by Neviah Wohl
That first day she met the other ranchers and staff. Chevy the lunch lady, Darlene the cowgirl, the other cowboys who came in, welcomed themselves to whatever Chevy cooked, and left. Jaden, she saw a few more times, flirting with him whenever they passed one another, loitering around the office and receiving a few free books from Albert to stave off boredom from her non-work. That sort of thing.
Her life, after several weeks, was pretty easy going. The weather was always hot with mild to intermittent rain only on occasion.
Nothing exciting.
At least it wasn't really, until one day while she was out close to the Men’s apartments when she heard a familiar voice calling over her shoulder while she was overlooking a small colt that had become trapped against the barbed wire while out playing around in the barn. Her hands brushing through the soft hair as the animal, young and restless, relaxed beneath her touch. The sound of the voice, familiar to both her and the young animal, caused them both to turn and look. The little horse whickering lightly beneath her, wanting to be released from the small pen to be free to play and get in trouble again.
Charlene’s eyes though fell upon the form of Jaden as he stood there in the front of the small barn. The light behind him illuminating his form in shadow as he leaned in against the door frame. All smiles, and grins, and playful demeanor, but his blue eyes shining bright despite the darkness that enveloped him.
"Working hard?" he'd ask, and she'd just smile before she turned back to the little horse.
"Hardly. Little thing here got himself all scratched up on his face because he wasn't watching where he was going."
Jaden merely chuckled as he stepped into the building within her; entering into the world of manure, hay, and feed as his essence fell right in beside hers. A hand reaching down to stroke along the small horse’s muzzle. "Yea I seen this little guy running around. Taking care of animal kids probably wasn't what you had in mind when you signed onto this huh?"
She shook her head. "I expected there to be a crisis once a day or something. Westerns failed me this time."
He laughed. "Yea. No. The truth is, is there's not much out here in terms of excitement. When you're out there on a horse rounding the cattle up, yea, that’s exciting. But it's really just maintenance till the cows are ready for slaughter. Sometimes you have to break up a fight with steer, and sometimes you have a horse race to get the animals blood pumping and keep ‘em in shape, but that's really it most of the time."
Slowly Charlene stood, raising herself up from the stool she squatted on as she dusted her hands lightly. That smile that seemed to always be there when Jaden was close returning, as well as that pool of warmth within her belly. Brown eyes looking to the side to see him: Tall, handsome, light brown hair, blue eyes, but more dressed this time in the cowboy duds of the day. Complete of course with chaps. "A shame. But at least it'll be an easy six months."
"Yeah. Pretty much," Jaden replied, stepping forward to take the colt by the side of the neck as he led it with gentle steps to the side of the barn to release the bucking creature back to the annoyance of its parents and others. "I got an idea though if you're interested."
She turned and looked toward him. A hand reaching out to lay against the side of the wooden wall as she leaned in to reach for the first aid kit. "I might be. What's your idea?"
"Been to town since you been here?" he'd ask, a brow raising up in question.
Charlene as well tilted her head in thought. Having not had a chance in the last two weeks to leave the large, sprawling property at all. In fact, the only places she had been were her own apartment, the barns, the offices, Chevy's apartment to ask for a special meal that she paid for, and a little ways down the asphalt road to clear her mind of boredom and watch the delivery trucks on their seemingly endless drive.
"I don't think I have. I don't even think I saw the town on my drive in from the bus. Haven’t really had reasons to go, even with the bus coming in in the morning and evening."
"Yea, well what do you say we get out of here for a little bit sometime tomorrow huh? Catch some coffee after work, maybe hit up a cinema or something if you’re craving a movie since we don’t have television here. Hell, I seen you with some books before in the mess hall. Nice little library. Figure you could use something other than the cows all day.”
She looked down toward the ground thinking for a moment. All of it sounded like a good idea to her, and in actuality, really thoughtful. A library? She was only getting what she could from Alfred in the office building that he loaned her. A movie? She hadn’t been to a theater in years; her last trip there alone to a popcorn muncher type blockbuster that bored her. Coffee? She enjoyed it, but all she’s had since was black with a bit of sugar. She used to drink all kinds, being one of those that enjoyed the national chain coffee’s a lot.
But, at the same time, she wanted to take things slow. To just delve into getting to know Jaden a little bit. Her hand slowly reaching down along her belly as she side eyed him slightly with a half stare. Her eyes, falling naturally, to his belly in thought. Another well of heat formed within her and coursed through her.
He was handsome… and he’s been so nice she got here at Big Bob’s. Plus everyone here seemed to get along with Jaden well enough and no one had a bad thing to say about him.
But all the good feelings she had within her son replaced with an aching pang that came from the marks of her surgery. Down slowly beneath her belly button toward her thighs, and up along her chest. What if he found out about the surgery, and her secret that she didn’t want anyone to know?
He continued to smile though, and it was infectious. She really was falling for a pretty face and his charms. She cursed herself as she agreed. “Coffee at least sounds nice. We’ll see what happens there.”
He winked once more—always seemingly winking at her for some reason that she found endearing rather than annoying. “Good. I’ll pick you up in my truck at the bus stop. It’s only ten miles from the highway. Be there about seven p.m.? Should get us into town around eight, and figure we’ll mingle with some drinks and maybe see a nine showing if you feel like being out.”
She winked back in return. “Sounds like you have everything planned.”
“Only because I like you,” he replied, and it helped to chase away that pain and return the warmth within her.
***
The next day, Charlene waited nervously at the bus stop as she was asked to by Jaden after all work was complete. A trip to her small apartment, taking a long cold shower, and changing from her usual khaki pants and blouse into a summer dress with stockings did little to dissuade her from feeling nervousness within her belly.
Why? Why did she agree to the date? Jaden was friendly, he was sweet, charming, flirtatious, handsome, and everything she loved in a man. But she felt ultimately like she didn't truly deserve to date someone like him.
She looked down at herself. Long, dirty blonde hair wasn't enough in looks she thought as she saw her gangly form. Small breasts, strong jawline, large hands, long limbs, and little to no curves wasn't truly attractive. Even she knew it. So she didn't know what Jaden—who was the picture definition of what a cowboy should be, would find attractive about her. Even with her belt cinching her dress to her hips, she had little in the ways of feminine beauty.
And it only made her more nervous and feel more self-aware of her glaring flaws in physical form as her eyes squinted, and she started to feel uncomfortable in her body. The first time since arriving, but a familiar feeling of disassociation that overwhelmed her. She wanted to run, call off the date, and end it before it could even begin. Call him, let him know, perhaps claim she was sick or make up some excuse.
But the sudden hum of an engine driving across dusty crackled earth, and the crunch of tires woke her from her mental anguish. The glint of a coppery metal off in the distance from the evening sun glaring off signaled the arrival of her encroaching companion. Any plan she had to run and leave and lie was now put on hold. Her th
oughts vanishing as she exhaled slowly.
Now was the time. The truck came closer.
Moments passed, and as it neared her, the engine stalled for half a second as she saw Jaden’s face within the windshield getting closer became more evident. His face grinning behind the dirty, dust-covered glass, watching her as the machine coasted along the ground and stopped before her; the door perfectly in front of her and expertly parked.
She watched as he leaned forward, disappearing over the edge of the side door window before the click of metal echoed out, and it swung open to reveal the interior of the vehicle. Expertly cleaned and taken care of. The outside of the pickup truck looking more like a mess than anything else; rusty coppery metal in need of maintenance covered the entirety of the body with wheels that needed to be changed and a windshield that needed washing. It looked like it went through a dust cloud, which stood in stark contrast to interior that had no trash, was wiped down from dashboard to floor, and in a way smelled better than she imagined.
Her imagination leading her to believe the inside would have smelled like a cowboy’s lair—smelly and dirty and in need of a scrub. She was completely wrong on that.
“So, going to just stare huh? I know it’s a pretty beastly thing to ride, and probably less impressive than a horse. But hey, it works.”
She simply forced a smile on her face. Slowly forgetting her earlier body image attack as she stepped up and climbed easily into the pickup truck as she slid closer toward him. “I think I’d rather this than riding the horses into town. A lot quicker with this.”
“Yea. Plus we don’t own the horses, so we’re not allowed to take them off property. Thought about where you wanting to go?” he nodded, eyes turning down from her face as he nodded to the seat belt buckle.
She followed his gaze, blushed at her forgetfulness to safety, and buckled herself in. “Just coffee I thought?”
“My treat for some food too. Coffee shop does a heck of a good sandwich if you don’t mind paying a little bit. Nothing fancy from Salt Lake City or the like though if you’re use to that sort of stuff.”
She shook her head. “We’ll see. I’m just glad to actually go somewhere for a little bit and get off of the property.”
He winked and turned the ignition. The rumble beneath her feet a welcome relief from weeks with no travel; feeling the vibrations traveling up along the flooring toward her legs, causing her to shift to and fro for a little bit to adjust. “Just gotta ask now that you know I have a vehicle.”
She grinned, feeling a lot better than she did a moment ago. All of her troubles seemingly melting away. “Yea. I guess so huh?”
He grinned in returned, pulled forward, and drove. The windows down causing the wind to whip through her hair, messing up the ponytail she managed to wrangle her mane into. Their drive smooth despite the roughage of the road that was often traveled day by day. Their talk light hearted, and fun. Charlene feeling more and more relaxed as they traveled.
Chapter 4
***The Dating Reveal
Coffee, just like she liked it. Bitter, but sweetened with cream and sugar and caramel and cold. She liked hot coffee in the morning, for sure, but to Charlene, there was nothing better than something cold on a hot day or after a day of work that settled into the stomach and woke her senses up a little bit more. The feel of the cooling liquid pooling down into her throat quelled the parching thirst and opened her senses more to all sensations around.
And the smell; so heavy and fragrant and delicious. Truly Iced coffee was king of afternoon treats.
Jaden continued to smile, as she sucked through the straw of her cup the last remnants of the icy cool treat. Her lips tightening around to wrangle the last bit of sugar that coagulated at the bottom, out of the reach of the straw itself.
Her eyes went up, claiming her prize in a loud gurgle from the straw, eyeing Jaden as he looked to her. “Whaaat?” she asked, blushing as she became somewhat self-conscious. Her teeth biting on the end of the straw.
“You,” was all he could reply. “You’re being kind of adorable actually.”
She blushed harder. “What? I’m not usually or something huh?”
He laughed once more, bringing a hand up to his head as he pulled off the white brim of his cowboy hat, settling the colored leather hat aside as strands of his brown hair; cleaned and smooth, clung to the inner ring of the sweatband inside. “Normally I’d say you’re being beautiful. Kind of always took you more of a professional, graceful person. Glad to see there’s a bit of fun in you too.”
She continued to blush but smile as she released the tip of the chewed-on straw. Sliding the empty styrofoam cup across the table toward him as she fought back the urge to burp and ruin the image he already made up in his mind. “Yeah, well you stick around and keep treating me to coffee and you just might see what else I can turn into, and what else is in me.”
“Ohh hohh…” he said quickly picking up on her flirt as he slid his unfinished drink aside. “Is that a fact huh?”
She grinned in response, nodding her head. “It is.”
He chuckled, looking toward her before he tilted his head for her to come closer. “Say. You want to go to my place for a little bit and relax, and think about what we want to do from here on out?”
“I don’t know…” she said in thought, though her smile said otherwise. She was having a lot more fun than she realized. “I suppose we could…”
He grinned somewhat more, almost in anticipation before he rose up somewhat, reaching a hand out toward her to take. “All right. I’ll just lead the way then.”
And she took his hand in hers, and smiled again, pulling lightly on him to bring her closer; taking the first step of the evening as she looked toward his face. “Yea. Lead on.”
***
The door closed in behind them finally as they reached Jaden’s small home at the edge of the town, and she looked away from the well-cleaned apartment-like building. Seeing that it was much as his vehicle; dirty on the outside, but clean on the inside. Spartan in design with just a bed, a television, a small counter with a hot plate, and a small mini refrigerator. Her attention turning toward Jaden as the light blue of his eyes gleamed in the darkness, drawing her in as she felt his presence close in closer toward her. A large, rough, paw-like hand reaching up to her cheek to caress and touch as she felt his breath; hot, warm, smelling of the tangy beer he drank from earlier as well as the sweetness of what coffee he had.
She froze for a moment, unable to think, unable to move, unable to do much of anything as that familiar heat of arousal welled up inside of her. She felt her heart racing, her breath quickening, and her senses distorted to the point that all she could think of was Jaden in front of him.
“You know. I really do like you Charlene. I flirted with you because I thought you were attractive, but I continued on because I thought there was something about you I liked…” he continued on, his lips tantalizing close to Charlene’s as her mind seized up; locking up, and unable to think.
She continued to look at him, mouth agape, unable to reply before she felt his lips kiss hers, and she reciprocated. She wanted to speak, but she welcomed his attentions. She wanted to tell him all sorts of things, to say she felt the same that she thought he was a hunky cowboy when they first met, but the more she got to know him the more she liked him for his affability and ability to put her at ease. To want to put her hands on him; touch, kiss, taste, whatever.
She continued on, all other sensations within slowly losing out as all she could feel was a well of growing desire forming within her body. She could feel his hands sliding across her waistline, the taste of his tongue licking along her bottom lip as she deepened the kiss in earnest. Felt the stiffness of an erection between them pressing against her thigh, and the tightening of his muscles gripping her.
But then, she realized, she needed honesty. She wanted it, but she didn’t want it through trickery or the like. Her hands sliding back up along his body as she pressed he
r palms against his broad chest; her fingers digging in against the firmness of his pectoral muscles as she pushed him back somewhat to gain some distance. Their connection breaking with a light, wettened pop before she fell back enough to look at him eye to eye. The smell of his body still clinging to her—heavy earthy cologne, sweet soapy delight from his shampoo, and the natural musk of sweat and sun from a man who delighted in working without half his clothes sometime.
He looked to her, eyes half closed, but full of questions before he spoke. “Is something wrong?” he’d ask, innocent, and forcing himself to relax from animalistic lust.
She nodded, panting to catch her breath, trying to think of a way to respond and tell him what she wanted to say.
“I’m… I’m not who you think I am Jaden…” she said, hoping that he understood.
Confusion lined his face as he knitted his brows together somewhat. “You’re not Charlene?”
She sighed, and looked aside, and then turned back to face him. Nervousness lining her face, regret coming out now that she was in town, thirty miles away from the Ranch, with no way to get back if his reaction to the truth of herself was negative.
She felt fear. Not from him, but what he’d possibly say. Of rejection.
“I’m… I didn’t start out as a woman Jaden.” She said the courage to speak continuing on, knowing now that she couldn’t hide what she wanted to say fully. “I’m transgendered. I was born male. My original name is Charles Murphy. I only recently in the last two years changed it to Charlene.”
He blinked at her, understanding finally coming to him as he slowly rose a hand up from his side to brush back through his brown hair once more, sweeping his hat further off of his head as he pulled it aside and tossed it. His emotions, his face, and his intentions and thoughts unreadable.
“I see…” he started out, looking toward her as his eyes looked down from her face, down along Charlene’s form. From her shoulders to the long, strong limbs of her arms down to her larger hand and lanky frame. Putting two and two together to why she lacked certain feminine features on herself. Making Charlene feel more and more self-conscious for how she felt, and how he’d react before he looked back up toward her. Eye to eye, with a steady gaze.