by Harper Logan
I wouldn’t have said his tongue was talented, exactly—he was too new and unsure for that. But it was a warm tongue, and an eager one, and I would’ve loved to let him practice his skills on me for another solid hour or so.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Only for you.” I turned the key, the engine drowning out my embarrassed laugh at my own bad joke. “But yeah, I could eat. We can do some souvenir shopping after.”
From the back seat, Buddy gave a yip of agreement. Apparently he approved of this plan.
As I pulled onto the road, the day felt different than yesterday. I wondered whether the sun was shining brighter, or if the air had somehow become crisper. The pavement that rolled out before me had a new gleam to it. In fact, everything around us seemed oddly refreshed.
“You don’t want Five Guys?” Adam asked.
No, just one. “Not today.” I passed the exit.
A few minutes later, he pointed at another sign. “Chipotle?”
“No, no…”
I would’ve happily eaten at either of those on a normal day, but today was anything but normal. I wasn’t hungry, for one thing—I was going to have to force myself to fill my stomach. But more than that, it would’ve felt wrong to take Adam to some greasy fast-food joint.
“What kind of place are you looking for?” he groaned as I refused yet another burger place. “Holding out for some fine French dining?”
“Just something a little nicer than this,” I said, pressing my foot onto the pedal. It was our first date, kind of. Not that I was going to hold his hand and hope for a kiss at the end.
“I’m starving!”
I gave in and took him to a Pizza Hut. At least it was a step above the order-at-the-counter places. And it still fit our increasingly-limited budget.
“About time,” he sighed as we sat down.
I touched his knee under the table, still marveling at the fact that I was allowed to do that. His body had always been so untouchable—the idea would’ve been out of the realm of possibility. Doing it now sent a thrill straight to my heart.
We ordered, and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning at him like a loon. I just kept thinking, I’ve stroked that jaw. I’ve kissed those lips.
All right, I also had a few thoughts along the lines of, I’ve dragged my cock along that tongue.
In any case, I was at a loss for words to actually say out loud. I could only sip my water, all the while staring at Adam some more.
His cheeks were pink now. “You want to take a picture? It’ll last longer.”
“Very funny.” I tried to pull myself together. “We could take some footage if you’d like.”
“Sure, but we might come across like we just spent the morning sucking each other off.”
I tensed up. “Obviously we’re not going to tell our fans… right?”
“I think they’d love it, actually. Male bonding turned to male… bondage?” He laughed. “I mean, not that we’re quite at that point yet.”
We were going to get to more points? This wasn’t already over? “Probably best to keep a lid on… whatever this is.”
“We can be as discreet or indiscreet as you want.”
I gaped at him. “Aren’t you the ‘straight’ one? Shouldn’t you be terrified of people knowing about this?”
“Yeah, I’m straight, but who gives a fuck what anybody thinks?” He shrugged. “I don’t have all these preconceived notions of being with another guy. You’ve had ten years to sit and worry and dwell on it. I’m coming into it with an open mind.”
My hands were in fists now, my nails digging into my palms. “Right.”
“Plus we’re away from home, so who cares if people here think we’re gay together? As long as nothing gets back to our families or friends, we can just do whatever.”
“I see. Guess it doesn’t matter much. You’ll go back to women once we get back to Rosebridge, anyway.”
He grinned at me as a waiter set a pizza down between us. The food was too far for him to reach, so he scooched his chair next to mine. “So, we can be indiscreet?”
My stomach lurched. Fear? Or excitement? “Uh… maybe we could try it.”
“Sounds good.” He leaned across the space between us and pecked me on the cheek.
Except… that wasn’t a peck. “Did you just fucking lick me, bro?”
“What?” He gave me an innocent look. “You looked tasty.”
I shook my head a few times, but that did nothing to clear it. A hot, sexy man—the exact man, in fact, that I’d always wanted—had just licked me. In public.
What else could I do but lick him back?
“Hey!” he yelped, almost knocking over the plate of pizza.
“Can dish it out but you can’t take it, huh?” I picked up the knife and began to carve.
“Oh, I’ll show you.” He grabbed my free hand and licked a long stripe up to my wrist. “How d’you like them apples?”
I was laughing so loud, the people around us were starting to stare. The nice elderly couple sitting closest to us looked halfway traumatized. “I’ll get you back for that.”
“No, don’t. I’m sorry.” He squeezed my hand, then pulled me in for a kiss.
My brain was already short-circuiting from the fact of Adam Hawkins kissing me, so it took me a minute to process what happened. “You licked my fucking lip?”
He hunched over the table, crying with laughter. “I got you good, man.”
“Not even funny.”
“That was totally funny.” He grabbed a slice of still-steaming pizza. After blowing on it, he looked at me again, and his face took on an apologetic expression. “Did you really mind?”
“Yeah, I fucking minded.” I gave him a half-joking glower.
“I’m sorry. Come here. For real this time.”
Lick.
“Fuck!” I banged my fists on the table. “I’m not falling for that anymore, asshole. You’ll be lucky if I ever kiss you again.”
He took a bite, twirling a string of cheese to get it to his mouth. “What if I let you get me back for it?”
“Hmm.” I took a slice for myself, but left it on my plate. “Won’t be much fun if you’re letting me do it.”
“Try.”
He leaned in—my super-hot straight friend leaning in so I could lick his face. How could I say no?
Lick.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I yelled.
A solemn-faced waiter approached us. “Excuse me, sirs, you’re causing a bit of a commotion. If you’re going to continue, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“No, no.” I stifled another laugh, grabbing my water glass with both hands and taking a lengthy drink. “We’ll be good, I swear.”
We ate our pizza in silence, although our eyes would meet every minute or two and we’d start giggling madly every time. As I finished my last slice, I wiped off my fingers and pinched myself under the table.
How was it possible that I was seriously sitting here with my old buddy Adam, flirting and joking and teasing each other? And how were we doing it all so openly?
I’d never thought I’d be so comfortable showing affection with another man. I’d always figured dating would be as guilt-ridden and secretive as my previous experiences had been.
Things were different with Adam—very different.
But deep inside me, I knew it could never last.
16
Fifteen—Adam
After Calvin got Buddy set up in the back seat, he got in the passenger seat and leaned across to lick my nose. “Gotcha!”
I snorted. “Oh, you’re getting it later.”
“Not now?”
“Nope,” I said. “You’ll get it in the bedroom. I’m going to lick your stomach… and your hips…”
His eyes glazed over slightly. “Don’t toy with me.”
“Who’s toying?”
I pulled onto the highway. No way was I going to let him drive again, not after he’d almost starved me to de
ath last time. He deserved all the licking I’d done and more for that stunt.
“What should we get the guys?” he asked. “It has to be something good.”
“Yeah, a combination sorry-we-went-on-an-awesome-road-trip-without-you-since-you’re-too-married-and-boring-for-one-and-by-the-way-we’re-temporarily-super-gay-with-each-other souvenir?” I chuckled. “I wonder what Emily Post would suggest.”
When I glanced over, Calvin looked a little pale. “You want to come out to them for real?”
“I’m joking,” I said. “You know I’m straight.”
“Right.”
My fingers curled harder around the steering wheel at the uncertain tone of his voice. I was straight. I liked women. Okay, fooling around with Calvin was blowing my mind. And yeah, I’d been able to think of one or two guys I might’ve been attracted to in the past without realizing it. But I loved women, and when I got back to Rosebridge, I was going to date them again. Find myself a nice girlfriend, maybe think about settling down…
And fine… I could kind of, sort of picture settling down with Calvin. I’d already started thinking through how it might work.
But I was straight.
“What are the guys up to, anyway?” I asked. “I haven’t looked at my phone today.”
“I’ll check.” He took a minute to look through the messages. “Tim and Tiffany sent some pics from Aruba… Dan and Rich are being pervs about the one where she’s in a bikini… and… holy shit.”
“What, her picture’s that good?”
“No, Mikey…” He was even paler than before. “Mikey and Kim got pregnant.”
“Holy shit!” I nearly slammed full-speed into the car in front of me. “How did that happen? I mean, I know how, but why—you know—”
“Right? It’s really happening.” He sank lower into his seat. “An actual baby. Planned, and everything. Apparently they’re not supposed to tell anyone yet, but they were too excited to not tell a few people.”
“Wow,” I breathed. Kind of made our news seem like nothing. “Write them a congratulations for me, would you? Make it from both of us if you want.”
He took a minute to compose the message, pausing to frown and purse his lips every few seconds. Finally he dropped the phone into his lap and started playing with the window again. “And this is only the start, you know?” Air whooshed into the car. “All of them are going to be popping out kids now, too.” He closed the window.
“Cut that out, man.” I grabbed his arm, trying to ignore the tingle the contact sent through me. I made myself a mental promise to enjoy the next time we touched, now that I’d accepted the effect he had on me. Just not while I was driving. “And yeah, you’re right. It’s fucking crazy.”
“Just imagine a mini-Mikey,” Calvin said. “In nine months, he’s going to be born. And then he’ll get older, and go to school, and go through all the same shit we went through. Before we know it, he’ll be all grown up and getting a job…”
“Sure, and in about thirty years he’ll be going through a quarter-life crisis, too.” I shook my head at him. “I thought I was the one getting all introspective and shit.”
“We’re past quarter-life at this point.” He looked like he was about to start hyperventilating. “When we were twenty-five, we could say quarter-life, but we’re not going to live to be a hundred and twenty. This is third-life, Adam. I’m having a third-life crisis.”
“You make it sound like you already reincarnated twice.”
“Holy shit, Adam.”
Buddy must’ve picked up on his agitation, because from the back seat, he let out a howl. God, that sound was legitimately chilling.
“Do I need to pull over?” I asked.
“No, keep going.” Calvin was still pale, but he seemed to be holding himself together. “I’ll be fine.”
We were quiet for the rest of the drive to the next town. I glanced over at him from time to time, checking that he was okay—and, yeah, enjoying the attractiveness of his face. I could understand why he was shaken. I found Kim’s pregnancy a bit trippy to think about, myself. On the other hand, our friends had been getting married for a while now. We’d known this was coming.
Of the three of us, Buddy was the only excited one when we finally got out of the car in another small town. All these places were quaint and charming, but they were also starting to blend into each other. There was nothing to distinguish this one’s tree-lined roads from those of the next small Maine town over.
“So, souvenirs.” I looked at Calvin to give Buddy some privacy as he did his business. “Homiemoon-without-you-and-congratulations-on-the-fetus souvenirs.”
He choked out what was probably intended to be a laugh. “Maybe some keychains?”
I touched his arm, trying to calm him as we walked into the first store. It ended up being more like a china shop, so we quickly left, not wanting Buddy to act like the proverbial bull.
After a few minutes, Calvin had relaxed enough to take my hand. I squeezed it, enjoying the warmth of his fingers and the roughness of Buddy’s leash between us. We got a few double takes once our hands were joined, but no one seemed upset or put off by us.
A few days ago, we’d been two straight buddies. Now we were almost like a gay couple. Either way, strolling around together felt pretty damn nice.
Our long friendship had made us comfortable around each other. At least, I’d thought I was comfortable with Calvin before I knew he was gay. Now, though—now we had a calm settledness together, the ease of knowing I was attracted to him, and him to me.
But all of that would vanish once we went back to real life. So there was still a little tension left between us, after all.
“Say cheese,” Calvin said, pointing his phone at me.
I gave him a winning smile and gestured at the touristy items on the shelves behind me. “Hey, this is Adam and we’re currently looking at the Bay of Fundy while we pick up some shit for our buddies.” I gave an impromptu speech about who we’d left behind and what they were up to.
“Sounds like you miss them a lot,” Calvin said.
“Sure do.” I smiled even more, not at the camera but at him. “They’re a bunch of dicknuggets, but I miss the shit out of them.”
“And cut.” Calvin hit stop on the recording. “I wonder if the guys’ll mind being called dicknuggets on film.”
“They never cared before.” I slung an arm around him. “Look, they have Federal Booby Inspector t-shirts. Think we should pick one up for Dan?”
“I’m pretty sure a third of his closet’s already devoted to those.” Calvin laughed. “But sure, we could add another one to his collection.”
I kept my arm around his waist as I stared up and down the racks of other shirts. “Which one should we get for Rich?”
“Maybe this one… Do You Even Bro.” He grabbed it, then found more for Tim and Mikey. “Should we put these in the video, or keep them a surprise?”
“Whatever you want.” They hardly needed to be surprised. If we ever told them what we’d been up to on this trip, that’d be enough surprise for a lifetime.
We stepped outside, and Buddy snuffled at the shopping bag. Calvin pushed him gently aside. “Sorry, no food for you in there. Not unless you want to chow down on cheesy souvenir t-shirts.”
“Maybe he does. Don’t underestimate his appetite.”
Calvin snorted. “We can leave that mystery for another day. I’m not buying more of these on our budget.”
“Ahh… how is our budget?” I asked as we strolled.
He scratched his chin. “Not great,” he said. “Finding a place tonight might be a little tough, especially if you want to buy little things like gas to get back tomorrow.”
“Do we have to?” The question slipped out before I could think about it. I didn’t want to go back, though. Returning to real life would mean the end of all… this.
“We should probably go home eventually,” he said softly, and squeezed my hand.
“Ugh.” I p
ulled my hand free and dropped onto a bench, reaching for my phone. “Let’s see how our fans liked that last video.”
I searched through notifications and clicked on the video. There were even more views and comments than on our last one, and it boggled my mind yet again. Who were all these people who’d come out of nowhere to celebrate our friendship? They’d even started to idolize us. But we were just normal guys! Didn’t they see we were the same as them?
“Listen to this,” I said. “The top comment says, ‘Sooooooooooo cute.’ That’s ‘so’ with eleven o’s, by the way. ‘Calvin is sooooooooooooooooo sexy.’ I’m not counting those, but I’d guess it’s about twenty.”
“As if half the viewers aren’t just watching for a peek at your beach body,” Calvin laughed, knocking his palm against my knee.
“I’d’ve been getting my beach body ready for about a year if I’d known it was going to be on display like this!” I scrolled through the comments. “There’s guys on here too, though.”
“Also checking out your beach body.”
“No, normal guys. I mean, straight ones. ‘Wish I had a buddy like Adam or Calvin. My boys are boring AF.’ What’s AF, again?”
“As fuck,” Calvin supplied. “And I’m still pretty sure that dude wants your body.”
“Not everyone wants my body,” I said. “Here’s another. ‘Good to see guys celebrating platonic friendship. It’s so hard for men to be close friends these days without feeling like it’s somehow homoerotic.’”
“If only he knew!”
“Well, that comment got a lot of likes.” I frowned at the page. “You think our fans would care if they knew what we were up to?”
“I think half would be happy, and half would be disappointed because we’re proving that two men can’t actually be close friends without wanting to rub dicks.”
I drew away enough to raise an eyebrow at him. “That’s what you want to do with me? And here I was thinking you’d been having fun sucking it.”
“Oh, I’ll do it all, baby.”
We both laughed, but the pet name hung in the air between us. Baby. I kind of liked being Calvin’s baby.