by Bella Grant
“What’s going on?” I eventually belted out in frustration.
“This is what happens at this time of day,” the cab driver responded. “I wish I could take a short cut, but all the roads are like this. They should stop giving everyone the same lunch hour,” he rambled.
“It works for you,” I replied. “The longer we sit here, the more your fare.”
He grinned at my reply, and his easy countenance provided a small measure of ease. Eventually, we were able to make it out of the tight spot we were in, and my heart sped as fast as the car the closer I got to downtown.
The driver pulled up outside a rundown building, and I immediately recognized it from the picture. “This is one of them,” he turned and said.
“Yeah, I think this is it,” I answered tentatively and gazed out the window. I pulled a twenty-dollar bill from my wallet and handed it to him before opening the door. “Keep the change,” I looked back and said, and a toothy smile followed.
“Should I wait?” he asked eagerly. “You could be wrong.”
“No. That won’t be necessary. This is definitely the one. Thanks.”
“All right,” he answered in a disappointed voice, and the car rolled away from the curb—slowly, as if he wanted me to tell him to wait.
After he had gone, I turned and faced the building. The day was hot, and I felt even more flushed as I stood at the bottom of the cracked concrete steps under the awning that flapped in the breeze. I felt like I had been there before, and with heavy legs, I slowly made my ascent. My feet hit the landing with a thud, and a large woman who looked as if she had been poured into clothes made for a smaller-sized woman appeared immediately.
“Hello, sir,” she called chirpily. “How may I help you? Are you a member of the committee?”
“Uh, no,” I knitted my brows and answered. “I’m here to see someone.”
“Oh. Who?”
I had only one name to use, and by all indications, that was probably her correct name. “Anna Ja…Ramsey,” I corrected myself. That was the only name I’d ever use, and I almost let it slip.
“Oh.” She looked me up and down, and I knew she was wondering why someone like me, all dressed up, was looking for Anna. “Right this way.”
She walked ahead, and I was jarred by the faces I saw as I followed. Beds were set up in haphazard, crisscrossing ways, bunks, and others that seemed to be attached to the walls. Deep, sunken eyes stared at me, and the smell of mold, urine, and puke choked a cough from me. It was hard not to walk through and pinch my nose to prevent from inhaling too much of the rancid smell. I couldn’t understand how anyone could live in a place like this.
“She’s over there.” The woman stopped abruptly and pointed.
I nodded and looked past her. I saw the red hair, and my heart pounded even faster. I hadn’t seen her in so long, and now that she was within inches of me, I felt paralyzed. She was on her knees by a woman’s side. The woman was coughing, and she was trying to feed her from a cup. The woman sputtered, and Anna scuffled backwards as she retreated from the water sprays.
I moved closer, and as I did, her head turned and the cup fell from her hands when she saw me.
Anna
“You need to tell this man you’re pregnant with his baby,” Mom scolded.
“What you need to do is drink this water so it can help with the cough,” I instructed and gripped her chin to keep her head in place.
“I don’t want any damned water,” she argued and slapped my hand away.
“Mom!” I all but shouted. I sighed and sank back. “This is all I can do for now. Let me do this.”
The weight of being there every day crushed me, and it didn’t help that she kept trying to force me to return to Raymond. I would have aborted the baby if I had the money to do it because I couldn’t raise a child while I lived in a poor house.
She muttered something under her breath and leaned forward. “Okay. Give it to me,” she said and pointed at the cup I held in my lap. I placed the cup to her lips, and she sipped a little before she sputtered into a cough.
“Mom!” I cried and pulled back hurriedly so the water wouldn’t get my dirty clothes wet.
I caught movement through the corner of my eye and turned. My mouth fell open, and I felt weak at the same time the cup fell from my hand. It clattered to the floor, and I barely noticed the water as it made a trail until I felt it settling around my knee. I blinked several times, thinking it must be my imagination—Raymond could not be here. He started walking forward, and I looked back at Mom. Her eyes were wide, and I wasn’t the only one who’d seen him. She did too.
I stood and immediately felt conscious of the painted, stained, ripped, and worn jeans I wore, and of the numerous holes decorating the front of the once white tee. I wanted to slip between the cracks of the floorboards, out of his sight, and I rubbed my hands nervously along my legs before I folded them across my chest.
“What are you doing here?” I tried to smooth my hair as I looked uncomfortably around me. The other persons nearby were watching, curious about this man in the fancy suit and tie. People like him didn’t come around often, so he attracted a lot of unwanted attention. And by extension, the gazes shifted between him and me. I couldn’t stand still, shifting my weight between my legs, and shoved my hands into my pockets.
“I came to see you,” he said softly.
I was dumbstruck. “Me?”
He sighed and stepped closer, which I wished he hadn’t done that. My heart drummed uncomfortably loud, and I could actually see it pumping in my chest as my shirt rose and fell. I was suffocating with him so close, and everything I had felt for him and that I thought had disappeared over the month rushed to memory.
“I came to apologize,” he began.
He was right in front of me now, and my hand went involuntarily to my stomach. I wasn’t showing yet, but our baby was inside and I felt like I needed to hold onto something real.
“For what?” I folded my hands across my chest.
“For judging you. Anna, this wasn’t easy for me,” he said forcibly, and his face twisted as he forced words.
I looked everywhere but at him as I rocked on my heels. “I know. I was wrong to do what I did, and I’m sorry. But you didn’t need to come here for that.”
“No, I didn’t,” he said with a sigh. “You know, I had my lawyer draw up divorce papers.”
It was hard not to look at him as the pangs of pain tore across my chest. I gulped and waited for him to ask me to his car to sign on the dotted line—my mark that what we had was over, legally and in all other ways.
“I expected that,” I whispered and hung my head. “Where are they?”
“I didn’t bring them,” he replied. “I didn’t sign them either.”
“Look, Raymond, we don’t have to do this here. You’re causing a scene now. Can we go to the car or something?”
“I didn’t drive, and what I want to do, I can do right here,” he retorted.
He was so stubborn, and with my emotions swirling like smoke above a dying bonfire, I was not in the mood for games. I wanted to forget this man, not have him show up whenever he felt like it and dredge up feelings.
“What do you want? You asked me to leave, and I did. I didn’t take anything from you. But you can search if you like. Everything I have is over there and—”
He shut me up with his lips on mine. My eyes widened and my hands fell to my side as I froze. I didn’t understand what was happening, and the pressure in my head expanded.
“Wait!” I stepped away from him, shocked. “What is this?”
“Don’t you get it, Anna? I want you,” he said. His eyes were filled with pain and confusion, and he turned around and ran his hand through his hair. “Since you left—”
“You mean since you threw me out,” I interrupted.
“Yes,” he said and turned around sharply. “I thought…I don’t know what I was thinking. Things haven’t been the same since you left, and I realize
d it really doesn’t matter what…that you don’t have any money, and live in a place like this…” He stopped to look around, and he really did look scared the building would fall on top of him. I’d felt that way many times.
I never expected him to come to the shelter or to say what he was saying. I didn’t know what to do. I was carrying his child, the child he had wanted even more than me. What would he do when he found out?
My mother was reading my mind. “Tell him,” she whispered hoarsely.
“Mom!” I snapped and balled my fists against my thighs as I whipped my head around to shut her up.
“Anna, you need to…”
“Mom!” I said more forcefully and stomped my foot. “Just leave it alone.”
“Tell me what?” Raymond wanted to know.
“Nothing,” I lied, my eyes staring anywhere but at him. “There’s nothing to say.” My hand moved to my stomach again, an involuntary confession I hadn’t realized I’d made until I saw his eyes widen.
“Anna, what is it?” he pressed, and he stepped close to me again.
When he was in my personal space, I was his slave, and like all the times before, I was weak to him. “I don’t want you to think I did this deliberately, but I found out before you threw me out, and I wanted to tell you, but I was angry and I left. And after, I did try to come back, but I panicked…”
“Anna!” he said and grabbed me by the shoulders. “What is it?”
My eyes burned as the tears seeped from the corners. “I’m pregnant.”
I didn’t look at him after the words I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared to say rolled off my tongue as if we were having an ordinary conversation like two ordinary people. I didn’t know what to expect. Technically, he was still my husband, so at least there was that. I simply wasn’t sure what would happen next.
“What?” he asked as he let go. “Are you serious?” I nodded. “Goddamn!” he muttered and wiped his hands over his mouth. His face lit up. “You’re pregnant?” His eyes dropped to my stomach and his hand moved. “I’ve got a baby growing in there?”
“Yes,” I answered timidly. “You’re not angry?”
“Why the hell would I be angry?” he asked through a laugh. “This is unbelievable.” He looked happy and overwhelmed by the news. “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming home with me.”
I looked at my mother, who had begun to cough again. “I can’t leave my mother and sister here. I left before, and it…it was unbearable. She’s sick and…”
Raymond smiled. “Anna, you can take them with you. I have more than enough room for everyone.”
“Are you sure?” I asked as excitement filled me slowly.
Teresa wandered over and hugged me around the middle, unaware, as children often are, of the situation. “Anna, I’m hungry,” she wailed. “Do you have any chips?”
Raymond answered before I did. “I bet this is Teresa,” he said. I was alarmed that he knew her name, but he had enough money to buy any piece of information he wanted.
“It is,” I replied and smoothed the top of her head.
Raymond bowed to her level. “I know a great cheeseburger place,” he offered.
Her eyes widened. “Really?” Then she looked at me. “Can I go?”
It was hard to resist those eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt because I had never been able to take her to any of the nice places children often went.
Before I could answer, she turned to Raymond again. “I’ll go if Anna can go,” she said innocently.
Raymond looked up at me. “Well?”
“Fine. But we are a mess,” I told him, which was a fact. We didn’t look like we were supposed to be in the same company, and I didn’t want to look like his charity case.
“I can take you to get cleaned up,” he suggested.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to do these things,” I hurried to say.
“But I do,” he replied adamantly. “You’re my wife.”
That was the first time he had addressed me as such, and it stopped the next words dead on my lips. The tears started again.
“Anna, you’re crying again?” Teresa asked in shock, and the way she said it made us laugh.
“When you’re older, you’ll cry all the time too,” I told her and stroked her cheek with my thumb.
“No. I’m going to be tough,” she declared resolutely.
I looked at Mom, who was all but beaming. “There’s someone else you need to meet,” I told him. “This is my mom.”
She jumped to her feet, the cough no longer a meddlesome bother. “Pleased to meet you. I told her she should go to you about the baby, but she didn’t listen, and—”
“Mom!” I cried again as she launched again into an embarrassing onslaught of words.
Raymond found it amusing. “It’s a pleasure,” he said and gripped her hand firmly.
He wasn’t as rude as he had been at first, treating my poverty like it was a kind of contagion. He was more relaxed and seemed almost oblivious to his current environment. He scooped Teresa into his arms like it was the most natural thing and led the way from the shelter and, into a brighter future. Or so I hoped. But in that moment, I couldn’t have been happier.
Raymond
“What?” I asked when I turned and saw her staring at me.
She lay on her side the next morning, the white silk nightgown falling into a bunch close to her midsection. Her red hair partially obscured her right eye, and I leaned over and curled it behind her ear.
“Nothing,” she said with a smile and attempted to roll over on her back.
“No, that’s definitely something,” I replied and moved closer to her. I rose onto my palms and hovered above her, eager to taste her lips still swollen following a night of repeated sex. I brushed my lips against hers, and my eyes closed as I tasted the early morning sun on her as it peeped through the window blinds.
Her arms closed tightly around my neck, and her breathing escalated into gasps. I pressed into her, feeling her body mold into mine like she belonged there. I slipped my hand under the sheet and cupped her ass, squeezing her. Her legs automatically moved and locked around my ass, and her body arched as it prepared for another round of heated pleasure.
I was lost in the moment, alternating between how her body had hugged mine last night, how her breasts had fit perfectly into my mouth, and the way she had given herself to me—that, and the present feeling I experienced. Time had no meaning when I was with her. She embodied the present, past, and future all balled into a single moment, and I was her prisoner, trapped in her omniverse.
I was so caught up in my thoughts and the way she felt under me that I didn’t realize she had stopped kissing until I felt the cool air hitting my lips instead of her warmth. I opened my eyes and found her staring at me, though she was smiling.
“Don’t you have to go to work?” she asked as she traced her finger along my jaw.
“Have to?” I asked and lowered my head to nuzzle her neck. “I don’t have to do anything.”
“Come on,” she coaxed with a giggle and a small sigh. “You know money doesn’t make itself.”
“Uh-huh,” I replied, unwilling to listen to reason at the moment.
“Come on,” she said again, pressing against my shoulder, a weak attempt to get me to move. She sighed and fell back against the bed when she saw it was no use.
I relented. “Okay, okay, I’m going. But you will miss me when I’m gone,” I said and winked at her as I got up. My feet had barely touched the ground when I heard an all too familiar yet unwelcome sound. My mother.
“Raymond! Raymond! For God’s sake, where are you?” she screeched as doors banged and floorboards creaked in her wake. “Raymond!”
I looked at Anna, who had bolted upright in bed. She looked frightened, and pulled the sheet around her to make a protective cover.
“Stay here,” I told her and hurried to the door before she stormed in. I opened the door and stared down the hallway. She was two
doors down and fast approaching.
“Well, it’s about time,” she snarled.
“What do you want? Do you know what time it is?” I asked impatiently and pulled the door slowly closed behind me.
“Yes, I know. My flight came in early. I was hoping I’d catch you before you left for work.”
“What do you want?” I asked, although I wasn’t interested.
“Can’t I just come by?” she asked.
“You don’t just come by. And no one who just ‘comes by,’ walks around banging doors and disturbing the entire house.” I looked past her and saw Marian, Anna’s mother, coming up the stairs, no doubt worried about the noise.
“Is everything all right?” she asked nervously and rubbed her hands down her dress as she spoke.
Mom glanced over her shoulder and saw the woman. “Go back to the kitchen and make some breakfast or something. As a matter of fact, take this coat.”
Marian looked right through her to me, waiting for me to tell her what to do. She clenched her jaw, and I could detect rising animosity.
“She isn’t the help. She is Anna’s mother,” I stated. By this time, Anna had come out of the room, wearing a robe. She hugged herself as she watched the scene my mother was creating.
“Her mother?” Mom asked, and looked from Marian to Anna. “But she looks…” She looked from one to the other again. “Are you serious? She is her mother? This woman?”
“And what’s wrong with my mother?” Anna intervened.
Mom advanced on Anna. “I knew there was something off about you,” she sneered. “Look at you, in plush robes and mink slippers, acting like you know about these things, when you are nothing.”
Her voice was bitter, and Anna winced as the words left my mother’s mouth. I was enraged at her bashing Anna.
“That’s it. You need to go!” I commanded and grabbed her shoulder.
“Let go of me,” she cried and shook me off. “This is what you decided to do? Move in the trash? Your father would be ashamed.”
I clenched my jaws and balled my hands into fists. “That’s enough. Ever since Dad left, you have been a miserable hag, like a dark cloud hovering over me and making my life miserable. Anna may not have money, but she is damned sure a classier woman than you will ever be. No wonder Dad left you. If I could, I’d do the same. Now get out of my house!”