“Fine, if you insist. I’ll buy dinner and then have my way with you.” He said in a breathy voice. That sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes for a moment to collect my scattered thoughts and steel myself against the havoc he was wreaking on my nerves. When I reopened them Kyden was staring down at me with a devilish grin. I grabbed his arm and removed it from my hip. I would be able to think more clearly without his hand on me.
“I don’t think so.” I told him and despite the ever growing attraction, I meant it.
“Come on, just give me one night.” His voice was low and seductive. He brought his hand back to my body, skimming his fingers gently across my stomach, just above the waistband of my jeans. “I would make it so good for you, I promise.” I didn’t doubt that, but I refused to lower myself to being a one night stand. I wouldn’t allow him to cheapen me like that. I shoved him away from me and got to my feet.
“I’m not interested.” I hissed.
“You might want to tell your body that, because the way it’s responding screams more than interested, Princess.” He spit out dryly as his mouth twisted into a sardonic smile.
“This isn’t about a physical reaction, you jerk. We both know the effect you have on women, but just because I’m not deaf or blind doesn’t mean I’m some whore, tripping over myself to be used by you.” My heart pounded in my chest and my face turned an even darker shade of red, but this time it wasn’t due to my embarrassment or desire. It was my anger and humiliation. To him I was no better than the easy groupies he was used to.
“I would never treat you like a whore, or make you feel used. I know you’re not like the sluts who hang around the bar. You think I have to pursue them and offer to take them on dates before they spread their legs and let me take em’ six ways from Sunday?” I cringed at his crude depiction. How could he go from Disney song to degrading women all in the span of five minutes? It didn’t matter if was right about them, I could never be with someone who devalued sex like that.
“I don’t. It would be a fucking waste of time, not worth the effort. But you,” his finger skimmed along my collarbone, tracing his way from one shoulder to the other. I shivered from the sensation and goose bumps raised all over my body. “I would worship your body all night long and make you feel like a goddess.”
A part of me wanted nothing more than to let him do exactly that. I knew he would keep his word and it would be amazing, but then morning would come and I would hate myself for it. If I wanted to be able to stomach looking myself in the mirror, then I couldn’t compromise my beliefs or standards for one sweet talking playboy, no matter how tempting it was to let my heart be swayed by the feelings he awakened. I turned away from him to put some space between us and to move our conversation away from my sleeping niece. He followed me into the hallway outside of the living room and I took a deep breath before facing him.
“That’s just it, all it would be is one night. You can dress it up any way you want, but in the morning it’s still a one night stand.” I wasn’t angry with him anymore. I realized he truly thought he was making an effort for me, that he was offering me something more. Somewhere along the way, his idea of love had been warped and it wasn’t his fault that girls threw themselves at him. It was sad really.
“You’re right about one thing though, I’m nothing like those girls and I’m not ashamed of that. I want more than one night. I don’t want shallow and meaningless, physical gratification. I need the hand holding, just want to hear your voice, missed you all day, flowers for no reason, ring on the finger kind of everything and that would include spooning too.” He just nodded but couldn’t meet my eyes, he understood the question in my tone, and we both knew the answer, but it was something we both needed to hear.
“I can’t give you that.” He said. “I don’t do relationships.” I had to be imagining it, but his voice almost sounded regretful.
“I know, that’s why I think it would be better if we didn’t blur any boundaries of this friendship.”
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of a blow off speech before.” I rolled my eyes, his dumbfounded expression was amusing.
“It wasn’t a blow off, but we’ve established that it would never work between us and considering you’re friends and roommates with someone who is family to me, we’re gonna be stuck with each other. We shouldn’t cross any lines that are going to make things awkward in the group, which means you have to back off.”
“Friends huh?”
“You do know how to be just friends with a female without trying to get in to her pants right?” He made a face of mock outrage.
“Of course, but just so we’re clear, this means you have to stop checking me out all the time, Princess.” All trace of regret or anything deeper was gone and his typical sarcasm and wit were back.
“You’ve really got to get over yourself.” I told him.
“I make no promises.” He winked before disappearing back into the living room.
Friends, yeah sure no problem. I can do that.
I followed behind him and watched him plop down on the couch and prop his feet up on my coffee table. He patted the seat next him, but I opted for the recliner on the other side of the room.
“Oh come on, I’m not going to bite you, we’re friends.” He was going to be so obnoxious about this.
“Since we’re friends now, in the spirit of getting to know one another, tell me how a senator’s son ends up playing rock star in dive bars?”
“The same way anyone else does.” His tone was brusque.
“I’m sorry if I offended you, but you have to admit it’s a little … uncommon.”
“Yeah, well I never really fit the image my parents wanted for me. At birth my whole life was planned out for me but it wasn’t what I wanted. They’re still hoping that the band is just a phase I’m going through and that eventually I’ll come around and go to law school, marry some spoiled bitch and give them 2.5 grandkids.”
“Your parents have met you right?” The idea of him putting on a suit and tie every day and sitting in an office was ridiculous. He was born to make music, and his talent shouldn’t be stifled by anyone’s expectations.
“Yeah, but they only see what they want.”
“So you aren’t very close with them?”
“I’ve met Chris’ mom and step dad and let’s just say that my mother and father make them look like doting parents. Honestly, I think the only reason they had a kid was to create a better image for my dad’s campaign.”
“So, no siblings?”
“Nope, one was enough for my parents I guess. What about you? It’s your turn to spill your life story.”
“That was hardly your life story, but you already know my mom died and I lived with my dad.”
“What I don’t know is why your brother Shane sent Sebastian and Chris into a panic, or why everyone dances around the subject of your dad, heck your family in general, like it’s some big secret, or what that asshole from the bar has to do with your dad, or why the rest of us had to hear about you for over two years before we ever met you and all anyone will say about it is that you were away. So how about you pick one of those and start there.” This time I wasn’t getting away without at least giving him something, I could see in his eyes he was done letting me avoid his questions.
“I’ve never had a good relationship with my family, apart from my mom. I didn’t know any of the rest of them until after she died.”
“You have other brothers and sisters?”
“I have another brother, Ryan, and a sister Cathryn. They’re younger than me, but not by much. My siblings and I never got along and until recently that included Shane. Bas has always just been overprotective.” I could see him deciding whether or not to press me for more. It was clear that he knew there was more to the story.
“And the rest?”
“My dad isn’t a good man and I don’t like to talk about him. Connor’s dad works with mine so he grew up with Shane
but I couldn’t stand him the first time I met him. After high school I needed a change so I moved away. This is the first time I’ve been back since. So there you have it.”
“That’s not it by a long shot, Princess.”
“I’m not the only one holding back.” I pointed out and that was enough to quiet him, at least temporarily.
Once Izzy woke up from her nap she served as a nice buffer between the two of us. She saved me from any further questioning about my past. She made sure that his attention stayed on her. Of course he couldn’t resist her little cherub dimples or the adorable way she would say “Ky Ky” every time she wanted something from him. She kept him wrapped around her finger right up until it was time to take her home.
“I come back Auntie Jaxy?” Isabelle asked as I buckled her into her car seat. Even though it would be nice to reclaim my house from the building blocks, stuffed animals and baby dolls that were scattered from one end to the other, I was actually sad to be loading her into the car and taking her back to her parents.
“Yeah baby girl, you can come back any time and stay the night with me.” I said making sure all the straps on her car seat were tightened.
“Am I invited to the next sleep over?” Kyden snuck up behind me and poked his head over my shoulder.
“Yes, yes!” She clapped her little hands together and he pressed his body closer to mine so that he could lean over me and give her a peck on the cheek. She grinned the biggest grin. I didn’t know which one of them was more smitten with the other. Once I was confident that her seat was secure I shut the door then turned around and smacked right into Kyden.
“Woah there, I said you had to cut that out Princess.” He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. “I’ll follow you to your brother’s and then you can follow me to the bar.”
“Really I can just meet you all at the bar. I don’t need an escort the whole way.”
“Wrong Princess. Don’t argue, just get your cute ass in the car and drive.” He pressed my nose with his index finger like I was a child and spun around. I was too stunned to react until he was already strapping on his helmet and straddling the death machine parked behind my car.
“Hey.” I shouted at him. “Friends don’t say things about friend’s butts.” He just shook his head and I could see his chest vibrating with laughter.
“I’ll make a note of it.” The sound of the engine coming to life prevented me from being able to say anything else.
“Auntie Jaxy, you and Ky Ky get baby?” I had to get her to repeat herself three times before I understood what she was asking.
“Oh no sweetie. Ky Ky and I aren’t going to have a baby. We’re not married like your mommy and daddy. Ky is just my friend.”
“Auntie Jaxy love Ky Ky. Mommy say babies is love.” She didn’t know what she was talking about. I didn’t love Ky. She was just used to a home with a mother and father so of course she would think the dynamic between Kyden and I was the same. After all, she wasn’t even three yet, there’s no way she would be able to really see something like that.
“You’re right sweet girl, babies do come from love, but Kyden and I aren’t in love, he’s just my friend.” Izzy’s face scrunched up in the cutest little frown. In that moment I couldn’t wait to give her cousins to play with. I was only twenty one and had never felt the urge to rush into having a family. I was in no way prepared to be responsible for anyone else’s life when I was still trying to figure out how to be responsible for my own, but now, after spending time with my niece and being reminded of what a family should look like, my heart ached for the day when I would be ready to start my own.
I pictured having a little girl or boy of my own, maybe one of each. I imagined raising them in the house I grew up in, sharing the memories my mother and I made and making new ones. When I realized that the two little kids I pictured running through the house and playing in the yard both had startlingly familiar green eyes, I shook my head as if I could just clear the image like an etch-a-sketch. It had to be the conversation with Izzy. I turned up the radio and tuned out the unhealthy thoughts.
Chapter 13
“When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide”
Kyden’s piercing eyes found mine in the crowd for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. He wasn’t unleashing his typical level of sexual heat, but fire still burned in his eyes and I was completely captivated. It didn’t matter whether he was serenading with sensual lyrics or belting out a rock anthem, he sang everything with such conviction and an intensity that made it impossible not to feel his passion. When he sang I could really see him and I almost forgot why I couldn’t get involved with him, almost.
When the set was over and I witnessed him making out with three different girls who had all lined up to get autographs and obviously a little something extra, I was reminded of exactly why falling for him was not an option.
“Don’t look babe.” I hadn’t noticed Ace approach, but that wasn’t surprising considering I didn’t seem to be able to look away from Kyden and girl number four.
“Am I that obvious?” I asked
“Only slightly, but like I said just don’t watch.” I groaned, embarrassed at how pathetic I was.
“I can’t help it. It’s like a car wreck on the side of the road and I can’t tear my eyes away.”
“Well let me distract you. Ask me anything you want to know about me.” There was something I had been curious about since first meeting him.
“Okay, how did you get the nickname Ace, and why is Damien’s Spade? Are you guys like in some poker club?”
“Poker club? No,” He chuckled lightly. “We did get our nicknames in the same place though. We were a Marine sniper unit. He was the sniper and I was his spotter.”
“What does that have to do with playing cards?”
“It doesn’t, but, well, we were very good at what we did and picked up a reputation. A spade is a symbol for death in some cultures, and Ace was in reference to skill and accuracy. The two just went together and they stuck even after we finished our second tour and were discharged.”
“Oh.” Yeah, that was my profound response. It was hard to see the two of them, who both seemed so care free and almost reckless, as being hardened soldiers. I couldn’t even imagine the things they must have experienced, that they had done. I was willing to bet that Spade’s flippant demeanor was a front. The more time I spent with all of the guys the more I realized they all had their own scars. They might not all be physical like mine, but there was so much more to them than I had initially seen.
I was lost in thought and was taken completely off guard when Ace leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth briefly.
“Wh-what was that for?” I mumbled trying to figure out what had happened, if I had somehow led him on, or maybe talking about his past left him vulnerable and he was reaching out.
“Relax, I was helping you. Ky was looking over here.” I started to turn my head in his direction but Ace stopped me by cupping my cheek in his hand.
“Don’t look. Act like you don’t even know he’s there babe.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like he cares anyway.” Ace’s eyes flitted in Kyden’s direction and he laughed.
“Oh, I’d say he cares alright darlin. He looks like he wants to come over here and rip my head off.” I had to fight not to look. I don’t know why I was listening to Ace and resorting to playing games, but I couldn’t help myself. Despite my insistence that we remain just friends, I seemed to lose all sense of reason around that boy.
“H-heey bessssstie. Ya kissin on Ace now, I thoughtcha wass hot fer Ky?” Bas slung his arm around my shoulder and I could tell by the way he was slurring his words and the strong smell of liquor wa
fting off him that he had consumed a fair amount of alcohol. Drinking wasn’t uncommon for him when we went out, but it wasn’t like him to get drunk. I’d have to keep an eye on him. I wasn’t going to let him drown his sorrows in booze. I was still working on a way to repair things between him and Lissa.
“I’m not hot for anyone. You’re drunk Bas, you don’t know anything.”
“Yesh I am, but ya can’t fool me Jazzy. I know better.” Ace just laughed and walked away, leaving me with drunk Bas. He reached to pull out a stool at the empty table next to us and tugged me down into the seat, right on his lap.
“S’okay Jazz, I know ya like im, ’m not mad. Ya can’t help howya feel. Jus be careful, he’ll hurtcha Jazz, don’t letim urtcha.” His head lolled forward and rested against the back of my shoulder. I knew he was only minutes away from falling asleep. I looked around to see if I could spot Chris to help me get him out of there before he passed out. Thankfully I spotted Chris at the bar not far away.
“Come on Bas, time to get up.” I yanked on his arm to pull him out of the chair. He groaned and reluctantly stood up. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder again and I had to support a lot of his weight as we walked over to where Chris was standing.
“Hey, I think your brother is done for the night. You should probably get him out of here while he can still stay upright” Chris eyed his brother. “Well, partially upright anyway.”
“Okay, I was just closing out my tab and then I’ll take him back to my place. He won’t be of any use to you tonight. Ask one of the guys to go home with you, but do it before they make other plans if you know what I mean.” Unfortunately I did know what he meant and I doubted any of them would be thrilled about having to pass on getting laid just to keep me company.
Finding Ever After Page 15