by Andi Lee
A sharp pain shot through his chest as he took in his perfectly styled hair, the trendy jeans, and black suspenders over a light-blue shirt. He was so confident in his style, and Jamie had loved that about him. Paul walked across the car park as though he hadn’t just broken Jamie’s heart.
His eyes burned again, and Jamie bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself with the pain.
“I can thump him, if that would make you feel better,” Liam said a little too eagerly.
Jamie gave a twist of the lips—not quite a smile, but he wasn’t crying either. “Maybe later. I better get back in there.”
Liam stuck by his side as they reentered the hall. The hairs on the back of Jamie’s neck stood on end as he ignored the questioning looks from the other judges. He’d arrived that morning with one man, and now he was there with another. It must have looked odd, but he didn’t have the energy to worry about it.
He found Jan behind her hammock stall. She smiled at him, and then her eyes widened and her mouth dropped when she saw Liam. “I see you found Jamie, then.”
Jamie looked between the two of them, confused. “You were looking for me?”
“I was looking for Jamie the Amazing Rat Breeder. I had no clue it was you. Small world, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t realise you knew each other.” Jan practically vibrated, wanting all the details. She would be insufferable until she extracted them all.
“We don’t know each other,” Jamie said in a clipped tone.
“Or we didn’t until I crashed into him—literally—last week.” Liam grinned and bumped his shoulder against Jamie’s.
Jamie frowned at him. They didn’t know each other enough to be that familiar. He took a step sideways, putting more space between them.
Jan’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re the dickhead who gave him skinned knees?” She fanned herself with a paper bag. “I know plenty of guys who would love to get skinned knees from him.”
Jamie felt his cheeks burn. “Jan!” He glanced at Liam, who was grinning from ear to ear and looked much too happy with himself. He’d probably been told his whole life how gorgeous he was.
“What?” Jan said. “It’s true. And a few girls too, eh? Now tell me why your eyes are red and puffy. Has Paul left already? I thought he was staying to watch you judge.”
Jamie swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He’d gone at least three whole minutes without thinking about Paul. His eyes burned with unshed tears, and he took a deep breath to compose himself. “Paul and I are no longer an item.” He could tell she was going to ask more, but he couldn’t answer her questions—not now, not when he was judging a rat show in less than twenty minutes. “I’ll fill you in on everything later.”
“All right, dear. Why don’t you both sit down here for a bit. You’ve got time for a cup of tea before you judge. I’ll grab you both one. You can show Liam photos of your rat kittens.” She was gone before he could say he didn’t want a cup of tea. Oh well. He squeezed between the stalls and sat down. Liam sat next to him, waiting.
“Would you like to see photos? I have some on my phone.” He said it all a little rushed, not smooth at all. Would he always be a mess in front of this guy?
“Definitely.”
Jamie pulled his phone out of his jean pocket, and before he could hand it over, Liam got out of his chair and knelt next to him, putting an arm across the back of his chair to keep his balance.
“They’re here somewhere…,” Jamie mumbled. He scrolled through his photos, and Liam knelt closer, looking at photos even though he hadn’t got to the rats yet.
Where were they? He scrolled frantically. The last handful he’d taken were of him and Paul, their arms around each other, looking happy. Jamie knew it was a lie now. There was another one of him and Tommy, and that was like a punch to the stomach. He sucked in a breath and scrolled fast, but he relaxed as he came to a few of the rats and tilted the phone toward Liam.
“These are some of my bucks. That’s Poe and Wilde. That’s one of my does, Agatha. I’m planning on breeding her soon.”
“Could I get any of your kittens? They are so sweet.” He leaned in closer to Jamie, his leather jacket creaking as it pressed against his arm.
Jamie let out a shaky breath. Was that some kind of line? What was he playing at? He wished he knew, but his head was all over the place, and he couldn’t decide if Liam was genuine or not.
“I’ve got waiting lists. You probably wouldn’t get any from my next few litters.” Maybe that would put him off.
“That’s okay. We’ll wait. Won’t we, Mabel?” He tutted at the little carrier she was now in. She sniffed at the holes in the top, then went back to eating her cucumber slice.
“These are kittens from my last litter.”
Liam leaned even closer to peer at the photo, hand on Jamie’s shoulder to keep his balance. “So cute.” Jamie glanced at him, but his face was too close, so he looked back at the phone and slid it onto the desk.
Liam sat back in his own chair as Jan came back with two cups of tea. “Did he manage to show you his photos? I wasn’t even sure he knew how. Stupid boy only got a smartphone a few months ago, and he only got it so he could take photos of the rats and put them on his new Facebook group. He’s utterly useless with it.”
Jamie rolled his eyes and smiled, knowing she was trying to keep his spirits up and his mind distracted. “I’m not that bad. I’m just not into social media. It’s good helping me stay in contact with the rat community, but that’s about it.”
Liam laughed and shook his head. Jamie raised his eyebrow in question. “We are complete opposites in that regard. I live for social media.”
Chapter Four
JAMIE PICKED at the grain in the table and scraped the varnish away with his blunt nail. He’d avoided going out for weeks, but finally Dane and Markus had not taken no for an answer. It was gig night, after all.
They sat on the opposite side of the booth, making him feel more like a third wheel than he ever had before, which was stupid because they weren’t even a couple.
“I’ll kill him, darling,” Dane said, voice hard. Jamie glanced up, hating to see the compassion in his eyes.
God, he was pathetic. Jamie had been so happy to be in a relationship that he’d looked over the cracks when they started to form.
“I’ll kill them both.” Markus took a gulp of his lager and slammed it a bit too hard on the table. They both seemed genuinely shocked about Tommy and Paul.
Jamie had a nasty thought that they might have known what was going on behind his back, but their reactions were too genuine to be faked.
“How could they?” Dane was as surprised as he was. “I know Paul was a bit of a one before you got together, but I thought he’d finally calmed down.”
Jamie grunted and took a sip of his beer. He’d always loved being the one who tamed Wild Paul Harrison, but that made him feel more of a fool than usual right then. “Well, Tommy is welcome to him.” His voice caught, and he took another sip, hoping to blame it on the liquid.
“This is why I always say that friends shouldn’t get together. What happens when the relationship falls apart? The other friends are stuck in the middle,” Markus said.
Jamie frowned and bit back his annoyance. “Yes, because the breakdown of my relationship is all about you.” Markus had the decency to look apologetic. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to choose. I’m a big boy.” He wished he weren’t. He wanted nothing more than to demand their mutual friends pick a side, preferably his side, and cast Paul and Tommy out into the cold. But he wasn’t that much of a bastard, more’s the pity.
“A little birdy told me there was a handsome bloke there to help you through it, though.” Dane raised an eyebrow. “Do tell.”
Bloody Jan. He didn’t want to talk about Liam.
“There’s nothing to tell. It’s not like I’ll be seeing him again.” Not anytime soon, anyway.
Speak of the devil. His phone decided to vibrate in his pock
et at that precise moment, and he knew it was Liam without even looking. He’d done nothing but message him since they exchanged contact details so he could add Liam to his waiting list for rat kittens.
Jamie was almost certain he’d lose interest before they were even born, so he’d grudgingly allowed it. There was no denying Liam loved the rat he already had.
He went to mention that Liam was the clown who’d knocked him arse over tit, but the words didn’t form on his lips, so he took another drink and kept that information to himself.
“Are you going to be okay to play tonight?” Markus asked.
Dane reached over the table and gave his arm a consoling pat. Jamie forced himself not to pull away. His friend was only trying to help. “Yes, darling. If you’re not up for it, we won’t mind.”
Markus made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded suspiciously like he did mind. Jamie frowned at him and then answered Dane. “I promised this would not affect the group, didn’t I? I’ll be fine.” He’d secretly hoped both would say it was fine for him to miss the gig, but now it was a matter of principle.
They all drained their drinks. Dane waved at the manager, who was drinking at the side of the bar, his green mohawk flat and brushed to one side. They wound their way through the crowd to the small stage in the corner of the pub. Calling it a stage was generous. It was two pallets duct taped together, with old carpet tiles glued to the top. The fabric was sticky under his feet, and he bounced on his heels a few times, trying to get into the groove of it.
Nothing helped. He couldn’t get into the zone. There was so much history in this pub. So many corners where he and Paul had made out, so many laughs had. He picked up his ukulele, but the weight felt like lead as he put the strap around his neck.
Dane took to the microphone, and Jamie had never been so glad he wasn’t the front man. It felt wrong to be playing the ukulele. He was sucking all the happiness from it. The uke created such joyful music that it usually put him in a good mood, but not this time. He scanned the crowd, and two people were missing, making it seem barren.
Chapter Five
HAVE I Found a Boyfriend?
L_ofa_Ride
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A half-played game of Coppit sat abandoned on one side of the kitchen table. Selena sat opposite it, her face serious in a way that only those on the wrong side of merry could get. Liam wasn’t faring much better.
“Your sympathy skills suck,” he said.
She laughed louder and tipped her glass of wine sideways, almost spilling it everywhere. Liam dipped a finger into his own glass and flicked it at her to catch her attention.
“Hey,” she protested, wiping her cheek. It was not funny. “I’ve known Frank practically as long as you. Well, okay, since we were pimply, petrified eleven-year-olds just going up to high school. You really thought I wouldn’t get an invite of my own? Hell—Frank, Alice, and I get together at least once a month just to talk about you.” She jabbed her finger at him and then rolled the dice and moved her counter.
“Well, it’s lovely I’m so popular that you feel the need to talk about me behind my back. Maybe Dawni and I need to do something similar.” The bottle of cheap plonk between them was rapidly disappearing. They were going to need another… or five. “Stop laughing. He’s my cousin, but I didn’t get a plus-one.”
“You don’t need a plus-one. You’re the best man. You have an important job, and there won’t be any time for YouTube shenanigans.” Selena used to enjoy his vlogs when he first started them as part of his media studies degree at university, but she thought he should have long since grown out of it. Party pooper.
“Well, it’s not like I’ll be banging the bridesmaids, is it? I’m going to prove them both wrong, you know.”
“If you pretend a random hookup is someone you’re dating, they’ll never forgive you.” It sounded like she wouldn’t either.
“No, nothing like that. I don’t actually want to ruin their wedding.” He rolled his eyes at her and then picked up the dice and shook them. “But I do have a plan. I met this guy.” He thought of Jamie, and a grin formed on his lips. The opportunity was perfect, and he had to take advantage of it. “He’s just come out of a long-term relationship, so he’s not looking for anything serious. It’s a win-win. I can be his rebound. He can be my plus-one.”
“You’re not taking this seriously. You have to grow up sometime, Peter Pan.”
Liam rolled his eyes at her and caught one of her counters on the board. There wasn’t a serious bone in his body—a lazy bone, a couple of old broken bones, sure. “This is serious.” He was serious about getting Jamie to help him. “We can’t all find the love of our life at a lesbian book club.” He raised an eyebrow at her. It really wasn’t fair that she had. Who did that? “I am determined to take someone to that bloody wedding, even if I have to kill a man and go all Weekend at Bernie’s.”
A notification flashed on his phone, and he grabbed it, disappointed it wasn’t Jamie—not that Jamie had replied to any of his messages. Liam wasn’t worried, though. He had to let him lick his wounds a little before he made his move. He tapped on the notification and read the last comment on his latest video.
You didn’t find the man of ur dreams :-(
He inwardly rolled his eyes and ignored it. Sometimes it was too difficult to keep track of the different conversations in the comments, so he just didn’t say anything.
Selena groaned and banged her forehead on the table. “It’s like talking to a brick wall.”
“I’m going to prove you all wrong.” He took a slurp of wine and grimaced. “You do know that we’re not at uni anymore. We can afford better wine than this.” He drained his glass, filled it again, and sighed when Selena tilted hers for a top-up.
“You do know we’re not at uni anymore, so you can give up that vlog,” she said back, imitating him. “Besides, this is tradition.”
“So is a plus-one at a wedding.”
He opened Facebook to check Jamie’s page and noticed he’d checked in at a small pub that played live music not too far away. He was obviously getting over his hatred of social media. At least a little.
An idea started to form. Liam loved music. He nudged Selena’s leg with his foot. “Fancy going out tonight?”
It wasn’t quite stalker mode… just yet.
THE DRUNKEN Duck smelled of stale beer, sweaty bodies, and just the merest hint of urinals. Classy. A three-man band played in the corner on a somewhat rickety stage that only just fit the three of them.
They pushed their way to the bar as the music washed over them. It took Liam a while to pick up the rhythm from the chatter of noise. His one good ear struggled to process the different sounds, but once he did, he enjoyed the nimble sound of the instruments and the low, soft voice of the singer.
He stood on his tiptoes and strained to get a better look, but there were too many people shoving and pushing each other as they sung along that he couldn’t see them properly. They finally got their drinks. Selena got served quicker than him and handed him a bottle of Bud. He frowned. It wasn’t his drink of choice, but it was wet. Liam nudged his way through the groups of people, eyes skimming for Jamie and not finding him anywhere.
When he’d checked the bar and the lounge, he gave up and went back to watch the band. He might as well catch a little live music while he was there. Liam was disappointed but determined to have fun now that they were there. Maybe Jamie was in the toilet.
The last place he would have looked for Jamie was the actual stage. His mouth dropped open, and he had to blink to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Jamie stood stiffly, head down, playing a sunburst ukulele with talented fingers.
He would have laughed out loud at the picture of three grown men playing miniature guitars, but there was tension in Jamie’s shoulders, and when he looked up, his eyes were strained, lips drawn. Did it really take someone over two weeks to get over an ex?
Liam recognised the singer as the vet who’d
tended to him the night he knocked Jamie over. He rocked out as though he were playing at Wembley Stadium. He exuded confidence and looked much more at home there than he had in Digbeth. Liam didn’t recognise the third man, so his gaze shifted to Jamie again.
He nudged Selena and pointed his bottle at Jamie. “That’s him,” he shouted into her ear.
“He is cute. Great voice too.”
Liam shook his head. How could she think that? “Not him, the one with curly hair.” She seemed surprised, although he wasn’t sure why. Jamie would be a good fit, and he couldn’t imagine Alice not liking him, which was hilarious because Jamie didn’t seem to like Liam much at all.
They started playing a different song, and it took Liam a second to recognise it because the arrangement was so different. He was impressed when they played a fun and cheerful rendition of “Enter Sandman.”
He started to sing along to the lyrics while his eyes roamed the stage, always going back to Jamie. There was a poster behind them of three rats in black suits, with Rat Pack Rangers written in large bold font across the top. It couldn’t be anything other than the name of their band. It had Jamie written all over it.
Chapter Six
SWEAT DRIPPED down the side of his face, and he tasted salt as he bit his lips. His playing was terrible. His fingers were wooden, and he kept forgetting chords. The others tried to make up for it, but all he could do was try to get through to the end.
He didn’t look at anyone. He concentrated on the music, felt the chords beneath his callused fingertips, and prayed for it to be over so he could go and wallow in peace.
Paul had moved all his things out of Jamie’s house, and he’d been surprised at how little there was. Even so, it was empty without Paul there. Jamie couldn’t stop picturing him with Tommy.
He shrugged and tried to push it away, but the images haunted him day and night. When he was in bed, he couldn’t help but wonder if they’d ever fucked there.