by Tonya Kuper
Eli, though the youngest and smallest of the Harper family, was the giant elephant in the room. Mom hadn’t brought up the fact that Eli would be like me, or possibly more powerful. We all knew it, though. It was a logical deduction. Still, no one wanted to say it aloud. I think the others knew it was too much for a nine-year-old to handle, but it was also too much for my mom to handle now.
The door creaked behind me, bringing my thoughts back to the present. Reid wound his arms around my middle, from behind. His palms rested against my stomach, the coolness from his touch penetrated my shirt. He rested his chin on my shoulder, next to my ear.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice velvety.
I nodded. “Yeah.” It wasn’t a lie this time. Right now, I was okay. I wasn’t naive enough to think it was going to stay that way. But that was all right—I wasn’t always supposed to be okay.
In the last several weeks, I’d been tested in ways I never thought possible. It was hard. It was devastating, yet amazing. The last few weeks had been full of lies and sorrow but also truth and joy. Even if I wasn’t a part of the Oculi world, that was life. Messy, crazy, beautiful, and scary life.
His arms tightened around me for a second. “You ready?” he asked.
I grinned like someone had just awarded me Mjolnir, Thor’s hammer. “Hell yes. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this.”
Without another word, he disappeared from behind me. I turned in time to see him bound into the living room.
He sat on the edge of the couch, his knee bouncing. His eyes followed me until I stood at his side, making him look up at me. Taking my hand, he pulled me down to sit next to him.
The words “Star Wars” stretched across the television screen. He’d promised to finally watch the original Star Wars movies with me and already had it queued and ready to go. It was our first time watching it as a “couple.”
Pulling a throw pillow into my lap, I snuggled closer to him.
“Alone at last,” he sighed. Drawing both my hands into his, he tilted his head to look in my eyes. “We’ve only had a few hours here and there. How are you doing with everything?”
“I’m good. Really.” I smiled. “But I’m better than good, now that you’re here.”
A smirk slid across his lips. “I know you’re going to have a hard time keeping your hands off this.” He admired his biceps. “But try to contain yourself.” He seemed more relaxed since the Consortium had collapsed. Or was dismantled. For now, anyway.
I rolled my eyes almost out of my head. “Pft.” Though, he was right. I could hardly stop checking him out, but it wasn’t only because of his arms. Reid amazed me. There was more to him than I would’ve guessed in the first couple of days of training with him. With heart and integrity, he was way more than a good-looking guy. Never mind the fact that I kind of wanted to throw him into a Sarlacc pit the first day I met him. Or, re-met him as Reid, that is. I smoothed my hand over his arm and pretended to ogle it.
I pushed the edge of his T-shirt up and traced the outline of his Dragon’s Eye tattoo. “It kind of sucks not being able to Push and Retract anymore.”
Reid pulled my arm toward him to look at my Dragon’s Eye tattoo. I could’ve asked him to Retract it, but after all we’d been through, I’d kind of grown attached to it. His finger feathered over my skin, tracing the lines. “It will get easier. Besides, your mom said it could take a while with her serum. Give it time. And remember, you only got a small portion of the injection.”
“I know. At first I felt being an Oculi gave me a place and a purpose. I fit in. I had an identity. The last couple of days I’ve realized that I don’t need to be anything to have a purpose. I’m the same person as an Oculi as I am now, with the same purpose.”
His hands gently covered mine as he nodded. “You’re handling everything better than I would.”
I wished that were the case. “Not really. I keep trying to Push ice cream or a salted caramel mocha and end up almost in tears due to the lack of convenience.”
Reid tried not to smile.
I shoved his shoulder. “Yeah, it’s frustrating.”
“Speaking of purposes, that meeting with Dad yesterday? There was talk of starting a Resistance team that traveled the country to investigate suspected pockets of Consortium activity, as well as disturbances that could expose us to Plancks. They also still need teams to train young Oculi. You’d be great at that. Dad suggested a team that he had witnessed and already worked well together.” His finger traced my tattoo.
“Cohen, Zac, Kat, you, and me?”
His eyes widened, pretending to be surprised. “How’d you guess? It’s just talk right now.”
I laughed. “Man, things have been kind of overwhelming the last month, since you pulled up on your motorcycle during lunch, huh?”
His fingers stilled. “Yeah.”
Neither of us spoke and the smiles faded. I don’t know how long we sat there staring into each other’s eyes. Eventually, I said, “Uh, should we start the movie, or…”
“Oh, yeah. Uh, I’m going to get some popcorn.” Reid shoved off the couch, but I caught his hand, not letting him go. He turned back to me, probably with some smart-ass comment at the ready, but he saw the bowl of popcorn.
He cocked his head. “Did you?”
I shrugged and smiled. My abilities were coming back slowly, and I’d been waiting to tell Reid until I was sure it wasn’t a fluke. “If you dig into the popcorn, you might find M&M’s. I know you can’t resist them, especially with popcorn. Salty and sweet.”
Ignoring the popcorn, he grabbed my hand and yanked so I’d stand. “Yeah, I do have a thing for the combo of salty and sweet, but I already have my eye on a treat. I like Nerds.” Arching one of his brows. “Hot sci-fi nerds.”
I flashed him the backward Vulcan sign and ran, my socked feet slipping on the carpet. He caught me before I even got to the kitchen. Okay, so maybe I let him catch me.
His hands found my waist and pulled me into him. He rested his forehead against mine before kissing me.
A month ago, I didn’t think I had the luxury of choice, but an entire future of choices lay ahead of me. The choices I made would define my reality. I understood now that I couldn’t control others or my circumstances, but I could control me, my actions, and reactions, Oculi abilities or not.
It was up to me, every day, to choose fighting for the balance of wisdom, power, and love.
Author’s Note
Dear teen readers,
In Enigma, Josie experiences common symptoms of anxiety. More specifically, in chapter one, she has an anxiety attack, oftentimes called a panic attack. Not all anxiety attacks will present in the same way. Anxiety attacks look different from one person to the next, and the cause of an episode differs. Some anxiety attacks are associated with anxiety disorders, while others are not. People experience anxiety attacks as isolated events and some deal with chronic anxiety issues. Anxiety attacks are not fatal, though they can feel like it at times due to certain symptoms.
Here’s the thing–anyone can have an anxiety attack, and having one does not make you weak or “less than.” There is no shame in having an anxiety attack or any other mental health issue. An anxiety attack is an overactivity of the body’s natural fear response. I know firsthand about anxiety because I live with it. I also know that the best thing to do about any mental health issue is to acknowledge symptoms and seek medical attention. I’ve done this and it helps.
If you, or someone you know, experience a combination of any of the listed symptoms, please talk to a family member or trusted adult to help you consult a physician and/or mental health specialist.
Possible anxiety attack symptoms:
Chest pain; difficulty breathing or hyperventilation; sweating; trembling/shaking; feeling of choking; nausea or abdominal distress; palpitations, increased heart rate, or pounding heart; dizziness; tingling feeling; fear of losing control or dying; overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness or worry.
Visit the Anxiety and Depression Association of America online, www.adaa.org, for more information. For specific strategies to help cope with and manage anxiety and stress, go to www.adaa.org/tips-manage-anxiety-and-stress.
If you experience or have experienced anxiety, know that you are not alone. Please, get help and stay strong. You’ve got this.
Love, Tonya
Emergency numbers for severe anxiety and depression and/or circumstances:
If you are dealing with a crisis and need a safe adult to talk to anonymously, or have thoughts of self-harm, homicide, or suicide, call: Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000.
OR
If you are having suicidal thoughts, call: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255.
Both organizations are open 24 hours, 365 days per year, are accredited, and staffed with trained professionals.
Acknowledgments
Thank you, first and always, to God for the opportunities presented to me.
Secondly, I’m eternally grateful for my readers, my fans, my FRANS, bloggers, vloggers, and my fellow nerds for your support of Anomaly and Enigma. Thank you for loving Josie—a sci-fi nerd girl who can simultaneously be nerdy, feminine, and fierce—and for understanding that the term “nerd” is synonymous with “passionate.”
Kate Brauning, my editor and friend, your insight and guidance have been nothing short of brilliant. A thank-you the size of the moon for challenging me, helping me become a better writer, and believing in me. This wouldn’t be a book without you and, for that, I’m forever beholden. For real.
To everyone else at Entangled TEEN who’ve played a part in the making of Enigma—Liz Pelletier, Stacy Abrams, Melissa Montovani, Meredith Johnson, Bethany Robinson, L.J. Anderson, Kari Olson, Christine Chhun, Heather Riccio, Erin Dameron-Hill, and all other production/copy editors/proofreaders—thank you.
Big Wookie hugs to some of my biggest fans and book bloggers and vloggers who saw something in Anomaly and helped make this series successful. Ben Alderson (Benjamin of Tomes), Glitter Magazine, Lea at USA Today Happy Ever After, A Leisure Moment blog, Fallon and Morgan at Seeing Double in Neverland blog, Sarah at Aphonic Sarah blog, Ana at Ana Loves Blog, Ivey Waters at The Hopeless Reader, Danielle Pitter, Ayah Assem, Bibliojunkies, Tanya at T&G Book Boutique, Michele Luker, Sara Santana, Valerie Tejeda, Royal Social Media, Alexandra, Sylvia, and Cassie, and many more I’m sure I’m forgetting.
Heaps of gratitude to the teachers, book clubs, librarians, and booksellers who helped make Anomaly successful. A special thanks especially to the Omaha Public Libraries, OPS librarian Angie Ralph, The Bookworm in Omaha, and Stone Alley Books and Collectibles in Galesburg. The fantastic Marcia Jussel at the Oakview Barnes and Noble—you’ve always treated me like a rock star, and I am sincerely thankful.
Thank you to my writing friends—Lynne Matson, Lydia Kang, Bethany Crandell, Mary Weber, and Jeff Koterba—who’ve held me steady. I wouldn’t have survived the last year and a half without you. Your encouragement and friendship have meant the world to me.
Kitty Burton, Claudia Lokamas, Courtney Suarez, and Debi Auch Moedy: thank you for being incredibly supportive of your weird writer friend and loving me. Mandy Mortensen and Melody Wentz, you cheered me on years ago when I started writing, and, for that, I owe you a lifetime supply of Monday Night Margaritas.
To Laura Hill, Susie Jarvis, Jill Henson, Kristen Trukova, Jenny Robbins, and Jennifer McGuire: thank you for your friendship, even after all these years.
All you nerds out there—the sci-fi nerds, book nerds, writing nerds, pop culture nerds, comic nerds, math nerds, art nerds, music nerds, stats nerds, gaming nerds, sport nerds, theater nerds—keep on being you. Keep on being passionate enough about something that you, or someone else, considers you a nerd. Being passionate about something means you care, and oftentimes passion leads to action. That means it’s likely you will do something for or with your passion, and our world needs that. No matter what kind of nerd you are, we need that. Be a nerd and be proud. Get your nerd on.
To some of the many musicians who’ve influenced Anomaly and Enigma—30 Seconds to Mars, Linkin Park, Muse, Imagine Dragons, Mumford and Sons, Bastille, Cold War Kids, Halsey, BANNERS, Sia, MGMT, Ruelle, Ellie Goulding—your art has inspired mine. Snow Patrol and Kings of Leon: Without your lyrics and chords in the summer of 2009, I’m not sure I would be an author now. Thank you.
Zachary Levi: Thank you for being a champion for all nerds. Your efforts to make the word “nerd” a positive term have made an impact on so many, including me. Zac in Enigma is named after you.
Kat McNamara: You were initially the inspiration for Josie based on your physical traits and intelligence, but you’ve become more. Your kindness, graciousness, positivity, and hard work make you an amazing example, especially for the teens who look up to you. Thank you for your friendship. Kat in Enigma is named after you.
Mom and Dad: thank you for always cheering me on, for listening, and for loving me as I am, flaws and all. My appreciation and love to my family: Deanna, Brian, Toby, and Cheyenne Trout; Kupe, Brenda, and Ty Kuper; Jackie Kuper; Chuck and Susan Smith; Gary and Roberta Davis; Rich and Pam Kuper. Grandma and Grandpa Davis, if you were here, I hope you’d say I “done good.”
Fletcher and Sullivan, your hearts and humor inspire me daily. Thank you. Remember: Own who you are, make smart choices, and create your own reality. Also, never forget that you must fail before you succeed, and compassion does not equate weakness. I love you beyond words.
Chaz, through this journey into publication you’ve given me patience, grace, and time—all gifts in their own rights. Thank you for believing in me, soothing my soul, and standing by my side. This series wouldn’t exist without you and your support. I love you more than I’m able to express.
See where Josie’s story began in Anomaly
AVAILABLE NOW!
About the Author
Tonya Kuper writes young adult science fiction and contemporary novels. She first fell in love with reading in elementary school, which eventually lead to earning a BA in Elementary Education and a MS in Reading Education, but she never thought she’d write a novel, let alone several. When Tonya isn’t writing, she teaches Young Adult Literature Writing Workshop at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, laughs as much as possible, loves music, and nerds-out over Star Wars, Sherlock, and all things pop-culture. She lives in Omaha, NE with her husband and two rad boys.
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