by ChaShiree M.
“Oh, no baby. The real question is….” Before I can finish the sentence, her son looks up at me, and I feel my life flash before my eyes in a series of flashbacks and mirror images. Looking at me is myself at his age, and I know without a doubt and no questions asked.
“Why the fuck did no one tell me I had a son?”
Chapter Two
Love
It’s a dream. Right? It has to be. ‘Love wake up. You need to wake up and stop dreaming about Trim coming for you. It’s been five years without a word. It’s not going to happen’.
This is what I say to myself as I stare at the man, who has been a permanent fixture in all my dreams and some of my nightmares. The recurring theme is that he is my savior. But in all reality, he was my savior once, and then he abandoned me. I know the BS his aunt fed me about him needing to focus where he was at, and I bought it for a while. By year three of raising his son, our son by myself, I gave up and realized the truth.
“Are you going to answer the question, Love?” Shaken out of my self-conversation by his misplaced indignation, I suck in a breath at his audacity. Something inside of me wants to lash out at him and make him feel an ounce of the humiliation and anger I have been feeling. Hence, the next thing to leave my mouth.
“TJ, go and get in the car sweetie. Mommy will be right there.” My ever-inquisitive son begins to walk towards the car, but his eyes don’t ever leave Trim, and I can totally understand why. My son is the spitting image of his father at the age of five.
“What the hell did you ask me?”
“I asked you, why the FUCK no one told me I had a son?”
“Are you freaking serious, right now? Is this a for real question or am I being Punk’d right now? Go ahead and enlighten me Trim. How was I supposed to tell you anything? I had no way of contacting you. It’s not like I had a return address from ‘all those letters’ I got from YOU. So, maybe you can go and talk to your aunt about why she didn’t tell you I had a son. Because let’s be honest, no one said he was yours. Now if you will excuse me, MY son and I have a standing date. Welcome home Trim. Glad to see your alive.”
With my head held high and the barely contained tears still at bay, I walk away from my heart yet again. Any reprieve I hoped to have, once I reached the car was lost. Before my hand can pull on the handle, Trim pins me against the door. With the object of my everything being so close to me, I can feel his heart beating with mine as if they have been synced with one another over and over again.
“Do you think you can run away from me, Love? Are you trying to convince yourself that you can walk away from the way we are embedded inside one another?” He growls in my ear. My stomach immediately begins to quiver, my knees start to weaken. The biggest betrayal of my body is that my nipples become hard and my throat dry. If I turn around and face him, he would know the effect he still has on me. If I turn my head a fraction of an inch, our mouths would connect, and I will be climbing him like a mountain.
“You don’t get to run from this baby. You feel that?” He asks me while grinding his hard cock into my ass. Even between his jeans and my Yoga pants, I can feel the need he has for me. The desire, ruminating between the two of us is so hot it could set this whole town on fire.
“That is all for you baby. My cock hasn’t gone down since the moment I got off the plane and knew I was coming to see you. Knowing you gave birth to my kid is making him behave like a rabid dog. So, make no mistake when you get back, we will talk. About EVERYTHING! You, my son, and I are going to be a family. And once we get that over with, this beast you feel in my pants is going to devour your little pussy, right after my mouth does. You can wrap your sexy little head around that now or later, but it doesn’t stop what will be. Now don’t be late for your ‘date’.”
With that proclamation, he pats my ass discreetly of course and walks away. As soon as I know he is far enough away not to hear, I slouch against the car door. It is imperative I try and get myself back in control, before letting out a whimper I have been fighting to hold in. Looking down at myself, I feel more than embarrassed because my panties are so wet. I am sure there is going to be a spot on the front of them if I look down. So much for sitting down for the next two hours.
“Mommy who was that man?” TJ asks as soon as I get in the car. Shit. I have made it my life's mission never to lie to him, and I am not about to start. Buuuut…...I can withhold a bit of the truth.
“Just an old friend from when I was younger.” There. That is the truth. I start the car and force myself not to look back and see if he is still standing there watching.
“Then why do I look so much like him. He’s the man from the pictures at aunt Lei’s house, right? She used to tell me how much like him I look and that I have his eyes. Why mom? Why did she say those things? Why do I look so much like him?”
Fucking Lei. She used to watch him for me in the beginning when I would work at the local diner, while I was going to school for an administrative assistant. She was a Godsend then. We had come to a somewhat unspoken agreement not to mention Trim. Apparently, I didn’t give enough thought to her proximity to TJ and the pictures of him around the house.
“I promise I will answer all your questions later, buddy. Right now, I want us to have fun with Quinn and Drake. OK?”
“Ok, mommy.” God, I love that little man so much. I swear if it hadn’t been for the space my baby occupied right under my heart those nine months, I would have killed myself.
When Trim left, I was at the lowest point in my life. My only remaining relative died, and though he was a despicable human being, he was the only thing standing between me and foster care. I endured his abuse day after day and night after night, the worst being after he finished drinking.
“Look at you, just like your whorish mother. Trapping my boy into a life, he could have had ten times better. Made him walk away from me. His only father. All because of the venom she had between her legs. You look just like her. At school, bewitching the boys into doing your bidding.”
He used to say things like that to me all the time, and I wouldn’t respond because it made him madder. He would work himself up into a frenzy and inevitably his hand would connect with my face, his fist with my back, and/or stomach. I would lay in a ball and pray over and over to die so it would end because I had no one else to run to once Trim stopped being there for me in high school.
Then, one day he noticed me again. He noticed how much I had changed and withdrawn into myself. When he finally forced it out of me, I cried into his arms for hours. That was the day though. The day our relationship went from being friends to something more intense, filled with passion and an intensity that I thought I would combust from.
It was during these days I began to believe he loved me. That he would take me away from here, as he whispered in my ear over and over as we made out in the back of his car. We could never go too far because in the state of Georgia the age of consent is 16. I was a couple of months shy of that age, and with him being 18 already, we had to wait. It didn’t stop either one of us from doing everything we could with our clothes still on. Even now, thinking about those nights, I can feel my nipples getting hard at the memory of him pinching them over and over. It would send fireworks straight through my innocent little white panties waiting for him to do something. Anything.
For months we plotted and planned for what would happen the year I turned 18. He was going to apply for family housing at his college in his junior year, which was my senior year in high school and then marry me right after graduation so I could come to be with him.
On my 16th birthday, he made me, his woman and it was the best night of my life. Never in a million years did I expect the pain to give way to such overwhelming passion. My whole body was lit with energy; I had never felt before. He stretched me so wide I thought I would split in half. In and out. He made love to me slowly at first and then pounded into me like a madman.
The idea of birth control never occurred to either of us. We merel
y wanted to be a part of one another. We wanted our very souls to be interconnected. When it was over, I felt so full. Full of love, hope, and not to mention, him. I remember thinking...this is what forever feels like.
My body is reacting to the memory as if it is happening now, so I have to reiterate the truth to myself.
Trimble MacIntosh killed my grandfather and ran away to leave me with the fallout like the coward he is.
Chapter Three
Trim
For the second time in my life, I feel as if I am spinning out of control. My muscles are ticking and demanding I do something about the rage flowing through them.
A son.
Son.
Father.
I am a father.
I have a son that no one thought to tell me about. Obviously by no one, I mean my aunt. How the fuck did she neglect to tell me something so vital to my life! She didn’t hesitate to tell me when she became Love’s foster mom. Knowing what I know now, she was pregnant the whole time she lived with her. And then my son lived with her for at least two years after that. When I would call her from wherever in hell I was stationed, she what, ran into another room, so that I wouldn’t hear the cries of my infant son in the room?
A feeling of betrayal like I have never felt before is surging through me. And it’s from the one person I never dreamed would do something like this to me. Surging back to the house, I don’t register the slam of the door as I plow right through. What does register is the calm, cool, and expectant demeanor Aunt Lei has. Almost, as if she knew it was coming. Fuck! Of course, she did. She had to have known it couldn’t be kept from me, which fucking makes it even worse that she did this.
“WHY? Why would YOU, my own flesh and blood keep my son from me. I trusted you to look after the one thing I held closest to me. How could you? My SON, Aunt Lei. You obviously nurtured and cared for him with her for two years. Two FUCKING years, while lying to me. WHY?”
She puts her glass of water down and sighs as if she is calling me a drama queen.
“You about done?” Is she fucking serious? I spread my legs apart and cross my arms letting her know my patience is wearing thin, even for her.
“What the hell did you want me to do? You didn’t write to her the whole time you were gone, Trim. When I told you it was a mistake, do you remember what you said to me?”
I nod my head in acknowledgment. Of course, I remember. I could never forget the nights my Aunt said she spent crying for me and the lack of communication. It killed me not to have any connection to her. But, if I would have allowed even an ounce of anything from home to enter my mind, other than the few minutes I took a month to call home, I would have been a dead man.
“Then by GOD, Trim. Would it have been easier knowing you had a baby here? Would it have helped you any, knowing the 16-year-old love of your life, whose virginity you just took, and grandfather you just killed is pregnant with your baby? Not to mention, while she was still in high school and living in a town that now calls her a whore under their breath? Would that have made it easier for you to do what you needed to do?”
Fuck! She’s right, and I know it. But. What. The. Fuck. I need somewhere for my anger to go. I missed five years of my son’s life. His first steps. First, laugh. First tooth. All of it. She did all of this without me, and even though I know, I had no choice it doesn’t make me feel any less of an ass then my old man.
“So. When she saw you, how did it go?” She asks in a tone that says she already had the answer.
“Well, you can imagine it went nothing as I planned. I was so stunned at seeing my son that I let my mouth get away from me and then she responded in kind. She muttered some bullshit about him not even being mine and walked away.”
“Wow. That good, huh?” She chuckles. “At least you know she still loves you.”
Is she bent? I know I have been gone for five years, but could I have gone senile in that time? How the hell does she figure that exchange equals love? She must have read my confusion because she expounds to her last statement.
“The thing you need to know about Love is that she doesn’t waste her time with words on people or things that mean nothing to her or her bottom line. After you left, being pregnant in this town after what happened with her grandfather was hard for her. They blamed her for what happened. She got labeled a tramp for getting pregnant her sophomore year, thereby ruining her life. She had to learn to hold her tongue or make it worse. So now, she doesn’t waste her words or time on irrelevance.”
My heart cries and begs for retribution for all she endured, while I was away. The protector in me wants vengeance on the town that didn’t protect her and instead made her into a victim. Half of this town is built by bigots, adulterers, and motherfuckers, who are lining the pockets of the big-time politicians here in small-town Karis Georgia. So, their hypocrisy is laughable.
“I’m sorry, Auntie. You’re right. It took me by surprise and never occurred to me, that I left her with something when I enlisted.”
“Well, now you know. Where were they going when you saw her?”
“She said something about a standing date with TJ. TJ. What is his name?”
“My sweet boy. She named him, Trimble Junior.” The audible gasp coming from me is loud enough for someone in the next room to hear. I am a strong soldier. Believe me on that. But there is something about knowing she named my son after me, even while thinking I didn’t love her turns something inside of me into a softy. A fierce softy, filled with the need to go and claim my family but a softy, nonetheless.
“Ah yes. Her Saturday ‘playdate’ with Quinn and his father, Austin.” Something about the way she says it, sets me on edge.
“Why you say it like that?”
“Well, because for Love it is simply a playdate. For Austin, it’s his way of trying to get an in with Love. He has been after her for a year now.”
“We will see about that. How long does this playdate usually last?”
“About two hours.”
“Excellent. Gives me just enough time to go by the shop. Introduce myself to the employees, and to pick up dinner for my new family.”
With a solid plan, I kiss my aunt on her cheeks and run out of the house. I came back here for one reason and one reason only. No, screw that. Everything I did, starting this business, leaving the Marines, and everything I did in those five years has been with her in mind. Now, to include my son. I will not be deterred by some fuck, that doesn’t know what’s good for him.
Driving to my shop, I feel extreme pride. Without even knowing it, I have set up a legacy for my son. 1st Battalion Customs is a prime custom car shop in 20 different states. It specializes in turning old cars into collectibles and making supreme race cars tricked out and supped up. When I decided to open my dream car shop while I was enlisted, I asked my aunt and my best friend for help. Together, the three of us achieved the unthinkable. I insisted that while I was away, my name was to remain anonymous. If I didn’t, and the good old sheriff would get wind and shut me down before I became a staple. Now, I am the proud owner of 30 shops across the US. The last I checked my portfolio a year ago, I was worth 275 million, between my shops and investments. I can support my family for the rest of their lives. I don’t want my son or his mom to want for anything.
Now, I need to get my woman. Love and our son are MINE. MINE.
Chapter Four
Trim
Phew.
Another playdate down. These are becoming more of a chore than a break. I know TJ loves it, and that is why we keep going. Quinn is his best friend after all, and little Drake is just adorable. But their dad.
Austin. Has become more and more insistent about us pursuing a relationship. It is getting tiring and annoying having to repeat myself all the time. Not to mention, afterwards I feel bad.
See, when I was pregnant with my son, he and his then-girlfriend, Holly were the only two people in the school who didn’t shun me and treat me like a pariah. It’s quite ironic too bec
ause as the Captain of the football team and the Head Cheerleader you would think they would be shallow, bullies, or something, but they were nothing like that. They treated me like a person and made it a point to include me in everything.
Shocking me, even more, was at the end of their senior year, learning that Holly was pregnant. I admit to being secretly happy about it because it meant I wouldn’t be the only unwed pregnant girl at Karis High School.
I still ended up being wrong, because he married her before they even graduated. So, once again I was the only unwed girl at Karis High. It came as a total shock to everyone when three years later the whole town found out she had been carrying on behind Austin’s back with Rick Everhart. Son of the sheriff. She promptly left her husband, three-year-old son, and newborn son to fly off into the sunset with Rick.
To say Austin was devastated is putting it mildly. Me and Trim’s Aunt spent plenty of time at his house cleaning, cooking, and making sure the boys were ok, while Austin got himself together. During this time, I too had a three old and was going to school for administrative assisting. Instead of moving away like I probably should have, I stayed. I wish I could say I waited, because when I turned 18 the house my parents bought was given to me. Turns out the trust they had set up, took care of the mortgage and paying the house in full leaving me someplace to raise my son. But the truth is, as hurt as I was about Trim’s abandonment, his aunt was there for me in a way no one was and as my sons only other flesh and blood relative it didn’t feel right taking him away. So, I stayed.
“Mom. I’m hungry.” The little voice connected to every blood vessel beating and pumping into my heart brings me out of my annoyed and melancholy trip down memory lane.
“I know baby. As soon as we get home, I will fix dinner. What should we have?”