“That is why I kept a barrier between us. I knew…as Imara told you, if we were together, it would be…well, it would be all that it was,” he couldn’t help smiling. It was more. There were no words. “I was afraid, afraid to have this with you, and then lose you. I also felt if I kept you from me, you might not die. But mostly, I felt fear of losing you. I am ashamed of my cowardice, Iris. Please forgive me.”
As horrid and unmanly as he felt telling her the truth, he felt a weight had lifted from him. Brennan did not like lies. He did not like a deft hand with the truth, or variations on the truth. He preferred truth as it was, and not being truthful with Iris had begun to grate upon him.
“You didn’t want to give your heart to me?” The pain in her voice made his heart crack.
“I already had. But once we were together, I knew that my heart could belong to no other. I was afraid,” he said, hating himself as he did so.
She didn’t respond, and he knew then that he had lost her. From the moment he had seen the Eidolan in his visions, he knew he would lose her. All the time, all the effort spent in keeping his distance, trying to keep her safe, trying to keep them both safe—wasted. He hadn’t felt this ashamed since childhood.
“You foolish man,” she said.
Was that amusement in her voice?
“Your heart is mine, as mine is yours, and it has been since we restrained ourselves from killing each other shortly after meeting.”
“Why are you not angry with me?” He had to lift his head then to see if this could actually be true.
Her eyes were warm as she looked at him, and a smile played around her lips. “Because it’s okay to be afraid. Everyone—well, every normal person,” she amended, “is afraid. I realize that it’s completely not done for the great and powerful Goblin King to be afraid, but actually, your most royal majesty, even you can be afraid. You know why?”
He shook his head, unable to believe his luck, unable to believe that she didn’t curse him and all his ancestors and storm out of his life forever.
“Because of something my mom always told me. Love is like taking a leap off a nice, dry, safe boat into a stormy sea. You have no idea what’s there, what awaits you. Which is the point. You have no idea how wonderful it can be.”
She struggled underneath him, and he pushed himself up on his arms, allowing her to move. She sat up against the headboard and put her hands on his face. He found that he enjoyed the feeling—it made him feel cherished. When had he last felt that? He had no idea.
“I may die. Your vision may be true. But I’d rather live it up with you until then versus keeping our distance and hoping for the best. Love isn’t supposed to be caged in, Bren. It’s supposed to fly free, to toss you around in the stormy seas, and you do the best you can. So, I’ll forgive you for all your sins if you do one thing for me.” She stared intently at him, and he felt that she stripped away all his outer trappings.
“Anything for you, my love.”
“Live with me for now. We have no control over the future. None. Look at me. All I wanted to do was get in and out of the ladies’ room, and you and Drake fell on top of me. Now look. You think I had even an ounce of control? I’m glad I didn’t, because it brought me to you, but there wasn’t any control there.” She smiled.
He felt there was hope again.
“No more holding back, being the big bad kingly guy, none of that crap. Live with me. If we only have a certain amount of time, let’s live it. Please?”
As if he could refuse her. As if he could refuse her anything ever again. He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. “No more holding back. I give you my word.”
She smiled, and the sun he’d seen in her earlier burst into his bed, filling all around him with light.
“Now, can a girl get some sleep around here? You’re killin’ me, Bren.”
He glared, and she roared with laughter. He kept glaring, and she lay back amongst the pillows, laughing harder.
When her laughter died away, she cocked an eyebrow at him. “Too soon?”
“Too soon for what?”
“For the dead jokes?”
He stared at her for a moment. Then he grinned at her, ruefully. “There is nothing that you cannot make light of, is there? It’s a gift, Iris. It might be too soon. Give me a couple of days.”
She hugged him, and he felt the warmth again.
“Okay. I’m sorry. It’s not really a gift, you know. It’s more of a curse, a way of deflecting things I don’t want to think about.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
She sighed. “Well, you’re stuck with it now, whatever it is. I’m yours, pal.”
“Indeed you are. Lay back and sleep.”
“Stay with me,” she held him close again.
He cuddled her to him, and held her as her breathing slowed and deepened, feeling her relax in his arms as she drifted into sleep.
Carefully, cautiously, he let himself relax then. Live in the now, she said. Live for them now.
He would try.
Chapter Fifteen
Iris
When I woke, my eyes almost snapped open. I felt alert, and ready to leap out of bed. Then I stretched, luxuriating in the strange aches and owies that sex brought.
Sex.
With Brennan.
Best.
Thing.
Ever.
Our talk last night came back to me. I was going to die. I had been all light and airy to Brennan, but it scared the living shit out of me. That was no lie. Not that I hadn’t meant what I said to him. But I was scared. I’d have to tell him, have to have him help me through it.
He thought he was a coward. To me, he was brave. It took guts to try and work things through, figure it out. And he wanted to make it better for me. I got it. I was doing the same thing for him. I knew—knew—that the only person who’d done that for him for ages was Drake. It was time for someone to take the time and effort to care for Brennan.
I couldn’t tell him how scared I was. I wouldn’t burden him with it.
But what I would do is talk to Taranath, see if there was some way my burgeoning skill might deflect this. For like, oh, a thousand years or so. Then I could die without a lot of guilt weighing on me.
I wouldn’t let this old death lady bring me down.
Especially with the idea that sex like that was possible every night I remained alive. I grinned. Something felt different today—all the worries, all the things that had been driving me crazy, all the suspicions and crazy thoughts I’d been having were gone. Not just put to rest, but gone. Completely gone. I thought about the dragon girl, usually something that would piss me off immediately.
Nothing. Not a damn thing.
What was going on? This didn’t feel right. I mean, yes, everything felt right, and I felt fantastic, but to lose all the crazy I’d been carrying like it had never been there—something was off. I would need to ask Brennan.
Speaking of which, where was his royal awesomeness? I had to be careful. If I called him that out loud, that would be it.
I got out of the bed, fumbling around with my clothes, which I’d fallen asleep in. Along with the ripped granny panties. I snickered. That would make for lovely gossip with my dressmaker, who was already inclined to be talkative. I walked towards the door. I could hear voices.
Hmmm. Sounded like…Drake? Taranath? I couldn’t see anyone else being invited into his study. Shit. I wish there was a mirror somewhere. I know Brennan always looks like a GQ model but some of us have to try a little harder. I ran my fingers through my hair.
“To hell with it,” I said. I’d just have to hope for the best. I grabbed the door handled and swung it open.
Brennan was in there, and he was, as I suspected with Drake. And Taranath.
Oh lord. And his father. The King.
Greaaaat.
I pulled my shoulders back and decided, once again, to hell with it. I would brazen this out. Not like they probably didn
’t already know. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed for having sex with my future husband. According to Mara, it wasn’t out of the ordinary.
“Good morning,” I said, pasting a smile on my face. Nerves aside, I didn’t have to fake the smile. “Is breakfast a possibility? Point me in the right direction, and I’ll leave you gentlemen to it, whatever it is.”
Brennan laughed, that laugh I heard every so often from him, the laugh that thrilled me. I noted that the other three men watched him, and on every single face I saw happiness.
They were happy for him. Whatever else, they were happy for him. Even his dad. I had to remember, he’d told me that they had mended fences. Well, he and Jharak had—I couldn’t be all snippy towards the guy. Brennan said his dad actually apologized. Nerida—not so much. But I needed to keep the changes in mind. And I thought my family had drama.
Regardless, seeing their pleasure for Brennan, I had to smile.
“Good morning, dearest.” He held out his arms, and I walked straight into them, coming home. “I will have some breakfast brought up for you. This is a conversation you ought to be present for,” he kissed the top of my head.
“Oh?” I asked, as he let go of me, but kept an arm around my waist. “Because we’re talking about what?”
“Our wedding, Iris. After our discussion last night,” he grinned, and I could see who he was as a young man, not the seven hundred year old sex god I had at my side now. “I have decided that we shouldn’t bother with waiting. I called everyone in to ask for their assistance so that we might be married within the week.”
“The week? But we have to let my parents know! They won’t want to miss this! I know they’re human, and my dad will have a harder time than Mom, but if we could just get them in for the afternoon, and get them back before anything goes sideways—and Mara! She’ll want to be here! And my dress!” I clutched at my most beautiful dress, all the more beautiful now to me, but in no shape for a wedding feast, which is what it was being made for. “We thought we had more time!”
“Relax,” Brennan said, giving me a smile that held the secrets of our talk last night. “I’ve already sent for the seamstress. I let her know you’ll need that gown again,” thank goodness he didn’t go into detail! With his dad sitting right there!
“And asked her to make a wedding dress from the same pattern.” His smile warmed me.
“Oh, good,” I felt relief. “I love these clothes.”
“Really?” Jharak spoke for the first time. “Aren’t they very different from what you wear in the Human Realm? I would have thought them to be confining for someone unused to them.”
I shook my head. “It’s actually a lot less clothing than I normally wear.” His eyebrows went up. “I mean, I don’t normally wear a lot of layers,” I said hastily, knowing how this sounded. I needed to think before I spoke. And you have such amazing fabric here. It’s beyond gorgeous!”
He smiled. “Thank you. I agree. And let me be the first to congratulate you, my dear. I can see that you and my son will be very happy together.”
Crisis averted. I did not need my future father-in-law thinking I was shameless, or used to running around naked, or…or anything that would make me seem less in his eyes. I knew that I would have enough to deal with from Nerida. Her absence was like a hole in the room.
Drake and Taranath chimed in. I looked into the eyes of all three, sure that Brennan had told them of his visions. If he had, I couldn’t tell by his friends—no, his family. I might not be around for the long haul as I wanted, but these people were going to be happy for Brennan, no matter what.
Then so was I. I shoved my fear back and down, as far away from the surface as possible. Fake it till you make it. If I pretended long enough, then I would eventually actually be brave.
I noticed Taranath staring at me, head slightly cocked. Did losing your virginity show or something?
“What?” I asked.
“There is something different about you, Iris,” he said.
I knew his tone. He was studying me, in the manner I’d noticed when we first met, like I was an interesting specimen. And yeah, there was definitely something different. Please, please do not mention that! I might die. Right here, right on this spot. Even as casual as the Human Realm was in relation to the Fae Realm, I knew that discussing sex wouldn’t be appropriate.
Brennan must have been thinking the same thing. “What do you mean?” He asked, and I could hear the warning in his tone.
Good. He didn’t want our sex life bandied about either.
I nodded. “I feel really good. It’s like a huge worry has been lifted from me.” I refused to dwell on anything else. I’d have to get up and leave if I did. But I’d also learned that it was better to be honest with Taranath, because he’d keep on poking at you until you gave him the answers he wanted.
Drake choked.
Both Brennan and Jharak glared at him.
Jeez, this was awkward.
Taranath was the only one not bothered by the elephant in the room the rest of us were trying to ignore. He abruptly turned to Brennan. “Majesty, I’d like to run one spell on Iris before you wed.”
Brennan sat up. “What sort of spell? And why?”
Taranath sat back, and I could see him getting ready to tell a story. “It used to be protocol for royal brides to be cleansed magically before they wed.”
I interjected. “What the hell does that mean?” This sounded ridiculous, and I couldn’t help myself even though I didn’t really want to swear in front of Jharak.
“It means that long ago, a king ensorcelled his daughter. She was the elder, plainer, less desirable of his daughters, and he promised a younger one to a fellow king, and then enchanted the elder to pass as the younger. The spell didn’t wear off for some time, so the eldest daughter was married and established before the switch was revealed. After that, for a time, anyone attempting to marry their daughter into royalty had to agree to their daughters being magically cleansed, to make sure that no one else would be tricked. It didn’t last long as a tradition as this happened in the Troll Realm, and wasn’t something that was remembered. But for Iris’ safety, I’d like to do this cleansing on her to make sure that Cian hasn’t harmed her in any way.”
I didn’t like the sound of this at all. “That sounds really weird, Taranath. What exactly is involved in this cleansing thing? Are you okay with this?” I directed the last question to Brennan.
“I’ve never heard of it,” Brennan said. “Will it harm Iris in any manner?”
“Not at all. It will only reveal something if another has cast a spell on her. Iris is working with me, and as far as I know, has not been casting spells on herself.” Taranath looked at me.
I shook my head. “I generally don’t practice without you.”
“Then it’s a good precaution to take,” Jharak said. He smiled at me.
That didn’t help my ever present nervousness around him, but at least he didn’t suspect me of anything.
“Very well,” Brennan said. “When would you like to proceed?”
“As soon as possible. Were Iris fully human, or fully fae, I would have a better idea of what to look for, or expect when making sure she has not been spelled, but she’s enough of both to completely throw all the rules out the window.” Taranath smiled at me to let me know all was still well with him.
He knew that I worried about being a mix of both, and having no guidelines. In spite of what Mara said to me earlier—seemed like years ago—about making up the guidelines that I wanted, I still didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. I liked knowing the rules.
“What do you need?” Jharak asked.
“Just a little time, Majesty. I know you prefer to keep to the schedule for your wedding, so I shall be ready within a day or two. That way, I can ward Iris personally, much like we’ve warded the castle. It will not take long to make a concoction that will show us if any magic has been practiced upon her.”
“Oh, god, no!” I said, before
I could help it. I’d had enough of Taranath’s disgusting potions when I’d been stabbed. He didn’t understand the idea of how a spoonful of sugar would make things better. Nope. He expected you to gulp it down, and be happy that he had medicine to help you. Which was a good thing, but his stuff still tasted like crap.
Brennan laughed. “I hate to say it, but I’m glad it’s not me, Iris. There’s nothing to worry about, other than the bad taste. I doubt anything has been done to you.”
His confidence made me feel a little better. But the thought of all the ways that I could be hurt, that Brennan and I had been hurt, that we had to plan for, to be aware of—made my head spin.
On the positive side of things, I hadn’t lied when I said a lot of the worry, and the anger, and let’s be honest, the crazy jealously I’d been feeling had not been there when I woke up. Was it because Brennan and I had—? Oh gross. Just, gross. That can’t be it. I know that when you finally sleep with your true love, that’s it for you, but what? It puts to rest all the doubts and everything?
That seemed a little too farfetched, even for the Fae Realm and all the weirdo magic stuff that went on here. I nibbled on bread as I listened to them speak about the wedding, and plans to make sure it didn’t offend everyone possible by not being big and elaborate. It made me feel that I had a lot to learn.
Brennan reached over and took my hand, squeezing it gently. Almost as though he could feel my worry, and wanted to reassure me. I smiled, even though I could see that he didn’t take his eyes off his father.
A wave of hatred went through me. Not for any of the reasons I’d been feeling mean and nasty before, over the various women Brennan and Drake were dealing with in their spying, but for Cian. All these plans, and plans within plans, for this spoiled, bratty nasty little man.
I wasn’t going to be the one to say it, but there was no way that Cian could be allowed to live. He had to die. His kind of evil wouldn’t stop as long as he was around to feed it.
All this, because one brother couldn’t manage to be happy for another. When would this all end?
To Wed The Goblin King (The Realm Trilogy Book 2) Page 19