by C. J. Corbin
I handed her the soda and sat down next to her on the coach. “Give him a chance to get settled, he’ll call you.”
“You think so?” She smiled brightly at me.
The smiled reminded me of Michael, her dimples were the same as her dad’s. Just thinking of him made me miss him. I shook my head silently and wondered if I had a teenage crush like Tammy.
“I’m sure of it. It’s not like he’s going to be gone forever, he’ll be home on the weekends.”
“I know,” she answered, “but, it’s not like having him nearby. Besides, when I go to UC Davis we’ll be on different schedules. We won’t have any time for each other.” She drew a heavy sigh. “Dad told me that if our relationship can’t stand a little time apart then it’s not a real bond.”
I nodded my head, “You know he’s right. School will be so exciting for both of you. You are both taking on big challenges and you’re young, you will change a lot. Don’t stress out about it now. Email and cell phones make it much easier to communicate than when I went to school.”
Tammy flashed me a look and then giggled, “Oh yeah, I forgot, you and dad are ancient. Did they even have phones when you went to school?”
I smacked her with a couch pillow, “Watch it or all the pizza will be mine and I’ll make you eat just the salad!”
“Okay, not fair.” She giggled. “So can I ask you something?” Her faced turned serious and she blushed.”
I smiled, “Ask away.”
“Okay, please don’t think this is stupid, okay? How old were you the first time you did it?” She blushed and did not look me straight in the face.
“Did what?” I asked with puzzlement on my face. I paused while she pressed her lips together. “Oh, you mean that!” I tried not to blush myself when I finally figured out that she was talking about sex. “You really want to know?” I knew only two reasons she could want to know, one that she had already slept with Jason, or she was about ready to and wanted to compare her actions with my own.
Tammy nodded her head. How do I answer this question? What is the right answer? My mother always answered me truthfully, so I decided on that tactic.
“I was eighteen, about the same age as you, but for each person it’s different.”
“Was it what you thought it was going to be?” Tammy asked. She was looking down at her hands, again not wanting to look me in the face.
I lifted her head up with my hand and looked her in the eyes. She had answered my question without having me ask it, she had already slept with Jason.
“Tammy what are you trying to ask me?”
“Well, were you disappointed by, you know…” she trailed off. She kept looking at me, her eyes searching mine.
I nodded my head, “Yes, it definitely was not worth all the hype.” I smiled, “It could have been better if one of us had some experience. He was my high school sweetheart and we had dated our entire senior year, then shortly before we left for college, we decided to commit to each other. His parents had gone on a trip and we found ourselves alone in his house. One thing led to another, it wasn’t something I had planned. We fumbled and stumbled through it.”
“What happened to the two of you?” she asked.
I smiled gently, “We both met other people in college and we drifted apart. I saw him once or twice after that, but I didn’t sleep with him again.”
Tammy did not start crying even though she looked like she was going to burst into tears. “Jason and I slept together Saturday night while you and dad were with the eagles.”
“And you were disappointed?” I questioned.
She nodded and again pressed her lips together. “It was just like you said a little stumbling and fumbling around. Then all of a sudden it was over, well at least for Jason.”
I slipped my arm around her and she rested her head on my shoulder. “Are you in love with Jason?”
“Yes, I think so,” she answered.
“Would you understand if I said what happened to me is not necessarily what will happen to you and that it does get better with practice?”
Tammy giggled, “I hope so. Everyone makes such a big deal about it.”
“When you love someone and want to spend time with them the intimacy that you share becomes very special. The time you are together then becomes wonderful and that leads to a greater fulfillment.” I explained. “Give it some time.”
Tammy looked up at me with an uncertain look, “You won’t tell my dad, will you?”
I shook my head and squeezed her, “Absolutely not, you’re an adult, and you’re not doing anything illegal. It’s none of his business, and it’s just between us girls. Okay?”
“Thanks Elizabeth. You are easy to talk to, and I appreciate it. So do you love my dad?” She asked with a serious look on her face. Tammy certainly had been listening to me.
A knock on the back door interrupted us. All four dogs rushed to the door. For me, it was the proverbial saved by the bell. The rest of the night we had a real girl’s night, we ate pizza and salad much to the distaste of Tammy. We laughed and giggled at the chick flick we had on television. We argued about baseball, it turned out like her dad she was a Giants fan. Finally, we parted ways to our bedrooms at the end of the evening.
The next morning I could smell baking cinnamon and another sniff told me there was brewing coffee. It was quite a difference from yesterday morning with Kevin in my bed. I rolled over and glanced at the clock, I could not believe I had slept so late. The dogs were not on the bed with me so I assumed that Tammy must have let them out. I threw the covers back and got out of bed. Slipping on my robe, I poked my head out of the bedroom door.
“Mmmmm, it certainly smells good out here.”
Tammy peeking her head around the kitchen wall, “Good morning Elizabeth! I figured the coffee smell would wake you up. The coffee is done brewing and I just pulled the cinnamon buns out of the oven. I thought we could use a treat this morning.”
I laughed and joined her in the kitchen, “Where did you find cinnamon in my house?”
Tammy laughed with me, “You had coffee and sugar, which was the total sum of your ingredients. The rest came from my house.”
“Whew, you had me worried,” I teased her, “I thought if I have spices, someone is sneaking stuff into my kitchen.”
“You don’t like to cook?” she asked.
“When I was younger I cooked with my mom and sister, but my sister was much better at it, so I gave up. I do other things better, probably just like you and your sister.”
“Are you still competitive with you sister?” Tammy paused cutting the cinnamon rolls to look at me.
I had to think about the question for a moment. Were we still competitive? No, not really, but we certainly had some unresolved issues. It had worked out that I was closer to our mother and she had become closer to our dad. Mom and I had shared more interests. Moreover, quite frequently, I had trouble seeing the world from my father’s perspective. Lisa saw the world more in the black and white of our dad, the world of law enforcement, right and wrong, good and evil. Even though I did not do anything with my music, as my mother had wanted, she had been proud when I had chosen to write.
Tammy looked at me waiting for an answer. I looked back her and shook my head, “No, we’re not competitive any longer. We just chose very different lifestyles.”
Tammy nodded in agreement, “I guess that will happen to Katy and me too. Everyone thinks we’re a lot alike, but we’re not. Katy is way too serious, and she doesn’t like to have fun.”
“Katy does like to have fun, but it’s different than the type of fun you like to have.” I countered with a different viewpoint.
Reaching up, I retrieved two small plates from the cupboard. “Coffee is done!” We put the cinnamon rolls on the plates and carried them to the table with the coffee mugs. I inhaled the cinnamon bun deeply, “This is too incredible for words, Tammy. Thank you!”
Tammy beamed, “They are Dad’s favorites too. He has a big
sweet tooth.”
“Does he?” I asked.
Tammy giggled, “He has to replace meat with something.”
I laughed and nodded my head. Just the mention of Michael made my heart skip a beat somewhere deep in my chest. I wondered what he was doing at that moment. It made me feel good just to think about him. All of a sudden, I realized that Tammy had been talking to me and I had not heard a word. I frowned inwardly and chastised myself. I would need to pay attention and stop being a silly teenager.
Tammy and I enjoyed our day together. We took my boat out onto the lake. I worked on my laptop and she read. It was a relaxing day. We went to the local diner for dinner. After dinner, Tammy decided to turn in early. She had too much fresh air today and had woken very early. I sat at my desk trying to finish the chapter I was working on earlier.
When the cell phone rang, I almost jumped out of my skin. I had not been expecting a call tonight and then I remember that Michael would be calling me. How had I forgotten that?
“Hello?” I answered quietly.
“Hey Babe, how was your day?” He asked.
Just the sound of Michael’s voice made me thrill. My face immediately lit up with a smile. “Great. I enjoyed Tammy’s company today.”
Michael chuckled, “She told me she made cinnamon rolls for you, and you didn’t have any of the ingredients in your house.”
“Guilty as charged.” I said. “How was your day? Did you take lots of pictures?”
“Yeah, I’m in picture heaven. I’m glad I made the second trip down here. We traveled a little further into the bayou and it certainly has been worth the time.”
“Good, then I’m glad you went.”
“Yeah, but I miss you.”
I giggled, “That’s good too, but it’s only been two days. I’ll be gone for two weeks when you get home.”
Michael sighed, “That thought is killing me too. The wife of the biologist I’m working with is a big fan of yours, and she tried to talk me out of the copy of your new book. But since it is Tammy’s book I couldn’t give it away, besides with it I feel like I have you with me.”
“How did you find that out?” I asked wondering how he would find one of my readers.
“She saw the book in my camera bag and almost came unglued. When I told her that you were my girlfriend she almost passed out, and told me the book I had would not come out until next Tuesday.”
Hearing his description of me as his girlfriend had my head spinning. Was that what I was? I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I liked the description a lot. I tried to even out the tone of my voice, it was difficult because I wanted jump around the room and celebrate.
“Tell her that I’ll be in New Orleans at the end of next week and if she comes to the book signing, I’ll make sure she gets a special copy from me.”
“You are so sweet Elizabeth, I’ll be sure to let her know. She is going to be thrilled.”
“I have to take care of the fan base you know.”
“So what are you and Tammy going to do tomorrow?” he asked.
“We are going to visit your grandmother. It was Tammy’s idea. She told me that you go at least once a week and your grandmother would miss you.” I let Michael know that we had planned on taking Grandmother Helen out to lunch and maybe a movie or shopping.
“Like I said, you’re too sweet. You know Tammy could go by herself, she has Katy’s car.”
“I know but I want to go. I’m enjoying Tammy.” I said.
“I’m going to have to do something special for you.” Michael’s voice took on a deeper tone and it made me shiver.
“You already have.” I said quietly.
He continued to use the deeper tone of voice, “The pictures we took of the eagles came out very good. I have to take you with me more often, you’re my lucky charm.”
Just remembering our first night together made my body react, and his voice was sending lightening strikes through my body. I cleared my throat wondering if I would be able to speak, “I enjoyed the trip too. I’d love to go again. It was very exciting.”
Michael laughed at the double meaning, “I’ll say it was exciting.”
I blushed and knew Michael could hear the blush over the phone, “You know what I meant. But, yeah that other thing was wonderful too.”
His voice became quiet, “You mean when we made love? You know it is okay to say that aloud. And you’re blushing aren’t you?”
“Stop teasing me.” I said with mock indignation. “I don’t say things like you do, I can’t.”
“You do in your books,” Michael teased.
“That’s different. Those are characters, they are not me.”
“I don’t know about that,” Michael continued to tease. “I think Jessica is very much you, now that I’ve read more.”
I laughed, “Oh I know what you’re getting at, you are still hung up on page 75.”
Michael laughed with me, “Okay, you caught me. That section of the book is a zinger.”
“Just wait until you get further, I’m going to have you drooling.”
“Is that a promise or a threat?” he asked.
“Both!” I giggled.
“Hey no fair, you’re getting me all hot over the phone and here I am alone, all by myself. You better behave yourself.”
“I’m sorry.” I giggled again, “No I’m not!” We both laughed together and it felt good to be able to share and laugh with Michael even though we were miles apart.
“Do a favor for me? Would you let me read the notes you wrote while we were watching the eagles?” Michael asked.
“If you really want to read them, sure, I’ll be glad to write them up for you. Can I ask you why?” I said.
“I have something in mind, but I’m not sure yet.” He answered.
“Okay, I’ll email them to you.”
I wondered what he had in mind, but did not press it any further. Talking another few minutes, he promised to call me tomorrow, and we ended our call. As soon as we hung up, I missed him more than I did the whole day. Michael had a way of brightening my outlook. I felt more complete after speaking with him. It was going to be a tough two weeks while I was on the book tour but his continuing calls would help me through. What would he think if he knew how dependant I was becoming?
I awoke before Tammy and took advantage of the early morning to take a run with all four dogs along the lakeshore. I had dreamt of both Michael and Kevin and needed to clear the cobwebs out of my head. More often than not Kevin was threatening or chasing me in my dreams and this one was no exception. This time though Michael was trying to save me. I could just imagine what my therapist would have concluded from the dream. She would have thought that once again I was looking for rescue. I let it mull over in my mind while I ran, but by the end of the run, no reasonable answers had surfaced.
Tammy was up when I got back to the house. While she fed the dogs, I showered and dressed. Since we were visiting her grandmother, I decided to dress more conservatively this time. A pair of crisp white linen slacks, a navy cotton blouse with short sleeves, and a pair of flat white sandals completed the outfit. My hair went into a ponytail with a red ribbon tied into a bow.
“Elizabeth, you look really nice.” Tammy said when I exited my bedroom. She wore her normal jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. “Dad keeps telling me I should go out and buy some new clothes, but it is way too much effort. I could never look as good as you, because I look like an elephant.”
I frowned at Tammy. This was not the first time she had made comments about a negative self-image. I slid my arm over her shoulder, “First of all, you are not overweight. I don’t know where you get that idea. You’re perfect for your height.”
Tammy grinned, “I’d be even better if I was as tall as you.”
I laughed, “Believe me I did not grow into these legs gracefully. I was a tall, gangly, lanky teenager. For years, my nickname was Legs. I always stuck out of the crowd, even today I tower over most people including most
men. As far as dressing, I’ve always dressed like this. I wear solid colors and very few prints. Tammy you will develop your own style. You’re not Katy and you are not me, and you will come into your own. I’d be happy to go shopping with you.”
Tammy smiled, “I’d like that. When you get back from your book tour we can go into San Francisco.”
“Sounds like a good plan.” I smiled with her. “So, shall we get on the road?”
We took my Range Rover. Tammy gave me directions to her great-grandmother’s house in Calistoga. I was relieved when we arrived at the house and only Grandmother Helen was there. I almost expected the entire family to be in wait for me. Maybe since it was the middle of the week, or maybe it had gotten around to the family that I had been uncomfortable with what seemed like an assault.
We spent the first hour trying to talk Grandmother Helen out of making lunch for us. Finally, she agreed to let us take her out. She had dressed up for our visit and her excitement was evident. The stories of her adventures arriving in the United States as a young girl with her parents were delightful. It was evident where Michael received his sense of humor. The resemblance between her and Michael was clearer the more time I spent with his grandmother. I felt drawn to her like I felt drawn to Michael.
Arriving back at the house after lunch, Grandmother Helen had Tammy pull out the photo albums, especially the ones with Michael. We had the albums spread out over our laps on the couch and Grandmother Helen was pointing out the pictures to Tammy and me regaling the old stories to us.
“This one is our Michael next to his cousin Alex, they were 4 years old.” Grandmother Helen pointed to a picture of a blond boy, and I could just make our Michael’s features. Certainly, he always had the dimples and it appeared as if Michael was always tall because he towered over his cousin. “It was taken just before they decided to help Candace with the laundry. They took all the clean towels out of her laundry basket and put them into the bathtub, which is where she used to sort her laundry. Then,” she started laughing, “then they turned on the water and dumped soap into the bathtub. The whole thing was a mess. What could Candace say? He was trying to be helpful.” She sighed, “Ah, he was always such a good boy, with a good heart. Tammy knows,” she reached over and patted Tammy on the knee, “he is a good father too.”