She plowed on regardless. “The angels are reputed to go barefoot. You’re not an angel –”
“Nor likely to be.”
“– so I hope you’ve had the foresight to pack a strong pair of walking shoes.”
“I have.”
“There’s a path across the clifftop to the abbey ruins, which is one of my favorite picnic spots. If you’ve got a bit of mountain goat in you, it’s fun to scramble down the cliff face and walk all the way along the reef that circles the headland.” “You deplorably uninformed girl, I’ll have you know that my birth sign is Capricorn. That’s the sign of the goat.”
She was not in the least bit surprised. She should have known by his character that he was born under the sun sign ruled by Saturn. He was a typical Capricorn – dark, saturnine, fiercely ambitious, ruthless in his determination to achieve his goal. The type who never gives up.
“If you keep that expression on your face, I shall be reluctant to go anywhere near a clifftop with you. You look as if you’re plotting to push me over the edge.”
“You wouldn’t be the first to go that way, if legend is to be believed. So don’t test your luck; history just might repeat itself,” she said with an involuntary shiver.
It wouldn’t make any difference. The stalwart goat can’t be pushed down permanently. The other sun signs fall behind as the mountain goat climbs determinedly from crag to crag on his uniquely designed hoofs. The goat always wins.
During the remainder of the journey she told him a little more about her aunt. “She works in the library and sits on several local committees. Her appearance somehow doesn’t fit the role. You’ll see what I mean when you meet her. She’s a lovely person, in looks and disposition. I’m not too sure of her age.”
“Leave it at interesting,” he said gallantly.
“I can’t understand why she’s never married.”
“Perhaps she hasn’t met the right man yet,” he said in stern rebuke, introducing a thought to her mind that hadn’t entered it before – that it was early days yet. Aunt Leonora was, after all, only in her forties, and so it was wrong of her to write her off as spinster material for all time. “I always think confirmed bachelors – and that goes for bachelor girls, too – are that way by circumstance rather than inclination,” he continued.
“Do you?” she queried, not without surprise and with a dash of suspicion.
Was he saying that, given the right circumstances, if he met the right girl, he wouldn’t regard it as “woman’s indulgence at man’s expense”? Which was, in her estimation, how he had seemed to view marriage.
She might have received the notion with pleasure had she been anywhere else but in a car, with Aunt Leonora waiting at journey’s end. Something had just occurred to her which hadn’t struck her before. If it had, she would have sat by Noel’s side with much more agitation – but she could have done something about it. She could have asked him to stop at a phone box on the pretext of wanting to let her aunt know that she was bringing a guest, but really to warn her not to say anything about her marriage to Jamie. Too late to phone now – they were practically there. Oh, what a tangled web ... If she didn’t handle this carefully, her deception was going to catch up with her.
When they arrived a short time later, she left Noel to bring in the suitcases and raced on ahead into the cottage. Leonora jumped up from her chair and crossed the room to kiss her niece’s cheek in greeting. “Where’s the fire?” Self-disgust and dismay stamped itself on her face. “Figure of speech. I must stop saying that. How could I? To you, of all people. You caught me off guard by racing in as though you hadn’t a second to spare. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right, Aunt Leonora. I –”
“It should be all right. You ought to have got over that nonsense ages ago. I suppose it was reading about him in the newspaper that brought it all back.” The eyes, set above the high cheekbones Lorraine had also inherited from her mother’s side of the family, were full of frustrated concern. “You sounded calm enough when I spoke to you over the phone, but I wasn’t deceived. I knew you were bound to feel something.”
“I don’t feel anything about Jamie. That’s not what I –”
“Have I jumped to the wrong conclusion? I hope I have. I was positive that Jamie had something to do with your sudden decision to visit.”
“Only very indirectly.” She wished her aunt would keep silent long enough for her to explain. Noel couldn’t be far behind. “I’ve brought a friend with me and I want you to be sure not to –”
“Flap?” As she again anticipated wrongly, Leonora looked down her delicately turned nose and expressed haughtiness in her spread-eagled fingers.
“Aunt Leonora, please listen to me.”
“Of course I will, dear. When you’ve satisfied my curiosity on this point. Your friend, is it anyone I know ...” The words trailed off and her glance was now directed beyond Lorraine’s shoulder. The smile in her voice dimpled her cheeks. “You don’t have to answer that. I can see for myself it isn’t. I’m wondering why.” Speculation narrowed her eyes without touching the warmth of her greeting as she said to Noel, “I mean, why don’t I know about you?”
With a sinking heart, Lorraine set about remedying that omission. “Aunt Leonora, this is Noel Britton. Noel, my aunt, Leonora Craig.”
Leonora was charmed by Noel. From the first compliment he saw to that. “I see now where Lorraine gets her good looks.” He went on to comment on the prettiness and delightful location of the cottage, although cottage was something of a misnomer. Leonora’s spacious home was low and rambling, with rooms on several different levels.
On the tour of inspection both Lorraine and her aunt found themselves continually warning, “Mind your head!” Or, “Watch that step!”
“I’m afraid these ceilings weren’t built to accommodate someone of your height,” Leonora informed Noel as they sat in the blue and white parlor drinking tea and eating scones. “To keep you from starving until I can get a meal ready,” as Leonora said.
At first Lorraine was on edge, controlling her qualms with difficulty, but gradually her anxiety lessened and she wondered why she had thought it inevitable that her aunt would blurt out some reference to Jamie. Was it because she was used to everything always going wrong? Or was it because she felt guilty at withholding the truth from Noel? It was no use – she didn’t want to tell him, but she would have to. If only it could be later. Back home. She didn’t want to do anything to spoil her aunt’s pleasure at having them there, and she didn’t know what Noel’s reaction would be when she told him.
And Noel – what had got into him? He was a different man. Going out of his way to be pleasant, displaying a sunny side to his nature that she’d never seen before. She had never guessed he could be like this, and her heart twisted with pride.
In a whispered aside, which he must have heard despite his deadpan expression, her aunt said, “He’s a humdinger, Lorraine.” She was forced to agree, but not without a small repining sigh. Why hadn’t he shown himself in this praiseworthy light in Sir William’s company?
Noel was most insistent that he could not impose himself as a house guest at such short notice. He said he would be perfectly happy to book a room at the hotel. He had reckoned without Leonora. Most people – and, for all his astuteness, Noel was no exception – were deceived by her gentle expression and slender build. She looked as fragile as the first snowdrop. Perhaps, at that, it was an apt description, because a snowdrop can push its way through even a deep frost. With much the same indomitable determination, she melted Noel’s resistance and finally walked out on his noticeably weaker protests to go upstairs to make up the bed in the guest room.
“I see what you mean about her deceptive appearance. Given the choice, I’d rather take on Caesar’s invading legions than your aunt. She’s a very high-powered little lady.”
Lorraine had to smile. “If you’re saying that it makes life a whole lot easier to go along with her wishes, I agre
e. You’re not angry at being steamrollered into staying here, are you?”
“I’m secretly delighted. This beats hotel accommodation any day.” Looking relaxed and absurdly comfortable in the fireside wing chair, he announced languorously, “I’m glad I obeyed the impulse to come with you.”
She sent him a quizzical look. When it became obvious that she wasn’t going to draw anything from him in that oblique way, she tried a more direct approach. “You never actually spelled out why you wanted to come. What motivated the impulse?”
“I spelled it out very precisely. To be with you.”
“Flattering, but not the truth.”
“Since you know – you tell me.”
“I don’t know, not positively.” She gave him a glance from beneath her lashes, and it was fortunate for her peace of mind that she did not know how provocative she looked. “I know you had a bee in your bonnet about Sir William. I don’t think you believed that I was coming here to visit Aunt Leonora. You thought I was going off somewhere with him.”
His mood altered with a suddenness that was frightening. His jaw tightened, and the bite and derision returned to his tone. “And you think I was so keen to find out – it was so important for me to know – that I would move heaven and earth to alter my plans, rearrange my work schedule at a moment’s notice?”
“No,” she said, looking chastened as she saw the absurdity of her reasoning.
“There wasn’t any reorganizing to do, as a matter of fact,” he said bluntly. “I found some unexpected time on my hands with little idea of what to do with it.”
She didn’t say that she didn’t believe him, and the shaking of her head was barely perceptible as she lowered her chin and fixed her eyes on her hands, as though the answer should be there within her grasp. There had to be another explanation. The one Noel had given didn’t seem at all like him. Much too indecisive.
She looked up suddenly and found him regarding her with an expression she had detected once or twice before, not taunting or challenging, or even sensual, but – puzzled. As if he found his own actions every bit as mystifying as she did.
Nothing was resolved in her mind, yet an odd feeling of peace was creeping over her, which was a refreshing change from the usual effect his presence had on her. At the same time, she knew that could be changed by a flick of those dark, dominant eyebrows. A look was all that was needed to tauten her nerves and make her cringe from him in fear of giving away the state of her treacherous heart.
“I suppose I should go up and give Aunt Leonora a hand,” she said, but she spoke reluctantly and not as though seeking a means of escape. She had tried running away, and that hadn’t worked. For some reason, perhaps it was nothing more than feminine perversity, she didn’t want to drag herself away from him at this moment when they were alone. And yet, to be alone with him was to want his arms about her.
Which of them planted the idea in the other’s mind? Did he, by that strange power he had over her that allowed him to dominate her thoughts, put the fancy there? Or did he read it on her face and respond to it? No matter. He leaped out of his chair, and she was where she wanted to be.
If she was the instigator of this, how foolish it was of her. It was so good to be in his arms, to let her lips respond with fervor to the fierce possession of his mouth; but even as the flame of passion reached an all-time high, her heart dropped in swift dismay.
With her aunt upstairs and the possibility of her bursting in on them at any second prevalent on both their minds, she could enjoy this daring moment, safe in the knowledge that he could not take advantage of her willingness to yield to him. The danger, as the frightened swoop of her heart had been quick to recognize, was in the reckoning that would surely come. Now she could draw back, but later, when time and place were on his side, he would see to it that she didn’t back out of the promise she unwittingly kept making.
Suddenly his arms dropped away and she was free. His fingers somewhat awkwardly attempted to smooth her hair. Suspecting that he had heard something she hadn’t, she listened. Sure enough, her aunt’s footsteps sounded as she descended the stairs.
“That’s a remarkably heavy step for such a dainty female. Most obliging of her,” he observed, gaining speedy self-composure. Much to her chagrin, her pulse was still fluctuating wildly and her emotions were tied in knots.
As a further tactful touch, her aunt rattled the doorknob before entering. “You’re free to go upstairs now, Noel, if you wish. Your room’s all ready. I thought you might like to go up and unpack and perhaps freshen up before dinner.”
“Surely,” he replied, the easy charm he seemed to have reserved exclusively for her aunt back in place.
Before she could say, “I’ll unpack later,” seeing this as her chance to have a word with her aunt while Noel was out of the way, Leonora forestalled her. “You can give me a hand with the meal, Lorraine, and do your unpacking later.”
It was soon apparent to Lorraine that her aunt had not anticipated her need but had words of her own to air. Following her into the kitchen, and asking what she could do to help, she was surprised to hear Leonora say, “Everything’s done. We always have such a lot to talk about when you first arrive that I didn’t want to waste my time cooking, so I opted for an easy casserole, something that wouldn’t spoil if you were held up. It’s simmering away in the oven. I’ve got a melon to start with, which is sitting in the fridge, and that good old standby, cheese and biscuits, for dessert, so don’t have any worries on that score. Now, I want to know all about Noel. I’ll start you off by saying that now I’ve seen him I know you have another reason, apart from lack of avarice, for wanting nothing from Jamie except your freedom.”
“Aunt Leonora, the second most important thing you need to know about Noel is that he’s the head of the recording company that’s got Jamie under contract.”
“I get the impression that there’s something about the situation that is not as it should be. Perhaps you’d better tell me the most important thing I need to know about Noel.”
“He doesn’t know I’m married. He doesn’t even know that I know Jamie.”
“Isn’t that rather foolish of you? Honestly, Lorraine, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, except perhaps not recognizing the weakness of Jamie Gray’s character. You should tell Noel. If he’s serious about you, it’s his business to know. You could find yourself in a very complicated situation.”
“I already have, Aunt Leonora. I never meant it to happen like this. I knew I was out of my depth with Noel. Yet I needed someone like him, a cut above the ordinary, to give me back my confidence after the knock I received from Jamie.”
“Something I haven’t been able to give you, even though I’ve been telling you for over twelve months now that you look just as good as before.”
“Don’t be hurt. You are my dear, kind, caring aunt. You’re biased. A man took my confidence away; a man had to give it back to me. If that man happened to have a reputation where women are concerned, so much the better. Noel can have his pick. That makes me special. How terribly vain I sound, but I can’t help it.”
“Oh, my love,” despaired Leonora, looking at her niece through eyes that were suddenly brighter than normal. “After all you’ve been through – the way you looked – the pain you endured so bravely, my darling, during the mending, healing process, with hardly a moan or a protest passing your lips. You’ve earned the right to be vain. Sir William warned me that the worst scars weren’t physical, that the mental scars would take longer to erase. He’s been proved right, damn him, but at the time I didn’t think he knew what he was talking about. I do know that when I first saw you in the hospital, I came home and wept.”
“Jamie wept in front of me. He said I was –” She hid her face in her hands. “I can’t repeat it, but he said things I thought would live forever in my mind. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have seen me as a freak when I was hurt. If he really loved me, surely the accident woul
d have made him love me even more.”
“What you are saying is that Jamie never loved you. His feelings were shallow and never rose above a purely physical level. When you stopped being desirable in his eyes, he left you. You must know that you were well rid of him.”
“I do, yes. But he left me with a terrible bitterness inside. I got it into my head that no man would ever want me in that way again. When Noel made it obvious that he did, I was part way to being cured. I shall always be grateful to him for that.” She didn’t add, “whatever happens,” but the implication rested in the air.
It was this which her aunt replied to. “In this life, relationships don’t come with written guarantees. Sometimes you’ve got to take a chance.” Was there a pensive note in her tone, as if she’d missed hers? She seemed to give herself a mental shake, and then said with more briskness, “What’s the real problem, Lorraine?”
“I went in with my eyes open. From the beginning I knew that Noel wanted to seduce me. And, if I’m honest, that was part of the attraction for me. After Jamie, it was what my ego needed. I won’t blame Noel; you see, I think perhaps I brought it upon myself. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I played it that way. Subconsciously, I wanted it to be an obsession with him, so that when I’d driven him half crazy with longing I could revenge myself by doing what Jamie had done to me. Walk away. If that was my intention, it’s bounced back on me. I’ve done something very silly. Against all the rules, I’ve fallen in love with him.”
“Oh, that,” Leonora said on a careless laugh. “You don’t have to tell me that. I can see it on your face every time you look at him.”
“I hope you can’t. That would make me much too vulnerable, because he doesn’t love me. Nothing’s altered for him. What do I do now? I’m finding it impossible to walk away from him. And when I do, he follows me,” she said with a tiny grimace of a smile. “But if I don’t make the break ...” She shook her head to emphasize the point. “No one in her right senses wants to gratify that kind of obsession. I simply don’t know how much longer I can hold out against him. Oh, darling Aunt Leonora, I hope I haven’t shocked you.”
Fire Under Snow Page 9