A tall, cream and red lighthouse stood at the end of the comma-shaped pier, like a sparkling diamante. Eva was drawn toward its blinking light. She folded her arms tight across her chest, trying to protect herself from the rough wind and began walking. She passed a pretty bandstand with lovers kissing in the corner. A teenage busker leaned with one foot against a weathered bench and played impressive riffs on his guitar. And an elderly couple held hands as they walked their dog along the pier in front of her.
She stopped just before the lighthouse and stared out to the sea. The pier was free from railings and she didn’t dare venture too close. She hadn’t been near water in ten years, and if it wasn’t for her overwhelming desire to see Julian, she would never go near it again. She stared at the waves below, free from the entrapment of her own memories, for a moment - just a moment.
Eva didn’t flinch as she felt his hands slip around her waist and his warm lips press against her neck. She closed her eyes and savoured his smell. His body sheltered her from the wind as his tall frame towered behind her.
‘Breathtaking, isn’t it?’ he whispered.
She nodded. It was so beautiful; it was beyond any words she could imagine.
‘I grew up here,’ he said, his finger pointing toward a winding road in the distance. ‘Well, for a while anyway.’
Eva wondered how anyone could have such sadness in their voice when talking about such an amazing place. It must have been what people heard when she spoke about New Jersey.
‘You came,’ he said, actively changing the subject. ‘I knew you would.’
Eva smiled. He was so certain, and she admired his confident charm.
‘Shall we?’ he said, placing his arm around her waist and guiding her back to stand alongside him. He led her slowly back the way she had just come. They walked in silence as Eva looked all around. Dusk was giving way to the night and a red hue hung behind scattered clouds, like burned orchids splashed across the sky. Julian stopped, stood still, and waited for Eva to catch her breath. She met his gaze and smiled. Christ, he was beautiful, and she felt beautiful just for being next to him. He signalled with his eyes to look behind her. She double blinked as she took in the view of uneven concrete steps leading down to boats of all shapes and sizes. Some were old and worn. Some were new and shiny. And they all were wonderfully pretty.
Julian dropped onto the first step, with one knee bent and still on the pier. He held his open palm out to her and tilted his head toward a tiny dinghy bobbing beside him.
‘Are you ready?’
Eva’s eyes widened and she shook her head. ‘No. I can’t, Julian. I can’t swim.’
Julian laughed. ‘We’re not going to get wet. Well, maybe you are, but it won’t be from seawater. Come on, you’ll like this.’
Eva’s eyes drifted to the large ferry making its way toward the port. Her tummy began to somersault and her knees quivered. Oh shit, she was going to throw up. Not now, she begged her stomach, suddenly sorry for that last rushed mouthful of scotch. It’d been over ten years since the incident but standing on the shore brought all the memories back.
‘Julian, please. I…I…can’t.’
Eva pulled away, falling backwards onto the hard concrete behind her. She scampered to distance herself from the edge. Julian watched her, calmly edging forward just a fraction. He pulled himself to his full height and straightened his arm and his palm. ‘Just take my hand, Eva. I promise I’ll keep you safe.’
Eva’s teeth chattered as she explored his face. She could never read Julian, but at that moment, for the first time, she knew his intention. He truly did want to keep her safe. And she wanted to trust him. No one had ever made it their job to protect her before. No one. The truth in Julian’s eyes was offering her something she never had, but she desperately wanted. She wanted to conquer her fear. To not let the memories surface and control her. And she wanted more than anything for Julian to be the one keeping her safe.
She slowly edged forward and grasped his hand so tight, her fingers whitened. Julian stayed one step ahead of her as he led the way to the small, waiting dingy. It was old, and the once dark timber was faded and weather-beaten.
‘Good girl,’ he said, kissing her forehead when she stepped down beside him. ‘I have you. I promise.’
Eva looked up to find a stunning white yacht anchored in the deeper water. Her nervousness didn’t fade, but a buzz of excitement fought for some room in her tummy, too.
‘Don’t look so concerned, Evangeline. It’s safe.’
Eva wasn’t convinced, gripping Julian’s hand even tighter.
‘It’s just our ride. How else do you suggest we get out to that? Julian pointed to the magnificent white yacht floating in the distance.… ‘You said you can’t swim.’
Eva and Julian sat facing each other, their legs cramped and fighting for room. Eva’s bare calves brushed against the leg of Julian’s trousers. He wore the same glacier blue shirt he had on earlier in the shop, but his tie was absent now and his top button open. His sleeves rolled up just enough to reveal his firm, lower arms as he rowed powerfully. His broad shoulders made his swift back and forth action look effortless. Eva’s head told her to keep an eye on the shore and panic about not having a life jacket on, but her eyes wouldn’t move from staring at his body powering them forward.
The rickety dingy was dwarfed beyond compare as it floated alongside the enormous yacht.
‘Ladies first,’ Julian said.
‘Me?’
‘Well, unless there’s some other beautiful woman hiding on board.’ Julian began to look all around jokingly.
Eva’s hands grabbed each side of the small dingy as it swayed with the weight of Julian’s moving body. He stilled suddenly and a mischievous twinkle sparkled in his eyes. The water around them calmed and the dingy was almost motionless. Eva ran the flat of her palms up and down her calves a couple of times, closed her eyes, and counted to three. Now, she told herself. Now was the time to cop on to herself, shake off the boring drip she had become, and start living her life. Now.
‘Okay, I’ll go first,’ Eva said.
She managed to pull herself up the waiting ladder surprisingly easily. She was about to smile and applaud her own efforts when a large gust of wind swept by and drew her skirt into the air, revealing her silky black panties. Mortified, she began to blush but she couldn’t help smiling as she looked down at Julian’s appreciative expression. His grin left her with no doubt that he planned to see those panties again that evening.
‘Thank you, wind,’ he said, saluting the sky.
Julian jumped on board effortlessly. And Eva’s attempt suddenly seemed clumsy in comparison. She wasn’t surprised. Everything he did was sexy, why would climbing on to a boat be any different?
‘Welcome aboard, Ms. Andrews.’
‘Thank you.’
Julian stepped close to Eva, his broad chest stopping just inches in front of her, the heat of his body competing with the night air to soothe her skin. He slipped one arm around her waist. The other reached gently behind her head and his fingers spread through her wind-swept hair. He pulled her closer still and kissed her. His open mouth tasted like expensive champagne, and she almost gasped as the rough side of his tongue swept under the softness of hers. The hunger of his kiss eased, and he closed his mouth, but his lips remained pressed against hers for a moment longer. She didn’t dare move. He lowered his head and slowly moved his lips down her neck to continue his fragile touch. His fingers meandered through her hair, massaging her aching scalp. He chased her collarbone with the tip of his tongue and his hand dropped from her waist, lower, under her skirt and grabbed her ass tightly.
A dry cough sounded behind them and a man’s voice followed. ‘Is it okay to set sail now, Sir?’
Eva stood rigid; shocked that they weren’t alone and overly aware that Julian’s grip on her bottom didn’t ease. She knew he did not intend to let go. She was so grateful that her skirt covered his hands.
‘Yes. Do,
please,’ Julian said. ‘There won’t be any more delays.’
Eva shrieked quickly as Julian slapped her cheek, but the warmth of his lips on hers once more silenced her attempt to protest.
The yacht jerked and white foam sprayed from the back. They were moving, heading toward the horizon, and Eva’s heart raced frantically. Although she hadn’t forgotten they were on a boat, and boats sail - obviously, it just stupidly hadn’t come into her head that boarding Julian’s yacht meant they would head out to sea. She couldn’t do this, she didn’t want to. She’d have to explain. She’d have to confess.
‘This way,’ Julian said, his sexy smile sending a shiver down Eva’s spine. He took her hand and slowly led the way down mahogany steps to the lower deck. Eva didn’t protest. She was afraid if she uttered a single word, he might let go.
24
Julian positioned himself behind the glossy, ebony bar and waited for Eva’s eyes to finish exploring the room before he spoke. Her innocent excitement was beautiful. A summer evening exploring the marina was the norm for him, but he could appreciate for Eva, it was something very new.
‘Drink?’ he asked after she sat on the edge of the cream couch in the opposite corner. She simply nodded. He ignored the nervous twitch in her knees and busied himself behind the bar.
Julian placed a porcelain cup and saucer in front of her. Her eyebrows pinched as she looked at the liquid inside.
‘Were you expecting something different?’ he said, amused.
Eva kept her head down, but her eyes looked up to meet his.
‘It’s coffee, Evangeline. You look like you need it.’
Eva raised the cup and held it close to her face. She took a deep breath, inhaling plenty of the steam. The corners of her rosy lips curved and her face brightened.
Her smile pleased him. He knew how much she liked good coffee, so he considered having the finest Arabica beans flown over just for her less of a luxury and more just good hospitality.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered before closing her eyes and taking a delicate sip.
Julian sat beside her and placed his untouched coffee on the table. ‘Now. Are you going to tell me what this stupid shit about not seeing me anymore is?’
Eva kept the cup against her lips and stared at him over the rim.
He waited out her stare and they sat in silence for a moment before he grew impatient. ‘Evangeline?’
‘I’m sorry,’ she finally said, placing her cup down next to his. ‘This is stupid.’
‘What is?’
‘This. All this. Me, here on your fancy boat, trying to pretend I’m not scared shitless of the sea. And you.’ Eva paused and closed her eyes. 'You trying to pretend you like me when you just want to be paid. It’s stupid. I’m stupid.’
Julian stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers and turned her face to look at his.
‘You’re a lot of things, Ms. Andrews. Stupid is not one of them.’
‘I shouldn’t be here.’ Eva looked around skittishly.
‘Why in the hell not?’
‘It’s not fair to him.’
‘Fair to who?’
‘Nathan.’
Julian snorted loudly. ‘Nathan?’ He blurted his name like it was dirt that needed scraping off his shoe. ‘What does he have to do with anything?’
‘He’s a good guy, Julian. He doesn’t deserve these kinds of games.’
‘I wasn’t aware he was playing,’ Julian demurred.
‘No, I don’t mean it like that. I just mean…well, I like him. He’s my friend, and I don’t want him to get hurt.’
‘And what? This friend has to approve your whereabouts at all times?’
Eva shook her head. ‘That’s not what I’m saying.’
Julian knew what she meant. But this Nathan guy was becoming a thorn in his side; he wanted her to elaborate on their friendship.
‘I just don’t like messing people about. I don’t want him to know I’m here tonight, but I don’t want to lie to him, either. I hate liars.’
The lines beside Julian’s eyes pinched sharply. For someone who didn’t like lying, she lied to herself all the time. But Julian wouldn’t bring that up. Not now. Not when she was already so upset.
‘Friends?’ The word stuck in Julian’s throat like a prickly thorn. ‘Just friends?’
Eva nodded, but Julian wasn’t entirely convinced. Even if Eva’s intentions were platonic, Julian was overly aware that this Nathan guy’s were most likely not. That was really proving rather irritating.
‘Julian. I’m serious. We need to go back. Please, turn back.’
Eva stood up and Julian noticed the innocent sparkle missing from her eyes. His back molars crunched as he clenched his jaw. He hated to see her like this. He slid to the corner of the couch and edged as close to her as he could without revealing his growing frustration.
‘Evangeline, what’s going on with this guy? Why do you care so much?’
‘I told you. He’s my friend.’
‘If he’s really your friend then wouldn’t he just be happy for you?’
‘Happy for me to do what?’
‘Whatever the fuck you want, Evangeline. You make your own decisions. Don’t let anyone boss you around.’
‘I let you boss me around.’ Eva’s voice raised a shaky octave.
Julian’s pulse bubbled in his wrist as his fingers dug into the palm of his hands. His knuckles whitened with the tension in this clenched first. He punched a lonely cushion on the couch sending feathers dancing into the air. He instantly pulled himself together, furious that he’d let his emotions control his actions, even if just for the briefest of moments. He never lost it - never. Fuck, how could she bring out this kind of weakness in him? This was not part of the plan.
Eva scampered back until the base of her spine connected with the edge of a barstool with a rough smack. Julian was beside her in an instant. He pulled the stool away and reached to help her. She backed away, keeping an object distance between. She ducked behind the next stool and clambered behind the bar. He didn’t follow. Her unspoken words begged him to keep a distance. There was a new look in her eyes. One he hadn’t seen before. One he didn’t want to see again. She was still beautiful, but a horrible fear dominated her whole appearance. Her body was a shell, and the girl he’d come to admire was hiding so deep inside that he couldn’t find her.
Julian waited a painfully long time before edging forward. Eva’s heart was pounding so fast, he could hear it though her clothes as he rounded the bar to stand in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders cementing her to the spot.
‘Evangeline, if that’s what you really think, if you think I’m some sort of controlling monster because I’ve brought you here, then this is all fucked up and clearly, I’m wasting my time. We need to stop playing.’
Eva’s forlorn eyes met his. She looked so lost.
‘That wasn’t what I meant. It was just a stupid thing to say. Can we just forget it?’
Julian admired her attempt to disguise her desolate emotion with a level, even tone.
He watched her chew subconsciously on her bottom lip while waiting for his answer.
‘No, we can’t forget it. You worry about upsetting your friends and change your plans to suit them, but I burst a pillow and you react like I am about ready to kill you. What the fuck, Evangeline?’
‘I know, I’m sorry. It’s just…’
Julian nodded encouraging her to continue.
‘It’s just…it’s nothing, never mind.’
Julian threw his hands in the air and turned his back sharply. ‘Fuck this shit.’
He walked toward the steps.
‘Where are you going?’
‘Game over.’
‘Please, Julian.’ Eva’s voice was a dry hum.
‘I’m telling the Captain to turn around. It’s what you want.’
Eva shook her head. ‘I don’t know what I want.’
‘I know what I want,’ Julian said
, turning around. ‘I want you. But I’m not going to compete with a bunch of inner bullshit that you let some asshole fill you with.’
There were no tears, but Julian knew just looking at her that she was crying on the inside. Christ, he would crush this Nathan twat if he got his hands on him.
‘Why do you let people tie you up in chains of guilt? Why can’t you just let go, just be free. You’re so beautiful when allow yourself to be uninhibited.’ Julian’s voice remained steady, calm; totally contradictory to the burning lava of temper flooding his veins.
‘I can’t,’ Eva mouthed, the words barely escaping.
A vein in Julian’s neck bulged and he counted back from ten.
‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Eva said suddenly.
She was fidgeting nervously as Julian walked back toward her, suspecting there was more to this than the worry of ruffling her friend’s feathers. Doubling back was a first for him but, then, Eva was a first; he’d never met anyone like her before. He placed his hand over her shaking fingers and cupped her cheek with his other hand. She relaxed her face against his palm and snuggled against his touch.
‘Tell me what the fuck is going on.’ Julian was conscious of his tone. He kept his words short, and his voice shallow. He paced his breathing and pushed his temper down into the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t lose it now, not in front of Eva. Protecting her didn’t involve scaring the shit out of her, he warned himself. And he hoped-to-fuck his hot-headedness obeyed his command, for a change. Julian sat, loosened the collar of his shirt around his neck, and waited for Eva to follow.
‘They’ll find out about us,’ Eva said, looking everywhere but into Julian’s eyes. ‘It’s only a matter of time.’
‘Us?’ Julian’s eyebrow twitched.
‘Yes, us; you and me. They’ll figure out what you are. It’ll be obvious at the ball. Someone like you would never see anything in someone like me. I could lose my job, Julian. Don’t you see how serious this is?’
Julian threw his head back and his lips pressed into a slender line as he stared at the ceiling.
‘All I see is you overthinking this. Fuck everyone. It’s none of their goddamn business.’
Playing Irish Page 17