I pushed only the one side of the blankets further down, ensuring he stayed appropriately covered while I carefully removed the thigh bandage, taking more time to disinfect this one and ensure the cauterized seam was holding. It didn’t look infected, but I still feared he would never walk properly on it again, though I couldn’t bring myself to inform him of that. At least...not right now. I still needed him to do what I said, him hating me would mean exactly the opposite.
I re-bandaged his thigh with the proper medical bandages carefully and pulled the blanket back up to his waist. “I am going to need to roll you over, but if we are going to do that, I am going to fetch you a better bedroll. One that is not soaked with your blood.” I gave him a wry smile, trying to seem like I wasn’t as worried as I really was. I was no surgeon, and while he was still alive, I wanted...no, needed...him to stay that way. “I will be right back.” I murmured to him, rising and leaving him in the hands of Derryth as I left the house. The extra bedrolls were next door in the staff house, so I grabbed two, knowing only one on the floor was not going to be enough cushioning to guard against the hard wooden floor.
He looked nearly asleep when I returned, though his head turned slightly when I knelt near him again, laying the bedrolls next to the blankets he was currently on. The blood pool that had formed beneath him as he bled out on the floor had soaked into the blanket, despite my efforts to roll him clear of it. The blood had dried, now hard and crusted and very likely uncomfortable for the injured guard.
As I smoothed the first clean bedroll out beside him, I realized that he would going to end up on his new bedroll on his stomach, which was what I needed to clean the wound on his back, but then he would be stuck that way, and it was the wrong way. I let out a bleak sigh and closed my eyes tightly, trying to figure out how to make this work without causing him undue stress and pain, and when I opened my eyes, he was looking at me.
“Sorry…” I murmured, shaking my head. “Just trying to figure out how best to do this.” I let out a breath, supposedly a calming breath but I didn’t feel calmer, just increasingly anxious. I left the one bedroll there and murmured. “I have an idea, but it won’t be very comfortable for you for a minute. First, let’s roll you over.” He nodded slightly and did what little he could to help me roll him slowly and carefully onto his stomach onto the new bedroll. He let out a pained grunt as he came to rest on his stomach, pale face growing even whiter. I grimaced, wishing that I was better at this. I bundled up my blankets, now stained with his blood, and set them off to the side.
The wound on his back was still successfully cauterized, only a little bit of blood had seeped through and dried, and I breathed a sigh of relief. There were no obvious signs of infection and I snorted softly. “He was right, whiskey works in a pinch.” I murmured out loud, though more to myself than anything. I took the salve and applied it liberally as I did with the other injuries, pressing the bandages to it and wrapping it tightly with the linen strips.
Derryth was humming and the fire beside us was crackling, but the only sound I heard was Ben’s breathing. Who could have done this to him? And why? He had been more than just lucky to get back to the house alive, and as the thought of him dying entered my thoughts once again, my throat went tight. I was afraid, though the days of avoiding the ‘why’ were coming to an end.
I took a deep breath as I finished and murmured to him. “This is going to take some coordination, and discomfort, but hopefully we only have to do this once.” I tried to sound like I had an idea of what I was doing, but I wasn’t a surgeon. I wasn’t a healer, this was not the sort of thing I did on a daily basis. Or ever. “I am going to lay out your other bedroll next to you, then we will slowly and carefully roll you to your side where I am going to take your current bedroll out from under you and lay it over top of your new one. Then we will roll you the rest of the way onto you back, and if the gods are merciful, you will be much more comfortable.”
He was awake, but I wasn’t sure how lucid he was. He managed a very slight nod and a soft grunt, so I took that as approval. I laid out the other bedroll next to him and with yet another deep breath, heaved him slowly and carefully over to his side where I stopped him. “Alright…” I could see his grimace and I knew holding himself that way was agonizing, so I moved as quickly as I could. I eased the bedroll out from under him and quickly laid it over the other as best I could line them up, returning to his side to help roll him the rest of the way over.
He let out a long groan as he relaxed, settling into the layered bedrolls with a pained whimper, but it was done. I breathed a long sigh of relief and nodded. “Good...just, good.” I reached up to rub my face with both palms, letting out a tired breath. Beads of sweat were forming on my brow from both the worry and the effort, but seeing Ben laying more comfortably was already putting my mind at ease.
I rummaged through the bag again, finding the painkiller concoction the healer had sworn by. It was a mixture of willow bark and feverfew and while I thought this might be too weak for the amount of pain I was sure he suffered with, it was better than nothing. “Here, drink this.” I said, setting the vial to his lips to pour a small amount of the liquid in.” He swallowed, wincing and tearing up as he coughed. His eyes squeezed shut from his pain and all I could do was sit there and take his hand. He took a couple of deeper breaths as he relaxed again, and I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Get some rest. I’ll be right here if you need anything.” His eyes opened just a crack as his head turned to regard me. He looked at me and grunted softly. I assumed that translated into, ‘Yes, Lady Carys.’
His eyes closed again and his breathing deepened and I knew he was asleep. I gently set his hand back at his side and found another blanket, draping it over him before stoking the fire. He needed to be kept warm, and that was something I could do.
The house was quiet now, Derryth having gone back to the staff house, and I curled up on the chair next to where Ben lay. I could go lay in my bed, but found myself rooted to this room, wanting only to keep my vigil over him. I still wasn’t completely convinced he would live through the day, but I hoped, I prayed, I crossed my fingers, and I did every superstitious and religious thing I could think of trying to bend the universe to my will so that he would survive.
The silence was deafening, as they say, and now I began to understand why. My thoughts and fears began to fill my mind until they were screaming at me. Something was changing in me, and it had been for awhile though I had reached the moment where I could no longer deny it. The memory of Ben’s nearly dead body on the floor brought fresh tears to my eyes and I felt raw. My fears prodded at me, reminding me how much I stood to lose if he died.
I knew that I was developing feelings for him. Feelings that I couldn’t permit because I was engaged to Brynmor. The only reason my father approved of a union between his daughter and a guard was because that guard was already a part of our family.
But a union with Ben? He had other priorities and those certainly didn’t include a wife or family. He wasn’t the marrying kind anyways, not that his role in his Master’s house would allow for it, and his explanation for the brothel came to mind. I doubted he was even the kind that could love anyone, and certainly not one that I could ever build a life with; he just...was wrong. In every possible way. And yet my affections were growing, and I couldn’t let that happen.
Tears slid down my cheeks, though I barely noticed, and finally in the silence of the afternoon, I gave in to the sleep I so desperately needed.
CHAPTER 50
The next morning brought improved color to Ben’s cheeks, the pale, grey tones of his skin finally shifting to a pale pink as the dangers of his condition began to wane. I hadn’t left his side the entire day before, and even remained in that chair for the night. Derryth came and went, preparing food and reminding me of the importance of keeping my own strength up, which I largely ignored because I was stubborn and ignoring good advice was usually what I did.
I woke with a start, my nam
e cutting through my sleep and finding me in my unpleasant dream, Ben’s head turned towards me as he hoarsely repeated my name. “Carys.”
I blinked several times as I came out of my sleepy fog and returned to my senses, “Ben…you’re awake.” I rubbed at my eyes as I shifted positions, letting out a groan as my body cried out in its stiffness.
He grunted and frowned, his voice low and throaty. “You slept there all night.” Was he scolding me? I arched a brow and slid off the chair, taking a seat on the floor next to him so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck to look at me. “You sound like you again, at least. That’s a good sign.” I said with a wry smile, gently pressing the back of my hand to his forehead, falling silent as I then pressed my fingers gently to his neck to find a pulse and count.
My eyes shifted to his as I pulled my hands away, satisfied. “You are starting to look a little better. How is the pain?” I reached for the bag with the medical supplies in search of the pain medication, though I paused when he answered.
“I have endured worse.” He rasped, and he pulled his eyes from me to stare up to the ceiling. He was still white, though the deathly pallor had faded at last.
I sighed a little, sighing inwardly at his stubbornness. I lifted the vial of pain medicine to his lips and ordered softly. “Drink. Humor me for at least today.” His eyes shifted to look at mine with a stubborn look, though he relented and opened his mouth a little to accept the painkiller.
He closed his eyes and I thought he might have fallen asleep again, though he whispered instead. “I’m sorry for leaving you in town.”
Derryth shuffled up behind me and smiled down to Ben, though she remained silent, only setting a bowl of oatmeal and a mug of coffee down on the nearby table before shuffling off. I offered her a grateful smile and took the bowl into my lap, looking back to Ben. “What happened?” I asked quietly. “Who did this to you?” It was difficult to keep my anger in check every time I thought about the attackers.
Ben’s eyes opened again and he stared up to the ceiling as he lay in silence, eventually struggling to explain in a voice barely above a whisper. “Those elves. They thought I was someone else...refused to listen when I tried to explain. I shouldn’t be surprised...this is how they treat those who oppose them, whether it’s true or not. They don’t care about truth...only killing.”
I had expected him to say bandits, but when he spoke of the elves, my jaw dropped a little. My mind reeled as I tried to put together what I knew as fact and what I had heard as rumor, all blended with my own experiences and impressions, and I could scarcely believe it. I looked over his injuries, my eyes slowly opening to this new truth he presented.
They had been so eager to hunt...to slay those Azkaelomin and any others they perceived as their enemies, and Ben was mistaken for one. “How are they so blind?” The question was out of my mouth before I knew it and I shook my head. “You are Velynesian...their ally.” His injuries had been great and dealt without mercy. The belief they were good and just was a lie, I realized. They were bloodthirsty and merciless...quick to judge and unreasonable.
He snorted softly to my statement as he watched me through half-lidded eyes. “Only those who blindly agree are their allies.” He growled with a wince.
“That is why you are no longer a Warden, isn’t it?” I asked softly, pieces of the puzzle starting to fall into place. “You didn’t like their tactics, and that was enough to make you their enemy.” His eyes held mine, his head nodding nearly imperceptibly a moment later.
Ben groaned as he shifted a little. “I saw them in Lund, and I worried they were going to use you. I drew their attention so they would follow me and not you. They did and I meant to lead them away, but they attacked me with no warning. We fought and I escaped...Tirzah brought me here.” He let out a weary breath and his eyes shut, exhausted from the mere effort of his explanation.
I sat in silence next to him, thinking over everything he had just said. Finally I finished the tale where he left off. “I was furious when I left Lund, believing you had left me to spend the afternoon in the brothel.” I told him truthfully, seeing a muscle in his cheek twitch at that. “I finally left, and when I got back here, saw Tirzah standing at the front step it felt wrong..the house was dark but I knew you must be here. I walked in and lit the lamp, seeing you….” my mouth went dry and a lump instantly formed in my throat with the memory and tears sprung to my eyes. How does one explain such terror and fear in a mere story? I swallowed hard and kept going. “You were lying there in a pool of blood. I could hear you breathing, but I knew you had only minutes at best.”
Ben’s brow furrowed a little, though he said nothing. I kept talking, though my eyes fell to my hands resting in my lap, still holding the vial. “I’m not a surgeon, Ben. I knew enough to keep you from dying, but the cut in your leg was deep. I’m sorry...I’m just not sure you will ever have full and proper use of it again.”
I couldn’t look at him, knowing I would see nothing but his crushed spirit and hatred towards the woman who stole his graceful stride and future with her ineptitude. I placed the vial back into the supply pack and reached for the bowl of oatmeal. “Are you hungry?” I asked, looking into the bowl as I stirred the bland cereal.
“Carys…” He whispered, finally drawing my eyes back to his. “I’m alive.” It was a simple statement, but within it was forgiveness and gratitude.
I huffed a soft laugh of disbelief and shook my head. “I don’t know how, but yes, you are alive.” I murmured, lifting a spoonful of oatmeal up. “Eat, so that you can stay that way.” He snorted, then winced, finally dutifully opening his mouth though he looked deeply perturbed about needing spoon-feeding. I could understand that feeling; I wouldn’t like it much either. “Tomorrow we can try sitting you up a little so you can feed yourself, alright?” I murmured softly, and he gave me a mildly grateful look.
He didn’t eat much, though I wasn’t surprised. He looked exhausted and grew pale again, the efforts of talking and eating wearing him out quickly. I gave him a flagon of water, setting it within reach as he closed his eyes again. “Go back to sleep, I will be right here if you need anything.” I said quietly.
He grunted softly, “Carys?” I looked back down to him with a curious look, wondering what he might need. Another pillow? Another blanket? Maybe the fire needed building up...He turned his head slightly towards me. “Drink your coffee and change your dress. You will feel better.” I blinked, then stared incredulously. His reminder to take care of myself while he was laying there in pain was strange, though when I looked down to my dress, I realized it was still the one I put on after changing out of my blood-soaked dress the night I found him on the floor. I hated to admit it, but perhaps he had a point.
“Get some sleep, Ben.” Was all I said, though I dutifully went to change, bringing my coffee with me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The next day marked even more improvement, his color improving and nearly back to his usual olive skin tone. His mood, on the other hand, had worsened. I checked his wounds and changed the bandages, happy to see the skin beginning to knit back together, though I warned him. “You are healing, but it will be a long road to being fully recovered. It will take time, so you need to be patient.”
He growled at me. “I don’t have time to be patient.” He shifted and grunted as he tried to roll to his side, trying to sit up. A sharp hiss and a string of colorful curses escaped him and he gave in, returning to his back. I watched, trying to keep from wincing at his pain.
“You need a bath.” I stated, trying to keep my cheeks from coloring. It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen men’s parts before in my brief time in the Healing Ward, but his were an entirely different story. But he still had blood crusted on skin, not to mention sweat and dirt from his fight. My concern that night had only been to clean and repair his wounds, but now that he was on the mend and better able to move….sort of...other things were beginning to take priority.
He gazed solemnly at me, obviously not amu
sed and his visage grew even darker with his mood. He cursed again and snapped. “I have to piss and I can’t get up!”
I blinked in surprise, the idea that he would have to go hadn’t even occurred to me. “Oh.” I said, my attempt to keep from blushing failing entirely as my face turned crimson. “I will, um...get you a chamberpot.” I headed off to find one, silently berating myself for not even considering that, returning to his side a minute later. “OK, let’s sit you up.” I held out my hands which he took with a firm hold and slowly I pulled him up to sitting, though the moment I saw him start blinking and wobbling, I moved around behind him to steady him. “Sometimes, the first time sitting up after an injury can make you nauseous.” I told him, only to have him snort.
“You think this is the first time I have been badly wounded, Carys?” He retorted and I quieted, reaching for the chamberpot and looking away out of my own sense of decency, choosing to watch the heating water over the fire. When the telltale tinkling had come to an end, he groaned in relief, muttering. “I thought I was going to explode.”
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