I gave him a dirty look.
“Yes, that’s an … interesting T-shirt, honey. Where did that come from?”
I pulled the shirt off over my head. “Nowhere. It’s just a joke,” I said, hoping she’d let it go. “I’ll be down in a sec, okay? I just want to drop my things off in my room.”
“All right honey. But hurry down … dinner’s getting cold.”
Grateful for a five-minute reprieve, I headed up to my room. I threw my things on the floor and sat down to quickly check my e-mail. A second later I got pinged. It was an IM from Emmett.
How’d it go?
Hey Emm.
Did you tell him?
Not yet.
Why not?
The universe told me not to. Long story.
When are you going to tell him?
IDK … This week.
You have to do it J.
I will. Promise. This week. Gotta run
for dinner.
Okay. Talk to you tonight.
Thursday and Friday crawled by. Before my fight with Molly, I hadn’t realized how much of my mental space was usually taken up with her drama and antics. As a result, I now found myself with way too much time on my hands to stress over the whole Julian situation. Julian and I had pretty much been in constant contact since Wednesday, though we couldn’t see each other for the rest of the week since he had stuff going on after school and I wasn’t allowed to go out after dinner on school nights. I probably could have pushed the ’rents a little on that one, but it just didn’t seem like it was worth getting into it. Too many questions I didn’t have the energy to answer.
Instead I was half looking forward to, half dreading Saturday night. Julian and I were going on the quintessential American date: dinner and a movie. At some point in there I had to find the perfect moment to come clean with him. That is, of course, unless the universe gave me more signs I couldn’t ignore.
Friday night I was once again going over the scene in my mind—imagining the exact words I would say and how Julian would respond—while lying on my futon listening to music. In my most optimistic version, Julian would profess his love for me and say it didn’t matter what country I was from, that we would take on the world together. Worst-case scenario? He’d tell me to take my goulash and shove it, never to speak to me again. I chose to focus on version one.
My visualization was interrupted by my cell. I looked at my clock: 10:00 p.m. Right on time. I grabbed the phone for my nightly rant.
“Yo, wassup!?” I said in a loud, obnoxious voice.
“Hello? Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong—”
Oops. It was Julian. Why was he calling me at ten o’clock on the dot? Should I hang up so maybe he’d think he dialed the wrong number? No … too risky.
“Julian? Oh, hallo!”
“Janna? Oh, it is you.”
“Ah, yes! Soddy. My host brudder try to teach me slang!” I said with a chuckle. I surprised myself with how easily that little lie slipped out. And not in a good way.
Julian laughed. “I’d say you have it down. You sounded completely American just then.”
I laughed nervously. “Yes, Henry practice vis me all night.”
Julian seemed to buy my response. “I just wanted to check in about tomorrow. You’re going to be at the Regatta, right?”
My eyes widened in fear. “Yes, I vill be zere. But you help friend move tomorrow, right?” Since every school in the city was participating in the Green Lake event, I had already confirmed Julian’s plans for tomorrow to make sure I could still show up without having my worlds collide.
“Yeah, my cousin. What time are you finished? I was thinking I’d pick you up at your house around six.”
“Zat is perfect. Zat gives me time to shower and get ready.”
“Cool. Sounds like a plan. So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow. Good night!”
I hung up the phone and let out a yell of frustration. These close calls were taking their toll. If the truth didn’t come out soon, I was risking certain breakdown.
I jumped when the phone rang. Again. This time it was Emmett, who apologized for being late for our nightly rant. Again. I was in a pissy mood. Yes, I know I should have looked at the caller ID before answering the phone, but Emmett should have been on time. The way I saw it, my close call was pretty much all Emmett’s fault.
“Don’t blame this mess on me. I’ve been trying to help you get out of it. You’re the one who keeps avoiding reality. Seriously, Janna, this is getting ridiculous,” Emmett said.
“Stop judging me! I’m doing the best I can! I obviously need help!” I said desperately. I did need help. How was I going to go through with it?
“It seems to me like this whole idea of finding the right time to tell him isn’t working for you, right?”
“I guess not.”
“Then don’t sit around and wait for the right time. Call him up and see if he can meet you tomorrow morning for a coffee or a walk around the lake before the Regatta. Then, as soon as you see him, just tell him. Don’t wait for the universe to give you a sign, don’t wait until the perfect moment. Just tell him. ‘I am not from Hungary.’ They should be the first words out of your mouth. And don’t tell him while you’re speaking in accent, either. That would just be weird for everyone.”
“But the moment I start talking without the accent, he’s going to know.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s not going to work anyway. Julian has something he has to do all day tomorrow.”
“Well, maybe you can see him beforehand. I’m sure if you called him up and whispered sweet goulashes into his ear and asked him to meet you, he would.”
Once again, Emmett was right. The time was now. I just had to bite the bullet.
“Okay. I’ll do it.” Wow. I actually said that with something that sounded like conviction.
“Great. I’ll wait here while you get the ball rolling.”
“What do you mean?”
“Call him on your land line and set up the meeting. I’ll wait. It’s called being held accountable. You’ll thank me later.”
Damn. Emmett wasn’t messing around. But maybe being held accountable was exactly what I needed. “All right. Be back in a sec.”
I set down my cell and opened the bedroom door, sneaking over into my parent’s room to use their cordless phone. I quickly dialed Julian’s number before I lost my nerve.
“Hello?”
“Hallo, Julian? Eet ees Janna.”
“Hey, what’s up? Everything still okay for tomorrow night?”
“Yes. But I have favor. Can you meet in za morning? Before you meet your cousin? I have somesing to talk vis you about.”
“Yeah, okay, I guess so. I should be able to see you before I have to leave, but we’d have to meet by nine. Does that work?”
“Nine ees perfect. How about Starbucks, north of za lake?”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.” Julian hesitated. “Is everything okay, Janna?”
“Yes,” I lied. “I just vant to talk.”
“All right. I guess I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
“Sank you. Good night Julian,” I said.
“G’night.”
I sat down on my parent’s bed and hung up the phone. What had I just done? Was I going to regret making the call? Was there any way out of it? Why was Emmett pushing me so hard to set up the meeting? Would Emmett … oh shoot, Emmett. He was still on the phone in my bedroom. I ran back to my room and closed the door, scooping up my cell as I fell onto the bed.
“Hello?” I said.
“Yeah, I’m still here. So, did you do it?”
“I did it. We’re meeting at nine.”
“Perfect.”
I sighed. “If you say so.”
“It’ll be okay Janna. By the time I see you tomorrow afternoon, this will all be over. Think of how relieved you’ll be.”
Yeah, relieved and single. “I know. You’re
right.”
“I know I’m right. Hey, do you wanna head over to the park together tomorrow?”
“Sure. Is Molly still going?”
“I think so. Don’t worry. I think she’s starting to cool off. Maybe you guys can work things out tomorrow.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” I said. Yes, I missed her, but I was still feeling wronged and wasn’t ready to make up just yet.
“Well, let’s just see how things go tomorrow. We have to be there by one, by the way, so just call me when you’re ready to leave. Then you can tell me how everything went with Julian.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Wish me luck.”
“May the force be with you.”
I looked at my clock: 10:11 p.m. In twelve hours Janna Ika Ilka would no longer be. In her place would be just plain old Janna. In twelve hours Julian and Janna might no longer be. The thought of losing Julian made me shudder. My life was a nuclear weapon that had just been armed by some clueless government official with the secret code. Operation Get Real was in motion, and there was no turning back.
Though I didn’t have a fever, last night I did that whole half-sleep, half-hallucination thing where I tossed and turned and obsessed all night long. Since I was one hundred percent committed to telling Julian the whole story in the morning, I kept imagining what was about to unfold over and over and over again. Emmett was right … this was only going to get harder the longer I waited.
I awoke to the horrid beeping of my alarm at eight thirty, completely out of it, probably because I’d only gotten to sleep two hours earlier. The feeling of dread in my stomach didn’t help matters much. Though I’d showered the night before, I decided that standing under a cascade of hot water for fifteen minutes might help shake the sleep and anxiety from my body. The anxiety clearly wasn’t going anywhere, but at least I emerged from the shower slightly more awake. I walked into my bedroom just in time to hear my phone buzz that I had a message.
“Hey, Janna, it’s Julian. Sorry to call last minute, but it looks like I can’t meet this morning after all. My dad and I have to go to my cousin’s place earlier than I thought. Hopefully we can talk about whatever you wanted to talk about at dinner before the movie? Sorry, but I’ll see you tonight.”
Even though I knew my fate was sealed, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved at the last minute change of plans. I deleted the message and bent over, wrapping a towel around my wet hair, twisting it, and sticking the end under the back of the towel. I stood up, pulled my pajamas back on, and slid into my still-warm bed, mostly because it seemed like the best option at the time. Well, some things are beyond my control, I thought. If that’s not a sign from the universe, I don’t know what is. And then I closed my eyes and sank into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When I opened my eyes again, it was nearly twelve o’clock. And the only reason I knew that was because my brother started pounding on my bedroom door belting out the “Good Morning” song from Singin’ in the Rain, a song my mom used to wake us up with when we were younger. Only, this morning Henry had replaced the original lyrics with his own. They sounded something like this: “Good morning, good morn-ning, you’ve slept in until noon, good morning, good morning, you goon.” Cue laughter, exit stage left.
“Henry, leave your sister alone!” I heard my mom call from downstairs.
Noon? I slept until noon? I rolled over and looked at the clock, wiping the drool from the side of my mouth as I swung my feet around and sat up. I figured I’d better check in with Emmett about going over to the park together.
I turned on my cell and saw that Emmett had already texted me.
J. Ended up going to Regatta early to help out. See you soon.
Just as well. Despite my solid second sleep of the day, my head was still filled with cobwebs. Easing into the day seemed like a good plan to me.
May weather in Seattle had a habit of being extremely unpredictable, and more often than not, Regatta Saturday ended up being cool and rainy. But as I stepped outside the house to walk the mile and a half to the lake, I was psyched to look up at the sky and see not even a single cloud in sight. And though the air was slightly cool and breezy, the sun nicely warmed up my skin. It was a perfect spring day. A good omen, perhaps, for what was to come.
I left my iPod at home on purpose, enjoying the brisk walk to the park without the distraction of music. I didn’t know if it was the weather or the walk or what, but somehow the sick feeling I’d had in my stomach in the morning had been replaced with a strange sense of calm. Somewhere between my phone call with Emmett last night and this moment, I must have surrendered to the inevitability of what was going to happen today. Even better, I had this weird feeling that everything was going to work out.
I had about three blocks to go when I felt my cell phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my backpack, continuing to walk while I switched it on.
Does Julian know the truth?
It was Molly. She hadn’t contacted me directly since our fight a week ago. Why was she asking me this question? What was she up to? I debated whether or not to respond. The idea of getting into everything again with her over text didn’t really jibe with the peaceful attitude I’d just embraced. But what if it was really important? Or what if it was another threat to tell Julian everything? What if by not answering her, I was going to push her to the brink of betrayal? Or worse, what if she’d already done the unthinkable?
I texted back:
Why are you asking?
It took a minute for her to respond.
Just tell me. It’s important.
I unconsciously picked up my pace, feverishly texting as I continued to walk.
I’m telling him tonight. Why do you want to know?
I nervously held the phone, waiting for her answer. I made it nearly a full block and had just started down the shaded pathway toward the Delmar booth when she finally texted me back.
I think Emm just told him. Thought you should know.
What? I reread her message to make sure I didn’t get it wrong. Emmett would never do that to me. Why was she messing with me like this? Besides, Julian wasn’t even here today. He was helping his cousin move.
I was about to text Molly back but decided to go straight to the person being slandered. I speed-dialed Emmett, my fast walk turning into a jog as I made a beeline toward the booth. My heart was pounding. While Emmett’s cell rang, I finally caught a glimpse of him. And then I stopped dead in my tracks.
Emmett and Julian were talking. Oh my God. Why were Emmett and Julian talking? Why was Emmett pulling out his wallet? What was he showing Julian?
“Janna!” Molly ran up to me.
I looked at her furiously. “What did you do!?”
“Me? I didn’t do anything! I tried to warn you!”
“Then why is Julian here? Why did you have to go and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened in my life? You had no right!” I knew Molly could be vindictive, but I never imagined she’d go this far.
“Janna, I swear to God it wasn’t me. I didn’t even know Julian was here until a few minutes ago—”
I didn’t have time to listen to her lies anymore. I turned and started running toward the booth. Maybe I wasn’t too late after all. Maybe I could still salvage this whole situation and get the happy ending I’d been praying for all week.
But when I saw the expression on Julian’s face as he spotted me, I knew there would be no happy ending. No happy ending at all. Clearly in no mood for conversation, Julian started walking away from the booth, away from me.
“Julian, vait! I can explain!” I shouted to him. Why am I still talking in my accent?
Julian turned around to face me. “Seriously? Vait? I cannot believe you’ve been lying to me this whole time! I can’t believe what an idiot I was to fall for it!” He was red-faced, his expression a mixture of anger and hurt.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t mean to what? Lie to me for the past month? Oh y
eah, you just ‘accidentally’ pretended to be from Hungary. Oops! You know what, Janna, if that even is your name … just … just …” Unable to even get the words out, Julian put his hands up in defeat and stormed off.
“Please, Julian …” My voice trailed off.
“Just let him go, Jan,” Emmett said.
My eyes filled with tears. “What happened? Why did Molly tell him to come here? Why would she do this to me?”
I started crying hard now, my hands flailing helplessly to wipe away the sudden rush of tears. Emmett came over to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I collapsed against him, thankful for the dry shirt to soak up my blubbering and his strong chest to steady me.
“I don’t think Molly told him to come here, Janna. I think he just showed up. He said something about finishing early.” Thank God, Emmett was being supercalm, the rock I needed.
“But I don’t understand. Why did she have to tell him the truth? What right did she have to do that?”
Emmett didn’t say anything for a minute. He stroked the back of my hair lightly as I cried. The situation seemed overwhelmingly hopeless. I kept flashing to the look in Julian’s eyes when he glared at me. It bordered on hatred. Could he really hate me? Was I a fool to think I ever had a chance of things working out?
“It wasn’t Molly, Janna. It was me.” Emmett spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure I heard him right.
“What?” I sniffled.
“I’m the one who told Julian. I’m so sorry. It was an accident.”
I abruptly stopped crying, wrenching myself from his embrace. “What? You told him? How could you? Why would you?!” I was yelling now, my sadness from a moment earlier replaced with a rage I hadn’t known before.
“I didn’t mean to do it, Janna,” Emmett said defensively.
“What do you mean you didn’t mean to do it? I told you I was going to tell him. Now you’ve ruined everything!” Emmett grabbed me by the arm and led me away from the booth, which to passersby was probably starting to resemble the set of The Jerry Springer Show.
“Look, I told you it was an accident!” Emmett was mad now too. “I thought you already told him! You promised me you were going to tell him this morning!”
Love, Love, Love Page 11