by Kip Nelson
“I know exactly how you felt,” Mack said.
“Anyway, we carried on, and as time went by we started to lose people. Sometimes it was just dumb luck and they found a trap, other times we were attacked by wild animals, and sometimes it was other people, bad people. We all wondered how everything could turn so quickly, but it was clear to me that we hadn't really been all that civilized in the first place. It was like our society was a mask that covered up the parts of us we didn't want to face, and now, without the threat of punishment, people were able to be their base selves.
“It never got easier either, losing people. Sometimes we fought back, other times we ran, until eventually there was only me and one other person left, a guy named Doug. He had been on the plane. He was a doctor. Came in handy. But when it was just the two of us, something changed. We'd seen so many people die it seemed like a waste of time to get attached, like we only were causing ourselves more pain. We continued on because there was nothing else to do, but suddenly we were talking less and less. Our days were filled with silence. But we were still there for each other when we needed to hunt or gather food.
“And, in time, as we cycled through the country we encountered other people as well. Some of them had prepared for a situation like this. They were happy for the company, mostly so they could brag about their own foresight, but we were happy for the food and the shelter, and sometimes even the hot baths. Other people filled in the blanks for us and told us that it had been an EMP, although none of them knew the source. We made new friends, then left them almost as quickly.
“Most people were scared and didn't know what to do. I wished I had an answer for them. All I could tell them was to stay safe, but I didn't know what that meant anymore. There didn't seem to be any plan or rhyme or reason to this. I had seen religious people die, atheists die, kids, elderly people, good people, bad people, none of it made any sense. The longer this went on the more I knew I had to find you because it was the only way I could stay sane. We offered for some of them to come with us, but they had their own plans. So, it was just me and Doug, riding down that freeway all by ourselves.”
There was more than a hint of sadness in her voice. Mack thought about her riding down the empty freeway all by herself and he too felt sad, but he also got the sense that she was reaching an important part of her story. He noticed all the familiar signs, how her eyebrows were flattened and the fingers of her left hand were tapping her side.
“What happened to him?” he asked, feeling as though her sadness had something to do with Doug.
By the fact that he wasn't here with her Mack assumed he had died along the way, and after spending that much time with someone it would be difficult to talk about. Mack knew he would be the same way if their roles were reversed and he had to say the same thing about Grace.
Anna continued her story, telling Mack about the wild woods she had to cut through, and the savage people that roamed the wilds, threatening them with unholy cries and never letting them sleep for fear they would strike in the night. She told him how they were chased by coyotes and wolves; and how she had been pushed to the brink of her endurance; how there were nights when she wasn't sure that she could go on; how her muscles ached and her arms and legs were so heavy she thought they were going to drop off; and how sometimes she was so hungry she almost gnawed on her own flesh. Mack once again found himself apologizing for not coming to find her sooner, but she knew he was thinking of her.
“Doug began to doubt me. He tried to tell me that even if the plane had managed to land safely something else would have got to you, and there was nothing to say that you would have made it to the city anyway. I didn't care. I'd have searched the whole country until I found you, and I told Doug that he could either shut up and help me or go on his own way. He chose to shut up. By this point our bicycle tires had been punctured and the bikes weren't suitable for going through the forests, so we were hiking most of the way, trying to use the map where we could, but it wasn't very clear.
Eventually, we managed to find a river along with an old boat. It was covered with a tarpaulin and had an infestation of spiders living in it, which we had to clear out. Didn't know why nobody had taken it out, but we weren't going to complain. We checked it for holes and it seemed seaworthy. So, we pushed it out and made our way downstream, letting the current take us when it was strong enough. Otherwise, we rowed and caught fish as we went along. Sometimes we heard the shouting of people as we went along, and occasionally we saw them signaling to us. Doug wanted to stop, but I kept plowing ahead, knowing that any of them could be dangerous. I wasn't about to give up our boat when this river led straight to the city.
Other than that, it was a peaceful way to travel, and I was able to relax for the first time since I'd left our home. I thought about everyone I'd left behind there, and whether they had survived, even though I knew it likely was that most people wouldn't have. If they weren't killed by other people, starvation would have got them, or infection. There were too many things to take us down, but that only made me think of you. If anyone could survive I knew you could, and somehow you would have made it to the city. I just knew in my heart. Maybe it was because I couldn't face believing anything else.
Then, one day, our dream turned to a nightmare as the water became rocky and we started to be thrown from side to side. The waves crashed around us, almost so strong as to throw us out of the boat. We grabbed what we could and leaped out moments before the boat was dashed against the rocks, wood splintering, floating downstream. We gasped for breath and were caught in the current, only surviving because of dumb luck. The water stung my skin as it bit me. I felt myself being buffeted this way and that, but I narrowly managed to avoid hitting the rocks. Then I felt something push against me. As I coughed up water and tried to breath in air I looked and saw Doug pushing me to the edge. I tried to fight him. He was spending so much time trying to save me that he wasn't going to save himself.
I made it to the edge when a piece of our boat plunged into him, and his howl of pain only was silenced by the water that filled his lungs. Then it took him, the water stained red. I scrambled to the edge, trying to reach out to find just a hand but there was nothing. As I looked downstream I saw his body being carried away, engulfed by the water. At that moment, everything seemed hopeless and I didn't know how much more I could take. I looked down and saw that I was bleeding, too, from my leg. I tore away a piece of my shirt and tied it around, then hobbled off, always moving, because I couldn't do anything else.
After that I knew I couldn't handle being close to anyone again, not until I found you. I didn't want that kind of pain. I followed the river and saw the city in the distance. I kept to myself. Didn't encounter anyone else, even though I heard plenty of noises at night that could have been others. I had the map with me, and everything else, but I'd changed so much since I'd left home. The journey had taken months, but it felt like a lifetime, and all in pursuit of a man I didn't know was alive. When I got to the city I was too tired to do anything, too tired to speak, to make friends, too tired to even sleep.
I found a few people doing a patrol. They offered to tend to my wound and had taken me back to the camp, but I'd been burned too many times. I knew these people would die, just like everybody else died, and I wasn't going to open my hearts up to them. So, I made them a deal. I'd go out and hunt for them if they let me stay there, but I wouldn't be a part of their group. I'd go off into the city, trying to find you. I asked people I met, but none of them knew. Guess I forgot how big cities were. Then I started to think that maybe you didn't make it to the city at all, maybe you made a camp in the woods. But I started working through it systematically, not willing to give up at all, figuring that while I looked for you I could help these people survive, and now here I am,” she said. After the effort it took to tell her story, her head sank back in the pillow.
Mack let her words sink in and continued to hold her hand, promising never to let it go. She'd been through so much all he wa
nted to do was hold her and promise her that everything was going to be alright, but he knew that was something he couldn't promise. Despite what she said he saw that she had lost hope. He was going to have to show her she could find a home among others again, and that it wasn't the worst thing in the world to care about people.
But all that could wait. He gently took hold of her chin and tilted her face toward him, searching her eyes. “I love you more than anything,” he said, then leaned in to kiss her sweetly, hoping it would take away a small portion of the pain she had suffered. She returned the kiss, and in that moment the two of them began to recapture a semblance of all they had lost, all the world had threatened to take away from them.
CHAPTER EIGHT
WHEN ANNA finally finished speaking Mack looked at her for a few moments without saying a word. While she had been telling her story, he had walked over beside her, and experienced all that she had. Yet, in reality that was a period of her life that he would never truly know, and there was something saddening about that. He thought about how scared she must have been, how lonely, how hopeless, and wished he had been there to quell her fears or just hold her when she needed to be held. There were few parallels with his own journey as he had tried to surround himself with as many trusted people as possible rather than forge his own path by himself. They both had been through experiences that changed them, yet now that he was with her, he could tell that there still was a lot of his wife left in her.
Mack leaned in and hugged her tightly, pulling her body close to him, enveloping her in his warmth, this time paying little attention to whether he was hurting her or not. If she felt any pain she hid it well, for she clung onto him and enjoyed the feeling of belonging to him once again. Her arms wrapped around his back and she nestled her head into the nape of his neck while he caressed her head in his hands, her blond hair spilling over his fingers. He held his eyes open as he tried forcing all of her pain away.
“I'm glad you found me, and I'm sorry about what happened to Doug. I wish that he were here so I could thank him for helping you on your journey,” Mack said as he gently lowered Anna back down to the bed.
He stroked some of the hair away from her face as he leaned back, still holding her hand, not wanting to break contact with her completely. She smiled, too.
“He said the same thing, said you must have been a hell of a guy to make a woman like me travel halfway across the country.”
Part of Mack felt a flash of jealousy, that this man had been able to spend time with Anna through all this while Mack had been parted from her. He almost asked Anna if anything romantic had happened between the two of them, but he quickly pushed the thought away from his mind. It wasn't his place to ask, and he just should be grateful that Anna still was alive and with him now. He knew she loved him, and he loved her, and if anything had happened it was only a matter of survival. It didn't change the way they felt about each other, and it seemed such a non-issue in the grand scheme of things. So, the thought floated from Mack's mind and he never even considered it again.
“Now it's your turn,” Anna said, locking eyes with Mack.
This time it was he who took a sip of water and breathed deeply as he told his story. He started at the beginning with Grace and the plane crash and how the two of them had been the only survivors, and that they had decided to make their way to the city to find some kind of help to get back home. He told her about the family who tried to kill them, but as a result they met Luis, and he talked about how much Grace and Luis had changed. He smirked as he remembered how Grace had been dismissive of Luis at first, but now the two of them were together.
“They mean a lot to you, don't they?” Anna said, noticing the way Mack lit up when he spoke of them.
He nodded. “Especially Grace. I'm so proud of her for how much she's grown. I must admit that when we first started out I wasn't sure she would survive in this world. Gradually, she learned and applied herself and she's a valuable member of this settlement. I can't wait for you to meet her.”
And just as Mack did with Doug, Anna didn't bother to ask him if anything had happened between him and Grace, or any of the other women he mentioned across his journey, because nothing was stronger than the bond they shared.
Mack continued his story, telling Anna about the kind family on the farm who had taken them in, and the nasty group who demanded tribute from them. Then he told how they had found Saul, left for dead in the river, and subsequently made their way to the edge of the woods. He spoke of how the city about to be in sight when they were captured and taken back to a settlement in the forest, kept as prisoners by Saul's brother, and how they inspired a rebellion to overthrow those in control.
“I haven't heard from them since we left. I hope that settlement still is thriving,” Mack said, sparing a thought for those he had left behind. He went on to speak about the horrors at the mental asylum, and then the attack by the bear, and showed her his scar.
“That's impressive, but not as impressive as a lion,” Anna teased. Mack laughed a little.
Then he told her about Maggie, Hank, and Freddie, and how the three of them had joined the group and had become trusted advisers, too. He talked about coming to the city and hearing about the Lost Children; about joining Maggie on her quest to find her son; about the other group who were only interested in violence; about the attacks on the settlement and the people who had died; about the battle in the city where Mack had to kill the other leader, which led to the extinguishing of that group. As he retold the grim violence his voice began to get hollow, and his mind returned to those dark places where horrors resided. Anna squeezed his hand, bringing him back into the present, reminding him that he still was there, and there was no judgment in her eyes. He finished by speaking about the recent events that had led him to find her, about the Lost Children and the other groups he had brought to the city.
“No wonder you didn't have time to come and look for me, you've been busy!” Anna said. Her tone was light, but there was pride in her eyes, and concern for all that Mack had been through. Mack smiled wryly.
“Tell me about it,” he said, “but hopefully things are going to be calming down for the time being and we can start concentrating on building this settlement, if people want to stay. I want this place to be safe for them, and for us to remember what it's like to live. We've spent so long focused on survival that I don't want us to lose sight of the things that make us human. In my eyes that means that we all work together in peace to create a better future for ourselves. So far, the rest of the people here buy into that, and long may it continue.”
“I like the sound of that, a new haven for people,” Anna said, and as she uttered those words a spark lit up in Mack's mind.
“That's it,” he said, his face a picture of wonder. Anna looked at him quizzically, and Mack explained that he had been trying to think of a name for this place, and now he had found it.
With their stories told a comfortable silence descended upon them again, but there was yet much more to speak about. There had been many things on Mack's mind since before he had found Anna, but now that she was lying in front of him he found it difficult to bring up the subjects they needed to discuss. She was so tired, as was he, and all he wanted was to slip beside her and rest, and leave all the serious subjects for later. Yet, he also knew that the longer he left them, the more they would fester and prove even more difficult to speak about. So, with these thoughts in mind he asked her what happened now.
“So much has happened in our lives,” he began, “and I'm no fool. I know that we've both changed, and we must be mature about this. Is there still going to be a future for us?” he asked.
He knew what he felt, but he wanted to see her opinion on the matter, too. Anna pulled a face and quickly replied.
“Well, I didn't just come here to catch up.”
They both laughed, and for a moment it was as though the world hadn't changed at all, and they both were sitting at home, none of this having happened. An
d Mack realized that even though they both had changed, there still was something constant between them, something that couldn't be easily denied.
“Seriously, though,” Anna said, “I think we both know that it's going to take us a little bit of time to get used to each other again, but we've always talked about having choice in our lives, and I'm still choosing you.”
“I'm still choosing you, too,” he said, and leaned in for another kiss.
Then, instead of drawing his body back to his chair, he left himself lingering against her, feeling the warm comfort of her body underneath him, hearing the echoes of her heartbeat.
“I missed you so much,” he said, then dug into his back pocket, pulling out the tattered, faded photograph he had kept with him all this time. Anna threw her head back and laughed when she saw it, then pushed it away.
“I always hated that photo,” she said.
“I've been looking at this every night before I slept,” he said.
“You old romantic,” she replied, then took the picture from his hands and looked at it properly, tracing the creases with her slender finger, regretting that she hadn't had a picture of Mack with her.