by Bella Grant
Last week, seeing her at the library would have knocked me off my feet if I wasn’t already sitting. I’d been in a group meeting with Sasha on my lap, the redhead who had been trying to crawl her way into my bed. But I’d not been interested. Had it been Debra sitting on my lap, I’d have gotten a hard-on, but I’d not felt desire for another woman since Christmas Eve. She’d cut my libido to nil.
All that had hit me full force when I saw her. She was so scarce that I hardly ever saw her. A wave of lust hit me hard. She seemed thinner than I remembered but it didn’t stop me wanting her.
“I thought you didn’t want to go there anymore,” Kevin observed aloud. We sat under a stone bench on campus, listening to the latest hip-hop music and pretending to be studying. I’d mostly listened as he went on about Rozanne. Apparently, he still got with her on a regular basis. The way he talked about her made me think he was getting emotionally invested.
“Yeah, I changed my mind,” I replied. “I miss the food.” More like I missed a pretty brunette who worked there as a waitress.
“Okay, let’s go,” he agreed and checked his watch. “I’ve to take Rozanne shopping in two hours so I’ve time to spare. Your car or mine?”
“Yours,” I remarked, not feeling like driving. “You’re taking Rozanne shopping?”
“Yup,” he answered with a grin as we headed for his car parked back at our residential hall. “What does it matter spending a couple dollars on her anyway?”
“It doesn’t matter she’s using you for your money?” I queried on our walk.
“Not at all. I’m not hurting for money.”
“Still, wouldn’t you rather a girl like you for you and not for what you have?”
“Who said she doesn’t like me for me because she happens to like nice things and I can provide them for her?”
Taken aback at his pronouncement, we walked the rest of the way in silence to his car. We piled in and he turned the music on at a volume that wasn’t recommended, but I at least got the time to muse about what he’d said. Could I be like him and be with Debra knowing she had an ulterior motive for being with me? Like Kevin, I wasn’t hurting for money. I had even more than he did. My trust fund had matured last year when I hit twenty-one, and not only the large amount from my father. I also had a trust fund from my maternal grandfather. As the only grandson, he’d left me a small fortune.
Most of my friends had trust funds similar to mine, but they usually blew theirs on cars, women, vacations, and all the booze they could drink. Some ended up having to spend a huge amount on rehab after. I’d chosen the route of investment in my father’s company. Leaving college this year, I wouldn’t need to work if I didn’t want to.
Lulu’s was a traditional diner with black-and-white checkered floors and red-and-black booths. It had been in operation since the 1960s and was frequented by college kids around Denver. I still believed they served the best beef burgers I’d ever had, and their cheese and bacon fries were worth the trip.
I saw her instantly as we walked inside the diner and chose a booth. Dressed like the other waitresses in a short red skirt and a black top, her hair caught back in a bun, she walked toward our table with a smile. Her smile froze and I noticed her step halted when she saw me. But almost like it never happened, she continued to our table, her smile a little tight but in place.
“Welcome to Lulu’s,” she greeted us as though I was a stranger. “Here’s the menu. We’ve got a special on our cheeseburgers. What can I get you to drink?”
“Corona for me, sweetheart,” Kevin decided, giving Debra a once over appreciatively. I scowled at him and missed her turning to me to take my order.
“And what for you, sir?” I didn’t miss the way she placed emphasis on the ‘sir’.
“The same,” I answered.
“I’ll be right back with your drinks. In the meantime, please take a look at what you’d like to eat on the menu.”
“Are you up for an offer?” Kevin asked her.
She gave him a scathing look and without a response, walked away. I couldn’t decide why I was happy she’d walked away without a thought to his innuendo. I didn’t care one damn if she flirted right back at Kevin, but I did want to smash my fist into his face for the way he watched her walk away.
“She’s kinda small but packs a neat ass in that skirt,” he murmured with a lustful stare. “A little icy, but you just need to lay it hard on a girl like that and she starts to melt. Know what I’m saying?”
“Shut up,” I growled at him.
“You know her?” he inquired. “I got the impression you two know each other.”
“She goes to Regis too,” I answered noncommittally.
“No kidding. This place is always hiring from the college.”
Debra returned with our drinks and plunked them on the table.
“Are you ready to order?”
We hadn’t taken a look at the menu but we’d been going here so often we already knew what we wanted.
Kevin ordered a plate of bacon and cheese fries and a classic burger which she didn’t bother to scribble down like all the other waitresses walking around. Smarty pants could remember our orders.
“And you?” she turned to me, a steely glint in her eyes. Eyes that had shadows like she wasn’t sleeping well. Was she having as hard a time of this as I was?
“He’ll have a classic burger with two slices of bacon and cheddar, no pickle and fries, hold on the salt,” Kevin answered when I took too long to respond. She didn’t wait to confirm the order, just nodded and headed off.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he wanted to know when she left. “It’s like you somehow drifted away.”
“It’s her,” I confessed.
“Who’s who?”
“Our waitress,” I explained. “She’s the girl I told you about. Why I wasn’t going to make Aspen last Christmas.”
“But you did.”
“Only because we fought and broke up,” I said on a sigh. “Hell, I don’t even know if it can be classified as a break-up. We never even went out on a date. I dropped her here to work and picked her up.”
“What happened?”
I told him about taking her home and her dad walking in on us having sex but I left out that she was a virgin. Nobody else needed to know that but us.
“Her dad walked in on you fucking her?”
I jerked at the sound of a plate crashing to the floor. Turning around to see what had caused the commotion, guilt ate at me. Debra stared accusingly at me. She must have heard Kevin’s comment. I thought I saw her tear up but she bent to pick up the dropped dishes which had shattered on the floor. She hastened away, pushing through doors that said, ‘employees only.’
“Shit,” I muttered, my instincts telling me to go to her.
“You’re not over her, are you?” my friend asked. “And by the way she looked at you, she’s not over you either.”
I didn’t respond but waited for her to return. To do what? Apologize? She didn’t return to our table. Another black-haired, plump waitress delivered our meals before announcing if we wanted anything to signal her. I kept a look out for Debra and she returned some fifteen minutes later, the color back in her cheeks. She made a conscious effort to avoid our table and I realized she must have gotten the other girl to switch tables with her.
“Let’s go,” I announced to Kevin half an hour later after we’d wolfed down our burgers. There was no point sticking around if Debra was going to ignore me. But she wouldn’t get away so easily. A plan was already forming in my mind when we paid the tab, leaving a tip, and left.
“Man, if you’re so hung up on her, you should do something about it,” Kevin told me when he dropped me back on campus. “It seems like more than your crotch was invested in this girl.”
I hung out in my dorm for the rest of the evening, checking my watch while I ran over the day in my head. Being so close to her today disclosed to me how much I still wanted her. I missed her. Could I be like Ke
vin and accept her knowing what she really wanted from me? I wasn’t even certain anymore if my assessment of her was right. That she was a gold digger. She’d sent back the car. That wasn’t something a girl would ever do. Not the girls I was used to talking to, anyway. Even after being found out, they would have been too glad to take the car, to have gotten something out of me.
At nine-thirty, I got in my car and drove towards the restaurant. She would get out at ten and I intended for us to have a little chat. I drove slowly and tried talking myself out of it. Why stir up a hornet’s nest after three months? For all I knew, she’d moved on with another guy. Like hell she had! The thought of such a thing left a foul taste in my mouth.
I parked at Lulu’s at nine forty-eight and waited patiently for her where I could watch the exit. I was so nervous, I could have done well with puffing on a cigarette and I hadn’t touched one since high school. Would I know what to say to her? I didn’t even know why I was there, only that I needed to see her again and to talk to her. This time, just us.
Ten minutes after ten—I knew the exact time because I kept glancing at the dashboard—she exited the restaurant and walked out to the parking lot. I saw her glance around and she stared at my car, recognizing it. The blue Camaro was an eyecatcher, even at night.
There was no sense hiding anymore, so I got out my car and shut the door. A look of panic crossed her face and she glanced around her like she was planning her escape. I lengthened my strides to reach her before she got any ideas for evading me.
“Deb, we need to talk,” I said to her with finality.
“I’ve nothing to say to you,” she stated stubbornly.
I wasn’t about to take no for answer. “Come on, I’ll give you a lift to your dorm.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need you for anything. I already have a ride.”
“With whom?” I asked, trying to go for a matter-of-fact tone, but my voice came out more of a demand.
“A co-worker. Not that this has anything to do with you. What do you want?”
“To talk about what happened between us.”
“Three months ago?” she asked in disbelief. “You’re a little too late. Besides, I thought you’d already gotten your answer. I’m a no-good gold digger who wants to get pregnant for you and hit you up for child support. Does that about sum it up?”
I looked away from her, embarrassed that I’d said all those things about her but not sure if I could trust her enough to apologize for saying them.
“Did you do it?” I questioned, taking in her physique. “Did you take the pills like I told you to?” She looked like she’d lost weight. One gained weight with pregnancy not lost it, right?
“Yes, I did!” she spat at me. “I don’t know who you think you are, but not all women are eager to carry your child. Why would I have wanted to do such a thing and ruin my chance at a career? I’d lose my scholarship. Did you ever think about that before throwing out your wild accusations?”
No, I hadn’t. I felt ridiculous now about the things I’d said to her that day. I could hear in her tone that I’d hurt her greatly. Shit. Had I made a grave mistake? Had I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me? And all because I distrusted women in general. But if her father had believed it of her and he knew her better than me…
“Deb, I—” I started before I was cut off by a masculine voice.
“Debra, you ready to go?”
My eyes shifted from her to where a tall, handsome guy waited for her. I scrutinized the guy, wondering if I’d seen him before. He looked familiar. He was around our age. He was blonde, his hair cropped close to his head. Did he attend Regis too?
“Debra,” I said turning to her. “Don’t go. I’ll take you home. Better yet, you need to take the car I gave you.”
She took a step back. “And have you believe I wanted your money all along?”
Without a look back, she walked towards the guy. She dragged my heart on the asphalt under her feet. Good grief, seeing her with another guy hurt. I had to get her back. Somehow, I had to get her back because it was pure torture being without her and imagining her with someone else.
Debra
“Come on, stay awake,” I encouraged myself, poring over the two text books I was using to study simultaneously. I had an exam tomorrow and I had a difficult time staying up. This semester was proving to be the hardest yet. Too much happened at once. I still fought the bouts of nausea that overcame me at unexpected times, I had lost concentration, getting tired too easily, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas’ visit at the restaurant yesterday.
Had he simply been curious as to whether or not I’d taken the morning-after pill? Then why was he jealous when Rick had given me a lift to campus? What? Did he expect he was the only one who was able to garner the interest of others? Because he wasn’t. As though I had a big sign on my forehead, proclaiming I was no longer a virgin, guys on campus had started approaching me, wanting to know my name or if I wanted to go out sometime. So far, I’d turned them down, but was now wondering whether I didn’t owe it to myself to go out with someone else, even if only once. Maybe that was what I needed to get over Lucas.
“There you go, thinking about him again,” I muttered and skipped a book page. I still had to read six more pages before I finished the chapter. I’d never found studying to be this tedious before.
With a sigh, I managed two more pages and started dozing off again.
“Why don’t you call it quits and go to bed?”
I snapped my eyes open and squinted to bring Rick’s voice into focus. What was he doing here? He’d brought me home an hour or so ago and I remembered making idle chat with him that I would be up in the library studying all night. Had he followed me? He was a nice enough guy and it had been a blessing when I’d found out he also attended Regis. He was a year younger than me, though, and the interest he showed in me was misplaced. I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. Or was that because I didn’t allow myself to think of anyone who wasn’t Lucas as more than a friend?
“Hey, Rick, what are you doing here?” I asked as he pulled out the chair opposite me and sat.
“I just stopped by to see how the studying was going,” he replied. “By the look of things, not very well.”
“I’m just so tired,” I sighed. “I can’t keep my eyes open.”
“Do you need company?”
I refused the offer. “No, not really. I work better studying on my own, but thanks, though.”
He stood to leave but hesitated. “Are you doing anything tomorrow? I know you’re off.”
I shook my head without thinking. “No, why?”
“I wondered if you’d like to get something to eat and catch a movie.”
“Like a date?” I asked.
“We don’t have to put labels on it. Two friends doing something together.”
That sounded reasonable. And when was the last time I’d done something just for pleasure? He had said friends.
“Sure, as long as it’s not eating at Lulu’s,” I responded, making a face. “There’s nothing like eating where you work to take the taste out of what you used to love.”
He chuckled. “Definitely not Lulu’s. I was thinking more like McCoys.”
“Oh, I’ve never been there.”
“That’s where we’ll go then. I’ll call you.”
“All right.”
I waved as he walked by and wondered why I couldn’t have fallen for a guy like Rick. While he was wealthy, one would have never guessed. I’d learned his parents hadn’t come from old money but had worked from the ground up, lawyer and doctor. While he didn’t hurt for money, they were adamant that he learned the benefits of hard work.
I returned to my studies, reading another two pages while my eyes burned. I had read the same paragraph three times without grasping what it meant and decided maybe I should close my eyes for a few minutes. The dorm was too far away so I crossed my arms on the desk and rested my head. I yawned. Jus
t a few minutes…
“Debra, Debra.”
I groaned in my sleep and tried to push away the annoying voice that had woken me. Until my shoulders started to shake gently. What in the world. I opened my eyes slowly.
“Lucas?” Lucas? My eyes widened but his image remained. Was I conjuring him up or was I wide awake? I made the mistake of reaching up and touching his face. Real. The stubble of a beard scraped my hand and I pulled back as though stung.
“Deb, it’s late. What are you doing here at this hour?”
“What time is it?” I asked groggily.
“Almost three.”
“In the morning?” I squeaked. “Oh no, I didn’t finish reading this chapter. And what are you doing here so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, resting his hip on the edge of the desk close to me. “Do you want to know why, Deb?”
“I…uh, not really.”
“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway.” He reached out to stroke my cheek. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Debra. It’s beginning to matter less and less if you only wanted me for my money.”
The mushy effect his confession had on me in the beginning faded at the last thing he said. I stiffened and slammed the text books on the table shut before getting to my feet.
“I’m not going to stay here and listen to you.”
I evaded the hand he reached out to me and found the shelf I’d taken the books from, inserting them in their proper places. The task done, I turned to leave the third floor but he stood directly in my path.
“What do you want now?” I asked in exasperation but noted my breathing was shallow from his nearness.
“I want you to take the car.”
I frowned at him. “What the hell does it matter if I take the car or not?”
“For one thing, because I carted yours off to the junk yard without asking your permission,” he answered. “And two, because I bought it for you. Before anything even happened between us, Deb.”
My heart thumped crazily at his words. “It shouldn’t be too hard to gift it to your current girlfriend,” I commented and tried to push by him but he held my arm. He walked me back into the bookshelf until my back was pressed into the shelves.