"Hmm." Chumley stroked the fur on his chin. "Well, he's not above status symbols, and you must admit that the peak of a pyramid is a mighty one."
"It's not just that," I admitted. "He's paying people compliments—with absolutely no self-references attached."
"Dear me!" Chumley exclaimed. "Well, that is a different matter. Aegis, you may well guess, is full of soothsayers, including many in the employ of the queen. I will make delicate enquiries to see if they have performed a reckoning for a visiting Pervect. Beyond that, I can do little else. I can't go abroad. My presence is required here for the near future."
"I understand," I said. I knew I was asking him a favor that could interfere with his own task based on our friendship, but we were both worried. A world without Aahz—I didn't even want to think about it.
A loud ticking sounded, startling us both. Chumley reached into the folds of his robe and came out with a black-shelled insect not unlike the Scarabs. Its little face regarded me suspiciously, then tapped its undershell with one tiny foot. Chumley nodded. "This is a Death-Watch Beetle," he said, at my curious face. "Keeps good time, and is a discreet companion as well. Silent as the grave, you might say. I must get back to her majesty. She'll be trying to eat her lunch now. Poor dear."
"Thanks for coming by," I said. "If there's anything we can do to help, let me know."
"I shall. Farewell. Give my regards . . . where necessary."
Chumley went down the pier to where a Ghord was waiting with a rolled-up carpet. As Wat-Is-Et approached, the servant spread out the carpet and laid it on the air. I could almost hear the rug groan as Chumley clambered on. His great bulk caused the fabric to sag down below. With some difficulty, the carpet lurched forwards, heading for the mountains. I felt good about having another ally here, as long as we had to deal with a powerful enemy like Gurn.
I had seen him at the scene of at least three mass disasters on site, though I had no idea how he was connected, or if, to Aahz's wine cup springing a leak. Bamf!
I turned around at the sound of air being displaced. "Where is he?" Bendix demanded.
Chapter 18
"It's not a bug, it's a feature."
—W. Gates
"Where is he?" Bendix spun in a circle and ended up facing me. He jabbed a rolled up document at my chest. "Where's Aahz?"
"Can't I help you?" I asked.
"I doubt it!" the Pervish lawyer snarled. Veins stood out in his yellow eyes. I knew that meant he was furious. "Where is that son of a used-car salesman! The infomercial demonstrator! Snake oil!"
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"You were in on that, too," Bendix said, as if he had suddenly recognized me. He grabbed me by the throat. I squeaked as he picked me up and shook me. I got my wits back and used magik to put a step under my feet and pry his claws apart.
"On what?" I asked. "Aahz sold you a pyramid stone. Nothing else. What's wrong?"
"You idiots put a curse on me! Now it's going around my entire law firm!"
"What?" I asked. "There aren't any curses here. I admit that we've had some bad luck, but..."
Bendix cut me off with a gesture. "No! I checked. You don't get to my position in life without being able to tell one kind of magik from another. We have curse-checkers in our mailroom. You wouldn't believe what kind of things people send us, especially clients whose cases are unsuccessful."
Though he was shorter than I was, he strode ahead of me into the And Company offices. The reception desk lay empty. A few Ghord clerks looked at us in alarm. I held up my hands to show I was handling the situation. They looked relieved, though a couple took refuge behind their desks. Bendix marched down to the office Aahz and I shared. It was empty. The tray still lay there on our table. All the plates and bowls were empty. Bendix looked around.
"Where is Aahz? Is he hiding?"
"No, sir, of course not," I said. "Maybe he just went out for some falafel. The food's really good here." Bendix eyed me. "Does it move?" "Er . . . Not usually, no."
"Then it's trash! Like that lying grafter of a salesman! 'Enjoy the view of a lifetime,' he said. 'Be the first on your block,' he said. I never thought I would fall for a carnival barker's sales pitch again, but he convinced me. And now, look where it got me? My partners would be laughing if they weren't so mad. Aahz! Where are you?" Bendix bellowed. He started throwing open doors in the long corridor.
Slam! Slam! Slam!
All the rooms he tried were empty. Until we came to the supply cupboard.
Bendix jerked open the door and started to walk away automatically—until he realized it was occupied.
Aahz and Miss Tauret were there, caught in a passionate clinch. Aahz's shirt was half off, and the receptionist's usually smooth robes were askew. Piles of wax tablets and boxes of styluses were scattered around their feet.
"Oh," I said.
Aahz looked at both of us, and his brows went down in annoyance. "Do you mind? The lady is modest!"
Bendix jumped back. Aahz reached out and pulled the door shut with a bang. We heard voices, Aahz wheedling and Miss Tauret slightly hysterical. When he opened it again, he slipped out into the corridor, buttoning his shirt.
"Just, uh, taking inventory," he said. "Hey, Bendix, how's it hanging?"
Bendix gave him a disgusted look. "I can tell how yours is. You complete moron, you stuck me with a communicable curse!" He shook the contract at Aahz.
Aahz held out his palms. "No way! I would never put a curse on you, Bendix. You're an old friend. I admire you. You got in on the ground floor of a terrific deal, and I even gave you a discount! That ought to tell you I'm serious about this project." He tried to lead the angry Pervect toward our office.
Bendix shook off his hand. "Tell that to my partners. The Formican flu is going around the office like a nasty rumor, and we lost a client that we have had for years because the one clerk we have been keeping from ever talking to him was the only person around when he stopped by unexpectedly at lunchtime. We had a party where the wrong gender Pervect stripper jumped out of a cake for our oldest partner, who's retiring. The bakery claimed that's what was on our order. In front of six hundred guests!"
"Coincidences," Aahz said, blandly. "Why do you think it's a curse?
"It is a curse," Bendix insisted. "It's spread by contaminated pieces of paper. I brought my detector with me. Look at this!" He took a small box out of his pocket and held it up to the contract. The little dial on the box turned bright red.
"It had to be in your office," Aahz said.
"I've got dispellers who come in every Friday afternoon and go over the whole suite," Bendix said. "It had to be something here."
"Check if you want," Aahz said. "I've got nothing to hide from you."
Bendix held the box in front of him and started going over the office building, room by room. The dial stayed within the green-to-yellow range. We went over most of the drawing rooms, set aside for other architects if Samwise had employed any. Nothing. Nothing registered in the front room, as the nervous Ghord clerks watched Bendix stalk around like a detective looking for clues.
"Aha!" Bendix exclaimed. He showed us the detector. It showed orange when he pointed it toward Samwise's chamber. We followed him.
Samwise wasn't there at the moment, but the plans were unrolled on one of the big, broad tables. Bendix headed toward them. I could see over his shoulder that the little square had gone to brilliant red.
"There!" Bendix said, half-triumphant, half-furious. "I told you so! The plans themselves are contaminated!"
"You're kidding." Aahz whistled. "The only thing we didn't check. Didn't even look at the plans."
Bendix was astonished. "You didn't spell-check it? What happened to you? You never used to act like an amateur."
"It was an honest mistake, Bendix."
"Honest, my foot. I want out. And all my partners do, too.
"You can't do that!" Aahz bellowed, confronting him. "We have a contract." "Bah! Try and stop me."
"Yo
u bet I will. There's nothing in this contract that says curses invalidate the clauses."
Bendix smiled, a mean expression on his face. "You really want to take me on, Aahz? Me? Just back off and give me my deposit back."
"A refund! Never!"
Two Pervects arguing about money was as ugly as it ever got. Bendix reasoned, albeit at the top of his lungs, that he had thought to invest in a unique piece of real estate, but he couldn't take the liability of an extraneous curse that had the potential to embarrass him and, by extension, anyone else he chose to involve in the project. Aahz argued that the real estate was still there, would still be there, that Bendix had signed the contract, and that the clauses still held, and that curses were temporary.
"Do you know how to remove it?" Bendix asked. "Well, do you?"
Aahz fell silent. "No. Not yet."
"Fine. Until you work out your internal problems, I want out of this project. I hope none of my partners offered a deal to any of their clients on your behalf. I'll get back to you on that. In the meantime, I'll take a check right now, for me and my partners. In full."
Aahz was humiliated beyond belief. I waited as he escorted Bendix out into the anteroom. Miss Tauret, looking everywhere except at us, made out a voucher.
"This is good through the Bank of Zoorik," she explained to Bendix. She caught my eye by accident, and her cheeks actually reddened. I gave her a sympathetic smile. Bendix snatched it up and stalked out. Miss Tauret glanced up at Aahz for support, but he was too devastated to offer anyone else an emotional lifesaver. He stalked back to our office and slammed the door.
I followed him and opened it softly.
"Can I do anything to help?" I asked.
"No! I've lost everything!" He kicked the waste-papyrus basket across the room. It bounced off the wall and fell over.
"Not everything. You still have your health. My mother always said, if you have your health ..." I let the thought trail off. Aahz wasn't listening, and in light of my concerns, it was a bad idea to bring it up. He was so mad, he might rupture something. "You still have your friends," I finished encouragingly. That much I knew to be true.
Aahz looked up at me and snarled, "Where's Samwise?"
"I left him on top of Phase One."
Aahz stormed out of the office and up the ramps. I followed him. Samwise hurried to meet us.
"Aahz! My friend! Come and see how well we're getting on!
"Forget that!" Aahz growled. "Diksen's plans were cursed, and you didn't figure that he had anything to protect him from light-fingered employees? Like you?"
"No, Aahz, he wasn't happy with it!"
"Did he really throw it out?"
"Of course he did! I mean, it was under the table, all crumpled up. I'd call that a discard. Wouldn't you?"
He was getting no concessions from Aahz. I interrupted.
"What was he designing?" I asked. "Why not use the same plans to build another pyramid? He must have had something new in mind. What was it?"
"I don't know! I told you, he didn't talk to me. He sort of mumbles, to tell the truth."
"Well, he's going to talk to us," Aahz said grimly. "If there's a curse going around, he's going to catch a piece of it."
Chapter 19
"A man's home is his castle."
—W. R. Hearst
We zipped straight up through the bottom of the shimmering sphere like arrows. Aahz had us land us on the rim of the lowest office floor. The secretary scrambled up from her usual sitting position, and the cats on their pedestals recoiled at the face of an angry Pervect.
"We want to see Diksen," Aahz said.
"I am sorry," the girl said. "My employer cannot be disturbed for any reason at this hour. He is meditating on the ways of the universe!"
"Taking a nap?" Aahz asked. "He can go back to sleep after I cut him a new one. Which way to his office?"
"No, sir!" the girl cried, as Aahz punched through flowing panes of water, then withdrew. "Please! Don't go that way! Or that way!"
She scuttled after us, cats at her heels, as we flew up the spiral staircase that wound around the inside of the sphere. It was much bigger on the inside than it had looked from the outside. Each level had been sliced pie-fashion into wedge-shaped rooms, tastefully furnished with artifacts and magikal impedimenta. Fountains, no doubt fed by the water in the walls, danced and trickled in fabulous patterns.
I would have been more impressed with his skill at design had we not been on a mission.
On the third level, Aahz threw open the first door and barged in. A female figure, thrown in silhouette against the translucent walls, sat up and clutched a length of fabric to her bosom. I guessed that we had surprised her in bed. She screamed.
"Who are you?" she shrieked. "These are my private quarters. Go away!"
"Oops," Aahz said. "Wrong number. Sorry."
"Sorry, madam, sorry," the secretary called to her as we stormed up to the next level.
That, too, was a private residence, but with more masculine fitments. No one was in them. Aahz strode resolutely upward. Finally, in the apex of the ball of water, under a domed ceiling that focused the hot Aegis sun, we found another door, this one of carved wood. It stood slightly ajar.
Aahz pushed it open. We entered a room full of floating globes and shelves of books. I had never seen so many in one place before.
A man sat with his back to us. He hovered in mid-air, his fingertips tented before him. "Diksen?"
He stirred and looked back over his shoulder, neither alarmed nor in a hurry. He was a tall Ghord with sandy hair and a worried expression on a jowly face that looked a little like one of my father's hunting hounds. He unfolded and lowered until his feet touched the floor.
"Who are you? Why do you intrude upon my privacy?" he asked in a quiet voice. At least, that's what I think he said. As Samwise had warned us, his manner of speaking was unclear.
"We're working with Samwise next door," Aahz said, aiming a thumb backwards over his shoulder. "He's working off a set of plans that he said he got from you. They've been spreading a curse around. I want to know how to take it off."
"Absurd," Diksen burbled, his jowls flapping. "Insulting, to have you burst in like that."
"What about it?" Aahz demanded. "I warn you, I am not in the mood for hurt feelings. This just cost me a lot of money!"
Diksen's face got red. "Money?... More important things than money!"
"Oh, yeah? Name two!" Aahz demanded, breasting up to the Ghord magician.
"Whoa whoa whoa!" I said, getting in between them. "We started off on the wrong foot. Diksen, let us introduce ourselves. My name's Skeeve, and this is my partner, Aahz. We're part of M.Y.T.H., Inc., a group of professional problem-solvers. We work out of the Bazaar at Deva. Samwise hired us to help him out with the project next door. He said he got the plans while working for you. It looks as though they acquired a curse along the way. It's spreading and causing all kinds of havoc. I'm sure it's all preventable, but we need to find out where it came from. Can you help us figure out if it happened here in this facility, or somewhere else? Because you might have to clean one up yourself. We'd be happy to offer our services to assist you in getting rid of it, if you need it."
I put on my most winning smile.
"Won't even discuss anything so stupid as a curse," Diksen puffed. "... Troublesome Samwise, can't keep his paws . . . useless ... on his own head . . . gone!" I saw what Samwise had meant about mumbling, but Diksen mumbled with menace. "Get out. . . will call for help."
"Who?" Aahz fleered. "Your secretary? Your cats? They're gonna be useful in a fight, I can tell you that!"
"Intruders . . . suffer . . . call Dorsal Warriors!" Diksen sputtered.
"Aahz!" I jumped out of the way just as something that I thought was artwork flashed and leaned out of the wall. I caught a glimpse of a pale, fishlike face as the being it was attached to threw a spear at me. He missed. Aahz grabbed the creature's scaly arm and tossed him across the room.
&nb
sp; I had seen a lot of Ghords since we came to Aegis, but this one was different from all the rest. He did have a fish's face, with gills behind his cheeks. His legs ended in long sweeping fins instead of feet, and he had a ridge that ran up his naked back.
Aahz was scornful. "That all you got? One carp with a spear?"
He was answered by a hail of harpoons from the far wall. I dodged behind a standing bookcase. Three blades thudded into the spines of the fat, leatherbound volumes in the shelf. Aahz flattened himself on the translucent floor. He managed to avoid getting stuck by any of the weapons, but the fish-faced warriors that followed their barrage out of the water wall leaped on him. Cold and slimy hands seized me from behind.
I lashed out with a double-handful of magik heated to boiling point. The fish-men who grabbed me leaped back, yelling. I spun around to confront them. To my amazement, they all looked exactly alike.
I could see why we had not noticed them before. Their skin was pale blue, with a soft white underbelly. Their headdresses and loincloths were green. They would have been camouflaged by the water itself. They came toward me, lowering polearms. I backed away, my hands open.
"Come on, fellows, I don't want to hurt you," I said.
They didn't feel the same way. Together, they charged me. I had nowhere to go but up. I pushed off against the floor and sprang into the air. They kept going, and splashed into the wall. I laughed.
Diksen wasn't letting his minions handle the situation alone. He pointed at a brass chain that lay coiled on a tabletop. It rose up like a snake and slithered toward Aahz.
"Look out!" I shouted.
Aahz glanced briefly away from the two warriors he had just knocked against one another. The chain leaped for him. Aahz caught its ends with both hands and wrestled to keep it away from his throat. It was very strong, but he was stronger. The next warrior to appear out of the wavering wall got the brass chain wrapped around his neck. He fell back, leaving two more companions to face Aahz alone.
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