by Bella Grant
“I’m so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I wanted to. I tried to, but every time I was close to saying or texting the words, I froze and pushed it away,” I cried to the wall adjacent to the door.
“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.
“For two weeks,” I blubbered. “I started vomiting two weeks after we were together. I thought it was the flu, then Lisa convinced me otherwise and all three tests I took say I’m pregnant. I haven’t had a chance to go to my gyno to confirm because well, because…”
“Of the panic attack. So it did have something to do with me. You were panicking about telling me.” It wasn’t a question but statements threaded together as he said them out loud.
I nodded. “I was so afraid of how you would react. I mean, I’m the reason we’re in this mess in the first place. If I had left you alone, if I had switched doctors, I wouldn’t be crushing your dreams of owning your own practice but I had to tell you before I made the choice whether to keep this baby.”
“Why would you not keep our baby?” The way he said ‘our’ hurt more than it should have.
“Because I am in no mental state to do this on my own. I mean, I just started being able to say my parents died out loud and now…now this?” I cried, and my shoulders shook.
“Who said you had to do this on your own? This baby is as much my responsibility as it is yours. I didn’t stop when I should have either.” I could feel his words spoken against the skin of my neck. His hands hovered around me in hesitation.
“Because if word got out you knocked up a former patient, how would you be able to own a successful practice, huh?” I spat.
Josh spun me around to pin me against the wall. My heart beat rapidly in my ears when I saw the look on his face. He was hurt I had even suggested I would get rid of the baby. I saw the anger fill his blue eyes. He dropped my hands and a whimper escaped my throat.
“Did you not hear me when I said I loved you? For fuck’s sake, Fiona, I’m putting my job on the line for not just you but for me too. For us,” he choked out.
“Then what happens? When you can’t get anyone to sign on with you when they know your past with me. Some floozy twenty-one-year-old who seduced you into her bed by batting her eyes and showing off her legs. I’m a naive girl who got carried away. Don’t sell yourself short because of me. You can do much better than me. You are so much better than me—”
“Take that back,” he growled abruptly, and my words stopped in mid-sentence. I shook my head, sobbing. “I said take it back,” he repeated.
“No, because it’s true—”
My sentence barely escaped my mouth before his pressed upon mine. I gasped into the sudden force that was so eager and taking my breath away. My shield dropped once and for all as I allowed myself to get lost in the kiss. I let go of all the self-doubts and insecurities I had suffered with alone for the past few weeks, and I poured every single one of them into him with my hasty mouth, tongue, and every breath until he understood how much I felt for him.
Chapter 23
I would have been lying to myself if I said I wasn’t surprised by what Fiona had told me. I mean sure, I knew the ratios, the numbers and statistics when it came to sex, but since I had done very little of it myself, I had pushed down the possibility of getting Fiona pregnant. Now, looking back on it, the guilty feeling that rumbled in my stomach that night held more to it than I thought.
It pained me to see how she had exhausted herself to keep such a big secret from me. It wasn’t fair, and I felt the guilt wash over me. I could spend all day going over the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what I should have dones’ and shook them all away before the spiral began. For now, I needed to focus on what was more important, and that was the woman in front of me.
I kissed her to quiet her worries and freeze my own. It wasn’t the perfect solution, but it was better than yelling at one another. The tension in her shoulders eased as she snaked her arms around me and pulled me into her lithe body I imagined swollen with my baby. Our baby.
That image alone stirred up something instinctive inside of me, and my hands slid under the thickness of her tumbling hair. Our kisses grew needy, and I tasted all the emotions she held inside. The bitter and the sweet. The fullness of the news exploded onto my tongue. I wanted to scold her for it but knew it wouldn’t get us anywhere. The one thing left to do was to assure her I wasn’t going anywhere. That I had never planned on it.
Before the kisses became more intense, I pulled away to rest my forehead against hers. Her panting breath matched mine and her arms held me, and the indication was clear. She wasn’t going anywhere either.
“Fiona, that doesn’t change my mind about us. About quitting my job,” I breathed.
“Why?” she asked, no malice or challenge in her voice.
She caught my gaze as I spoke. “Because, no matter what, I want to be with you. You mean more to me than this job. More than any job. You, and now, this baby.” I placed my hand on her flat stomach for emphasis. “This is what is important to me and will be from here on out.”
She let out a shaky breath. “I think you’re making a mistake. I mean, if I hadn’t come around, we wouldn’t even be in this mess,” she muttered yet didn’t move my hand away.
I took that as another good sign we were finally getting somewhere. “You don’t think I haven’t thought long and hard about this? I’m a shrink, for crying out loud. I get paid to overanalyze the brain and people’s situations. I overthink for a living. Owning my practice is something I’ve always wanted to do and was once my end goal. It seemed so far-fetched I had forgotten about it. This hospital is a great place to work, but if you’re not careful, you get sucked in for life. I never wanted that, and it was happening to me. Then you came along.”
I took my hand off her stomach and curved it around to the small of her back. She squeaked as I pressed against her.
“Don’t you see? You woke me up, Fiona. You made me care again about my far-fetched dream. Not because of your looks or the way you and I clicked, but your passion in all that you do. I may have gone to school for eight years and did everything by the book, but you, you do everything out of selflessness. You’re so passionate about it and it reminded me how I was once like that about my own dream. Every time I saw you, it was brought back to the forefront of my mind.”
“Really?” Her eyes shone with wonder, and it took me a moment to find my composure and not kiss her from the corner of her eye to her pretty mouth.
“Yes,” I replied. “After our night together in your room, I started to do further research into what it would take to start my practice. I knew it would be difficult and time consuming the first year, but I kept my eye on the prize, knowing the first year of hard work would do me some good. Then I thought about your dream of having a non-profit organization and how with our powers combined, we could offer inexpensive mental health care for those in need. So I’ve made up my mind. I want to start up a non-profit mental health practice.”
She put her hands over her mouth in surprise. “Oh, my God, Josh, are you serious? That would be so wonderful. There are so many people I know if they got the proper help they could get back on their feet.” She put her hands down to reveal a grin along with the determination I loved so much about her.
I nodded. “I agree and want to set up a program focused just on that. We can run activities, events, and charities to help raise funds when things get tight and focus on the community as a whole. Hell, if I get the state to jump on the bandwagon, it would be even better. I could also see my existing patients on the side,” I explained, and her grin widened with every word I spoke.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m at a loss for words right now.” She exhaled.
I took her soft hands in mine and held them to my lips before I pressed them to my chest. “All I want to hear is you’re not leaving me. That you’ll stay and we can work this out. Besides, I have no clue what I’m getting myself into with non-profits, so I’m thinking I’m gon
na need to hire an expert in that department. I happen to know the right girl for the job. She’s smart, knows her stuff, and, I dare say it, is pretty damn cute too. Plus she’s not afraid of calling me out on my own bullshit.”
Fiona rolled her eyes and pushed at me, a giggle under her breath until she grew solemn once more. “What if I can’t meet your expectations? I mean sure, in the past, I’ve done quite a bit when it comes to this kind of stuff. That was before my parents. Now…I mean, I just started to pick up slowly in my class work and have sent out a few emails, but I’m nowhere near as good at all this as I used to be,” she reminded me, the defeat clear in her tone.
“Then we take it slow. I’m not going to hire anyone else. You are perfect for the job, and whether you want to believe it or not, you’ve come a long way since the death of your parents,” I began, and she winced at my words. “You aren’t the same brooding, fragile woman who came into my office a little over a month ago. I can see it in the way you challenge me and challenge yourself by confiding in me about it all. Shit, just now, your whole face lit up when I even mentioned the word ‘non-profit.’ The Fiona Sims who is affectionate about her community is still in there somewhere, and she’s been slowly coming out, even with everything thrown her way. And…” I let go of her hands and cupped her cheeks, “your parents would be so proud of the woman you are becoming. How you decided not to let their unfortunate fate become yours. It’s always gonna hurt, Fiona. I’m not guaranteeing it won’t, but it will get a little easier to breathe every day. Especially when you have something so precious to look forward to,” I said as I glanced down between us.
Her breath hitched. “I guess I do feel better and it doesn’t hurt as much when you’re around. It’s why I was so drawn to you. You made me feel alive when you brought out those controllers and the way you treated me like a person and not based on my depression. It was so refreshing. Even when I found out I was pregnant and I freaked out, I was happy to feel feelings besides grieving for once. You and this baby give me another reason to live. To keep going. It’s why I love you so much, Josh.”
My name was caught in the middle of a cry and a breath, and I kissed her. “I love you too, Fiona, and we are going to take care of this baby together.” I pressed my reassuring words upon her wet lips. “My last month here starts today, and I already have an offer pending on vacant office space in the Mission District. It’s pretty spacious for the price, too.”
“Man, you sure do work fast,” she whispered, and I peered down at her with love and determination. Damn, she was so beautiful.
“I work fast when it comes to the things I love.” I winked.
She giggled and grabbed me by the lapels of my lab coat. “I guess you do. Now come back here and continue kissing all my worries away, Dr. Sullivan.”
“Well…” I leaned down to grab her behind her knees and hoisted her up into my arms bridal-style. She kicked her feet in protest, her long skirt riding up to show her creamy, smooth legs. “Since I’m an expert at getting rid of worries, I think I know what to prescribe you.”
I captured her lips as she clung to my neck as I carried her to the couch, locking the door on my way there, and made a mental note to add extra soundproofing to my new office. We would definitely need it if she would be working in such close proximity to me all the time.
Chapter 24
All it took was for Josh to kiss me to quiet my active mind. I was in his arms and captivated by the way he held me so easily. I inhaled the clean smell and was comforted by it. I heard the door click and the coolness of leather was under my bare legs and seeped through my thin white tee. I kicked off my ballet flats, and my skirt bunched up around my thighs as I rubbed my legs along Josh’s pants. I caught my toes on the edges of them and tugged impatiently at the fabric. He got the hint, and the sound of his dress shoes clomped to the floor.
Our lips met over and over, lost in passion as our tongues danced along one another. As he held himself over me, his right hand roamed up my side and his thumb pressed along my hip bone and sent tingles between my legs. I pushed him away, his eyes clouded with lust, to lift my shirt quickly up and over my head, revealing my white cotton bra. He grunted in approval before his lips found the exposed skin. He kissed and licked along the ridges of my bra, while his hand slipped under me and in one swift motion, unclasped it. He sat back up to pull off his own layers of clothes, and as soon as his chest was displayed for me to see, my wandering hands scratched lightly at the planes of his taut abs. Oh how I missed the sight of him.
How did I ever get so lucky to have such a man fall in love with me?
I couldn’t form an answer when his lips were back at it, my bra long gone as he sucked and pulled at my nipples, my back arching off the couch in response. He ran his hand down the length of my spine and my hips rolled into his. I felt triumphant and could feel the bulge in his boxers rubbing at my sex, wet from his ministrations.
I needed the boundary between us to be gone and squeezed him through his boxers as I whimpered with need. I couldn’t help what he did to me. He made me feel so alive with electricity under my skin, and the primal need for him to be inside me heated my blood. He was the only man I ever wanted to see me like this.
He groaned against my breasts, and his hand under me dipped into the back of my skirt and palmed my ass as he nudged his erection into my hand. I moaned desperately into my other hand to keep myself from being too loud, though it was hard not to be with his hands all over me.
He sat back to shuck his boxers, and before I tugged at his impressive length, he yanked roughly at my skirt and panties with both hands as I lifted my hips to help. All clothing had settled onto the floor when we locked eyes.
I boldly spread my long legs and slid a hand down to my sensitive nub. I rubbed the smooth skin and bucked my hips in response. His eyes were ablaze with such a sexy glint as he watched me play with myself. There was no need to be shy around him anymore, and how he gazed at me made my body ache with heat. I prepped myself for his viewing pleasure and slid a finger inside. My eyelids fluttered as I pumped my finger in and out, just like he had done earlier. A second finger joined, and my body produced lewd sounds the wetter I became. I never averted my eyes and enjoyed the way he licked his lips at me.
He pumped his length lazily as he watched and then leaned over me. He took my hand away to line his cock up, and I moaned in anticipation. His eyes were on mine as he glided into me, and this time, it was much more comfortable. Pleasure spiked up my spine as I pulled him down for a hot, sloppy meeting of lips.
My hands clawed at his hair as I kept his mouth on mine so I could moan and whimper into it as he rocked his hips into mine. There was no gentleness, just a pure and shameless need to climb to pleasure together. I met his thrust with a desire that rippled through me. He kept a steady hand on my ass, pumping in and out of me, and my toes curled into his backside.
Our hips moved faster. The sound of flesh smacking flesh tuned out my muffled cries as I felt the pleasure building. I was so close to reaching my peak and could tell he was, too, as his thrusts became erratic. Just when I thought I was about to come, he bucked hard against my trembling thighs, and I felt his length twitch inside me, which encouraged my own orgasm as my body rocked and I sobbed his name into his mouth.
I clamped around him and held him buried deep inside me as we rode the waves of pleasure together. Our hip rolls slowed as my mind blanked and my limbs grew heavy with exhaustion. Being pregnant and having sex sure did tire out my body.
He must have sensed it too. He slipped out of me, and I whimpered at the sudden emptiness. He kissed my collarbone and maneuvered himself to spoon me, our sweaty bodies pressed side by side. I nuzzled into his kisses, reveling in the afterglow with a sated smile on my face.
“I needed that more than I care to admit,” I whispered and felt his laugh on my skin.
“It’s quite normal to want to be close to the one you love,” he responded, and I nudged him in the ribs.
He squeezed my ass. “Is that so?”
“Yes, that’s so,” I squeaked and sat up. I noticed the Xbox had been replaced by the Wii U. I peered at Josh in all his naked glory.
“One final round of Smash Brothers for old times’ sake?” I challenged and knew this would probably be the last time I would be inside his hospital office.
“Bring it, cutie.”
A week later, I was in another doctor’s office. A woman named Teri held an ultrasound transducer and slid it across my slicked-up belly. The thumping sound of the ultrasound next to me was distracting. I glanced anxiously at the obscured, black and white picture displayed on the screen, and my nerves kicked into high gear. Was the baby okay? Did I eat something wrong? Was I even pregnant?
A warm hand was placed my shoulder and allowed me to breathe as I reached up to hold it. Josh knew exactly what to do to keep me grounded. His touch was enough to remind me I would be okay. I wasn't alone and it was possible he was thinking along the same lines as I was.
A quicker, faint thumping vibrated from the screen, and I turned back and watched Teri clicking on the attached keyboard. A few squares appeared as she measured what appeared to be a little white blimp. I sat up gently to get a better look.
“Is that it?” I asked, bewildered.
Josh squeezed my hand as she replied, “Yup, that little guy is it. That’s your baby. Measuring at around six weeks and about an inch long. Right where he or she should be.”
Her smile was infectious, and I looked up at Josh. “Did you hear that? We’re having a baby.” My voice cracked with emotions.
“I heard, and I couldn’t be happier,” he said and leaned down to kiss me softly. “I mean it.”
All the emotions that had dwelled in me since I’d found out I was pregnant started to pour out. “I know,” I cried and I meant it. I knew. I finally understood and knew Josh was happy with me and wasn’t going anywhere.