It was one thing to see Cody’s parents after so long. To know how much they’d suffered because of the loss of their son. But Addy had never heard Noah talk about his brother’s death, not beyond the one statement he’d made to her: you know my brother died in there.
That had been stated in irritation and as a cautionary remark. This was different. Noah stood at the podium, staring up into the stands, at a complete loss. For the first few seconds, he wasn’t even able to speak. When he did manage a few words, his voice cracked, and he fell silent again.
Tears streamed down Baxter’s cheeks. Some of Noah’s other friends were crying, too. Addy heard a full-blown sob and glanced around to see that it was Shania Carpenter. She was sitting not far away, absolutely inconsolable, while those around her did their best to provide comfort.
That was when Addy realized there was a whole other dimension to Cody’s death than she’d considered before: letting his loved ones go on believing he’d died in an accident was actually the kindest thing she could do. Then they didn’t have to face the truth, didn’t have to know he wasn’t nearly as admirable as they wanted to believe.
She tried to imagine how the mayor would react if he learned that the son he’d just praised—the boy everyone so admired—had instigated a gang rape. And Noah. What would it do to him?
13
It was late, but Addy couldn’t sleep. Chief Stacy had stopped by as soon as they’d returned from the game. He’d wanted to bring them the news about Shania’s lack of clarity concerning the night Addy was kidnapped. He acted as if that should confirm Aaron was responsible, but Addy continued to insist he wasn’t the one. By the time Stacy had left, she could tell Aaron’s lack of a solid alibi wasn’t enough for Stacy to arrest him. But the police chief hadn’t given up. He was looking for evidence, and he was focusing on Dylan’s brother.
His determination made her uneasy.
On top of that, she kept thinking about seeing Noah up on that podium, his soul bared for all to see. Like Baxter, she’d hung on every word, feeling far more empathy than she wanted to feel as he’d finally managed to say how much he loved and missed his brother.
After walking offstage, he’d headed for an exit as though he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. His father had tried to stop him, but he’d pushed past both his parents and kept going, which was when she knew he was embarrassed and maybe even a little angry that he’d been asked to speak about a loss that affected him so deeply.
In the end, after the angst of watching him had dissipated, she just felt sorry. Seeing him that vulnerable had torn down her defenses, made her want to protect him, if she could. Oddly, perhaps, it also made her want to comfort him.
But that was her old crush talking. She needed to stay away from Noah. Given the complex nature of the situation, they were both better off with no contact.
And yet he’d be coming to dinner next weekend.
Unless he canceled.
Maybe he’d cancel....
Tired of tossing and turning, she got up and went over to the window. Gran had the house so hot she could hardly breathe. Again. But she wasn’t about to open the door. She’d decided to crack the window as an alternative, but she didn’t even dare do that. Instead, she simply stared out at the yard, feeling caged and claustrophobic and—
She saw movement on the flagstone steps leading up to her door, and a surge of adrenaline nearly dropped her to her knees. That murky shadow had to belong to a human.
Someone was in the yard. But who? The man who’d abducted her? Had he returned with more threats? Or was he hoping to finish her off?
She hadn’t been able to keep the abduction a secret. She’d done her best to downplay it, but the entire town had talked of little else despite the details she’d held back.
Surely, he couldn’t be pleased about that....
It was a man. She could tell that much by his size and the way he walked. But she couldn’t identify him in the darkness. She couldn’t even make out his features.
He stepped onto the porch, and she covered her mouth to stifle a scream when he tried to peer in her window. He seemed to be staring right at her—which chilled her to the bone—but he couldn’t see anything, could he? It was even darker in her room than it was in the yard.
She inched back, seeking her phone. She didn’t want to call the police, didn’t want the problems to continue. She only wanted to get Gran’s affairs in order so they could move to Davis. But she wouldn’t be victimized again. Not if she could help it.
Before she reached the nightstand where her phone was charging, she heard a soft knock.
She hesitated, wondering what to do. She doubted anyone bent on causing her harm would knock. But...how stupid would she feel if she opened the door only to find out she was wrong?
“Adelaide?”
The voice was barely loud enough to hear. Obviously, whoever it was didn’t want to wake Gran. But with Gran’s hearing loss, that was unlikely. Depending on how deeply she was asleep, even screaming might not disturb her.
Addy grabbed her phone and punched in 9-1-1 but didn’t hit the send button. She planned to be ready, just in case. Then she crept to the door. “Who is it?”
“If I tell you, I’m afraid you won’t open up, but...I don’t mean any harm. I swear it. I...I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time. Can you—can you trust me enough to give me two minutes?”
“No. I’m not opening the door.”
“Please?”
“Tell me who you are and say what you’ve got to say. I can hear you fine.”
“It’s Tom, Addy. I...I saw you at the game earlier, but...didn’t dare approach you.”
“Good choice.”
“I know. But...I’ve spent a lot of time over the years, thinking about what happened at that graduation party. I can’t believe my own actions. I keep asking myself...what if something like that happened to one of my girls?”
He seemed genuinely distraught.
Addy stared at the floor. “What would you hope for her attackers?”
“I’d want the boys castrated. I’d want them in prison. I’d be so angry...I can’t even tell you how angry I’d be. That’s what we deserved. Instead, Cody was the only one who lost, and he lost big. I’ve always attributed his death to...to God’s justice. But we got away without punishment. Why didn’t you go to the police?”
How did she explain? Her feelings after that night were so complex she wasn’t sure she understood them. Part of her refusal to act resulted from shame, and part stemmed from feeling somewhat responsible for her own fate. Her grandmother had told her she couldn’t attend the party, yet she’d snuck out of the house. Had she listened, she wouldn’t have been there, wouldn’t have been susceptible to Cody’s advances. He’d seemed so infatuated with her. It wasn’t until he tried to stick his tongue in her mouth that she stopped him. She admired his appearance but was quickly learning that looking like Noah didn’t make him Noah.
If she’d kept her distance from Cody, if she’d left after realizing he was stoned, would the night have ended differently?
Probably. That was a difficult thing to come to terms with. She couldn’t begin to describe the self-blame and loathing it inspired. Maybe that wasn’t entirely rational. In no way had she given her consent for what he and his friends did. But that didn’t lift the burden of her guilt.
And her self-blame was only part of it. What if no one believed her? What if the parents of all those boys formed a unified front and the community turned on her instead of them? They could easily claim she had emotional problems or been rejected by one or more of the boys she was accusing. She hadn’t wanted to be dissected in public. Neither had she wanted Gran to be embarrassed or put in a situation where she had to defend her beloved granddaughter. Taking a stand against so many prominent families would have damaged her business, too.
Bottom line, Gran didn’t deserve the pain and trouble Addy’s tale would have caused. She’d been through enough with h
er own daughter. And there was always the possibility that if Addy had told, Kevin and the others would’ve hurt her even more in retaliation.
She’d just wanted it all to go away. She wanted the same thing now. She especially hated the thought that someone might find out she was the reason Cody couldn’t come home that night. What would Noah think of her then?
“I was so hurt and humiliated I didn’t know what to do,” she said.
“I’m sorry. I’d like you to understand that. Even if...if you decide to come forward, I’ll still be sorry. I wouldn’t want what happened to you to happen to anyone. I can’t believe I had a hand in it. I got caught up in the fever of the moment. I’m really not that sort of person.”
She rested her head against the door. “Is that true?”
“Absolutely.”
“So why didn’t you tell?”
He laughed bitterly. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m a coward. I’ve been terrified for years that someone would find out, that my wife...” His voice broke. “God, what would she say? She tells me all the time that I’m a good man, and it makes me feel like such a fraud. I mean, I don’t want other people to know—and yet there are times I hate myself so much I’m dying to tell. Does that make sense?”
She didn’t answer, but he continued, anyway.
“Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t harder to live with a lie than to be punished for the truth. Sometimes I consider clearing my conscience. Maybe I should. Maybe that’s the only way I can truly get past what I’ve done.” He shook his head. “But then I think about the people it’ll hurt besides me. People like Noah. It would destroy him to learn what his brother did that night. It would hurt the whole family. Some actions have so many repercussions.”
Addy cracked open the door. On the other side she saw a man about her height and one hundred and eighty pounds, give or take ten, who’d already started losing his hair. With his glasses, she might not have recognized him if she’d seen him in the street. He hung his head, looking miserable and ashamed.
“Noah, he...he has no idea?” Addy asked.
“None. As far as I can tell, no one does. It would be such a surprise. The whole community would be shocked.”
“You think Noah would take it hard, though?”
“I know he would.”
So did she. And she didn’t want him to be hurt. “Why hasn’t he married?”
“Married! He’s never even had a steady girlfriend. He’s got a commitment problem or something. Goes from one girl to the next. We tease him about it all the time. He doesn’t like hearing he’s a player, but...the truth is the truth.”
A commitment problem. She’d sensed that, too.
“How long after you raped me did you meet your wife?”
“Raped you,” he whispered, as if hearing those words nearly knocked the wind out of him.
She didn’t soften them. “How long?”
“Five years.”
“And you’re happy?”
“You really want to know this stuff?” Shifting awkwardly, he scratched his head. “I can’t imagine...I can’t imagine it feels very good to...to hear that I’ve got a great wife, when I don’t deserve her.”
She wasn’t sure how that made her feel. The old anger welled up occasionally, but mostly she’d let it go. She couldn’t move forward in life, couldn’t heal if she was smoldering with resentment. “Who dragged me to the mine the other night?”
Straightening, he looked up. “It wasn’t Aaron?”
“Of course not. It had to be one of you.”
“I admit I’ve wondered about that. But I have no clue. Kevin, Derek, Stephen and I, we see one another once in a while. But we don’t talk about that night. Ever.”
“Could it have been Kevin?”
Tom seemed genuinely uncertain. “Kevin’s got a family, too. And he loves his job. Like me, he probably wishes that night never happened and tries to pretend it didn’t.”
“And the other two?”
He lifted his hands to show that he had no idea. “Maybe it was Stephen.”
“Why him?”
“He’s divorced, angry. His life hasn’t turned out the way he hoped. He played in the minors—I’m not sure if you knew that.”
“I certainly didn’t follow him.”
“Right, well, he got called up to the majors after a couple of years. Had a bright future ahead of him. Then he tore his rotator cuff and was never the same. His professional baseball aspirations ended before he ever played in a game.” He rubbed his neck. “I don’t think he’s ever gotten over the disappointment. It’s still all he talks about.”
Addy felt no sympathy for Stephen. He’d been her least favorite of the five. The rape had originally been his idea. But nothing would’ve happened if Cody hadn’t acted on it. Stephen hadn’t had the same amount of pull among his teammates.
“What does he do for a living?” she asked.
“Works for Kyle Houseman, making solar panels.”
“Does Stephen have kids?”
“A couple, but they live with his ex-wife somewhere else.”
Addy kept her finger on the send button of her phone, even though she doubted she was in danger. “And Derek?”
“Derek’s not up to much, but...I don’t think he’d ever hurt you.”
“He already did,” she stated flatly.
He winced. “I mean...as an adult. Now. These days.”
“Do you know anything about a website with the URL www.SkintightEntertainment.com?”
“No. Why?”
“I thought Derek might be involved with it.”
“It’s possible. He works from home, building websites, optimizing, that sort of thing, but...he struggles to get by.”
“Noelle Arnold says he’s making a calendar.”
Tom stretched his neck. “I heard about that. He must be trying to earn a little on the side by becoming a photographer.”
“Where does he live?” If she could get his address, she could drive by, see if he had a truck that showed damage—if and when she gathered the nerve.
“God, I’m a mess.” He smoothed down what hair he had left. “I hate what I did, wish I hadn’t even been there that night. But...it feels disloyal standing here answering these questions. I know they’d think I’m...I don’t know...trying to shift the blame.”
“You’re worried about what they might think?”
“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “Have you seen that four-plex behind the trees as you head south out of town?”
“Where the Powers family used to live?” They’d been among the poorest in Whiskey Creek. They’d had something like eleven kids.
He nodded. “Derek lives in one of those.”
Of the five who’d raped her, Tom had been the only one to show any reluctance. She remembered the others coaxing him. She also remembered that he’d apologized and tried to cover her with his jacket when he was done. “What do you drive, Tom?”
He seemed surprised by the question, but he answered it. “A red Kia.”
“SUV?”
“Sedan.”
She definitely would’ve been able to tell if her abductor had shoved her into an economy car. “Do you own a truck?”
“No. My wife has an old VW Bug but she can’t drive it far. It’s not trustworthy.”
Addy nibbled on her bottom lip. “And you work at the post office.”
She could see the fear in his eyes when he answered. “I do. We’re not rich, but I have a good life, one I’m terrified of losing.”
“Is that why you came here?”
“I came because I wanted to apologize, to—to tell you how sorry I am, how much I wish I could take back what I did.”
Rubbing a hand over her face, she tossed her phone on the dresser. “What made you do it?”
“I wish I knew. Group mentality? Peer pressure? Cody could be so persuasive. If he’d told me to jump off the mountain, into the river, I probably would’ve done that, too.” His chest rose as he drew a deep
breath. “Do you...do you want me to go to Chief Stacy and confess? Is that why you’re back—to speak up? For retribution?”
Retribution? Not after this long. “No. Let it go,” she said, and closed the door.
* * *
Gail had lent them the cabin. And Lisa had brought a friend, as promised. Yvonne whatever-her-last-name-was—Noah couldn’t remember—was even prettier than Lisa. She seemed to like Baxter, too, which was why Noah couldn’t understand why Baxter remained so impassive. He’d barely spoken during dinner, had drunk much more than he’d eaten and seemed remote as they were sitting on the elaborate deck, making s’mores over a fire pit.
“The view here is amazing.” Yvonne smiled at Baxter; she’d been attempting to win him over all night. Not that it had done her any good. “What river is that?”
When she pointed at the gorge below, Noah felt obliged to answer, since Baxter didn’t. “It’s the North Fork of the Stanislaus. It eventually empties into New Melones Lake down by Angels Camp.”
“I love that area.” She leaned forward to check the marshmallow on the end of her roasting fork, giving him and Baxter a generous view of cleavage. Noah felt his body react, but Baxter grimaced as if he resented her attempts to interest him.
What the heck, Bax? Noah thought when Baxter made no attempt to keep the conversation going. They’d brought these girls up here hoping to have a good time. But Baxter didn’t seem to be enjoying himself, and that was ruining everyone else’s fun.
“It’s nice,” Noah said.
“Is this really Simon O’Neal’s cabin?” Lisa stood and gazed up at the giant home, which was cut into the side of the mountain. She’d already removed her shoes and had been brushing up against Noah at every opportunity. Now she came over and climbed into his lap.
“Hey, I was making you a marshmallow,” he complained when he could no longer see what he was doing.
She claimed the roasting fork—apparently rich people didn’t use hangers—and took over. “I’d rather have you than a marshmallow.”
“Chocolate was going to be involved,” he teased.
She twisted around and started kissing him. “This is better than chocolate, isn’t it?”
Brenda Novak Page 14