I let out a sad sigh when I recognize those gray eyes.
“Eliza?”
I stop at the desk and pick up the portrait, holding the frame gently in my hands. I turn to look at Robin and point to it.
“I think I know why she submitted a Wish.”
I hand the aged frame to my protégé. She looks at it, and then quirks an eyebrow at me questioningly. I take back the picture and gently place it on the desk.
“I think that man was her husband. And I completed his Death Wish a year ago.”
“Hello, Jonathan,” I said sweetly. My client looked up at me and the light caught the streaks of tears running down his face. He let out a shuddering breath, and began nodding his head rapidly.
“Okay, okay, okay,” he muttered to himself, rocking back and forth. He was curled up on the floor, and I dropped down next to him. He was whispering “I can do this, I can do this,” over and over.
I placed a hand on his shoulder.
“It will be alright, Jonathan,” I soothed, scooping out a small silver vial from my pocket. I pulled it forward and cupped it under his nose. “Now breathe.”
But he ignored my order, shaking his head while muttering indecipherably. I slid my arm across his shoulders into a side-hug, and told him to breathe again.
“It will make it painless,” I added. “Just like falling asleep.”
A pained cry slipped out, but that time he nodded. His shoulders expanded as he inhaled the powdered drug. I waited, and after a moment he slumped against me into unconsciousness. A few minutes later I walked away, slipping his bloody Life Chip into a bag while letting H.Q. know the Wish of Jonathan Rogers was complete.
Robin claps her hand to her mouth, a horrified look on her face. I rub the back of my neck awkwardly.
“Don’t look so sad, Robin,” I say. “This happens all the time. One person will submit a Wish, and sometime later one of their loved ones will submit one too. They’ve grown so used to having that person in their life that they decide they don’t want to be in a world without them.”
Unshed tears glisten in Robin’s eyes, and I shake my head while trying to reassure her.
“Hey, seriously, it’s okay. This is something you’re going to have to learn to deal with, because you’re going to see it a lot as a Godmother.”
I lean back against the desk and trail one of my fingers across the top of the frame.
“Do you know what helps me cope with the sadness?” I say wistfully. Robin shakes her head but she does lower her hands away from her mouth, trying to compose herself.
“I find beauty and meaning in each Death. For example, you might think that this is a horrible story of heartache. I, on the other hand, choose to look at this as a reunion. By us completing her Death Wish, we will finally bring Marlene and her beloved Jonathan back together.”
“You remember his name?” A trace of surprise overlays the sadness in Robin’s voice.
I quirk up the corner of my mouth in a sad smile. “I remember all of their names. And you will too.”
*
When we enter the bedroom, the only sounds that can be heard are the light snoring of our target and the gentle creak of the door I push open. I steal over to the bed and motion Robin to the side opposite mine. We both stare down at our target.
She looks the relatively the same as she did in the moving picture. But her expression seems heavier, almost like the sadness over her husband’s death physically pulls her down. She still has beautiful, shoulder-length blonde hair, and although they are closed in sleep now I know from her file that she has bright blue eyes. I reach into my front pocket and pull out a small syringe filled with a lavender-tinted liquid. Robin and I have spent many hours practicing precision techniques for injecting clients, and when I hand it to her she slides the needle into Marlene’s forearm easily. Marlene twitches slightly, but then breathes deeply again as the anesthesia takes hold. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding; the drug will keep Marlene sleeping until we remove her Chip. I hold out my hand to take the syringe from Robin and hand her the Life Chip Extractor.
“Okay,” I speak softly, even though Marlene won’t be waking up with the sedative in her system. “She’s sleeping on her back, so you’ll have to roll her over to expose the Life Chip area.”
Robin nods and pushes the woman towards me until she lands with a soft thump onto her stomach. Robin leans forward and brushes Marlene’s hair to the side, exposing the soft skin at the base of her skull. I notice Robin’s hands are shaking but I keep whispering instructions, hoping my voice will quell any rising panic.
“Now, make sure the incision isn’t shallow. The Chip is located around one inch underneath the skin, so making a superficial cut won’t allow the retractor to reach it.” I wait for her to slice the knife across the skin, but she doesn’t move.
“Robin? Did you hear what I just said?”
She doesn’t respond. She’s just standing there, frozen, the Extractor in her still-shaking hand. Another second passes before she finally looks up, a twinge of desperation in her voice.
“We shouldn’t do this.” Her eyes are glistening again. “She doesn’t want to die, not really—she just wants an escape from the pain. We shouldn’t kill her. We—we should help her! Have her talk to someone!” Her voice rises, notes of pleading color her words.
I sigh. I feel sympathy for my trainee. After all, the first Wish you complete when you become a Godparent is the hardest to follow through on. But understanding her pain doesn’t change the fact that she can’t back out.
I shake my head and speak at a normal volume. “It’s not our job to decide whether or not someone is ready to pass on. We just fulfill Wishes. She had a week to change her mind and she didn’t. We can’t debate whether or not someone really wants to die because it’s not our decision. It’s theirs. And besides, if we were to pick and choose which Wishes we fulfill and which ones we ignore, then we really would become killers. Robin, make the incision.”
The glistening in her eyes finally forms into tears, and she starts shaking her head back and forth when they spill down her cheeks. She drops the Extractor to the floor and presses her clenched fists against the sides of her head, like if she can physically block out what’s happening. Her entire body shudders, and she begins muttering I can’t do this, I can’t do this over and over.
I let out a huff of air. I was hoping this wouldn’t happen. I move around the bed to Robin’s side. She looks up at me through her tears, probably expecting some gentle sympathy, but instead I slap her. Hard.
She gasps and drops her hands, the shock of pain momentarily halting the flow of tears. I clench my teeth and spit out my words.
“Pick. Up. Your. Extractor, Initiate Sun.”
Robin nods and bends down to retrieve it.
“Now make the incision.”
She hesitates and looks back up at me. Tears are still running down her face.
“C-can you make it for me?”
I have to tamp down a wave of pity. All I want to do is make the cut so she won’t be sad, but I know that doing so will only make her second Wish all that much harder.
“No, Robin.” I shake my head and cross my arms. “I can’t do that. I know it’s hard, but this is something you have to do. You’ll never succeed as a Godmother if you can’t remove that first Chip.”
I then let a touch of tenderness into my expression to let her know I’m on her side. “I know how hard the first one can be, but I also know you can do it, Robin. You’ll be fine.”
Robin sniffles quietly in defeat, realizing that I won’t budge on the issue. She leans over Marlene with the knife ready. She places one hand on our client’s neck, spreading her fingers to hold the skin steady and provide an opening. She hesitates again, but this time the hand holding the Extractor moves into action, and a second later a bright red slice has bloomed under the client’s skull. I nod; the cut was exactly how deep it needed to be.
“Good job. Now pr
ess the silver button again, and insert the claw into the wound. You should feel it clamp onto the Chip. If it doesn’t, wiggle the tip around until it does.”
Robin hesitates, and in those precious seconds the Life Chip springs into action. The skin around the wound knits itself back together, and Robin lets out a cry of dismay. I sigh. She’ll have to make the cut again, and I’m worried that she’ll break down completely if this process is drawn out.
“Robin, you waited too long. When we make the opening, there are only a couple of seconds to remove the Chip. Otherwise, as you can see, the site heals and you have to start over.” I look at her sternly. “Make the incision again, and this time don’t hesitate.”
Robin whimpers and loosens her grip on the Extractor. Her fingers slip on the still-drying blood, and she lets out another whimper. She looks at Marlene’s unconscious form with watery eyes and bites her lower lip.
“P-please. Don’t make me do it again.”
I hadn’t realized how hard this would be for her. But she will have to finish the job before I can give her any comfort.
“Robin,” I say, cold steel in my voice. She jumps and re-tightens her grip on the Extractor. “We don’t have time for this. Now make the incision and complete the Wish.”
Another moment’s hesitation, and then she finally does what I command and makes another gash. She takes a deep breath, clicks the Extractor, and a few seconds later she pulls back her hand, a gleaming silver Life Chip in the claw’s grasp. There is silence for a few moments, and then the figure on the bed jerks violently while her organs shut down, one by one. A death-rattle escapes her lips and then Marlene is silent, her long life finally over. I look at Robin and give her a thumbs-up.
“Good job.”
I point at the Chip. “So you know, that’s what a Life Chip looks like. Something that powerful is contained in such a small device.” I look at her. “Kind of humbling, don’t you think?”
Robin doesn’t respond, just stares at the Chip with haunted eyes. There are still bits of gore attached to the places where it was ripped from the spine, and Robin tries to hand the Extractor back to me with shaky hands. I shake my head again and hold out an open plastic bag. She hits the silver button on the device a third time and the claws spring apart, letting the Chip drop into the bag.
Now when she hands me the Extractor I do take it, slipping it into my pocket next to the used syringe. Robin stares at the lifeless body on the bed, a vacant expression on her face. I place my hands on her shoulders and gently turn her so that she faces me.
“Hey,” I murmur, giving her a reassuring smile. “You did really well. Okay?”
She doesn’t return my smile, but her eyes do meet mine. I sigh, and press a finger to the earpiece on the left side of my head.
“This is Godmother Hayworth with Initiate Sun. We have just successfully completed the Death Wish for Marlene Rogers.”
No one replies. I remember that, since the office is closed, my words are probably being redirected as a message for the cleanup crew in the morning.
“The time is 12:37 A.M.,” I continue, glancing at a clock gleaming on a nearby dresser, “and I am requesting a cleanup crew to retrieve the body at the client’s home address tomorrow morning. Thank you.”
I drop my hand back to my side and look at Robin. Her expression hasn’t changed. I reach forward to grasp her hand, and when she looks up at me I give her another small smile.
“Come on,” I say, pulling her to the door. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Wish 9
I set my wrist on the linoleum surface, scanning my bank chip at a street vendor cart to pay for two insulated cups of hot tea. I thank the owner and walk back to Robin, who I left sitting on a nearby bench. We’re in a small park a few blocks away from Marlene Rogers’ house. I sit down next to Robin and hand her one of the cups. She takes it and looks at me blankly, like she’s unsure of what to do with the beverage.
“Drink,” I say, touching my cup to hers in a mock toast. “It’s good.”
I lean back against the bench, taking slow sips of my tea. It’s extremely hot, and my tongue burns when the warm liquid runs down my throat. It’s a little after one in the morning, and the park around us is deserted except for the owner of the nearby drink cart. He moves away from us, the bells looped around his cart tinkling softly in the silence. The clean scent of artificial trees and grass mixes with the smell of our tea, and although it is tainted by the pollution from the crowded city the night still has a beautiful smell. It is a cloudless night, and when I look up I see a multitude of stars in the sky above. I take in the scenery while Robin stares down at her cup in silence. We sit like this for some time.
I consider saying something, but I know that some initiates have a more difficult time adjusting to the realities of a Godparent’s life than others. Instead I choose to stay quiet, knowing that if she wants to talk she will. I just sit there, taking occasional sips of my slowly cooling tea while looking around. After a few minutes, Robin takes a slow drink of her tea. I take this as a good sign. At least she’s moving again. We continue to sit in silence, drinking our tea and letting the sounds of the night serenade us.
Finally I hear a small noise. I turn to Robin, who is still looking down at her drink.
“That’s it?” Her words are hushed, spoken in a soft monotone. “Less than a minute, and they’re dead?”
I don’t respond, waiting to see if she’ll continue. She does. A small tear falls onto the lid of her cup.
“How can there be life one minute, and in the next it’s gone? It’s so… fast, and so sudden, and so simple.”
She looks up, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking out into the distance, past the green of the park into the neon glow of the city that surrounds this small botanic oasis.
“I think something like that should… it should have more meaning. But the entire life of someone is condensed into a file, and with a quick slice and grab it’s over. There’s no significance, no honoring the person. Just sliiice!”
She makes a cutting motion in the air. Her hand remains suspended in the air for a moment, but with a sigh she drops it. The next part I barely hear, her whispered question no more than a soft breath.
“Is… Is that what it was like for my dad?”
I feel an ache of sympathy for my protege. I hesitate, but then I set my hand gently on Robin’s knee. She jumps and looks at me. Had she forgotten I was sitting next to her? She looks away, sniffs, and wipes the tears from her face.
“I’m sorry,” she says with a catch in her voice. “I don’t know why I freaked out so much. It… It was just a lot to take in. But I promise I’ll do better next time.”
She looks back at me. A terrible sadness still hangs over her, but now it’s accompanied by determination.
“I know you will,” I reply, giving her knee a squeeze before pulling my hand back. “And I know how hard the first Wish is. Mine didn’t go very well either…”
I trail off, and this time I’m the one to look away.
“Really?” She sounds skeptical. “But you’re so great at all of this. How could you have done badly?”
I shrug my shoulders and take another drink of tea.
“Simple: because it was my first Wish completion. As Godparents, we’re the only people who deal with Death on a daily basis. No other people in our world have to, so to transition from an existence of life to one that delivers death is really hard.” I look back at her. “No one does well their first time. I didn’t, Harrison didn’t, and you didn’t. But you know what?”
Robin shakes her head. I continue.
“You got through it, and that’s what matters. And as you get used to this life, and all of the things you experience with it, it becomes much easier. There are some hard things you’ll have to endure, but you know how you mentioned a lack of fulfillment?”
She nods, and I tap my index finger against my heart.
“The fulfillment, meaning, and honoring of
the person can happen in here. Whenever you complete a Wish, just remind yourself that you are granting the final, greatest desire of the client. Once you can do that, you realize that your actions are honoring them, and that feeling can give you the fulfillment you crave inside.”
Robin looks at me, a strange expression on her face. I keep my eyes on her, letting the seconds tick by. Finally she turns away with a small sigh.
“You aren’t what I expected, Eliza.”
I don’t know how to respond. But I don’t have to because she continues, turning back to me with a small smile on her face.
“But I’m really grateful for that.”
*
“Elly!”
Harrison knocks me backward in a giant tackle hug and I laugh. I dropped Robin by her new apartment in the Godparent complex a few minutes ago, and walked into my home to find Harrison lying in wait. We collapse in the hallway of my apartment, with him planting a frenzy of kisses all over my face while I giggle.
“Hey sweetie,” I laugh between kisses. “Why the affectionate greeting?”
He grins and pushes himself up, giving me a hand to help me up. He grabs me around the middle and squeezes, the top of his head brushing my chin.
“I just missed you today,” he answers, then pulls back to look up at me with a smile. “It was weird going on assignment without you.”
I give him a hug back and kiss the top of his head. We stand like that for a few minutes, just holding each other, happy to be together again.
“Same here, Hare,” I whisper against his hair, feeling exhausted from the emotional roller coaster I just went through. I crave the simplicity of going on assignment with Harrison, and can’t wait to get back to my old routine.
We move over to the living room, and I tell Harrison about the first assignment with Robin. We both sit cross-legged on my cushy suede couch, facing each other. While I talk, Harrison holds my hand, gently playing with my fingers.
“What do you think she meant?”
Harrison raises his eyebrow in question while squeezing my hand. I clarify.
Death Wish Page 7