by Andi Lee
“I want to, I’m just trying to get my head around all this. So… you basically get sex on tap, and you just have to pretend to be his boyfriend?”
“It’s not like that. Why do you have to lower the tone?” She had to take everything in the wrong direction.
Chapter Eleven
JAMIE AND Ben had both spent the entire day in meetings or at their respective desks. Neither of them was made for office life, and by the time they switched off their computers, they were almost climbing the walls.
“I don’t see why meetings can’t be held outside. Why do they want to be indoors when we’ve got all that on our doorstep?” Ben grumbled as he grabbed his coat.
“We can only dream. Unless they need to see something in the flesh, then we’re stuck in boardrooms and behind those evil things.” Jamie gave his computer a glare. He loved working outdoors, but he hated being in the office and going to meetings that dragged on for eternity. Walls were not his friend.
“Next week will be better,” Ben said. Jamie nodded. They both had a full week outside. They had volunteers out litter-picking to manage, newt habitats needed to be built, and there was always more scrub clearing that needed to be done and people to organise. “I am ready to get out of here,” Ben said as he grabbed his jacket. “You coming to the pub?”
Jamie blinked. He’d never before forgotten about their usual routine, not even when he was first with Paul. “I’m really sorry. I’ve got plans tonight.”
Ben’s smile dimmed. “No problem. Next time.”
“How do you fancy a night of board games at Dane’s instead?” Jamie offered before he could think too deeply about it. Ben knew all his friends from the occasional event and night out, but they didn’t socialise that often. Perhaps he could talk to Ben and forget Liam was there. A shiver raced down his spine. Fat chance.
Ben laughed loudly. “Board games? Is that what they’re calling it now?”
Jamie shook his head with a forced laugh as he picked dirt out of his fingernails. How had he gotten so dirty when he’d been indoors all day?
“Seriously. Board games, beer, you know Dane and Markus. You can meet… my new boyfriend. It’ll be fun.” He wasn’t sure whom he was trying to persuade. It was the first time he and Liam were going out with their friends as something more than two strangers who kept bumping into each other. Nerves made his gut clench. It would be nice to have another friend there who was completely his and not Paul and Tommy’s too.
“You sure I won’t be crashing? I don’t want to crash your party.”
“It’s not. You know most of them anyway. This way you get to meet Liam.” He felt a fraud saying it, but he didn’t know what else to call him. They’d spent time together, they’d talked about a relationship of sorts, and he came around nearly every week to watch the rescue rats grow from little jelly beans into inquisitive hyperactive kits.
They’d had no repeat performance of that kiss yet. Part of him was relieved for it, another disappointed. If he could get lost in Liam, then he wouldn’t think about Paul.
“Okay. Give me the address. What time should I be there?”
JAMIE PICKED up Liam and finally saw his flat, which was mostly taken up by a huge aviary cage he’d adapted for Mabel and her soon-to-be sisters, Gertrude and Maud. Jamie rolled his eyes. Apparently Liam got a kick out of old-lady names. He picked up Selena and her girlfriend, Dawni. It was obvious from their easy mannerisms and how their hands found each other that they were smitten with each other.
Jamie glanced at Liam and pushed his hands in his pockets as they walked around the side of Dane’s house and into his back garden. “Should we be holding hands?” Liam whispered as he watched Selena and Dawn.
Jamie shook his head and curled his fingers into fists. “No, that’s not necessary.” Liam seemed to think it was, and as they rounded the corner, he attempted to pull his hand out of his pockets, but Jamie refused to move.
“Come on,” Liam said.
“There are the lovebirds,” Dane interrupted, BBQ tongs in hand, obviously misinterpreting the scene.
Jamie glared at Liam, his face burning in anger as he tried to pull away. Liam tutted at him, put an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him in to his side. “We can’t get enough of each other.”
“Well, come and get a drink.” They gathered on the patio, Selena already talking to Markus and Ben as Markus shuffled a deck of cards.
A small dog yapped and ran toward Jamie. “Speedy G.” He dropped to his knees, relieved to use the dog as an excuse to step out of Liam’s arms. He wanted to hold his hand, but he wanted Liam to want it too, which just pissed him off. One official date in, and he was already making it more than it should be.
Markus persuaded Selena and Dawn to join them in a game of cards, and Jamie concentrated on the dog, pointedly not looking at Liam. Speedy wriggled onto his lap, looking for kisses with his long tongue. He laughed and lifted him up so he could reach Jamie’s face. Liam crouched down next to him and stroked Speedy’s head, close enough that Jamie could smell his spicy cologne and feel the breath against his cheek. His stomach tightened as he inhaled. He loved the smell of good cologne on a man.
Paul and Tommy walked through the back door and into the garden, holding hands. Jamie felt the laughter fall from his face. He tensed as Liam’s gaze drifted toward them. It shouldn’t hurt this much.
Liam grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. They held hands as they walked toward their combined friends at the table. Liam didn’t let go when they reached them, and Jamie’s palm started to sweat. He let out a breath and tried to relax, entwining their fingers like he’d wanted to do earlier. Liam shot him a smile and squeezed. Then he turned back to the conversation.
The banter flowed over Jamie’s head. He tried to keep track of it, but he could feel Paul’s glare dig into his back. He glanced around, but Paul quickly looked away and leaned his head on Tommy’s shoulder.
Tommy just looked constipated. If Jamie weren’t so tense, he would have laughed.
“Okay?” Liam whispered, lips grazing his ear and making him shiver. Jamie chanted rebound in his head and managed to get himself under control.
“Yeah. It’s just cold,” Jamie said.
Liam nodded even though he must know Jamie was lying. The shiver had nothing to do with the weather.
“Snap,” Markus shouted, making Jamie flinch. Then he realised they weren’t playing poker, but a game of Snap. He laughed at them, feeling lighter, and pressed his shoulder into Liam’s. He could do this.
“Son of a—that’s the third hand you’ve won. You’re a card shark,” Selena said.
Jamie raised an eyebrow. “Can you even call it a hand when you’re playing Snap?”
“It’s a valid card game. I say you can.” Selena took everyone’s cards and placed them in a neat pile. “We should play Monster Crunch! next. It was my favourite game as a kid.” She leaned over and snatched a game from the pile she’d brought with her.
“See? You have to match the monster with the one on the screen, and then use your hand sucker to slap it.”
“So it’s basically pairs?” Ben said. Then he took a sip of his beer, hiding his smile.
“Yes,” Dawn said dryly as she poked Selena in the ribs. “She likes games that come in pairs.”
“It’s so much more sophisticated than boring old pairs. Isn’t that right, Liam?”
“You have to excuse her. It’s the only board game she ever wins.” Liam stuck out his tongue at her, and Jamie didn’t even have to pretend to smile.
“That’s such a lie. I win at… I win at marbles too,” she said desperately.
“Marbles are not a board game,” Dawn said with an affectionate roll of her eyes that made Selena pout.
“None of you know anything. Come on. I demand you all play. You gay guys are picking on the lesbians.” She stuck her tongue back out at him.
“Hey, they’re not picking on me.” Dawn laughed and gave her a one-armed hug.
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“And, err, not gay,” Ben said with a slight blush. Jamie hadn’t known that, not that it mattered either way.
“I’m sorry, hon. I just presumed because these lot are all so flaming. It’s good not to be the only ones who don’t find these guys attractive. We’ll have to stick together.” She didn’t miss a beat, and Ben didn’t even get offended.
“Dane, get your arse over here. We’re playing Monster Crunch!” Dane had left the burgers long enough to talk to his neighbour over the small fence that separated their gardens, conveniently getting out of playing. The neighbour was holding a boy about five or six years old, and they were talking rather seriously. They jumped and looked over when Selena shouted.
“Games?” The boy’s eyes lit up, and he looked longingly over to their side of the fence, then at his dad, then back again. To be fair to him, their side of the fence did look more fun.
“It’s a kids’ game. He’s welcome to play,” Selena said. His dad hesitated and looked at Dane.
“Why don’t you both come over for a burger and a few games?” Dane said.
“I don’t want to impose…,” he said, but his son was getting restless in his arms.
“You’re not, darling,” Dane said, and much to Jamie’s surprise, he held out his hands to the boy, who leaned over trustingly, and his father let him go.
Jamie had never seen him talk to kids before—animals, yes, but not children. Dane put the boy down and walked with him over to their table. “Come on. You’re not imposing. We’re just playing board games and eating our weight in cow.”
“If you’re sure….” The neighbour jumped over the fence and followed Dane and his son.
“Puppy!” The boy saw Speedy G under the table and quickly got to his knees, ignoring all the adults in favour of the dog.
“Arthur.” His dad went to pull him away, but Dane placed a hand on his arm to stop him and got down with the boy himself.
“This is my dog. His name is Speedy Gonzales, but we call him Speedy G for short. Do you want to throw the ball for him?” Speedy G was wagging his tail and licking the boy’s hand. Dane pulled a tennis ball from nowhere and handed it to the kid.
The kid’s father smiled awkwardly at them. Jamie reached around Liam and held out his hand. “Hey, I’m Jamie. Nice to meet you.”
“You too. I’m Cal, and that’s my son, Arthur. We moved in next door a few months ago.” He glanced at Markus, and his gaze travelled down his body. Interesting. Jamie looked at Markus, who was sitting rather tensely, likely pretending not to notice how good-looking Cal was. Jamie bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from smiling.
If he concentrated on them, he could almost forget Tommy and Paul were there.
“You should key his car if he parks over your driveway. His driving sucks,” Markus finally said with a wink.
“I heard that.” Dane shot them a glare and went back to watching Arthur throw the ball.
“It’s lucky you know a very good driving instructor. You need lessons, Dane, you come to me.” Liam gave Jamie’s shoulders a squeeze. “I am going to save the burgers because I think they’re burning.” He looked over at Paul with a curl of the lip. Then he kissed Jamie’s cheek, and the small touch sent a thrill through his entire body as Liam sauntered over to the bar BBQ.
Jamie’s shoulders relaxed, and he was able to join in the conversation without waiting to see what Paul would do. Liam might have only kissed him in pretence, but pretend caring was better than being alone in a crowd.
“I am never going to get to play Monster Crunch!” Selena looked longingly at the game, sighed, and then promptly got up to get the best choice of burger.
“It’s okay, babe. I’ll play with you when we get home. I’ll even let you win.” Dawn wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and Selena started to blush.
Jamie went to join Liam to say something witty and fun and show Paul he was over him and didn’t give two hoots that he was there. But the hum of conversation slowly died down, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. His stomach flipped, and he turned around, already sensing whatever it was wouldn’t be good. Even Liam’s smile had dropped from his face, and he clenched the tongs tightly.
It became all too clear once he turned around and saw Paul sauntering toward him, Tommy following sheepishly behind, trying to grab hold of his arm. Jamie braced himself and watched Paul with disinterest. It was funny how he used to feel so breathless when he looked at Paul, but in that moment, with Liam manning the burgers and their friends milling around in the garden, his heart didn’t hurt quite so sharply.
A tang of regret sat on the back of his tongue, and annoyance made his skin itch. It was difficult to remember why he’d fallen in love with Paul. His heart felt broken, stuck together with old chewing gum and ukulele strings, but it hadn’t stopped beating. Loving Paul had been difficult and stressful, sometimes wonderful and tender, but always one-sided.
Now that he wasn’t in the thick of it, he could see that, and maybe soon his heart would catch up with his mind. In the meantime he had a rebound boyfriend willing to help him forget.
“I heard you were now the new boyfriend.” Paul aimed it at Liam. “He’s not had enough of your drama, has he?” Anger crackled with each word as Paul spat them out. Jamie didn’t understand why he was so angry. He’d dumped Jamie, not the other way around.
“Come on. Let’s get a drink.” Tommy glanced at Jamie with part regret and part longing.
Paul made a scoffing sound. “What? I’m just saying. If he’s got another bloke, then everyone can stop being so pissed off at us.” His eyes settled on Liam.
“Don’t make a scene. I think you’ll have to agree that we’ve all done our hardest to keep out of your drama and not take sides,” Dane said, stepping away from Arthur and the dog with an apologetic eyebrow raise at Cal.
Sensing the tension, Cal walked over to his son and started to play with the ball to distract him.
Jamie shrugged with a casualness he didn’t feel and saw the frown on Dane’s lips and the hidden tension beneath his easy stride and fluid movements. “I’m not angry at you,” Jamie lied, and they all knew it. “All I’m doing is trying to get on with my life.”
“Here’s your burger, just how you like it,” Liam said as he handed him a loaded plate. Jamie glanced at the monstrosity and pulled Liam in for a quick kiss, tasting grease and fried onions on his lips. The truth was Liam had no clue how he ate his burgers—but neither did Paul.
“Mmm. Thanks, Bowie.” He took a huge bite, but he would have eaten it no matter what was on it just to see Paul so pissed off.
Liam pulled away slightly and said to Paul. “Help yourself to burgers and hot dogs.” He hoped Liam spat on them.
“You’re just trying to rub our face in it.” Paul yanked his shoulder out of Tommy’s grasp, and Jamie laughed around his burger and swallowed quickly. “And we’ll still be on the naughty step waiting for you to let us leave.”
“Rub what in your face, exactly? Are you a complete dickhead? You’re the one who cheated.” What did he want? For Jamie to watch him, lovestruck and heartbroken? He was not going to let Paul see that, and he was doing his best not to feel it.
“Maybe you and Paul should leave,” Dane said to Tommy, who frowned but nodded. “Paul, darling. The world does not revolve around you. Stop being such a little selfish shit. You did a crappy thing. At least have the decency to be embarrassed about it.”
“You’re going to drop us—maybe not today, but soon. We just fell in love. It was wrong to cheat, I get that, but Jamie doesn’t make it easy to love him.”
Jamie flinched at his words and wondered what it was exactly that he’d found so difficult. He’d loved Paul with everything he was, gave him so much…. What was difficult about that? His face ached from keeping the emotions off it, but for some insane reason, Liam looked right through the mask and saw everything. How did he have the ability to know him instantly while Paul apparently never did?
&n
bsp; “I’m really sorry. Come on, Paul,” Tommy said as he dragged him away. Jamie had a feeling he was sorry for more than Paul’s outburst that evening.
He didn’t relax until they’d left the garden and Dane followed them out. Liam brushed the back of his hand against Jamie’s, and he jumped.
Dane poked his head out of the back door, and his eyes landed on him. “Jamie, darling, can you help me find the Doritos dip?”
He frowned because Dane knew exactly where it was. “It’s in the cupboard at the side of the fridge.”
He shook his head. “I looked there already.”
Jamie sighed, handed his plate to Liam, and followed him into the house, where he opened the cupboard and shoved the dip into Dane’s hand. But Dane didn’t even glance at it. He just slid it onto the worktop.
“Are you really all right?”
Jamie blinked as realisation dawned. Oh. That’s what it was about. “I told you I was. Liam is nice.” He winced at how insipid that sounded but pasted a smile on his mouth and pretended everything was fine.
“I meant because of Paul, but you do have a valid point. This isn’t like you, to go from one man to the other. I’m worried. You don’t get over someone that quick. Your reaction to Paul says it all.”
He winced. Dane had seen through his blank face too. But Jamie forced himself to keep eye contact though he started to blush. “It’s still new with Liam. No one likes to hear from an ex that they’re hard to love. It knocked the wind from me. With Liam…. You were there the night he crashed into me. Sparks flew, what can I say? I might still be hurt over Tommy and Paul, but life goes on. We’re just having fun. You understand?”
Dane gave a dry laugh. “Darling, I’m the epitome of just having fun. You know that, but it’s never been your style.” It was hard not to look away. Dane knew him too well, but he kept their eyes locked as he responded.
“Maybe I’m taking a leaf out of your book.” It sounded hollow to his ears, but Dane eventually nodded, patted him on the back, and then grabbed the salsa and walked back into the garden.