakfast and chattered happily away, I wondered how long this little playing house act could really work between the two of us. I heard myself promising to come and see her in the diner and wondered if I would be doing that, either. I was torn straight down the middle about what I was supposed to do, and I had no idea what I would choose in the end. I loved her. There was no way for me to lie about that to myself anymore, but I wasn’t sure if it was enough to change me to the core. I wasn’t sure that anything was, no matter how great that something was.
Chapter 17: Fay
“Ugh. Okay, Fay, I’m not going to lie, I’m going to have to call it.”
“Call it? What do you mean, call it? What’s the matter with you, Courtney?”
“What’s the matter with me? Dude, I’m so freaking hungover, I feel like I’m going to die! I’m surprised you can’t tell. Usually, you’re all over that kind of thing. You know, with the lectures and the mothering looks and shit?”
“Oh,” I laughed, feeling like I was walking through a dream and doing my best to be a part of the real world and my friend’s life at the same time. “I’m sorry to disappoint. I guess I just have other things on my mind.”
“Neil, right?”
“How’d you know that?”
“Please,” Courtney scoffed, lighting up a cigarette right there in the middle of the diner yet again. “Are you kidding me? I know how it goes at the beginning of a thing with a guy. Believe it or not, I’ve even been there myself. Also, Eli told me.”
“Eli? Eli told you? When did you talk to him again, Courtney? You didn’t tell me that.”
“You’ve been busy thinking about other things. Besides, it was just last night. He was at the bar, and we got to talking.”
“Just talking, huh?”
“Nope, never said that, but we aren’t talking about me. We’re talking about you. Eli told me that you and Neil were hanging out.”
“How the hell did he know?”
“Because the two of them talk, I guess. I think they’ve had beers together a couple of times, and I know that Neil comes up to Eli’s shop kind of a lot. I guess he’s been telling him how much he’s into you.’
“Huh.”
Courtney gave me a look like it was the stupidest answer she’d ever heard, and she was probably right, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had been struggling mightily not to gush about Neil every waking second of every day, but it hadn’t ever occurred to me that Neil might be talking about me as well.
There was still that part of me that was terrified this was all some kind of a game to him, which only made sense considering the way he’d left things so many years ago, but to hear that he was talking to a guy about me made me feel like maybe it wasn’t all me this time. Maybe there really was still something between us, something worth exploring further.
“Hey, Fay?”
“Yeah?”
“I wasn’t joking. Eli and I had a blast last night, but I can’t actually remember the last time I felt this shitty. Is it ok if I go home? I bet we won’t get anyone in, at least anyone aside from your boyfriend.”
“Neil isn’t my boyfriend, Courtney.”
“Who said I was talking about Neil?”
“Who else could you be talking about?”
“The guy who works for the nature magazine! He’s already been in once today, girlie, and he made it clear that he intends to come back. He’s really taken with you, at least that’s wha
t he said. I think he really wants to take you out. He told me he sees something in you.”
“Come on, Courtney, you know that’s not going to happen.”
“How come?”
“You know why.”
“Because of Neil?”
“Well, sure. I don’t think it would be right. I want to see where things are going, you know? Like, I really want to give things a chance, and I don’t think I would be doing that if I started going out with other guys, too.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“Why do you have to say it like that?”
“Like what? I’m not saying it like anything, Fay. It’s your choice, and we both know it. Just be careful, you know? What’s that saying? You know the one I’m talking about?”
“No, not really,” I answered huffily, starting to grow legitimately annoyed with her constant negativity about me and Neil and how closely it mirrored my own worst fears. “I just know you’re trying to tell me I’m making a mistake.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to tell you to be careful. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket! That’s what I was trying to think of. I’m going to go and sleep this off, and you can do whatever you want, but just remember that. Or at least try and think about it. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket, or you might get burned. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
She left without waiting to see what I might say to that, just walked out the front door and left me standing there with her bomb of parting advice and no idea what to do with it. I wanted to believe that she was wrong, but how was I supposed to know for sure? You never could, that was the problem. There was no way to know anything for certain, and that included a man’s intentions.
I felt the excitement and joy of my last few interactions with Neil seeping out of me, and I sat down at the counter, my head in my hand and my book in front of me but unopened. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when I heard the bell and the door open. I heaved a heavy sigh and prepared myself to put on my happy face, wishing that Courtney was still there to deal with the customer. What I really wanted was to see Neil. Something told me that if I could only see him, I would feel better about everything, that all of Courtney’s words would leave me, and I would be sure again. When I turned around, I let out a little gasp, hardly able to believe my eyes.
“It’s you!”
“It is,” Neil answered with a slow smile, glancing around the place to see if it was only him and me inside. When he saw that it was, he walked right up to me without saying another word, slipping his arms around me and pulling me in for a deep, slow kiss. It was a kiss that made me feel like I was floating and the heat Neil was so good at building up inside of me appeared almost immediately.
It was almost frightening how easily he could turn me on. It made me feel like I had no control over myself when it came to him. While I knew that wasn’t precisely true, I had an uncomfortable suspicion that it might be mostly true. It was only the sense of duty I had to the diner that made me pull back, and that was something I had to do with a huge amount of effort.
“Neil, we can’t.”
“Why not?” he whispered, leaning forward and nibbling on the lobe of my ear as he spoke. “It’s not like there’s anyone in here.”
“Not right now, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be.”
“And if somebody comes in, you’ll hear the bell, right?”
“Well, sure, I would hear it, but—”
Neil put a finger to my mouth. “Shh.”
He pulled my head to his and kissed me. It was passionate, lustful, and needy. And I knew I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me. I grabbed his hand and led him back into the pantry area. There were no cooks at that time of day because we were only open for coffee and pastries. The risk of someone even coming in for that was highly unlikely.
I led him farther toward the back. There were large tables against the wall we used for prep. They were clean and I knew they were the perfect place for this kind of thing. The idea of having sex with Neil at my place of work with the chance of someone coming in at any time, was actually quite a big turn on.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and started kissing him again. His hands explored my body, stopping to squeeze my tits. He moved his hand into the top of my dress and played with my nipple a little. I let out a small moan.
I pulled apart from him and unbuttoned my dress. I let it fall to the floor next to us without ever looking away. The look of desire in his eyes grew more intense. I removed my bra and panties and stood before him totally naked. I stared at him and bit my lip. I wasn’t as nervous as I was last time. In fact, I might have been more excited and turned on than I had been last time. I felt chills as I thought about him sliding into me, and my nipples hardened.
Neil stared at me for a minute before swiftly picking me up and setting me on the prep table behind me. He kissed me harder, and I touched his chest. I moved my hands down the front of him to his hard dick. I rubbed it through his jeans. As I did that, he grabbed my tits and squeezed, tugging on my nipples. He ran his hands down my stomach until his fingers were touching my clit.
He started rubbing it fast, and I moved my hips. It felt so good. I started moaning loudly.
“Oh fuck, Neil,” I said almost breathlessly.
He slid a finger down and then inside of me. “You’re so tight,” he said and then began to move his finger in and out of me, hard and fast.
I moaned, my lips pursed, and my breathing hastened. “Don’t stop,” I said.
He slid another finger into me. He moved them in and out of me, curving his fingers as he did so.
I pulled his fingers out of me, stepped back, and removed his pants and boxers. He was naked from the waist down, and I couldn’t help but stare at his dick. It was hard and so hot. He stepped toward me again and pulled me to the edge of the table.
I reached down and grabbed a hold of him. I moved my hand up and down the length of his shaft. He moaned, and I began to move my hand faster.
Neil grabbed my hand, causing me to stop. “I want to feel you,” he said.
I nodded my head, and he moved so the head of his cock pressed into my pussy. He rubbed it around on my clit, causing my stomach to contract as lust pumped through me. He didn’t waste time pressing his swollen shaft down into my wetness.
He moved himself in and out of me, picking up the pace. The sounds of my moans filled the room, as did the delicious scent of our sex.
“You’re so fucking wet,” Neil said, thrusting into me deeper.
I nodded. The ability to speak escaped me. He paused his movements and grabbed my hips, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He picked me up off the counter and backed up a few steps. He started bouncing me on him faster and harder than I had ever experienced.
I closed my eyes and let the pleasure from him fucking me overtake anything else I was feeling. I allowed my head to roll back.
“Neil, that feels so good,” I said, and this made him pick up his pace.
He moved in and out of me harder and faster until we were both panting loudly together. The pleasure was pure ecstasy. His angel had his cock sliding past my clit, rubbing hit hard as he drove into me. I dug my nails into his flesh as my orgasm welled up inside of me.
“That’s it. Come for me.” He smiled wickedly. I screamed my release and he joined me.
“God, that was amazing. Better than the first time. How is that possible?” Neil asked as he set me back down on the ground.
“No clue, but I want more,” I said and began to get dressed. This time there had been no pain. Just pleasure. A pleasure I knew I wanted to feel over and over again.
“Bad girl.” He smiled and popped my naked ass. “But I like it.”
“No, you love it.” I couldn’t help myself.
Chapter 18: Neil
“Hey man,” Eli said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”
“Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t really planning on coming in today. I j
ust, shit. I don’t know. I was at the diner to see Fay, and I wasn’t sure what to do after that, so I came here.”
“No man, don’t be sorry. Always glad to see you. Have a seat! Want a beer or something?”
“No, not a beer. Any chance you’ve got any whiskey?”
Eli gave me a questioning look, but he nodded and went to one of the back cabinets in the shop. One bottle and two glasses later, and the two of us were sitting in a couple of the back chairs in the shop. He poured us both a glass, and I drank mine down in two sips, fighting the urge to sick it all up again on the spot.
I waved my glass in Eli’s general direction, and he filled it again, this time with a more generous pour. It was only after I’d gotten a couple of sips down of that glass that I felt a little calmer. I had come straight to Eli’s shop from fucking Fay in the back of her diner, and I felt more messed up in the head than ever.
The fact that I had wanted to go and see her because I was feeling bad was confusing, but the way I felt after leaving her was even worse. I felt like my entire world was on fire, and I didn’t know which direction I was supposed to go in to put it out. Eli must have seen it on me, too, because after he gave me a couple of seconds to get my mental shit together, he cleared his throat and started to talk.
“So, what’s going on with you, man? You look like you just saw a ghost or something.”
“Nothing, man. Or shit, I don’t know. I just came from seeing Fay.”
“I know, you said that. Is that what’s got you all fucked up?”
“I guess so. I guess it is.”
“Because you want her, or because you don’t? It’s got to be one of the two, brother. No man gets that look about a girl he doesn’t have some kind of feelings about.”
I sat there silent for a long time, looking into my glass of whiskey like it would somehow miraculously give me all of the answers I was looking for. He was right, and it pissed me off. I didn’t want to feel anything about her. I wanted to go back in time and not ever have walked into the diner, not ever have seen her face. I wanted her not to have been a virgin when we slept together that first time so that I could claim that I didn’t ever think it meant anything. I wanted to be able to tell Eli that Fay didn’t mean shit to me and for it to be the absolute truth. The fact that I couldn’t do that made me want to put my fist through a wall.
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