""You can keep the pen,"" she said. ""You look like you need a gift.""
""Why, thank you.""
""The manager will look this over and give you a call.""
""Thanks.""
""And when Karin comes in tomorrow, should I tell her you stopped by?"" she said.
""Please,."" I said.
""Good luck.""
""You too.""
***
Outside, I walked to the payphone on the street corner and called home. I wanted to find out what was wrong with Karin, ask if there was anything I could get her. She didn't answer.
She wasn't there when I got home. I sat down and turned on the TV.
6:00.
Maybe she and Jeff ran off with each other, I thought.
I picked up the phone and called Terrie. Hopefully she'd answer. If her husband answered, I would hang up.
She answered.
""I was just thinking of you,"" she said, ""how funny is that? Did you pick up on it?""
""Did I ever tell you I'm psychic?"" I said.
""You're on my mind a lot lately. Did you put a spell on me?""
""How are you?""
""Missing you,"" she said. ""Mark is out of town tonight. Medical seminar in Scottsdale.""
""Right,"" I said, ""of course.""
She had told me he would be and I had forgotten.
""Do you want to see me, Paul?""
""It's why I'm calling.""
""Good,"" she said, ""good.""
III.
Terrie said, ""I'm always happy when I'm here with you.""
Here was a motel room located in town between my apartment and her house. It was a cheap, skanky place;, perfect for two people to meet and have a secret love affair. She wouldn't allow me to come over to her house, even if her husband was out of town, and she didn't feel comfortable at my place. We'd had sex once on my bed and she said she could smell Karin the whole time. In the motel room, it was another story. ""Here,"" she said, ""I feel like a different person, I do things I would never do, I feel adventuresome and I feel nasty.""
I was watching the motel TV and Terrie was looking at her body in the bathroom mirror. She touched her breasts, her stomach; she turned and examined her ass. She was thirty-eight -years -old.
""Am I sexy?"" she asked me from the bathroom.
""You know you are.""
""I had a different body fifteen years ago,"" she said.
""We all did.""
""I don't like getting old, Paul.""
""It’s not so bad.""
She continued to stare at her body. ""Sometimes I think I'm living the wrong life,"" she said. ""This isn't the life I was destined for, but the stars were not fixed. Free will got in the way. I made the wrong choice and things changed. The future changed. Do you ever feel that way?""
I didn't have an answer for her.
She jumped on the bed and wrapped her arms around me, snuggling her face into my armpit.
""Do you love me?"" she asked.
I didn't have an answer for her.
""Paul.""
""What do you think?""
""I want to hear it.""
""I love you.""
""You're a liar.""
""I love you,"" I said and it could have been the truth.
""In some other life, we met earlier and we got married and we're happy,"" she said.
""We're not happy now?""
""This is a different kind of happy,"" she said.
""You know what,"" she said, ""that should be the title of your next play: Happiness.""
""Good title.""
She sniffed me. ""I love the stink of a fresh sex. Let's take a shower together.""
We made love in the shower. After that, we got dressed and walked across the street to the 24-hour diner for pancakes and eggs. It was 11:00 p.m.
I asked Terrie about the conference her husband was attending.
""Mark and his business partner are trying to sell that thing they invented,"" she said.
""The thing,"" I said.
""The invention,"" she said.
Her husband was in the medical instruments profession. He designed things and got patents and made money. He made very good money. I had never seen their house but I know it cost a bundle with two stories and had five bedrooms. Someone at the theater told me this. Terrie was on the board of directors. I never thought she was serious about poetry. The theater had produced two of my plays and would produce another if I ever wrote one. Terrie helped keep the lights on and the doors open. She once told me she hadn't had a job for the past five years because of her husband’s money.
""I can never understand the things he invents,"" she said, ""but who knows, maybe one day he'll save the world.""
""And then think of the money that would make,"" I said.
She reached across the table and took my hand in hers and said, ""I can buy a yacht and together we'll take off and sail around the world. How does that sound?""
""Sounds good.""
""It's a plan then.""
""You promise? Pinky promise?""
She said, ""People should never make promises because no one ever keeps their them.""
""Maybe that's what's wrong with the world,"" I said.
""Living the wrong life?"" she said.
""Nobody's word is worth a damn,"" I said.
""Never promise anything, and then things will run smoothly,"" she said.
""I'll keep that in mind.""
She paid for dinner, like she paid for the motel. We returned to the room and indulged in oral sex. Then she went back home and I went back to the apartment.
IV.
In the kitchen, I poured tap water into a plastic cup and looked at the bedroom door. It was 2:30 a.m. Karin's car was in her parking spot. I played with the motel room key in my pocket. The apartment was very quiet. The wood floors creaked under my feet.
I undressed and got into bed. I snuggled against her. She made that small sound she always makes when our bodies touched in this way. I didn't wake her up for sex but I did wake her up.
""You're home,"" she said.
""It's always good to be home.""
""Out drinking again, bad boy.""
""Are you all right?"" I asked in the dark.
""Um?""
""How was work?""
""Work is work.""
""Any good predictions?""
""Um?""
""Did you save the world?""
""What are you taking about?""
""How was your day?""
""My day was long and hard,"" she said, ""I worked. Did you work?""
Something was heavy in my chest.
""I'm tired. I want to sleep,"" she said.
***
When she got out of the shower, I was sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting for her.
""Good morning,"" she said.
""Morning,"" I said.
She gave me a kiss.
I said, ""How was your day yesterday?""
""What? Why do you ask?""
""To show that I care.""
""Do you really care?""
""I always do.""
""Well,"" she said, ""my day yesterday was like any other day.""
""How so?"" I said.
""I worked,"" she said.
""All day?"" I said.
""Like any other day. You're acting strange, Paul,"" she said.
""No I'm not,"" I said.
""Yes you are. Did you take something?""
""Do you have anything to tell me?""
""Yes I do,"" she said. ""Please go find a job. Please.""
***
Ten minutes after Karin left, I drove to the motel. I had the key and the room was still good until 1:00 p.m. I turned on the TV and got into bed. Terrie showed up an hour later and we fucked until noon, checked out, and went to get lunch at the same place we got dinner.
""Don't order the same thing you had last night,"" Terrie said.
""Best panca
kes in town,"" I said.
""Drives me crazy,"" she said.
""Pancakes?""
""Patterns,"" she said. ""We go to the same motel room, we go to the same place to eat, we order the same stuff, we sit in the same booth and we talk about the same things. Do you know I'm talking about when I talk about patterns? Molds."" She slammed her fist down. ""This isn't what I want, Paul.""
""What do you want?"" I asked.
She thought about that and she said, ""The life I was supposed to live. The one that I was destined for; the one I miss so very much.""
She started to cry and with that., Eeverything was decided.
V.
Karin was on the phone - —or in the process of calling someone - —when I walked into the apartment that night. She seemed surprised, if not annoyed. She had a glass of red wine and a lit cigarette. She seldom smoked. She only smoked when something was wrong.
""Hey,"" she said.
""Hey,"" I said.
""How goes it?"" she said.
""Who were you talking to?""
""Talking?""
""Phone.""
""No one.""
""No one?""
""Wrong number.""
She was acting nervous and I didn’t blame her. I nodded at the glass of wine and asked if there was any more.
""Yeah, I got two bottles. Help yourself,"" she said, ""you will anyway.""
I walked into the kitchen and poured myself some red wine. I don't normally care for red wine or wine at all but it was the only alcohol and I knew I was going to need a drink because I was going to tell her the truth; about everything.
I sat down next to her. She reached for a kiss but I didn’t kiss her.
""What? You don't want to make out and get randy?""
""How was work?"" I asked.
""Why do you keep saying that?""
""Did you do your phone psychic thing?""
""Such a funny question,"" she said.
""It's not,"" I said. I told her about yesterday, about going by her work, and her not being there.
She drank the rest of her wine and said, ""I see.""
""Karin,"" I said, getting ready to confess.
""I owe it to tell you the truth,"" she said. ""I was having sex with someone.""
I said, ""Sex.""
She said, ""Fucking.""
I asked, ""With who?""
""One of my clients,"" she said. ""Not at the hotline. A client. - Aa man whose house I clean. He's recently divorced. He's forty-eight and he has money, a great job, I mean he's an investment banker and he has money and he says he will buy me things, he will buy me a new car and a new watch and he will get me my own apartment. I would never have to worry about rent or I could come live with him in his house.""
I wasn't expecting this.
""I'm sorry,"" she said.
""How - —how long has this been going on?"" I asked.
""A month, give or take.""
""Give or take what?""
She stood up.
""Paul, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do or say.""
""You know where I've been? Where I go all the time?""
""Paul.""
""I've been fucking someone else too. Remember Terrie Donovan? She's on the theater board. Remember her?""
""Yeah.""
""I've been sleeping with her,"" I said, ""for three months now.”"
""Oh, Paul,"" Karin said, ""you're just saying that to get back at me. To get the upper hand. I'm the one who messed up.""
""I've been cheating on you and it's not the first time.""
""I don't believe you.""
""And why is that?""
""I just don't.""
""What? You don’t think another woman would find me attractive?""
We didn't need to speak anymore. I sat there as she gathered a few items into a knapsack and left. I didn't ask where she was going. She didn't say goodbye but she did leave the second wine bottle, which I drank. Then I threw up.
VI.
In the morning the phone rang and I thought it was Karin but it was a man named Boyd Flemming, the manager of Cosmic Adult Entertainment.
""Mr. Augustine,"" he said, ""I have your employment application in front of me. So you say you're psychic? You say you want to work my phone lines?""
""Sure.""
""Give me a brief reading over the phone. Are you there? Are you awake?"" he said. ""Do you need time to get ready or are you ready now to give me a reading?""
""Sure.""
""I'm ready if you're ready,"" he said.
I paused for what I thought would be dramatic effect. Karin had told me enough about her job so that I knew what to say: ""Someone in your life, someone close to you, has lied to you. They are not being truthful. You might suspect this. Trust your instincts. Listen to your dreams because your guardian angel is trying to tell you something. Look for the number 43, it has significant meaning. And watch your diet - —you need more fiber, and more greens.""
""Hmm.""
""Any questions?""
He asked ""Is my wife cheating on me or is she faithful?""
I said, ""You're not married.""
""Hey, you're good.""
Karin had told me he was recently divorced and that he had cheated on her.
""Your girlfriend,"" I said, ""loves you very much.""
""Not bad, not bad. When can you start?""
""When?"" I said.
""Today?"" he said.
""Sure,"" I said.
""Be here at three o'clock,"" he said.
***
Three o'clock. I wondered what would happen when Karin got there. I was given a phone, a small cubicle, and a metal folding chair to sit on.
""The calls come in, you answer, you do your thing,"" Flemming said. ""But keep them on the phone longer than the reading you gave me. Ten minutes is the minimum. Longer is the key. The longer they're on, the more you'll be paid above your base. You'll be here until eight. Three to eight is your shift for the next two weeks. You do good,, you can go full time and have whatever shift you want.""
I sat there. The phone would ring and I would answer and I would make up things, telling people on the other end that they would soon meet their soul mate, find happiness, get that job they wanted; soon their children would come to their senses and stop being delinquents. I predicted babies and grandchildren and money and happiness in the sun shiny days over yonder.
More than once I said, ""Rays of sunlight will indicate that God is looking down on you and smiling.""
I felt guilty. Who the hell was I to get these poor folks' hopes up? I mean, what about my needs and unhappiness? Why wasn't there someone assuring me that all would be okay?
It was a fucked up world and it wasn't going to get any better. How did I know this? Karin never showed up for work. Four o'clock - no Karin. Three other women and a man arrived. Five, six, seven - no Karin.
""Time's up,"" Flemming said to me at eight. ""You seemed to be doing well, Mr. Augustine. Tomorrow, three o'clock.""
I think he lived there at the office.
***
Everything Karin owned was gone. I walked into an almost empty apartment. She took the TV. It was her TV. At least she left the radio. Any other guy would have gone out to get shit-faced drunk but I just got into bed, turned on the radio, and stared at the wall. The bed smelled like her. I couldn't sleep; she wasn't there to cuddle against.
I always hated this part.
***
Two weeks later, I was full-time at the phone psychic line. Karin never did show up and I didn't ask anyone about her; I didn’t want anyone to know I was connected to her. I hoped I would hear gossip but none of the other phone workers talked about her. They didn't say much, actually. You talk for hours on the phone that when break time comes around, you enjoy the silence.
It was a good thing I had a job now because I was alone in the apartment. The job barely covered the rent with enough left over for food, beer, gas, and maybe a
movie now and then. I didn't care much for movies, but Karin had taken off with the TV, and I loved TV.
I worked six days a week. I would have worked seven if Flemming let me. I thought of getting a part-time job at night. The days just blended in together and I would do anything to forget about myself.
***
""I think I'm the child of Satan,"" a man on the phone said, and he went into a two-hour monologue about his horrid childhood, how he was molested, how he killed people's pets and drank their blood; how he entertained fantasies about the women who lived in his building. I never said a word; just listened. When he was done, he asked, ""Now, Mr. Psychic, tell me: will I rule the world in the near future, just like it says in the Bible?""
I told him yes. He was happy. I always pleased the customer.
""He left me,"" said a crying woman, and for the next hour she told me her life story, about her true love, how they married and stayed married for twenty years and hads two children and now he was gone and living with a younger woman.
""Tell me…will he come back?""
I said yes. She sighed.
""I know he won't,"" she said softly, ""but thank you for telling me that he will.""
""I'm going to kill myself,"" said a young man on the phone, and for an hour and a half he told me about his crappy life; about the kids who picked on him at school, the girl who would never love him, the dreams he had of going to Hollywood and being a great filmmaker like Billy Wilder or Orson Welles.
""I would make movies,"" he said, ""and become famous, and show them all, I'll show them all, they'll be sorry, they'll rue the day!""
I reminded him that some believed revenge was a dish best served cold.
""Hey, you're right,"" the kid said, ""you know, you're right. I'm not going to kill myself. —I'm going to become a success and show them all! Thanks, man, thank you, you saved my life.""
***
Amber was still a kid - —eighteen or nineteen - —and moved from the phone sex line to the psychic one. She was small and pretty and had one green eye and one blue. She was the best woman to look at in the office, from where I was sitting. We'd smile at each other now and then but I knew I was too old for her. Driving home one night, I saw her sitting at the bus stop. I pulled up.
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