by Kari March
This was just one more reason I would never be enough for her. She was worthy of so much more than me. My head was screaming at me to just end this now, before I wound up hurting her beyond repair. My heart, however, was betraying my rational thought. It was selfish and wasn’t ready to let her go yet. Every bit of anger, every ounce of fight I had in me disappeared. My heart was winning the battle with my mind and, just as I was about to fall to my knees and beg her to forgive me, the front door opened and Lexi came barging out.
“What are you two doing out here all by yourselves?” she said, grinning as she stumbled down the steps. Obviously, she had one too many drinks tonight. She looked over at Tess and saw the tears pooling in her eyes. Lexi’s grin faded as she turned her head towards me. Shooting daggers at me she said, “What the hell did you do to her? So help me, Blake Bentley, I will castrate you if you hurt her.”
“Lex, it’s fine,” Tess finally spoke. “Blake is just being… Blake.” She smiled a saccharine smile directly at me. “You know, pushing people away, making assumptions that are nowhere near the truth. Lucky for me we’re not together and I don’t have to worry about this shit.” She straightened her back, trying to give the impression that she was fine. “Come on, let’s go inside and get a drink. There is a shot of Patron with my name on it somewhere.”
Tess wiped the single tear that had fallen from her face, pushed her way past me and stomped into the house. I didn’t want to let her walk away from me upset, but I couldn’t move. I just stood there as she followed Lex into the house and slammed the door. I watching the best thing in my life, the only thing in my life I cared about, leave.
I sat down on the front porch steps. Leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, I held my head in my hands. What the fuck just happened? This night was going perfectly and I just royally screwed it up. I was so confused. My head was spinning as I replayed the last five minutes in my mind, trying to make sense of what I did. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became.
I needed a beer and fast. I stood up to go into the house. The door opened slowly. Hoping it was Tess, I spun around quickly. Disappointment washed over me when I saw Shane walking out the door. At least he had two beers in his hand and I wasn’t going to have to face Tess for at least a few more minutes.
“Hey, buddy, I thought you could use a beer,” Shane said, passing the cold bottle to me.
“Thanks, man.”
“What the hell happened out here? Tess and Lexi are in there raising their glasses saying ‘chicks before dicks and screw Blake’ or some shit like that,” he raised his eyebrows at me. “Dude, she looked fucking pissed when she came through the doors—I’m not gonna lie.”
I laughed a little at the thought of Tess and Lex cursing my name as they toasted one another. Just imaging her all pissed off—she still took my breath away.
“I don’t know, dude, I’m so fucking confused when it comes to her. I don’t know what to do.” I took a sip of beer, pondering my situation, before starting again. “She got a text message and when I asked her who it was, she wouldn’t tell me. I freaked out, man. I got pissed. I thought it was some other guy she was seeing. I snapped at her and then told her we weren’t together anyway, so it didn’t matter who was texting her.”
“Dude, that was kind of cold, don’t you think?” he asked incredulously.
“I felt like shit as soon as I said it to her. I’m fucking this whole thing up before it has even gotten started.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know why I’m surprised though. I don’t belong with her. She’s a fucking angel from heaven and I am the damn devil, pulling her down into the pits of hell. I’m only going to wind up hurting her, Shane, if I keep this going. I know it.” I gulped down the rest of my beer, slamming the bottle into the ground. “It’s what I do.”
“So, why don’t you just end it then? Stop torturing her and just call it all off,” Shane suggested, leaning against the house and eyeing me with unsympathetic eyes.
“Yeah, I would love to do that, man. Really, I would. But the problem is—I can’t.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I need her. I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t explain. I’m scared as hell because I have all these doubts—I mean, I know ME,” I said, as if that explained everything. When Shane didn’t speak, I continued. “I know she deserves more, but I can’t let her go.” I felt like such an ass for spilling my guts to Shane about Tess because I knew he liked her, but she was mine—not his. Maybe hearing this would make him back off and leave her alone.
“Sounds like you are in a pretty fucked up situation, Blake. I have never seen you this fucked up over a girl before…well except for when Kristy left your ass,” he chuckled a bit and then pushed himself away from the house. He eyed me for a minute before turning to make his way to the door. As he opened it, he looked over at me one last time, pausing to consider his next words.
“Seriously, man—I’m telling you this because I’m your friend and friends tell each other the truth. You don’t deserve her. She’s out of your league, Bentley,” he said, his voice as cold as the beer he had brought me. “The last thing she needs is a fuck up like you in her life. Especially after what Jared did to her. You should stop this before you hurt her… before you hurt yourself.”
When Blake came back into the house, all of us girls were dancing in the living room to “I Knew You Were Trouble” by Taylor Swift. I laughed to myself at the irony of the situation. I watched Blake as he made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and popped the top, chugging almost the whole thing before taking it away from his lips. When he looked up, he found my eyes and we stared at each other for a few moments before I tore my gaze away from him. The words he said to me still fresh in my mind.
“It isn’t like we are together or anything.”
I almost slapped him when he said it, but I was too hurt and upset to put in the effort. I understood why he got upset; I knew it looked like I was trying to hide something because I was. I was hiding the fact that my crazy ex was obviously stalking me. He had sent me another message while we were at dinner. Luckily, that time there was no picture—just three words in capital letters. YOU ARE MINE.
The text I got while outside with Blake was probably the creepiest of them all. It was a collage of photos of Blake and I that had been taken over the course of the past week. One picture was of Blake, dropping me off at my apartment after the ball. There was one of the two of us out to dinner that same night. The third picture was of the two of us kissing at the fire station the day I visited him at work. The creepiest thing was these were not photos that were taken from a distance. They were up close and personal. He must have been using a camera with a good zoom lens to get as close as these picture were. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed him being so close. At the bottom of the collage, in red bold letters, were the same three words—YOU ARE MINE.
As soon as I saw that the text was from Jared, I cleared the screen and pretended like it was nothing. Blake seemed stressed out enough with this whole adventure we were embarking on and the last thing he needed was to worry about Jared. I never expected him to get so irate and accusatory though. He literally bit my head off like I was cheating on him or something. I don’t know what hurt me more—the fact that he so bluntly enlightened me that we were not actually together, or the fact that he had the nerve to get mad at me about something that would seriously only affect us if we were, in fact, a couple, after which he made very clear that we weren’t.
I was completely thrown off guard by him tonight. How could he go from this loving, sweet, perfect guy to a complete ass in the matter of one minute? I had never been so confused in my life!
The fact that I’m an emotional reject didn’t help the situation either. I couldn’t even convey to him the hurt I was feeling. I just sat there, stunned, completely unable to form a single word, let alone a complete thought. If Lex wouldn’t have come out, I don’t think I would have been able to move fro
m the spot I was standing. I have a slight tendency to freeze up when my emotions start to spiral out of control and that is precisely what had happened. I knew I was going to have to face him one way or another. I also knew the two shots of Patron I just downed were going to have to help me through it.
I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt two hands come to rest on my hips from behind me. I thought it was Blake, but when I looked up, he was still standing in the kitchen. The look on his face was murderous. We may not be together, but he sure as hell didn’t want anyone else touching me. I spun around to see Shane dancing away behind me as the song changed and Katy Perry’s “The One That Got Away” start playing.
I wondered why Blake was getting so pissed. I knew he obviously had jealousy issues, but it was just Shane. I had known Shane just as long as Blake. I watched Blake as he stood completely still, watching me, fury rolling off of him in waves. I considered going over to him, to get to the bottom of this hot / cold thing he had going on tonight—then I thought better of it. I didn’t need him flipping out on me again.
I turned away from Blake and watched Shane move on the floor, laughing and enjoying himself. His eyes shifted to me and he smiled playfully, subtly nodding his head at me, inviting me to join him. I hesitated for a brief moment, finally deciding it was safe to dance with him—we were friends and there was nothing wrong with me having a little fun. This was my party, after all.
And hurting Blake a little bit didn’t feel like such a bad idea.
I threw my arms around Shane’s neck and started moving to the music with him. He was a gentleman and never once let his hands roam too far north or south of the equator while we danced. He never ground his pelvis into me, like a guy that just had sex on his mind.
“Congratulations, sweetheart!” Shane said enthusiastically, beaming down at me.
“Thanks, Shane,” I replied calmly, taking a deep breath to steady my emotions. I didn’t really feel like celebrating anymore. His smile faded a bit as he heard the tone of my voice.
“Is everything alright with you and Blake? You seemed pretty pissed when you came in a while ago,” he observed as we moved to the music.
“I have no clue! I don’t know what is wrong with him. He just snapped at me outside—apparently, he thinks I’m cheating on him. Even though, in the very next breath, he made it very clear that we were not together,” I huffed. “I mean, how confusing is that?”
“Well, you know how Blake can be. I have seen him do this to tons of girls, Tess. He treats them like a princess and then tosses them aside when he has had enough of them. It’s just a game to him.” He looked at me with concern in his eyes, “I just want you to be careful with him. You can do so much better, you know that right?”
I stopped dancing and just looked at Shane totally taken back. Why did he think I was too good for Blake? He was one of Blake’s best friends, so why would he be warning me about him? I thought guys were supposed to stick together. What was the saying? Oh yeah…bro’s before ho’s. You would think he would be over here, trying to smooth things out for him. I couldn’t even think of anything to say, so I just stood there staring at him.
“Tess…” he said, shaking my shoulders in an attempt to snap me out of my reverie. A weak smile crossed my lips and he knew I was back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want what’s best for you. We can talk about something else, if you want.” He ran a hand through his blonde hair and stared at me with his light blue eyes. He started moving my hips again, matching the beat of the song.
“It’s fine, Shane,” I said finally, adjusting to the tempo of the song. “Thanks for looking out for me…but yes, let’s talk about something else.” I looked down at the floor. I really didn’t want to talk about this. I was having enough trouble just talking to Blake about my feelings. I sure as hell didn’t feel like talking to Shane about them.
He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking at him again. “Do you ever think about us, Tess? I mean, do you ever think about what could have been if we hadn’t stopped seeing each other?”
Oh crap! This was the last thing I needed right now. I pulled my hand away from him and started twirling my hair as my dancing started to slow down. “Umm…well…not really. I mean, we have always just been friends. Why? Do you?” I asked him, my weak voice cracking further. I really needed to end this conversation quickly.
“All the time,” he whispered breathlessly, running the back of his fingers down the side of my face. I got chills when he did it—and they were not the good kind. His touch made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I started looking around the dance floor for someone, anyone that could save me. Where the hell is Lexi?
The song changed and the slow, painful sounds of “Jealous Guy” by Gavin DeGraw blared through the speakers. Shit! A slow song is not what I need right now.
Just then, my whole body came alive, reacting involuntarily to a presence behind me. I didn’t even need to turn around—I knew instantly, it was Blake. My body reacted to him before my mind even knew he was there. Whether he wanted me or not, he owned me, body, heart and soul. He always would.
“I’m cutting in,” Blake demanded, starting to take a step in between Shane and me. I wondered briefly if Blake had requested this song. Maybe he was trying to tell me something… maybe this was how he was going to apologize.
Shane immediately took a step forward, blocking Blake from breaking us a part. “I don’t think so, bro. Tess and I were having a nice conversation and I would prefer to finish it—alone. Now, if you don’t mind…” Shane’s voice trailed off as he looked back at me, completely ignoring Blake, and grabbed my waist lightly. He tried moving our bodies to the music, but I couldn’t move. I stood there, anchored to the floor, watching Blake’s reaction; I could feel the fury radiating off of him.
His mouth formed into a thin line and his fists balled at his sides. I could see his breathing pick up, causing me to hold mine. With his jaw clenched tight, he murmured, “I’m going to say this one more time, Shane, and if you don’t back away from her, I will make you. Do you understand? I’m cutting in.” Shane must have seen the wrath in Blake’s eyes because he instantly released his hold on me and backed away, looking defeated and annoyed.
As Shane walked away, Blake never took his eyes off of him—daring him to turn around. I was relieved that I was saved from Shane’s questioning, but a little annoyed that it was Blake that came to my rescue. I wasn’t ready to face him so soon after he spit those harsh words at me, deflating my hopes of us ever being together and breaking my heart.
“Come on. We need to talk.” He took my hand and started leading me towards the stairs.
I pulled my hand away, still angry with him. Did he really just expect me to follow him like some little puppy? “I don’t think so, Blake. You made your self pretty clear outside. I get it okay? We’re not together. Point taken,” I said, trying to reign in my emotions. “What else is there to talk about?” I crossed my arms over my chest and planted my feet. There was no way I was budging.
“Tess, please I… I need to talk to you. I need to explain a few things. If you don’t like what you hear, you can leave and I won’t stop you. Please.” He started to take a step towards me, his hand extended to touch my face, but stopped when I took a step back.
“No, thank you,” I stated. I wasn’t ready to talk. I didn’t want to face him. He was going to leave and I wasn’t ready to be let go.
“Seriously, Tess, stop acting like a child and talk to me about this. I know you’re upset and I know I acted like a dick. But please, just let me explain.” I narrowed my eyes at him. Did he really just call me a child?
“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder and carry you upstairs,” he warned, raising his eyebrow. His features softened into a playful expression.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I sneered, lifting my chin in defiance.
Blake shrugged. “Watch me, baby girl,” he growled, picking me up and flingin
g me over his shoulder like I was a rag doll.
“Put me down, Blake!” I screamed, flailing my arms and hitting him in the back. I knew it was no use to struggle, but I wasn’t going to stop—I wasn’t going down without a fight.
“No, we need to talk,” he muttered, squeezing my legs a little harder with his forearm for emphasis. “If you weren’t so stubborn, you could be walking right now.” He chuckled as I repeatedly hit him in the back. “You hit like a girl, you know that?” he teased, only infuriating me further.
“I am a girl, jackass!” I yelled, still pounding his back with my fists.
I heard Lexi, Avery and Palmer all laugh from the corner by the stairs. As we passed, I shot them all dirty looks. “Some best friends you are!” I yelled from the stairs. They all just winked at me and laughed some more.
When we reached Blake’s room, he threw me down on his bed before turning to shut and lock the door. Then he stood at the foot of the bed and just stared at me while I adjusted my dress. I scooted back on the bed so I was leaning against the headboard, grabbing a pillow and pulling it to my chest. I gripped it tightly, resting my chin on the soft fabric and stared back at him, waiting for him to make the first move.
“Damn, Tess! Why are you so stubborn?” He ran his hands through his hair, aggravated. He took a deep breath and let his arms dangle at his sides as he blew the air out of his lungs. “It didn’t need to come to that you know. Not that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy throwing you over my shoulder,” he said, smirking at me. Playful Blake was back. Why did he have to be so hot?
“What do you want, Blake?” I insisted, trying to stay focused. I had to keep control myself. All I wanted was to rip off his clothes and have him pound into me hard and fast. I wanted him to make me forget everything that had happened in the last hour.
He sat down on the bed and ran his hands through his hair nervously. I knew what he was about to say and I couldn’t let him end this. I had to stop him—I couldn’t lose him.