Morning Assassin leaps in, Scissorsword in hand.
He takes Sir Stabby’s sword arm off at the shoulder, which leaves the sword still sticking out of me. Got no time to see what the frails are up to; another Noble Knight is about to let go with some green-flaming arrows of doom. I equip my mini trampoline, item 460, toss it in front of me, springboard off the trampoline and open my arms wide in a flying bear hug o’ death. Ideally, I’ll skewer him and push the yard o’ steel out of my gut.
Whoomp there it is! I land on him and run him through and pin us together like NorK doggie-kabobs on a stick.
By this point I’ve already equipped my piano wire, item 248, and I’m occupied with taking the big schmuck’s head off when I catch Big Euphoria doing a cartwheel kick at the third knight – no make that the fourth. A quick glance around and I see that two more knights have appeared. I unstick myself from him, finish with the haircut a la rasoir nationale, shake the knight’s squash out of his helmet like low-sodium, reduced calorie Spam from a can, and add it to my own inventory list, item 580.
Sometimes intervention is the only diplomatic way forward. Scrolling through my list, I stop at item 68, my 100th anniversary Captain America Replica Shield. I hop to my feet and strike a heroic pose – always necessary – before I toss it edge-on at the Empress’ goomba who’s giving what-for to Veenure. The proto-vibranium alloy Frisbee o’ death takes him off at the knees, skips, bounces, and returns to my hand just as Veenure equips her stapler hands and staples the ever-lovin’ right out of him.
Me: These guys are a piece of cake, which makes me want to equip my hammered copper cake slicer, item 95.
Aiden appears next to me, his Scissorsword in one hand and his Slice Bang in the other.
Sophia: This is pointless! Stop fighting them! Look around you!
Rocket: Shit, she’s right!
Sophia: NPC Opponents are matched to our level, so the knights are level ninety now. If you knew anything about level ninety knights, especially ones designated as security, you’d know that they can multiply.
Two knights peel out of the body of the knight that I just piano-wired to death; the one that Aiden de-armed is nearly finished growing a twin; the hatchetman that Veenure filled with staples pushes himself to his feet and separates into two. More knights appear, regroup and surround us in a ring of pointy, stabby stuff.
He In Whose Face I Spit is the first to speak. “You can’t win and you will come with us.”
“I hate to give you guys the ol’ Syrian street bazaar treatment, but … ”
I scroll through my list behind my back; item 300 wraps itself around me – my suicide bomber vest with genuine, classic, untagged Cold War Semtex 1A. My shopping bag full of shrapnel and RKG-3s, item 170, appears over one shoulder and my frag grenade, item 80 materializes my hand. A fuzed stick of dynamite, item 339, forms between my teeth. For good measure, I also equip my pink, small-scale, saltwater croc Birkin bag filled with frag grenades, item 105.
Sophia: What the Quantum are you doing? STEAMBOY! Do not blow everyone up – I have a better idea.
Me: Yeah, don’t you always? You’d better make it quick, because if these guys take another step we’ll all go up together.
Sophia: Veenure, cast Seven Nation Army and use a spell booster. I’ll cast Obscure and we can cancel the battle.
Me: Cancel? The Knights run from no man!
Sophia: It isn’t running! It’ll give us a chance to regroup.
Me: At what cost?
Frances Euphoria: 10,000 rupees at our level. Chump change.
A quick glance to our rupee count – a cool half mil – and I’m reminded that while The Loop NPCs – aside from Aiden – appear to be useless in Tritania, someone is good at gambling, or more likely, robbery, burglary, extortions and shake-down. My money is on Irish Shorty and Pip. Put the card sharks in the kiddie pool and watch the chumfest.
Me: Fine, have it your way. Do it.
Veenure: Done.
Our Dark Mage’s eyes go green as she throws her jazz hands in the air. The ground shakes as the spirits of fallen warriors appear. While their forms may be nothing more substantial than ectoplasmic flatus, they’re all accoutered in fantasy Viking gear – horned helmets, fur vests and leggings, swords, shields, and axes. The shades of the departed engage Empress Thun’s lackeys as a thick black smog forms around us. It’s a Loop-like moment of deja-vu all over again; it’s as if I’m wrapped in a blanket of toxic, gritty effluvia from the industrial zone upwind of The Pier.
Ms. Magical Doctor Know-It-All Spoilsport clamps her canoe-paddler on my elbow, and I know that my fun is just about to end. Regardless, I manage to toss a couple frag grenades before the battle is canceled.
Continue The Mechanical Heart here.
Fantasy Online: Hyperborea
Click here to get the new Feedback Loop spinoff series!
Nineteen-year-old Ryuk Mitzusaki and his best friend Tamana decide to start over with new avatars. When Tamana is suddenly killed right in front of him in a Tokyo subway, Ryuk knows there is only one place he can search for answers –Tritania, the world’s most popular online fantasy world. Standing in his way are a mysterious guild known as the Shinigami, and his older brother, a Yakuza crime lord hell-bent on squashing his dreams.
As a lowly ballistics mage, Ryuk must quickly recruit guild members, level up, loot and shoot his way across Tritania to discover the dark and sinister secret behind Tamana’s untimely death. Joining him in his quest are a famous Swedish gamer, a powerful half-dragon half-human female assassin, and a devious ax-wielding goblin.
Other works by Harmon Cooper
The Feedback Loop – A litRPG sci-fi series filled with action, humor, and cyberpunk musings.
Book One – The Feedback Loop
Book Two – Steampunk is Dead
Book Three – High Fantasy
Book Four – Reapers and Repercussions
Book Five – The Mechanical Heart
Book Six – Cyber Noir Redux
Three Book Box Set
Fantasy Online: Hyperborea – Set in Tritania and Tokyo, Japan, this coming of age litRPG saga has it all! Book One
Life is a Beautiful Thing – A hallucinatory cyberpunk series. Book One Book Two Book Three Book Four Box Set
Dear NSA – A collection of 12 satirical stories about the troubled times we share.
The Zero Patient Trilogy – A literary dystopian thrill-ride that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Book One Book Two
Boy versus Self – A psychological, coming of age thriller about an Austin,Texas artist struggling with inner demons.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
{}{}{}Two Days Later{}{}{}
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Epilogue
Back of the Book Shit
The Mechanical Heart Preview
Fantasy Online: Hyperborea
Table of Contents
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The Feedback Loop (Books 4-6): Sci-fi LitRPG Series (The Feedback Loop Box Set Book 2) Page 54