Ever So Madly

by J. R. Gray

  She shook with laughter. “If you expect us both to be virgins like bad teen literature where we saved ourselves for each other, you’re a few years too late.”

  My mouth fell open as my stomach tightened, filling me with a jealous feeling. “You’ve been with others?”

  A half smile curled over her lips, and she yanked me back up over her by the hair. I crushed myself over her, growling.

  “Did you really call yourself an expert whore, then try to get possessive in the same breath?” I could tell by her smile she wasn’t mad.

  I dropped my head to her neck, grumbling as my cheeks heated up. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

  Hooking a leg over my hips she rolled us over, coming up to sit on top of me. “Even if you are a professional pleaser, I shouldn’t stay.” She set her hands on my chest, rubbing lightly over my clothed skin.

  I cupped her face with both hands, sticking out my lower lip. “You need to get back before they figure out you’ve gone?”

  “You are so hard to say no to.”

  “Then don’t say no,” I wasn’t above begging. Whatever it took. I had to get inside her again.

  She took my lip between hers and groaned. “They will notice my absence eventually.”

  I hitched her skirt up as she spoke. I already had her panties in my pocket. It would be so easy to take her right here. “Then let them notice.”

  “And what will I tell them?” She grabbed a handful of my hair and rocked into me.

  “Tell them you’re sick?” I found her bare thigh, under the layers of fabric and dug my fingers into it.

  She whimpered, “Yes…”

  “Yes what?” I released my hold on her thigh and worked open the catch on my pants.

  “I need you.”

  I stroked over myself. It took all my control to hold back. “I thought you had to go?” I had to feel her need. I wanted more than words. No, I needed more than words. My self-doubt ran to my core, and being who she was didn’t help.

  “I don’t care. I need to be here with you.”

  “How badly?” I brushed my tip over her opening as I pressed down into her, bringing my face next to hers.

  She looked into my eyes. “Make me come. That’s an order.”

  I did as I was told. Like a good boy.

  We basked in the afterglow of our shared orgasm, and the doubt crept back in. The thought of losing her to the Emperor-to-be would slowly kill me. I didn’t know how to begin to deal with knowing we had an expiration date.

  “It’s going to be him, isn’t it?”

  “Who?” she asked.

  “The Emperor’s son.”

  “Yes, no, who can tell?”

  I pressed my face into her shoulder, fighting off the tidal wave of emotion. “Okay.”

  “Don’t, please. We’ve had a good night.”

  I forced my head back up. “It would be easier to let me go now. You know that, right?”

  She cut me off. “I don’t want easy. I want you. This can’t be it. I’ll figure out a way.”

  “Jocelynn.” My brows fell.

  Before I could finish there was a pounding at the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jocelynn

  “Shit.” I pulled my shirt down and slid my hands in my hair, trying to smooth the lumps out as to not look like we had been rolling around in bed for the last hour.

  Mad practically shoved me off of him getting to his feet as he thrust a hand into his pants, smoothing out the wrinkles. I tried not to laugh at his predicament.

  “I’m sure it’s just my brother. No one else knows where to come looking for me.”

  He growled as he stalked over to the door. “He could have given us a few more minutes.” He wrenched it open, and I gasped backing away when I saw who it was.

  The Baroness stood there flanked by my brother, who looked apologetic, and two guards. Her cold blue eyes landed on me, and I swallowed. They swept down my body, and I knew I had been found unsatisfactory. Her blood red lips parted, but no words came. Jacob’s gaze flashed to me. I pleaded with my eyes for him to give me some hint as to what she wanted to hear from me. But I knew it wouldn’t come. He couldn’t say anything.

  We stood in a silent standoff before I broke it. “I forgot the time.” I tried to smooth out the wrinkles in the front of my dress where Madden’s hands played a moment before. It was useless. The dress would have to be steamed for any hope of removing them.

  “You mean you disregarded the time and blew off your father in the months leading up to your coronation?” The Baroness had never been motherly, but now she was icy. I was a disappointment.

  “No, ma’am.” I lifted my chin, jutting it out, holding my ground. Even if it was true, such an admission would be equivalent to disrespecting my house and stomping on the title I was soon to receive.

  Her eyes flickered from mine to Madden. “And why are you here with this tainted man?”

  The room stiffened, and Madden’s lip curled at the insult. I lifted my arm like I could stop him from doing anything to worsen her opinion of him. He took a step forward to stand at my side, and I silently begged him not to say anything.

  “He’s a friend in the advancement program.”

  She looked him over again. I knew she would pick out the flaws in him, from the ink decorating his arms, to the facial scruff and unkempt hair, down to the silver-tinged ring around the outside of his iris. It could have been worse. Had he worked in the mines, his eyes would have turned pure silver from overexposure.

  Something seemed to click in her mind, and she touched her tongue to the edge of her teeth. “How long has this been going on?”

  I crossed my arms over my dress. “There is nothing going on. We should return to the party.”

  She turned to Jacob. “How long?”

  He shrugged one shoulder.

  “The Baron will hear about this.” She turned on her stiletto heel. “Make sure she comes, and that the tainted blood doesn’t follow.”

  I pried my teeth apart, taking a deep breath. “Wait, I won’t see him again. Don’t tell the Baron.” I looked at Madden, trying to convey with my eyes what I felt. If he got kicked out of advancement it would be my fault, and he deserved better. I couldn’t ruin his life because I was selfish. “It was nothing more than fulfilling a need, which I’m sure you can understand.”

  Jacob cracked a smile because he knew.

  She whipped back around, narrowing her dark shadowed brows. “I see…” She paused, pursing her lips. “I don’t want to hear a word of you within ten feet of him again.” She looked disdainfully at Madden again. “I have no illusion of you remaining pure in this day and age, but to risk tainting our bloodline with rumors of such things.” She let out a high pitched scoff. “Fix it.”

  As she walked out, the guards stepped into the room. I turned to Madden knowing I didn’t have much time. How could I explain without them hearing? I searched his face, but there was only sadness there.

  “Madden…” I took a step closer to him.

  “Don’t.” He held up a hand. “Go.”

  I couldn’t read him. His expression was blank. He had to know I was trying to save him.

  I took another step toward him, and a heavy hand landed on my shoulder closing around it painfully.

  “Please understand.”

  He turned his back on me. “You should go.”

  I sank to my knees. The guard hauled me to my feet. I tried to fight, but Jacob grabbed my other side and helped drag me from the room.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Madden

  Part of me knew she had to say what she did. But the tiny insecure part at the back of my mind told me I was never anything more than an itch she had to scratch. My mind tore at itself. She couldn’t make a scene, and my answers were cold, but it was all I had left. I turned my back so I didn’t have to see her being dragged out of my life. When the door clicked closed I picked up the nearest thing I could grab and threw it. Despair blacken
ed my thoughts as I tore apart the room.

  I came to myself on my knees in the middle of the room. The faint morning light peeked through the window coverings. My knuckles hurt, and I had blood caked around my fingernails. I sank back to a seat. I’d had my grief, and now I had to make sure it didn’t affect the rest of my life. I was here for a reason. I came here because I hated my life on Harden, and I thought making something of myself would replace the seed of unhappiness I carried in the back of my mind. But only she had made me forget it existed on the darkest nights.

  I cleaned myself off, wiping away the worst of the blood. I had to be at class in under an hour, and the walk there itself would take me thirty. I dressed in worn clothes and shoved papers in my bag. I hadn’t done the homework, expecting to have started it after J passed out on me. She always fell asleep after the midnight hour, and it was easy for me to work long into the night and then sleep late. But I would never have her sleeping in my lap again. I grabbed a hat and shoved it down on my head and walked out the door. I missed Colton. I needed someone to vent to. Fishing around in my bag, I dug out my communicator. Since coming here I had been horrible about keeping in touch. I would be lucky if he replied. I couldn’t remember the time conversion between the two planets, and for all I knew he would be sleeping or in the mines where he wouldn’t have any signal.

  M: Hey.

  I sent the message without a second thought as I ducked into class.

  I slid into my usual seat, and my eyes instantly scanned the room for her. In a room of four hundred people it took me less than ten seconds to find her. She had chosen a different seat with her brother. I expected to see the mask she wore so easily, the one I had to work to get behind, but it wasn’t there. Her eyes were ringed with red, and her normally perfect makeup was smudged. I pressed a hand into my chest. The sight should have made me feel better, but I hated seeing her in pain. I slammed my head back against the rest, determined to get through this lecture without focusing on her.

  It didn’t work. By the time the professor called time, my notebook was blank, and my head was full. My thoughts were dark and only grew worse. I had just enough time to duck back to my room before the afternoon lecture. My stomach had turned, and I wouldn’t eat, but I walked to stretch my legs.

  My comm buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket, hoping to see a message from her, but I knew it wouldn’t happen. She would be stupid to contact me so easily.

  The message was from Colton.

  Colton: Hey, man, long time. You doing okay?

  M: Not really, call me later?

  I replied quickly, waving through the swarm of students as I typed.

  Colton: Yeah, might be the middle of the night your time. I’m just heading into the mines for the day.

  His responses were almost instant. It was a weird feeling getting a message back like we lived two clicks away when in reality we were across the universe, and the message was nothing more than a blip of information.

  M: Wake me up.

  Colton: Will do.

  I closed my communicator, but it pinged again.

  Colton: Chin up, bro. You’re making something of yourself.

  I didn’t reply and carried on getting my keys out. When I looked up, she was standing there. Her face was splotchy, and her eyes were bloodshot. Jacob wasn’t in sight, but I knew he wouldn’t be far off. At times I felt like he was her guard dog.

  She didn’t come to me as I approached, and I didn’t move to touch her.

  “Hey.” Her red lips were cracked.

  “Jocelynn…” There weren’t words for how this felt. If I’d doubted last night how much pain she was in, I couldn’t now.

  “I had to see you again.” She tucked her hair behind her ears.

  “How did you even get here?”

  “Jacob is covering for me.” She stepped closer to me so I could feel the heat radiating off of her. “This is all my fault.” She dropped her face to my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

  “No, I didn’t have to do it. I was trying to be better for you.” I blew out a breath, and kissed her forehead.

  She looked up at me, and I melted. All the anger I’d felt at getting my place revoked morphed into utter despair at the thought of leaving her. Everything I had believed about soul mates crumbled as I lowered my mouth to hers. Her silky lips parted as they touched mine, and our warm tongues teased together. I crushed my arms around her as I deepened the kiss, suddenly needing more from her. Her back arched as she pressed into me. A universe so cruel it separates you from your other half the moment you find her, forced all hope of happily ever after from my mind.

  She pulled back, rubbing her nose over mine. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s me, not you.” I pushed back the hair that had fallen in her face. “I have these issues, and you were trying to help. It’s not your fault.”

  The sorrow behind her eyes told me she wouldn’t believe me.

  I dropped my bag and grabbed her by the arm, forcing her body to mine so I could wrap her up in a hug. I lifted her tiny frame off her feet. She pressed her face into my neck and slid her arms around me. We held each other, forgetting the universe existed or anything else mattered. I tightened my grip when she pulled back, feeling like the moment I let go she would vanish.

  “I’m going to be late for class.” She pulled back to look me in the eyes.

  I melted into her gaze, but I didn’t let her down. I shoved the key, still in my hand, into the door and stalked to my bed, tossing her down. Climbing in after her, I covered her body with mine. She pushed her hands into my hair, forcing my head up.

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  I nodded, sticking out my lower lip. “Fake sick with me?”

  The corner of her mouth turned up at she smiled a little. “I have half an hour, but then I have to go. If I miss any more meetings of state…” she trailed off.

  “I know. I never expected to see you again.” I couldn’t look at her. I pressed my face into her chest.

  She yanked my hair hard. “This isn’t an itch for me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Her gaze was hard. “I’m sure.”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “It’s more for me, too.”

  “I know because of the way you look at me.” She released my hair and playfully smacked my cheek. “Please believe it when I say this is real for me, too.”

  “It’s hard for me to believe anyone can feel that way about me.” I’d felt it as long as I could remember, and it wasn’t easy to look her in the eyes and say it.

  “Then I’ll prove it to you every day.” She rubbed her thumb over my cheekbone.

  I turned my face to kiss her palm. “You can’t.”

  “I will. Trust me.” She brushed her lips over mine looking right at me.

  I parted mine, teasing my tongue over the seam of her lips. “You taste good,” I murmured.

  “I don’t know why.” She laughed, letting her lids fall shut as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

  My hands roamed her body, needing to touch every inch of her in a primal possessive way. She clawed her nails down my shoulder, and the pain soothed my mind, forcing me to focus on the contact and none of the anguish. I rolled us, coming up half on top of her. I rubbed my scruff over her neck, skimming my tongue over her skin to get a taste.

  There was a light knock on the door, and she broke the kiss. “That’s Jacob. He was keeping eye out. I have to go.”

  I sat back on my heels and looked down at her. “What are we going to do?”

  She got up on her knees and pressed her body to mine. “We will figure it out. This is not the end.”

  I wound my arms around her again and whispered into her hair, “Thank you.”

  A crease formed in the center of her brow. “For what?”

  “Coming back when I acted like a dick yesterday.”

  “I couldn’t not.” She smiled and took another kiss before detangling our bodies. “I�
��m sorry I had to say what I did in front of the Baroness.”

  I nodded.

  “We’ll talk later.” She glanced back then slipped out the door.

  Knowing I would be late and not caring, I picked up my bag and left behind her. I ducked my head as I walked down the corridor and out the door at the end of the hall. I looked up and almost ran into two men standing there.

  Before I could gather what was going on, one of them punched me in the temple. I sank to my knees, my vision blacking for a minute. A bag went over my head. One of them jumped on my back, shoving me to the ground, and my hands were forced behind my back and bound. The other man kicked me repeatedly, and all the air went out of my lungs.

  Blackness took over.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Madden

  I came round to the sound of thrusters. My head throbbed, and I was thankful for the dim light when I opened my eyes. I blinked a few times trying to get them to focus. A bottle of water was shoved in front of my face, and I looked over at the man holding it out to me. He had a full red beard and deep wrinkles in a young face. His clothes were crumpled and his hair matted like he’d been sleeping against it.

  “I was starting to think you’d never wake up,” he said in a deep familiar voice I would have placed to a logger from the seven moons of Vega.

  But what would he be doing on Trenton? It all came back to me in a rush. I stiffened and looked around, finding I was shoved in the last seat in a transporter with a harness loosely strapped around me.

  “Where am I?” I asked the man.

  “On your way back to Harden. Now drink up, yer gonna need it.”

  I ignored the bottle, stomach dropping to mingle around my intestines. I glanced at my wrist. My communicator was there, and I punched it on and saw I had no signal. “How the fuck can we jump across universes in the blink of an eye but can’t keep a communicator signal?” I said to myself.

  “We are in transition behind the asteroid belt. You won’t have shit until we land.”

  It had been a whole day. She would know I was gone. My chest was tight, and I couldn’t breathe. I would never see her again. I would never hold her in my arms again. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes.