by Judi Curtin
‘Nothing wrong with small talk,’ I said. ‘It’s much better than big, dangerous talk.’ As I said the word ‘dangerous’ I stared at Graham, trying to make him understand.
‘Do you mind if I ask you something, Jeanie?’ said Beth then. (Beth’s always been better than me at small talk.)
‘Of course,’ said Jeanie, smiling. ‘Ask me anything – and I’ll answer if it’s not too hard.’
‘It’s just that most of the people around here are blind – so why are there so many flowers? Isn’t it kind of a waste?’
‘Not at all,’ said Jeanie. ‘There’s so much more to flowers than the way they look. There’s the scent, for one thing. And the way they feel.’
Without turning her head, she reached out one hand and stroked her fingers along the petals of a beautiful pink flower.
‘And the flowers attract insects, which is a wonderful thing. Because the flowers are here, I can hear bees buzzing all day long.’
‘No offence, Jeanie,’ I said. ‘But I didn’t notice any of those things.’
‘Neither did I – before,’ said Jeanie. ‘why don’t you close your eyes for a moment?’
Even though she had no way of knowing what we were doing, we all did what she said.
‘Now concentrate,’ said Jeanie.
It took a minute, but she was right.
‘Wow, that’s like magic,’ I said. ‘I can smell something sweet and nutty – and I can hear the bees – I didn’t notice them when I had my eyes open.’
‘Now feel the petals,’ said Jeanie. ‘See how soft they are.’
Still with my eyes closed, I reached out my fingers to where I thought the flowers were.
‘Ouch! Get off,’ said Beth. ‘You just stuck your finger in my eye.’
Everyone laughed.
‘I guess it takes practice,’ I said.
‘Indeed it does,’ said Jeanie. ‘Indeed it does.’
This lesson about the five senses was all very interesting, but it wasn’t really helping Graham. Suddenly I had an idea.
‘Er, Jeanie,’ I said. ‘Do you mind if I ask you a question too?’
‘Not at all,’ said Jeanie. ‘I like that you are so inquisitive. I hate the way children are told to sit down and be quiet all the time. What would you like to know?’
‘You said you didn’t notice things like the smell of flowers before, does that mean that you weren’t always blind?’
‘You’re right,’ said Jeanie. ‘I wasn’t always blind. I’ll tell you what happened to me, if you like.’
Beth and I stared at Graham.
Was this story going to break his heart?
Or was it going to give him a way of saying sorry, without Jeanie copping on who he really was?
There was only one way of finding out.
Graham nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Please tell us what happened.’
‘Of course,’ said Jeanie, standing up. ‘But first why don’t I get us all some lemonade?’
‘Would you like us to help you?’ I asked. I had NO idea how a bind person could get into her house, and make drinks for us all.
‘That’s very kind, but Blackie and I can manage perfectly well,’ said Jeanie.
She pulled Blackie’s harness, and we watched as the dog carefully led her around the table and the flowerpots, and along the path towards the door of her home.
* * *
How do you feel, Graham?’ asked Beth when Jeanie had gone inside. ‘Is all this too hard for you?’
‘I’m not sure how I feel,’ he said. ‘It’s very, very difficult, and yet it’s wonderful too. I’m so happy to see Jeanie again, and I’m happy that she appears to be happy.’
‘And is it OK that I asked her to tell us about her sight loss?’ I said. ‘I couldn’t think of any other way to help you, so …’
‘You and Beth are two very sweet girls,’ he said. ‘Bringing me here, and staying with me while …’
He stopped talking and I was really afraid he was going to cry, which would have been totally embarrassing.
‘Let’s close our eyes and smell the flowers again,’ I said.
And that’s what we did until we heard Jeanie coming back again. With one hand she was holding Blackie’s harness, and in the other she had a very cool tray with a handle. On the tray there were four very full glasses of lemonade, and a plate of biscuits. Blackie led Jeanie towards us, and she put the tray on the table, almost as if she could see it.
‘I hope you like biscuits,’ she said. ‘I made a whole batch last night.’
‘I never saw a biscuit I didn’t like,’ said Beth, and then we concentrated on the lemonade and the biscuits, until Jeanie said. ‘You were asking about how I became blind.’
And Beth, Graham and I settled down to hear the sad story.
Chapter Nineteen
‘I became blind during the summer of 1960,’ said Jeanie. ‘The last time I ever saw a flower, or a bird or the face of someone I love, I was only thirteen years old.’
‘That’s so sad,’ I said. I looked at Beth and wondered how I’d live if I couldn’t ever see her face again. What if I couldn’t see my mum or my dad? What if I couldn’t watch a hockey match, or draw a picture, or cycle my bike?
‘Oh, Jeanie,’ said Graham. ‘I wish I could turn back time. I very much wish that I hadn’t—’
Beth punched him in the arm.
‘Shhh, Gr— Darren!’ I said. ‘Let Jeanie tell her story.’
‘I had an accident that summer,’ said Jeanie. ‘I broke my arm in three places, and I had to spend a few weeks in hospital. I try not to have regrets, but it pains me a little that the last face I ever saw was that of the very strict matron – not a pleasant sight, I can assure you.’
Maybe there was some hope.
Maybe Jeanie had another accident in the hospital, and that was the one that made her blind?
‘So you could still see after you fell out of the tree?’ I asked.
‘How did you know I fell out of a tree?’ asked Jeanie.
‘Oh,’ I said, feeling like a total idiot. ‘Lucky guess? I’ve been thinking about trees since there’s so many lovely ones around here, and …’
‘Anyway, you’re right,’ said Jeanie. ‘I did fall out of a tree. I climbed to the very top of the highest tree in our neighbourhood.’
‘That was all my …’ Graham stopped talking when Beth punched him in the arm again. If he went on like this, he’d be black and blue before long.
‘But you could still see after you fell?’ I said, hopefully. ‘You said you saw the matron’s face while you were in the hospital. Did you have another accident while you were there? Did you fall off a trolley or something?’
Jeanie laughed. ‘I was a wild girl, but even I couldn’t have two accidents in quick succession – and I was barely allowed out of bed while I was in hospital. The only danger I was in was the danger of dying of boredom.’
‘So I guess after the fall, it took a while before you went blind?’ said Beth.
‘Yes,’ said Jeanie. ‘When I arrived at the hospital, I could still see shadows and outlines, but during those weeks I lost even that. By the time I left hospital I couldn’t see anything at all.’
Now tears were rolling down Graham’s face.
‘Jeanie, I’m very, very sorry,’ he said. ‘So very, very sorry.’
Beth squeezed his arm. We both knew this was a huge moment for Graham. At last, after all the years, he’d got the chance to apologise.
Jeanie must have noticed that his voice had changed. She reached over and touched his face. ‘You’re crying,’ she said.
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Graham.
I wondered what she must have thought.
Who was this weird randomer who showed up out of nowhere and cared about something that had happened to her when she was a child?
Why was he crying?
And why was he saying sorry – over and over again?
But Jeanie was a nice girl, so she didn’t
say any of this.
‘Going blind wasn’t a walk in the park,’ she said. ‘But it wasn’t quite as bad as it sounds. My parents had done their best, so I was as prepared as it is possible to be.’
‘I don’t get it,’ I said. ‘How could your parents prepare you?’
‘I don’t get that either,’ said Beth. ‘I know you said you were a wild child, but how could your parents have known you were going to fall out of a tree?’
Jeanie laughed. ‘Nothing could have prepared me for falling out of a tree – that came as a complete surprise – and not one I’d ever want to repeat. But as for going blind – I’d known that was going to happen for many years.’
‘You mean like you had a premonition or something?’ I said. ‘Or a crazy dream about the future?’
‘No – nothing like that,’ said Jeanie. ‘What I mean is that when I was five, I was diagnosed with a progressive eye disease.’
‘OMG!’ I said, hardly able to believe what I’d just heard. ‘You had an eye disease?’
‘Yes,’ said Jeanie. ‘My parents told me all about it when I was seven – they thought it best for me to have some time to get used to the news. They explained that my eyesight would fail slowly at first, but in the end things would move quickly. Which was exactly what happened. The doctors originally thought I’d be blind by the age of ten, so in a way I should be glad that I got an extra three years of sight.’
‘So falling out of the tree didn’t make you go blind?’ said Beth.
‘Absolutely not,’ said Jeanie. ‘The accident was an unfortunate co-incidence. I was going blind whether I fell out of the tree or not.’
I looked at Graham to see if he was happy. He was shaking a bit and his face had turned a grey-white colour like dirty sheets.
‘OMG, Darren!’ I said. ‘Isn’t that the best news ever? – I mean, Jeanie going blind is awfully sad and everything, but …’
‘I think what Molly’s trying to say is that it’s lucky you didn’t go blind in a sudden accident, Jeanie,’ said Beth. ‘It’s lucky you had some time to get used to the idea.’
‘Yes, you’re right about that,’ said Jeanie. ‘But even so, it wasn’t easy, those years while my sight was fading. I felt somehow – ashamed about what was happening to me.’
‘You didn’t have to feel ashamed,’ said Beth. ‘It was hardly your fault. You were just really, really unlucky.’
‘I know that now,’ said Jeanie. ‘But back then, I was young, and I found it hard to face the truth. Some part of me believed that if I didn’t acknowledge what was happening, I might escape my fate. I never breathed a word about my eye disease to any of my friends. I hid it from everyone.
‘That must have been lonely,’ I said.
‘It was,’ said Jeanie. ‘And the last summer, the summer of 1960, was the worst of all.’
‘How come?’ I asked.
‘Well, in many ways it was the perfect summer. I spent most of it with my wonderful friend, Graham.’
Suddenly Graham jumped up. ‘I hope you don’t mind,’ he said. ‘But I need to stretch my legs.’
At first I thought that was really weird, but then I remembered my trip back to 1984. Back then, when we were in the middle of some really intense stuff, Beth ran away to be on her own for a bit. Afterwards she told me that she thought her head was going to explode – maybe that’s how Graham felt now.
Jeanie smiled in his direction. ‘Maybe you could take Blackie for a little walk? She gets restless if we sit in one place for too long.’
‘Excellent idea,’ said Graham.
He took Blackie’s harness and the two of them practically jogged along the path towards the school gates.
* * *
‘I hope you don’t think Darren was being rude,’ said Beth. ‘Sometimes he gets …’
‘… it’s the long journey we had today,’ I said. ‘Darren always gets emotional when he’s been travelling.’
‘So you came a long way?’ said Jeanie. ‘That explains a lot.’
‘Like what?’ I asked.
‘Well,’ said Jeanie. ‘You sound Irish – like me, but sometimes you say things and it sounds as if you’ve come here from another universe.’
I didn’t like where this was going, but I could see Beth was loving it.
‘Give me an example of something that sounds strange,’ she said.
‘You say this one thing and I’ve never heard it before,’ said Jeanie. ‘It’s O.G.M. or G.M.O or something like that.’
‘OMG,’ said Beth, laughing. ‘It’s OMG. It means “Oh my God.” I guess we do say it a lot – what else have you noticed about the way we talk?’
Now I was getting very nervous. How were we going to explain where our accents came from?
‘I don’t know if Jeanie’s all that interested in the way we talk,’ I said.
‘Actually, it’s fascinating,’ said Jeanie. ‘We can talk more about that later if you like. But first I promised to tell you about my friend Graham.’
‘Er, maybe Darren would like to hear that story too,’ said Beth. ‘Maybe you could save it for when he gets back from his walk.’
‘Yeah,’ I added. ‘Why don’t we talk about something else – except not weird stuff about things Beth and I say?’
Jeanie laughed. ‘You two girls use the word “weird” a lot too, you know?’
‘I guess we do,’ said Beth. ‘Hey, Jeanie, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do you miss most, now that you can’t see?’
‘I don’t mind you asking at all,’ said Jeanie. ‘I miss all kinds of odd things. For example, when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon a few weeks ago, I would very much have liked to be able to see the pictures on the television. I’ve heard the radio reports, but it’s so hard to believe that it actually happened, don’t you think?’
All I could think was that it was crazy that a man had just walked on the moon, wasn’t that ancient history?
‘What’s that book you’ve got there?’ I asked changing the subject. ‘Is it any good?’
Jeanie reached out and picked up the book, which was on the table next to the tray. I guess when you’re blind you’ve got to be really good at remembering where you put stuff.
‘Wuthering Heights,’ she said. ‘It’s one of my favourites.’
She opened the first page and ran her fingers along the raised dots.
‘How does that work?’ asked Beth.
‘The dots represent letters,’ said Jeanie. ‘This one raised dot is “a” and these two dots here mean “b”.’
‘And three dots for “c” and four for “d”?’ I said.
Jeanie laughed. ‘It’s not quite that simple. “C” is also two dots, but in a different position. In fact “e” and “i” and “k” are all represented by two dots in different positions.’
‘That sounds totally confusing,’ I said. ‘I’m guessing it must take you half an hour to read a sentence.’
‘Not at all,’ said Jeanie. ‘Like with most things, it gets easier with practice. Would you like me to read you a little bit?’
‘Cool,’ said Beth. ‘We’d love that.’
‘I’ll read from the page I’m on,’ said Jeanie.
She flipped the pages, until she came to a few sheets of folded paper, which she was using to mark her place. She put the papers on the table, ran her fingers along the page of her book and started to read. ‘… whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same …’
‘That’s so romantic,’ sighed Beth. ‘I hope there’s a happy ending.’
Just then a sudden gust of wind picked up Jeanie’s bookmarks and they went flying towards the trees. Beth and I jumped up and raced around after them. Beth got the one that flew furthest away, and I picked up the others.
‘Here you are,’ I said, folding the pages I’d collected and holding them towards Jeanie.
‘Hang on a sec,’ said Beth running up with the last sheet of paper. ‘What’s on this page? It’s really beautiful.’
>
‘Don’t ask me,’ said Jeanie. ‘Any page that’s not written in braille is useless to me. They’re just some old pages I found inside the last book I was reading. I’ve probably been using the same bookmarks for years.’
Beth held the paper towards me. It was a drawing of a bird – so realistic that it looked ready to fly right off the page.
‘It’s a bird,’ I said to Jeanie. ‘And it’s stunning.’
Jeanie looked embarrassed. ‘Oh, now I know what that is. Long ago, when I could still see, I loved drawing. I went through a phase of drawing every single bird I saw.’
‘Wow!’ I said. ‘You were really talented.’
Then I felt bad. Was that a bit like saying ‘you used to be great at running’ to some whose legs had just fallen off?
‘That’s very sweet of you,’ said Jeanie. ‘I presume the other pictures are of birds too?’
I unfolded the first page I was holding.
‘Yup,’ I said. ‘This is a robin – and it’s perfect. I think it’s more real than the real thing. I want to stroke its wings and feel its little feet on my hand. And this next one’s kind of green with a yellow stripe on its wing and on its tail.’
‘A greenfinch,’ said Jeanie quickly, even though she couldn’t have seen one for nine years. ‘One of my special favourites.’
‘And the last one … OMG!’
‘What?’ said Beth. ‘What’s wrong?’
I held the picture up so she could see.
‘OMG!’ she said. ‘Just OMG!’
‘OMG!’ said Jeanie, laughing. ‘Are you two girls all right?’
‘Yes … I think so,’ I said. ‘It’s just that this picture …’
‘Is it another bird?’ asked Jeanie. ‘I think I may have been a little obsessed when I was younger.’
No it’s not a bird. It’s a boy. A boy with huge dark eyes, and slicked back hair and a cheeky grin. A boy who used to be your very best friend, but is now an old man. An old man who can’t tell you who he is, but who’s gone walking around the gardens with your dog.
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s not a bird. It’s a boy. A very cute boy.’
‘That must be Graham,’ said Jeanie. ‘He’s the only boy I ever liked enough to draw a picture of. I was supposed to give him a present of it, but …’