by Trina M. Lee
He sounded resigned when he said, “We need to talk.”
Chapter Ten
“How did you know?” I winced as the words came out of my mouth.
“Let’s just say, when I found Arys gnawing the legs off a dog, he took a moment to mention it.”
“What?” For just a split second, my heart seemed to stop. My mind had trouble making sense of what I just heard.
“Let’s go grab a coffee. I’ll explain in the car.”
I couldn’t believe what he told me, or at least, I didn’t want to believe. On his way home, Shaz came across Arys on a side street. He’d killed his neighbor’s dog, torn it limb from limb. According to Shaz, he’d exhibited all of the signs of a newly turned werewolf.
He had been irrational and unsuccessfully fighting the urge to tear things apart.
“I’m not kidding you Lex; he had fangs on the bottom as well as the top. He blamed it on the two of you being together. I didn’t believe him.” Shaz risked a glance in my direction. “But, he told me the bite should be proof enough.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt guilty. This was not how I wanted him to find out.
“Is he ok?” I hated asking but I had to know. “I mean, did he hurt anyone?”
“He’s fine. I took him home. Other than the dog, I’m pretty sure no one was eaten.”
We went through the twenty-four hour drive-thru at the coffee shop, and then Shaz drove us down to the duck pond on the edge of town.
We parked but didn’t get out of his little Chevy Cobalt. The silence dragged as I struggled for words.
I stared at the large fountain near the center of the pond. I would have watched the sunrise from the bridge that crossed the pond, but unfortunately, I was lost amidst clouds of pain and uncertainty. The hurt Shaz tried to hide didn’t escape me. His eyes betrayed him.
“Look Shaz-,” I began. He cut me off before I could spit out another word.
“I don’t want your apology, Alexa, or whatever excuse you are going to offer me. You don’t owe me any explanations.” He looked at me with ice in his gaze, which chilled me to the bone. “I know I have no claim on you.”
“I’m sorry, but I have to explain what happened that night. I need you to know.” I didn’t say more than necessary. Shaz sat quietly and stared into me as I told him about energy bonding with the vampire. “Don’t mistake the point here, Shaz, please. There is no emotional connection between Arys and me. It was just the power.”
He blinked a few times before responding, and I wished I could snatch back those last words. “Just the power?” he asked. “You still have the mark from his bite, and you’re telling me it was just an energy exercise. No Lex, that doesn’t sound intimate at all.”
I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me, so I said as much in a bitter, sharp tone. I couldn’t please everybody, and I was getting tired of trying.
“You know I have feelings for you,” he yelled suddenly, and I sat in stunned silence.
“I know you do. But, we are not together, and no matter how jealous I am, no matter how much I wish it was me in his place, I have no right to say so or act on those feelings.” He wiped his eyes to destroy his unshed tears. “But, God, I need you to know.”
A nervous sweat trickled down my spine, and I swallowed hard. Yeah, I was aware of the attraction between us. It was mutual on many levels. But, I was in no way ready for his confession. My heart pounded in my ears.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“Don’t say anything.”
“I have to. I have to make this right. Or, is it too late for that?”
“What can you do, Alexa? Turn back time? I can’t expect you to cater to my needs. You are your own woman.”
The way he looked at me when he said that made me feel tainted, like damaged goods. My head ached in confusion, and I hugged myself tightly.
“I fucked up, Shaz. That’s all I know. I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t even think it’s possible. And now … now the energy is all messed up, and I regret my stupid decision for so many reasons.”
I blinked back tears, fearing they would be red. My eyes had been brown when I had crawled into bed, but the worry gripped me just the same.
“Is it because you made a mistake or because I found out about it?” He asked, knowing the answer already.
“Both.” I was honest. “The last thing I want is to hurt you.” I silently fumed at Arys.
He had known damn well that I didn’t want Shaz to find out, particularly not from him.
“It’s not my place to be hurt. I feel like I’m over reacting by being as upset about it as I am.”
“No Shaz. You’re entitled to your feelings. There is no sense in denying them.”
The small car felt huge all of a sudden. The space between us felt like a canyon opening up, dividing us. The air felt fuzzy, and I needed to open the window to allow in a fresh breeze.
The sun broke on the horizon. We were awash in an orange glow, but the magnificence was lost on us as we both looked inward to personal wounds.
That moment cut deep. I had done something that could never be undone, and I may have effectively killed anything bigger between Shaz and me. I looked at him.
Sadly, I couldn’t recall the last time that I had been in his arms. We had been so close. We had once touched one another with a familiarity and comfort reserved for lovers, though we never had been intimate.
When did it stop? I couldn’t remember, and I felt all the sadder. I did this to us.
I felt sick with fear; surely, he could smell it on my skin. Everything in me told me not to try, but I couldn’t deny the sudden need to touch him, to feel his warmth and gain comfort from it. Selfishly, I needed to know we were ok.
He turned to look at me when my fingers brushed his, but he didn’t pull away like I expected.
“Alexa, I can’t…”
“Please, don’t say it.” I heard the tears in my voice; I couldn’t hold them back. When they fell, they were just tears, crystal clear.
With a tender touch, he wiped each one away as it fell. He said nothing; he simply allowed me to release my guilt and sorrow with each wracking sob. He drew me close and stroked my hair. For a moment, I thought he may have wept, too.
“Tell me we’re ok” I whispered; desperation seized me. “Can you promise we’re ok?”
A deep sigh escaped him, and he slumped against me. Who was I to weep like the victim when I was the victimizer? He owed me nothing. But, what he gave me was worth everything.
“We’re ok.” I could feel the strength it took for him to get the words out. “God help me, I love you too much to be anything other than ok.”
Chapter Eleven
I stared at Arys’ house for a really long time before I got out of the Charger. I easily imagined striding up the walk and ringing the bell, but doing it was a whole lot tougher.
The sun had just disappeared from the western sky. Only a pale glow remained at the start of another perfect summer night. I planned to catch him here before he left for the evening.
I was on my way to talk to Veryl and meet a new client, one of my personal ones; I didn’t have time to run around town right now. But, I needed to see Arys. A glance at the dash clock told me I should hurry, but I still had time. Or did I? Maybe I should just go to work and deal with this later. Duty called.
No. I was being cowardly, and thankfully, nobody was there to see it. My heart pounded from the anxiety, and a cold sweat broke over me. I stepped out of the car and steeled myself against the power inside me. It recognized his presence. I could feel him within the walls of the house. The little hairs on my arms stood on end, and I wished I’d brought a sweater to throw over my tank top. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach.
I rang the bell but got no response, and I wondered if he was trying to get rid of me.
The door swung open suddenly; he caught me off guard.
“Back for more, Alexa?” He greeted me with
a big shit-eating grin plastered on his handsome face. His dark hair was wet and messy; he wore only jeans. I hoped that I wasn’t gawking openly as I imagined running my hands over his hard, bare chest.
“Hardly,” I managed to say despite the aching inside me. In that moment, I wanted to spill blood, his and mine, to bask in all of our power, to reach the heights that we hadn’t yet dreamed possible. I went to take my first step towards him but snapped back to myself. I gave myself a shake to clear my head.
“Would you like to come in? I didn’t really take the time to give you the grand tour during your last visit. I just had the place redecorated last month.” His midnight ocean eyes spoke volumes. He made no attempt to hide his lust as he ogled me from head to toe and back up again.
Something didn’t feel right. The air buzzed with our power, anticipating.
“Come on, Arys, you know why I’m here.” He stared at me like a feline on catnip, and I resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.
“I assume it’s to explain to me why I made a chew toy out of Mrs. Olson’s dog last night.”
“You say that as if I know.”
“Don’t you?”
“Of course not!” I was incredulous.
What the hell was he trying to insinuate? That I had done this on purpose? I shouldered my way inside and fixed him with eyes blazing with anger. “You’re not the only one suffering, Arys.”
“Oh?” He cocked his head to the side and studied me. I told him about the previous night: the blood tears, the eye color and the memories.
He knew all too well. A glint of something new and unsettled haunted his eyes.
“I think the memories may have been the worst part,” he said, and I frowned, insulted. My memories couldn’t have been worse than his. His were much more gruesome. “But then again, perhaps it was the pain.”
“The pain?” I asked. I wanted to hear his side now.
“After you left in the morning, I slept through the day. I woke, and everything hit me.” He seemed to sober considerably as he spoke. “I was hungry but not just for blood, for the rush of running on four legs and the thrill of being one with nature. I couldn’t shake the need to hunt, to tear into a fresh, meaty kill, so soft and warm.” He paused for a minute.
He was sickened, but I found that funny considering his way of survival. I nodded and encouraged him to continue.
“That wasn’t the worst part though. The worst part was the change.”
“The change?” I was flabbergasted.
“Well, the need to shift would be more precise. It was like a wolf had been trapped inside me, scratching and biting to get out. Only I couldn’t let it out, Alexa. It burned. God, it burned. I thought that was it for me.”
I stared at him with a terror-stricken expression. We had been inside one another’s minds, seen each other’s souls, but I didn’t realize the exchange had truly been to the core. This was so not funny.
“You had the need to change form?” I shook my head. This was dangerous. I anticipated a backlash of some kind, but a wolf trying to tear itself from an unshifting form was downright scary.
“I’m surprised claws didn’t spring from my fingertips. I could feel them, like torturous little needles pricking right beneath the surface.” Arys shuddered then and stared at his hands as if they were foreign objects. “It ate at me for most of the night. I went to the Lounge but couldn’t sit still. I had to get out of there.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I cast a glance around me as if searching for the unspoken answer.
I had called Lena earlier, but she’d been busy with her store and only had time to scold me for acting impulsively. Lena had used some pretty colorful language to describe our actions when I’d called her. “Loss of control is your undoing every time. It’s all about security, Alexa, mental shields. I can’t stress that enough.”
Anyone who manipulates energy knows the rule: Don’t call the power unless you need it. Otherwise, it can come back with a vengeance. Since we’d had no valid reason to call that kind of power, this was our self-inflicted kick in the ass.
However, Lena added that the power was not the real problem; we’d bonded. We’d joined on a metaphysical level, which could last forever or until one of us was dead.
“What do you mean bonded?” Arys’ reply sounded similar to the one that I’d given Lena.
“We didn’t just call power; we bonded our own personal powers which created something else entirely. Some of this is never going away.” Why did I feel so insulted by the look of terror he wore?
“How bad is it really?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and cast a glance around his country-style kitchen. It didn’t look lived in enough. “I guess we find out.”
“Well damn. I bet you could take down a lot of vampires with that tactic.”
“What the hell are you saying, Arys? That I did this on purpose?” I took a step toward him, and he stood his ground.
Staring down his nose at me with those steely blue eyes, I remained unflinching under his predatory stare. It was my stare.
“The thought crossed my mind,” he admitted. “But I realize you have no more to gain from it than I do. Although what really astonishes me is how bad I still want you.”
Ok, that was surprising. I went on as if he hadn’t said that, but the pressure inside me was beginning to strip away my control. I couldn’t be here; I had a meeting.
“There is a plus side to this. Lena said we should be able to call on each other’s power now, like vampires can when they create a blood bond.”
A vampire formed a blood bond at siring, by draining a human to the point of death then feeding the dark blood in return. However, two totally unrelated vampires could share blood; the bond would let them access one another’s thoughts and power whether together or apart. Vampires never created a blood bond lightly.
“We didn’t exchange blood. I took yours, you didn’t take mine.” His gaze dropped to my throat, and I felt my breath catch. My stomach knotted at the memory. He licked his lips, and I knew he was remembering the taste of me.
“I know, but I still took your power.” My head began to cloud with the energy surrounding us. “I’ve got to get out of here. I have a meeting I’m going to be late for.”
I turned to go, and his hand on my arm made me pause. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer: Please, no temptation. The need to writhe naked in his arms was overpowering me.
“Will I see you tonight?” His hypnotic gaze stared into me, and my knees went weak. I knew what he was really asking. But, it was just power. There was no love behind it.
“Why did you tell Shaz?” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could catch them. I hadn’t really meant to ask.
“How could I not? He found me eating a dog on the side of the road.” Point for him, he had me there. I was just pissed about Shaz finding out from somebody else.
“Just forget it. It doesn’t matter.” I turned to go to the entryway before he could lure me any farther into the house. “Did you get cleaned up, ok?”
Arys ignored my attempt at casual conversation. He reached around me and opened the front door. Before I could escape, he drew me into a warm embrace and just held me for a long moment.
I feared it would stoke the fire between us, but it didn’t. The embrace was a need that my wolf could not deny.
Arys had a renewed sense of loss and longing that had not been there before. Gently, I disengaged myself from him and touched his cheek; I brought his face down to mine.
With the barest touch of my lips on his, I turned to go.
But first, I made him promise me that he would call if he needed anything at all or if he felt the urge to tear things to shreds.
As I left Arys’ place, an unexpected flow of hot tears seized me. I wiped my eyes and knew my mascara had run down my face. The last thing I wanted to do was walk into the office all cry—eyed. I’d either get questioned or comforted, or both. I dreaded the
thought.
I had this nagging guilt that I couldn’t shake. I had to put my personal life aside; this was time to be professional. Or, as professional as one can be when getting paid to hunt and kill things.
Jez got out of her Jeep as I pulled into the small parking lot. She paused and waited for me to park. Her gold curls were tied up in a high ponytail atop her head, and she wore little makeup. She didn’t need much; she was stunning. I was momentarily envious of how great her long legs looked in blue jeans.
“How’s it going?” She greeted me as she puffed quickly on a cigarette.
“That shit will kill you,” I replied, sounding more like Kale than myself.
“So I hear.” She ground the butt into the driveway with her heel and followed me inside.
On Sundays, the accounting business next door was closed, and the street was blessedly deserted. The only sound was Lilah’s phone ringing down the hall.
Jez gave me a knowing wink and headed to her office, while I turned into the kitchen to make some coffee. I considered going after her to talk about Shaz but decided it could wait. I had an appointment in twenty minutes, so it had to wait.
The coffee began to brew, and I breathed in the wonderful aroma. There is no scent quite like that of fresh coffee.
Jez’ voice carried to me faintly down the hall as she made a phone call. Minutes later, she turned up the steady beat of a heavy metal song. My head ached slightly from my brief crying stint, and I looked to the coffee pot for the solution to my problems. I poured a cup full of steaming coffee, and too lazy to add cream and sugar, padded down to Veryl’s office.
The door was slightly ajar in open invitation. I poked my head in; he would have sensed my approach anyway. He sat behind his enviable, grand Victorian desk, my favorite piece of décor. Despite the phone pressed to his ear, he inclined his head toward the seat across from him.
Veryl was the type of man that nearly all women find attractive. His short chocolate brown hair was streaked with the barest trace of silver, which only added to his distinguished presence. His clear blue eyes beamed at me as he informed the person on the phone that he had to attend to business.