“My aunt is very well,” she replied. “I’ve recently returned from visiting her.” Casting out a speculative line, wondering what reaction it would get, if any, she said, “It’s Aunt Leonora’s turn to visit me next time.”
Not only did he go for the bait, he knew he was going for it. He smiled, crinkling up his eyes at the corners, intensifying their blueness and looking boyishly vulnerable despite his abundance of silver hair. “And I thought I was being very subtle. Keeping it all to myself. Perhaps you should tell me what I’m going to say next.”
“Something along the lines of ... ‘when your aunt visits you, give me a ring and I’ll book a table for two at that Greek taverna I was telling you about’?”
“Your aunt might not be in favor.”
“Oh, but she will. You have my word for it. Remember, she’s mad about moussaka.”
“I hope you’re right, young lady, because it seems as though I’m going to find out.”
She beamed in delight, despite feeling like the sprat out to catch the mackerel.
“Come on,” Sir William said with pretend briskness. “All this talk of food is making me hungry. Let’s stop talking about it and find it – I’ve somewhere in mind that I think you will like.”
She did like it, approving the quiet efficiency of the staff and the general aura of the place.
Smiling across the table at her, Sir William told her how nice she looked.
She had been undecided about what to wear, and, after an initial hesitation, she had settled for a dress she had purchased only the day before. It was an ideal opportunity to get the male viewpoint before wearing it for Noel. It had about it an elusive quality – some hidden factor responsible for its appeal which she couldn’t define. Its coloring had none of the compelling blatancy of the sun, nor the beguiling brilliance of the sunset. It glowed with a more gentle radiance. She was charmingly unaware that she was that elusive quality; the eye-compelling factor that set off its delicate dawn sweetness was herself.
It was gratifying to know that her appearance found approval in Sir William’s eye, but it was no longer the morale booster she had so desperately needed before Noel came into her life. His interest had given back to her the confidence which Jamie had stolen.
“Not only do I like the new dress –” Sir William paused. “It is new, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“What color would you say it was?”
“Peach.”
“That’s very appropriate, because you look a peach in it.”
“Thank you, kind sir,” she said, smiling radiantly with none of the former doubt and diffidence she had shown when receiving a compliment.
That fact had not escaped Sir William’s shrewd eye. “As I was saying, not only do I like the new dress, but I also like the new you. Obviously a man’s influence. I hope he’s as good to you as he is for you. I suppose it’s that fellow you introduced me to when we last met.”
She had to laugh at his begrudging tone. He hated it to be Noel who was behind her newfound confidence. “I know you have every right to disapprove of Noel. He went out of his way to antagonize you, but it was only a mood. And, anyway, you wouldn’t know him now, he’s altered so much. He’s kind, considerate and so patient. You wouldn’t believe –” She laughed and shook her head in gentle emphasis. “I can hardly believe the difference in him myself. At the risk of sounding immodest, I think I am a good influence on him.”
Still looking skeptical, Sir William said, “And has this reformed character proposed marriage yet?”
“In a manner of speaking. But I’m hoping to get a proper proposal when he gets back.”
“Gets back?”
“From seeing Jamie.”
“Oh, so you’ve told him about Jamie. I’m so gla –”
“No, I haven’t,” she inserted quickly.
“But I thought you said – Forgive me, I’m slightly confused.”
“I believe I mentioned that they had a business connection. Noel’s company has got Jamie under contract. Jamie got a very good booking in Las Vegas, where he is now. It seems that he’s been acting the fool, attracting the wrong kind of publicity, and Noel’s gone to straighten him out. I would have told Noel about us – I was on the point of doing so – but then I thought that Jamie would have enough to explain as it was and it would be kinder to save my piece until later.” He looked at her as though he couldn’t believe his own ears. “Are you telling me, girl, that after all Jamie has done to you, you’re considering him? You’re a fool! You should have told your man everything and let him sort it all out in one go. Might have been a kindness, you know, for Jamie to have got it over in a lump rather than in dribs and drabs.”
“Yes.” She sighed. “That crossed my mind, too.”
“What did happen, Lorraine?”
“You mean ... three years ago? You know what happened.”
“No, I don’t. Leonora only told me as much as I needed to know. I’d like to hear your version. Unless you’d find it too painful to talk about?”
She shook her head crisply. “It doesn’t bother me now. I’m better inside as well as outside. It was ironic, really, but my life, the life I knew, ended when Jamie’s took off. I didn’t know him very well when he asked me to marry him.”
“That, my dear,” Sir William interrupted dryly, “was obvious.”
Her smile forgave him the dig. “I thought I was in love with him. I wasn’t, of course; I was in love with the idea of being in love. And perhaps I was lonely. My father had recently died and I was looking for someone to fill the gap. Aunt Leonora knew that Jamie wasn’t the answer. She tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen. We planned for a quiet wedding – Jamie had no near relatives, so just Aunt Leonora and a few close friends – and then we were going to Cornwall for our honeymoon. The wedding took place, but the honeymoon had to be cancelled. A big-name star fell ill and Jamie was asked to step in at a moment’s notice. This was it; the break every artist holds his breath for. So instead of Cornwall we booked into a hotel just around the corner from where he was appearing. I saw the show, but I didn’t hang around afterward. He was advised to keep our marriage secret for the time being, in case it spoiled his chances. This opportunity had been too long awaited for him to take any risks. I returned to our hotel, and Jamie was going to join me later. I was dropping on my feet – with one thing and another it had been quite a day – and so I went to bed.” She paused and gave a long shuddering sigh.
“You don’t have to go on,” Sir William said, his keen eyes scrutinizing her expression.
“Don’t pander to me. I’m all right. The smell of smoke must have woken me up. I have no way of knowing how long the bed had been smoldering. I think it may well have caught fire as I opened my eyes because I was staring petrified at an orange wall of flames. I got out of bed and somehow found the door and made my way into the corridor – and then I realized that the fire hadn’t started by itself. I guessed, and as it turned out my hunch was correct, that Jamie had come back. It seemed probable to assume that he had got into bed with a lighted cigarette, and that that was the cause of the fire. Then it struck me. What if he was still in there?”
“I know the bit that comes next. You fought your way back through the smoke, which was now even denser, and you attempted to beat out the flames and suffered severe burns, mainly to your hands – only to find that Jamie wasn’t there.”
“He’d had quite a few drinks after the show. After the tension he must have been going through, that was understandable, I suppose.”
“You are too understanding. A man who can’t take drink – shouldn’t. I’m sorry, Lorraine. It’s difficult enough for you as it is. You can certainly do without my interruptions.”
“According to the forensic report the fire was started by a lighted cigarette. Jamie admitted to lighting a cigarette, but he couldn’t remember much else, except wanting to go to the bathroom. The bathroom was along the corridor, and that’s where he was. I got burn
ed for nothing. That was the stupidity of it.”
“I knew you were on honeymoon, but I didn’t realize it was the first day of your honeymoon. And so you are – ? No – that’s a gullible assumption to make in this day, and, in any case, it’s none of my business and it’s a damned impertinence.”
“You are quite right; I am a virgin. And it’s not an impertinence from you. We hadn’t made love before, and we were too busy that day. Straight after the ceremony Jamie was plunged into a hurriedly arranged rehearsal for the night’s show. When he came back to the hotel –” She made an expressive gesture with her hands. “I’ve already explained about that. And so the marriage was never consummated. I once looked up the word consummated in a thesaurus. Among its meanings I read the words ‘to crown, to perfect.’ In view of Jamie’s horror when he came to see me in the hospital, it would have been a crown of thorns. I’m sorry. I’m being melodramatic and I promised myself I wouldn’t be.”
“And neither are you. I’m impressed that you have your emotions in such marvelous control. You don’t have to tell me what happened after that. I was there, remember, a very angry witness to that weakling’s despicable behavior. When he hid his face in his hands and blubbered – like the child he proved himself to be – that he couldn’t bear to look at you, I knew you were better off without him. My relief at his hasty departure was not untouched by worry. I was afraid of the psychological effect on someone of your sensitivity. I could repair the physical defects – use my skill to repeal the penalty you paid for his carelessness; I was not empowered to erase the deeper damage he inflicted upon you by his cowardice. The wrong person paid. You – the innocent party – suffered. He got off scot- free. I still think, as I thought then, that you should seek redress. It’s still possible. I will help you.” His eyes fixed on her with eagerness glinting in their bright depths. “It’s been on my conscience that I let that side, the financial aspect of the situation, drift. You and your aunt were alone. You needed some muscle behind you to protect your rights. I should have supplied it. In that respect I’ve always felt that I failed you.”
“That’s absurd. My reply would have been the same then as it is now. I want nothing from Jamie except my freedom.”
“That’s strange.”
“That I’ve decided I want my freedom?”
“No. That Jamie hasn’t asked for his before now. Assuming, of course, that he hasn’t approached you about a divorce. In view of what you’ve just told me, I should say annulment.”
“No. Jamie has made no attempt to get in touch with me, personally or through another party.”
“Why, do you suppose?”
“It struck me as being odd, too, but I’ve always thought that he couldn’t be bothered.”
“Very likely. Something unpleasant and Jamie can be relied upon to avoid it. And now, I’m not going to permit one more word on the subject of that distasteful young idiot. Let’s talk of something else and enjoy our meal.”
Sooner than she thought – in a matter of days, as he promised, and not the extended period she feared – she received the telephone call she had been waiting for.
“I’m home, darling.”
“Noel? Is it you?”
“It had better be, or you’ll have to answer for it. No one but me is allowed to call you darling.”
“It’s just that you – your voice – it sounds strange. Have you been drinking?”
“Try again.”
“Tired?”
“You got it. Come around to my apartment in about four hours, when I’ve caught up on some sleep. Call a taxi and have it charged to my account. Unless you’re going to make me do the courtship bit and come around and get you?”
“I wouldn’t be so cruel. Go to bed. I’ll join you later.”
“M’m. Like the sound of that,” he growled wickedly.
“In your apartment.”
“What else could I have thought you meant? Frankly, I’m so dead beat you could crawl into bed beside me and I’d still go to sleep.”
“You won’t mind if I take your word for it? I’d prefer not to put you to the test.”
He chuckled. “Wise girl. See you.”
She spent the waiting time constructively in taking a shower, washing her hair, selecting something to wear and rejecting it in favor of something else, finally settling for the first choice, the peach dress she had tried out on Sir William.
She ought to tell him about her evening out with Sir William; with her luck someone was bound to have seen them out together and would inform Noel if she didn’t. She laughed lightly at the thought of his ridiculous jealousy, thinking it showed a touching lack of vanity. The knowledge that other men would have difficulty in competing with his strong good looks was readily available. All he had to do was look in his own mirror. Alternatively, he could look into her eyes to know that, after him, all other men were nonstarters.
He was up and about when she arrived at his apartment – if only just. His eyes were less alert than usual, his hair was tousled from sleep. She suspected that but for contacting her he would have slept the clock round. He was wearing the blue silk robe she had found so unnerving, but perhaps he had remembered her previous shyness, for he was wearing trousers underneath.
He pulled her into his arms and rubbed his stubbly chin gently across her cheek. His body, lean but toned to peak perfection, carried weight when it came to male potency. Her joy in him found outlet in the singing of her flesh, the excited awareness of her heartbeat.
To maintain any kind of balance, her senses required constant vigil. His body, warm from sleep, his virility, went to her head. Her slipping senses lost that vital grip and she was no longer in control of the situation. It was controlling her – controlling them both, because the desire-glazed look in his eyes and the drumming beat of his heart’s blood told her that he was mindlessly drifting on the natural urges and impulses of his body.
Her longing for him made her dizzy; that he wanted her as fiercely was evident in the hungry possession of his lips on hers. She was coming up for breath for the third time when she heard him groan, “Hell, no.”
He might be stronger minded than she was, but he wasn’t finding it easy. He was obviously involved in a desperate struggle to regain command. He managed it, and her yielding body was pushed gently but firmly away. “You showed that you trusted me by coming here.”
“Of course.” Her eyes were huge. “If I didn’t trust you, there would be no point in going on.”
His face was dark with passion, and the grip he had on her upper arms corresponded with the tight grip he was having to assert on himself. “I won’t betray that trust. When I asked you to come around here, it was unspoken between us that nothing would happen. I won’t go back on that. I value your opinion of me too much.”
She looked down at her hands. They were trembling. Not because of what would have happened if he hadn’t called a halt, but because it hadn’t happened. Her own desires unappeased, she was finding it difficult to applaud his high principles.
“Trust is a two-way thing,” she said unsteadily.
“So?”
“There’s something I must tell you.”
“I’m listening.”
“While you were away, Sir William phoned me and invited me out for a meal. I could see no harm in it, and so I went. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to lose Sir William’s friendship because you have got the wrong impression of his interest in me. Also, if I don’t tell you, someone else probably will. That’s one confession out of the way.”
“Which implies you are about to make another.” His voice was stiff with objection. He was angry with her for going out with Sir William when she knew that he would disapprove.
But his disapproval was completely without foundation. If he would stop chasing ahead of himself, if he just waited and let events take their natural course, he would see that Sir William’s thoughts on that score lay in a different direction. The woman he was attracted to was
Leonora, not her niece.
The satisfaction of knowing that time would prove him wrong wasn’t going to help her at this precise moment. She’d made a mistake by not plunging straight into the main issue: her marriage to Jamie. She had thought that she could lead into it gently by referring first to Sir William, whose name was inseparably linked with that period of her life. She had been wrong. Noel’s dark, saturnine head, sitting on well-muscled shoulders, was held at a belligerent angle that did not augur well for the confession she was about to make. With a sinking heart she knew that he was not going to listen to her in sympathy.
“I suppose that lecherous silver-tongued Lothario wasn’t satisfied with fawning over you. And I’ll bet he didn’t stop at kissing your hand!” Dark eyes under contemptuous brows drilled piercingly into hers, the flash of steel-gray sarcasm disarming and forewarning. “Is that what this second confession is about? Did he get you into bed?”
“No!” Her color rose. “I’ve told you before. It’s not like that between us. He’s a fine man and a good friend.”
His expressive eyebrow shot up. “You did say he was a man? So if I’m not to question his masculinity, am I to presume that he wouldn’t try to get you into bed until he’d put a ring on your finger?”
She shook her head in despair. “You’re obsessed with the idea that there’s something going on between us, but there isn’t. But yes, as you are so insistent, if there were, then Sir William would get his priorities right. He hasn’t asked me to marry him because his interest lies elsewhere. And stop implying that I regard my body as an item of barter, something I’m only prepared to give in exchange for a wedding ring. It makes me sound cold and calculating and I’m not.”
“You are not cold. I can vouch for that.”
“Does that mean I can come down from that pure and untouched pedestal where you put me and where I’ve never belonged?”
A flicker of something touched his eye, then hardened into sarcasm. “What are you saying, my love? That you’re not pure and untouched?”
Fire Under Snow Page 12