by Mark Lukens
He was tired, he knew that, but he couldn’t seem to sleep very long without slipping into the nightmares. He wondered how long a person could go without sleep. How long before their health suffered, before their mind snapped?
His eyes began to close.
4.
Pitch black.
Ryan stood alone in the darkness and he saw that now-familiar reddish glow in the darkness and he saw the red-haired man emerge from the foggy light. And even though the thick gashes on each side of his face always made it seem like the man was smiling, Ryan knew that he wasn’t smiling, his mouth was as closed as it could be with the missing flesh around his mouth. His light eyes were cold and leveled right at Ryan.
“You need to see something,” the red-haired man said.
Ryan was about to resist, about to run, but he found himself …
… standing in front of a small wood house in the middle of the darkness, the house was very small – really just a shack. That same reddish glow that surrounded the red-haired man surrounded the small house. The wood siding was covered with green mildew and the roof sagged. The woods were crowded all around the house; heavy branches hung over the roof, some of the smaller branches hung down onto the roof and they scraped at the loose shingles every time a breeze blew. They made a scraping sound – much like the bedroom window, Ryan thought.
Ryan could feel the red-haired man right behind him in the darkness, slightly to his left but close enough that the man could’ve touched him if he wanted to. His body shivered at the thought of a touch from this man’s fingertips.
An instant later, Ryan was even closer to the house, right in front of one of the windows. He was close enough to see the cracked glass panes of the window, close enough to see the peeling paint on the siding, the wood rotting in many places. Some kind of insects burrowed through the wood. Spiders constructed webs in the corners of the window panes.
“Look inside,” the red-haired man whispered from right behind him.
“I don’t want to,” Ryan answered and he could hear a hitch in his voice, he could feel tears stinging his eyes. He could feel the weight of despair crushing him, of all hope gone. “I can’t go in there.”
“You don’t have a choice. You have to see it.”
Ryan turned to run, but the red-haired man grabbed Ryan’s arm, his slimy ruined fingers sunk into Ryan’s flesh. Ryan swore he could feel things slithering out of the man’s fingers, spreading out on his skin, they felt like tiny insects skittering across his flesh, some of them trying to burrow inside of him.
For a moment, Ryan couldn’t move as the tears fell from his eyes. He stared at the red-haired man. They were so close to each other, just like they had been in the dark utility room at the construction site. He could feel the freezing breath from the man’s ruined mouth on his face. He could smell the musty odor.
“What is this place?” Ryan begged. “Why do you keep taking me here?”
“This is your place,” the red-haired man answered. “You built it. You did legendary things here. And you will again.”
Ryan shook his head no. “No! Let me go! I don’t remember any of this!”
“You can’t fight what you are, Cutter.”
“NO!!”
Ryan ripped his arm away from the red-haired man’s grip (and he could’ve sworn pieces of the man’s flesh pulled away from the man’s fingers as he did this and these pieces were stuck to his skin). Ryan ran and he was suddenly …
… drowning in the dark swirling waters. He was closer to the surface now, only inches away. His hand had already broken through the surface of the water and reached up into the warm air. He could feel the light shining down on his eyeless face; he could feel its warmth on his skin even through the water.
He was just about to swim up and let his face break the surface …
5.
Ryan jumped awake in bed.
He looked over at the bedroom window and he could see the early morning light through the silhouette of tree branches beyond the glass. He glanced at the cheap alarm clock on the table beside his bed – it was six thirty in the morning. He had slept for almost five hours. The dream hadn’t seemed very long, but he’d been sleeping for a while.
He got out of bed and paced around the room.
The dreams were horrifying, but they were leading somewhere, he had to admit that. But he didn’t want to see where they were leading to.
He thought of last night, of walking in the park with Amber. She wanted to leave, she wanted to start over.
And he did, too.
What if he could take Amber with him and they could run away from this town? Maybe she was right, maybe this place was evil. Maybe it was best that he didn’t find the answers to his past.
Ryan grabbed his wallet and car keys from the dresser – he knew what he wanted to do now.
CHAPTER NINE
1.
Ryan snuck into Carol’s kitchen which was still murky this early in the morning. She wasn’t up and making breakfast for him. It was like she knew that he had lost his job and that he didn’t need breakfast or bagged lunches anymore. He knew he needed to hurry, he felt that she would be coming to the kitchen soon anyway. He rummaged through the kitchen drawers until he found what he was looking for – the biggest kitchen knife he could find.
He held the knife in his hand and turned it slightly, letting the early morning light that shined through the window wink off the metal blade. He stared at the knife for a long moment, almost like it was familiar to him, the look of it, the weight of it, the balance, and the sharp edge.
He took the knife and left the kitchen.
2.
Ryan wandered down the aisles of the supermarket. It was still early and he’d gotten there right when the store opened. There were a few patrons rushing in to grab a few things, but other than those people, Ryan was the only customer in the store. The only other people were the cashiers, an overweight store manager patrolling around, and a few teenage employees stocking the last of the shelves from the night before.
Ryan pushed his cart down the wide aisles. He let his eyes wander over the shelves of food and household supplies. He would stop every so often to throw an item into his cart – these were surprises for Amber.
The cashier rang up his purchases and she gave him a strange look from the assortment of items, but she didn’t say anything. Ryan was sure that the cashiers were taught never to remark negatively on anything a customer purchased.
He carried the bags to his car and put them in the back seat. He arranged them just the way he wanted, including the knife, for Amber’s surprise.
Then he drove around town for a few hours, even parking at the same park that he and Amber had walked around the night before. He watched the lake that they had walked around, in the daylight there were groups of ducks floating peacefully along the surface of the water. The sky was blue in a few areas, but a ceiling of gray clouds was moving in from the west.
3.
Ryan made himself wait until eleven o’clock before going to Amber’s house; he knew Amber didn’t work until tonight so he wanted to let her sleep in. But he didn’t want to wait too long; he wanted to catch her before she went somewhere. He pulled up in front of Amber’s house and parked his car on the street just as he had on their “first date.” She had told him not to come to her front door and she had told him not to come to her house without calling first, but he needed to see her. He wanted to surprise her.
He shut the car off and noticed a black pickup truck parked in the driveway.
He got out of his car and walked up the cracked walkway that split the small, weedy front yard. He stared at the beefed-up black pickup truck in the driveway as he approached the house. It was an older model truck, but it looked meticulously maintained, much better maintained than the house it was parked in front of. There were added goodies to the truck; a metal tool box in the back, chrome bumpers, dual exhaust pipes, and expensive rims.
The truck bothered Ryan. This truck h
adn’t been here when he’d picked Amber up last night. Whose truck was this? It looked like a man’s truck. Amber had told him that she wasn’t with anyone.
Up close, Ryan could see that the front door of Amber’s house was cracked in a few places, and the paint was peeling. Cobwebs decorated the corners of the doorframe.
He rang the doorbell.
No answer.
He knocked on the door.
He could hear someone stomping through the house on what sounded like wooden floors, he could even hear someone grumbling and maybe cussing through the thin and most likely under-insulated walls. The voice sounded male – the owner of the pickup truck.
The door flew open and a large man with thinning dark hair and stubble on his face loomed in the doorway. He stared at Ryan with dark eyes that seemed groggy, like he had just woken up.
“Help you with something?” the man asked.
Ryan cleared his throat. Seeing this man and his pickup truck had caught him off guard, but he still needed to see Amber. “I was wondering if Amber was here.”
Gary stared at Ryan. “Can I ask who the hell you are?”
“Ryan. My name’s Ryan.”
“Ryan who?”
Ryan hesitated.
“What’s wrong? You don’t know your fucking last name?”
Amber moved around in the background behind the man and then she rushed to the door. “What’s going on? Who is it, Gary?”
Amber squeezed in between Gary and the doorframe and her eyes widened in shock. “Ryan, what are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry, Amber. I should’ve called.”
Ryan turned to leave – obviously Amber was with somebody, that’s why she didn’t want him knocking on the door or coming to her house without calling her first.
As Ryan walked back down the cracked walkway to his car, Amber had to squeeze past Gary who wasn’t letting her past him. “Get the fuck out of the way,” she growled at him, and she managed to squirt out between his mass and the doorframe. She ran after Ryan.
“Ryan! Wait!”
Ryan stopped when he was almost to his car – it was a short walk. He stood face-to-face with Amber whose expression crumbled in concern.
“Ryan, what’s wrong?” she asked. “Why are you here?”
He shook his head in dismissal. “I thought … I was going to ask you if you wanted to go somewhere.”
Amber’s face lit up with surprise. “Yeah. Sure. Just give me a few seconds to get a jacket and some shoes on.”
Ryan looked down at Amber’s bare feet.
She bubbled with energy as she turned around and raced back to the house. This time Gary stepped aside to let her in the house, and then he was back again, filling the doorway with his bulk. He smiled at Ryan. “Why don’t you come inside and wait for her?”
“Thanks, but that’s okay. I’ll just wait in my car.”
Gary’s face fell into an instant scowl. “You too good to come inside my house?”
His house? This guy lived here with Amber?
Gary smiled again and took a step out onto the little concrete pad that served as their front porch. “Come on, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. Please come inside.” He was still smiling, but it seemed like the smile a shark or a tiger might have if they could smile.
Ryan found himself walking back up the walkway and into Gary’s house. Gary closed the door and gestured to a lumpy couch against a wall of the small living room. Gary plopped down in a worn-out recliner that must be “his” chair. He still smiled at Ryan as he stared at him.
Ryan glanced around at the small house. It seemed to be more of Gary’s house than Amber’s. The place was a mess; stains on the carpet, the walls needed paint, stacks of papers and beer cans overflowed the end tables. The only nice and modern thing in the whole room was the massive TV and entertainment system right across from the recliner. The TV was off right now.
Gary studied Ryan. “So, Ryan Nobody, how long you been dating Amber?”
“We just went out last night for the first time,” Ryan answered and he could feel an anger building up inside of him – it seemed like a strange emotion, a dangerous one, and a familiar one. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt almost frightened of this slow rage inside of him, frightened of what it could turn him into, frightened of what he could do to someone if he let the rage consume him and take over his mind and body. “We got some ice cream and walked around the park,” Ryan added.
“How sweet,” Gary said in mock sincerity. He leaned forward and grinned at Ryan. “Hey, did you get lucky?”
Ryan stared at Gary who hadn’t lost that shark-smile. “Excuse me?”
“Lucky. You know, did you get some ass? It shouldn’t be too difficult with Amber.”
Ryan stood up quickly. He could feel the boiling ball of anger churning in his chest, about to erupt. He could feel a noisy static of rage buzzing in his mind. He could feel his muscles flooding with blood and adrenaline. He could feel himself losing control and he was afraid he was only a few seconds away from snapping.
“This was a mistake,” Ryan said. “I should get going.”
Just then Amber rushed out from the hallway into the living room. She had changed her clothes and put on a pair of stylish boots with low heels for walking. She had a leather jacket with fringes draped over one forearm. She was still beaming. “I’m ready to go.”
Gary, still seated in his chair, stared at her. “You look like a slut.”
“Shut the fuck up, asshole,” Amber shot back at him and at the same time she grabbed Ryan’s arm – hard – and whispered in his ear. “Come on, let’s go.”
Gary jumped to his feet. “You don’t talk to me like that, you fucking whore!”
Amber practically dragged Ryan to the front door. They exited the house and walked quickly down the walkway towards Ryan’s car.
“You’re nothing!” Gary screamed from the doorway at Amber as she walked away. “You’re nothing but a lazy whore!”
“Just keep on walking to your car,” Amber said in a low voice, and Ryan could hear the tremor in her voice.
They got inside Ryan’s car.
Ryan had his keys in his hand, and he looked past Amber in the passenger seat and saw Gary standing in the doorway. Ryan looked back at Amber who stared straight ahead, her head held high, her body tense as she sat ramrod straight.
“Amber, what’s going on here? Are you married? Is that your boyfriend?”
“No,” Amber said and she looked out the passenger window and stuck her middle finger up at Gary.
Gary exploded out of the doorway and ran down the cracked walkway in his bare feet, his face red with rage.
Amber turned to Ryan with a look of terror on her face and tears in her eyes. “Drive! Just drive!”
Ryan started his car and shifted into drive. He stomped his foot down on the gas pedal and he heard the bark of his rear tires as he tore out into the street. He didn’t hear any thuds from Gary striking his car, but he did catch a glimpse of Gary standing on the sidewalk in his rearview mirror; Gary was just staring at his car as he drove away, his face red, his fleshy chest heaving from the short run.
They drove in silence for a few blocks. Ryan wanted some answers, but he wanted to let her calm down first. He saw that she was crying, wiping away at her tears and turning away so Ryan wouldn’t see her. “I’m sorry about all that,” she said.
“Who is he?” Ryan asked.
Amber looked out the windshield as she spoke. “He’s Gary, my brother. He’s crazy. Probably taken too many drugs over the years. When my mother died, she left him everything. Which wasn’t much, believe me. She always babied him. Of course she didn’t know about his drug habit and I never told on him. I didn’t want it to hurt her in her last days.”
“If he’s so crazy, then why do you live with him?”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go. I’m saving my money, and as soon as I get enough I’m out of here.” She paused for a second like she wa
s considering whether she should say the rest. “Of course, it’s kind of hard to save money when Gary demands so much of my money to pay for the mortgage and utilities. I can’t seem to get enough saved.”
“There’s no one else you can stay with? Friends? Other family?”
Amber gave Ryan a pleading smile. “Can we change the subject please?”
Ryan nodded, but didn’t say anything, he just continued driving.
They drove in silence for a few more blocks through the neighborhood.
“So, where did you want to go?” Amber asked. “Did you have something in mind?”
Ryan could already hear the change in her mood, like these fights with her brother happened often enough that she got over them quickly.
Ryan tried to hide a smile. He felt better just being with Amber and he knew he’d made the right decision by coming to her house to see her. Like the labor work at the constructions site, being with Amber was a distraction from his nightmares and the mysteries of his past.
“Look in the backseat,” he told her.
Amber, much more energetic now, nearly hopped on through between the passenger and driver’s seat to the back.
And she saw the picnic basket.
She grabbed the basket and got back into the passenger seat; she didn’t bother to refasten her seatbelt. She looked at Ryan with an excitement in her eyes that nearly choked Ryan up – it was like this was the biggest surprise she’d ever seen, like nobody in her life had ever shown her any kindness.
“You like picnics?” Ryan asked.
Amber shrugged. “Yeah. I’m sure I do. I’ve never been on one.” She couldn’t wait – she opened the basket and rifled through the contents. She pulled out a few of the small cheeses wrapped in plastic. “These must’ve cost a fortune.”
“The guy at the deli counter called them cheeses from around the world. There’s one from the Netherlands. One from Sweden. One from France. And … and some other ones. Some cold cuts. Crackers. A bottle of wine.”